Diary Of Insanity

~♦~ Jennifer’s Point Of View ~♦~

When we got to the front door of Matt’s house we could hear raised voices coming from inside. I stopped Zack from opening the door and listened to see what was going on to work out if it was a good idea to walk in.

“Where the fuck is she!?” shouted Matt angrily from where I thought would be the living room, it was more than obvious he was talking about me. “I swear to god when she gets home I’ll…” he trailed off.

“You’ll what? Matt you got her upset, that bitch was talking shit about the people who brought her up of course she was gonna get mad. You knew before Jen came here she had a temper and when she needed you, you yelled at her.” Val was so sweet, she was standing up for me.

I looked up at Zacky before opening the door quietly and walking into the house. I walked into the living room and stood at the door so that if need be, I had a clear route to the front door again.

“Jen.” He looked so angry, and yet when he saw me he tried to soften up a bit. I bit my lip and looked down at the floor. “Jen what were you thinking running off like that?” he was trying to be the concerned brother but it came off more as the angry, non-understanding father.

“I needed to get away.” I said quietly.

“You needed to get away? You went into rage and decided to take pills again because you needed to get away? What the fuck from?” he shouted back and Val looked at him disapprovingly.

“You!” I screamed back. “You let her talk to me like that and then acted as though it was my fault!” Zack tried to take hold of my arm but I shrugged him off.

“You were fighting at Alice’s birthday party, how was I supposed to know she’d said something?” he asked in a raised voice but not quite shouting.

“That’s it! You didn’t know, you didn’t know anything so why the fuck was it automatically my fault!?” I shouted as I pushed some of my hair away from my face.

“I’m sorry I didn’t think.” he said back.

“No your wrong, you did think. You thought that because I was in hospital for making stuff up and hurting people that I would be the obvious person to blame. And your right, I threw the first punch. But you weren’t there, you didn’t hear her talk about how my adoptive parents died because they had to get away from me, about how no on wanted trash like me.” I seethed.

“Jenny trust me I didn’t think that.” he shook his head as he came over to me, trying to hug me but I took a step away from him. “Jen I swear I didn’t think that.” he assured me and after a few seconds I nodded before he pulled into a hug.

“I’m not psychotic trash Matt. They didn’t die because of me.” I sobbed as I finally let the tears I’d been holding back since she’d said it fall.

“I know your not sweetheart. It wasn’t your fault.” he whispered to me as he rocked me back and forth, trying to calm me down. After a few minutes I was ready to tell Matt about the next thing on the list, me and Zacky.

“Matt I have something else to tell you.” I sniffed as I wiped away the tears with the sleeve of Zacky’s hoodie which he’d given me on the way home. He looked at me sceptically and I looked over my shoulder to see Zack still standing at the doorway. A clear getaway if he needed it.

“before I tell you, you have to promise not to go crazy and think of it from my point of view because if it makes me happy then it should be okay.” I started.

“Your not pregnant are you?” he asked with wide eyes and I shook my head. “Picked up a stray dog which has flea’s?” I shook my head again. “Okay go ahead, tell me.”

“Zack and me.. We’re kinda together now?” I asked more than said. He was about to say some thing but I cut in again. “Think of it this way, it could be worse he could be a trucker that I only met last night who had about ten other foreign girlfriends in the back of his eighteen wheeler.” he gave me a confused look and I smiled.

“Jen it’s okay, your right. It’s your life and if you want to go out with Zack that’s fine.” I let out the breath I’d been holding and hugged him. “But you hurt her Baker and Syn’ll have the guitar spot to himself cause I will kill you.”

“Told you there was something going on between you two.” joked Val as she walked up and hugged me. “It’s okay girl, we’ll get back at her.” she smirked, talking about the girl at the party.

I smiled at her before walking back over to the door way where Zacky was still standing.

“Well we have the approval of the scary brother, I think this is going well.” I joked as he pulled me over to him so he could put his arm around my waist.

“Yeah I think it’s a good start.” he smirked. “ So you good now, your okay?” he asked and I bit my lip slightly before reaching into the pocket of his hoodie, which I was still wearing, and pulling out the bottle of Tylenol.

“I will be.” I said quietly before I pulled away from him and walked into the kitchen.

“Jen where are you going?” he asked as he followed me into the kitchen. I turned around and smiled at him before walking over to the bin and dropping the bottle into it.

“It’s a new start. I’m not gonna fuck it up this time, I promise.”