Meant to Be

“Thanks,” Bucky said shyly, turning to Chick and waiting to head into his room. They stood in the hallway- both a little nervous. “For, you know,” he trailed off with a shrug and a dismissive headshake. He avoided looking at her directly, flicking his eyes up to her face briefly as he scanned the empty hallways. Chick fiddled with her left cuff.

“No problem,” she said, sharing a half smile. Bucky shoved his hands in his pockets, scrunching his shoulders tightly, looking at his feet. Chick felt compelled to continue to talk. “You doing okay? After the surgery and all?” He didn’t look up, but nodded slowly.

“I’m doing alright,” he mumbled. “I never thought I’d be back in this kind of situation.” He tightened his hands into fists in his pockets. Chick stared at his face, glad that Bucky wasn’t looking up.

“The plan was to stay on ice until they figured out how to wipe the HYDRA cell from my head. I never thought I’d be back in the game. Especially not with Stark.” He shrugged again. “I never wanted to be back in the game… I still have a hard time justifying my own existence.” He finally looked up at Chick, smiling tightly- almost painfully. “But Stark says they need me again, and with the neural implants they gave me, Stark says I’m no longer a security risk,” he added nervously. Chick gnawed at her lower lip, unsure of what to say.

“Chick,” he said quickly. “Everything you hated me for- I do, too,” he said. Chick shared his pained expression as she felt a heaviness invade her lungs. His eyes were so serious and sad that Chick felt agony holding his eye contact, but still, she couldn’t look away.

She finally understood the purpose of their closeness today. He was trying to show her that he wasn’t a threat.

“Everything you feared me for- I do, too.” He gently placed his right hand on her upper arm, afraid to touch her with his heavy, cold, metal hand, instead settling for holding it close to his waist in a tight fist.

He was angry. He was sad. He was afraid.

“Everything I’ve taken from you- I would do anything to give back.” Chick felt her chest cave as she let out a shuddering breath through her nose.

He felt guilt. He was human.

“Please,” she begged. “I don’t want to die,” she sobbed.

He walked towards her, reaching out his metal arm and lifting the heavy steel rigging off of her leg like it was nothing. Blood poured from the leg freely, and she felt a rush of blood flow back to the numbed limb. She screamed, grabbing his leg subconsciously. The pain was unbearable. She had never been so scared. She tried to move and shift her weight to make it hurt less, but she heard her bone crack and snap, causing her screams to grow.

As she cried, the Soldier bent down to her level and tore at a ripped piece of her clothing. It ran along the length of her waist. Her dark blue uniform was shredded and stained beyond repair. The Soldier tightly tied the piece of cloth around her leg as a turnequette.

Chick clutched her fist around a hook in his vest, trying to create some sort of closeness to him. She looked down at his busy hands, and saw the extent of the damage.

She wished she hadn’t.

Her leg was shredded from the middle of her right thigh, down. She saw exposed bones sticking through her skin. The leg was hanging on by a piece of muscle on the outside of her leg. Blood pooled around her.

She felt nauseous and dizzy, closing her eyes and leaning her head back. She fought back vomit and more sobs. She opened her eyes and saw his own bright blue eyes staring down at her.

“Am I- I going to d-die?” she whimpered, feeling cold. The Soldier said nothing, taking her hand in his, and pulled her fingers away from his vest forcefully. “Wait,” she said, panicking as he stood up. “P-Please!” He turned and walked away, leaving her there alone. “Come back, please!” she screamed, straining her voice. “You can’t just leave me!”

Chick’s mind was a mess of thoughts, memories, and emotions. She had to look away from Bucky’s gaze, taking a step back and looking around the hall. His hand fell back to his side.

“Bucky,” she whispered.

“I just need you to know… I will never be anyone’s weapon, ever again.” Chick looked back to his eyes, crossing her arms and pressing her lips firmly together. He stared at her intensely; determined. “I’d rather die.” Chick searched for something to say, but all the words that came to mind left her tongue-tied.

“Barnes!” From down the hall came a man’s voice. They both turned to the source. “Glad to see you off your ass and walking around,” Tony added sharply as he approached them. Bucky furrowed his brows, looking down at the floor, and tucked his hands back in his pockets.

“Stark, give it a rest,” Chick muttered, hardening her gaze and sniffling indignantly.

“Charlotte,” Tony said in acknowledgement. “How was your day?” Chick took in a breath, and begrudgingly answered, thinking of her afternoon with her father. She had to clear her throat of any emotion before she continued.

“I had a great day. Thank you for letting him come, really.” Tony nodded thoughtfully and then turned his attention to Bucky.

“Barnes, let’s chat” he said, pointing at his room. Bucky flicked his eyes between Tony and Chick, who avoided him, but then nodded slowly. Tony opened the door for him and Bucky headed into his room. Chick turned to leave and began walking back to her room. “Abbott, you’re next,” Tony called to her. “I’ll meet you in your room.” She didn’t respond.

She looked down at her arms, letting them fall to her sides. Along her upper arms she saw indents from her nails, where she had pressed them deeply into her skin, without realizing. Each crescent was a bruised red, surrounded by a pale glow. She swore quietly to herself, frustrated and emotional. She stretched her fingers, noticing how they shook- as if her body was fighting for balance. This caused her mind to wander back to her medecine. How it used to make her feel, or not feel. She missed that…

Looking into each open, empty patient room she walked by, she thought about where she might find any kind of painkillers. Her tongue felt rough and heavy in her mouth as she thought about the possibility of feeling… less. Was she dehydrated? Would anyone notice if took a pill or two? Would Tony and Steve be disappointed in her? Would Tony kick her out of the hospital? Would she care if he did?

She slowed her pace and stopped at one room, looking in somberly. It was a bright white in this room- clean and cool. With eyes unfocused, she could see herself in the white glow, bleeding out on the D.C. asphalt. The Soldier assessing the situation and choosing to leave her as he realized she was surely going to die.

Chick itched around her wrist implants, picking at the scars and puckered skin subconsciously. Her hands trembled and she began to feel out of breath.

She watched herself call for the Soldier; scream for the Soldier; cry for the Soldier. She saw his cold and unfeeling eyes dissect her cruelly.

“Chick?”

Steve placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, trying to get her attention. She took in a deep breath as she looked up at him. He stood next to her in the hall.

“Steve,” she whispered. He looked at her with fear and confusion.

“I was calling you. You okay?”

Steve was dressed in athletic attire, disheveled and sweating. Chick tucked her fingers into a tight fist to cease her shaking hands.

“I’m okay.” Chick felt disconnected for the moment, unable to give him any other assurance.

“I was going to go see Bucky. You wanna come?” Chick shook her head.

“Just left him, actually.” Steve raised his eyebrows, surprised.

“Really? Have you two had a chance to talk?” She nodded.

“I showed him around. Talked a bit.” Steve smiled, rubbing the side of her shoulder encouragingly and then dropping it back to his side.

“I’m really happy to hear that.” Steve inched over and looked into the hospital room, trying to see what she was looking at. Chick tried to pull herself out of her daze, letting out a deep breath.

“Stark is with him right now. You might want to skip it. Or, maybe you’d want to go rescue him. I don’t know. Have a ball.” Chick patted his upper arm. Steve shrugged as Chick moved on down the hall.

“I suppose he doesn’t need rescuing tonight.” Steve followed Chick, matching her pace. “Stark’s probably talking with him about moving forward with the HYDRA operations. He de-briefed me this afternoon.” Chick stopped in her tracks.

“HYDRA? I thought HYDRA was gone.” Steve gave her a sad smile.

“There’s a lot that the Avengers never shared with the IEA department. I thought that he might have told you already.” Chick narrowed her eyes as she looked at him.

“Well, why would he want to tell me? I mean, I technically still work for the UN.” She turned her head to the front, muttering under her breath, “as far as I know.”

“He can explain it better than I can, Chick. He’s taking point on this matter,” he added as an after-thought.

“So you guys don’t take off holidays, huh?” She teased, looking up at Steve with a small smile. He grinned cheekily and shook his head.

“That’s why I didn’t want to contract with the government, ma’am. I’m a workaholic.”