Diary Of Insanity

~♦~ Jennifer’s Point Of View ~♦~

I was lying on the bed in my room, staring up at the ceiling tiredly. They had moved Charlotte back into her old room, I didn’t know why but I wasn’t complaining as long as she was back and I could look after her again I was happy. She had been moved down to the D Block, the part of the hospital where they keep the patients practically comatose so they don’t do a runner again.

But that didn’t matter anymore, not since the news. Three days ago my mum, dad and brother came to see me, apparently Chloe somehow managed to get the files that they needed and it was only going to be a matter of time before I was a free girl.

You may be wondering why I seem more of a cranky, emotionless witch than an over excited, happy teenage girl. Well that would be because for the past three days all I’ve been able to think about is my meds.

Will I still be taking them when I leave?
What will happen if I stop taking them?
Would it be a good idea for me to stop them or should I just keep taking them?
And last but not least, Where the hell is Anne with my meds?

It’s true, I’m addicted. I’m not going to lie and pretend I’m not because it won’t get me anywhere. I hate myself for it more and more each day but regardless of how much I loath myself, it doesn’t change the fact that I count down the minutes until I’ll see Anne again so she can give me my pills.

One thing was for sure, if I kept my dilemma to myself for much longer it would drive me so crazy that I’d be put back in here within a month of leaving. So I planned to talk to the one person who was likely to understand, Charlie.

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I was sitting outside at one of the bench sets with Charlie. As I had approached she’d looked at me with a slightly apologetic look, she knew what was wrong. I told her my problem and she nodded, not interrupting once.

“Jen I told you this was happening and you didn’t listen, you laughed and now look at you.” she sighed as she picked at the seam on her tee shirt.

“What? When did you tell me I was becoming an addict?” I asked, slightly confused and without a single clue as to what she was talking about.

“erm lets see…” she though to herself. “Ah it was two weeks after you went psycho while your family were visiting.” she nodded, proud of herself for remembering the details.

“No you said that ‘they had me’ that doesn’t mean anything about the drugs.” I stated using finger quotation marks in the air.

“Yeah I know I said that. I wasn’t talking about Lakeview Jen, I was talking about the meds.” she sighed, realising where we’d misunderstood each other. “I could see it that day, I could see it in your eyes. They were taking over. They still are, aren’t they?”

“Charlie what am I going to do?” I sighed as I rested my head on the palms of my hands and my elbows on my knees.

“About what?” she asked tilting her head to the side slightly in confusion.

“About the fact that I’m fucking addicted to god knows what and I’m supposed to be leaving soon so what ever the hell it is I’m gonna be in damn well short supply of it.” I noted in both frustration and anger.

“What do you mean short supply of it? Jenny your not honestly thinking about getting more and continuing taking it are you?” she asked incredulously and she looked at me as though I’d grown another head. I looked down ashamed of myself once again.

“Jen! What the hell is going on with you, your usually the straight headed one!” she slapped me lightly on the arm as though she were testing to see if I were real.

“I don’t know Charlie, I’m going off my head here. I need those pills. I can’t go to my parents for help, they’ve done too much as it is and god knows I’m not strong enough to get myself off them. I need them Charlotte.” I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

“okay, I know someone who can help us. But we have to keep it quiet I promised him I wouldn’t tell anyone about what he’s been doing so..” I nodded before she’d even finished the sentence, showing that no matter what the circumstances were I would do as she said.

♥♦♥♦♥♦♥

Five minutes later and we were back inside waiting next to the door to a dark room for someone to unlock and open it. Quietly the door opened and a tall, skinny guy with jet black hair and glasses opened the door.

“Hey Blake.” smiled Charlotte as she fluttered her eyelashes and began twirling a few strands of her hair.

“I told you not to tell anyone Char.” he stated as he looked from me then back to her.

“I know but I need your help. Don’t you want to help me?” she asked with a coy smile as she bit her lip. He looked her over then nodded his head. “ Well then I need you to help out my friend here and get her a nice supply of her meds.”

“Alright. Your that Jennifer Sanders girl, right?” he asked quietly so no one would hear us. I nodded my head and he bit his lip. “I’ll get it to ya before you leave.” it seemed I was quite the celebrity in Lakeview, everyone knew who I was and what was going on in my life, be them a patient, doctor, cleaner or what ever this guy’s job was.

He smiled at Charlotte again before disappearing back inside his little dark room and this was mine and charlotte’s cue to leave so we turned and began our journey back outside.

“Charlie!?” I asked when we were far enough away from the room that I’d be guaranteed the guy wouldn’t hear me. “what the hell was that?”

“What the hell was what?” she asked, completely oblivious.

“That whole ‘twirling your hair, fluttering your eyelashes, biting your lip to get your own way’ thing?” I asked, Charlie had always been quiet, it was really weird seeing her act like that.

“Hello, I‘m female, I don’t have to do that stuff to get my own way. I just find the look on his face funny.“ she laughed jokingly. “Well it worked didn’t it!” I just shook my head in disbelief.