Inhale

Corey was there when I woke up later. Both him and Sid were, and I was glad to see that they both had showered and changed clothes. I wonder when the last time I took a shower was? I have lost all track of time, and I don't give a shit for once in my life.

I feel empty and lost inside. It almost makes me feel like a part of me died when I stabbed Anthony that night. Maybe it did. Maybe this is who I will be from now on. I feel like a shell of who I was and I know it has to be only a day or two since it happened.

"Evie?" Sid asked. I didn't realize he was sitting next to me in the bed. I looked at his worried eyes. "Can you try talking about the other night just a little?" He asked me. I shook my head and looked away from him.

"Evie? Please. I'm fucking begging you to." Sid begged. I won't look at him. I've hardly said anything today or whatever the hell day it is.

"Evie, I don't want to push you. I honestly don't. But I need you to understand that if you don't start talking to one of us, they won't let you leave the hospital. They'll make you stay in the psych unit. Do you understand what I'm telling you?" Sid asked. My heart lurched into my throat hearing that. I snapped my head around at him. No fucking way they are doing that to me!

"I'll fucking leave right now." I told him. He grinned a little. "No fucking way am I going there. I'm not crazy. I'm sorry I'm a little upset that I fucking stabbed someone and killed them." I said hotly. Corey moved closer to the bed, his eyes bore through me.

"Just tell us what happen. Please? We don't care how bad it is. Just get it out." Sid said quietly. I already feel the tears starting, and my breathing is becoming more erratic.

"I know what you told Corey yesterday. After you saw him at the door, what happened?" Sid asked gently. He very slowly reached for my hand, holding it gently. I let him, feeling better that he was there with me.

"I screamed at him to leave and started backing my way down the hall. I kept messing with my phone, hoping I would somehow call someone. I made a break for it and ran into my room. I knew the lock and the door wouldn't hold for long, so I was going to go out the window. I couldn't open them. They...." I don't want either of them feeling at fault. Both of them already did though. Their faces fell when they realized why I couldn't get out.

"Oh my god." Sid said. "Oh fuck. I'm so sorry." He barely got out.

"Don't. Do not fucking do that." I said through my teeth. Sid snapped his head up to look at me, pulling himself together quickly.

"Then what?" Sid asked.

"I saw I called Corey somehow. I could hear him almost screaming for me. I told him I needed help. The door broke about then. I grabbed the lamp and threw it at him. It missed. He just charged me and punched me in the face so fucking hard." I gasped. I wiped my face and cringed, forgetting about the bruises I have yet to see. I haven't looked in the mirror yet, and I don't want to.

"He pulled me off the floor by my hair and had me on the..." I stopped seeing Corey clench his jaw. I shook my head. Corey looked at me sadly.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I am. Keep going. I'm not at all upset with you. Please?" Corey begged sitting in a chair beside the bed. "It doesn't change a single thing about how I feel towards you. It's ok." He told me. I nodded and feel nauseous at the next part.

"He, uh, pinned my arms over my head." I glanced at the painful purple bruises on my wrists.

"He ripped my shirt open. He fucking...." I felt myself starting to gag. I can't swallow. Oh shit. Sid shoved the trash can in front of me and the little bit of liquid I had in my stomach quickly came up. One of them rubbed my back gently.

"It's ok, Evie." Corey whispered. I nodded, as Sid handed me a cold washcloth. He took the trashcan away and gently held the washcloth to my face.

"Take a drink." Sid whispered, handing me a paper cup. I took a drink and felt myself calming down a little. He pulled the washcloth away and looked at me to continue.

"He fucking started groping me, like, really hard as he held me down. He said something about not liking the color purple, talking about my bra. He like sat up and I went to sit up, but he slapped me so hard that blood just poured into my mouth. He had such a hard hold on my jaw. It hurt so much. I don't know how, but the last bit of strength I had in me, I broke his nose and got a away. I had been keeping the knife on me for a while now, and I grabbed it. He didn't see it when he grabbed me again. He was holding my jaw so fucking hard. God, he was so mad. He told me he was going to kill me. I laughed. He got even more mad. I said, 'Fuck you. You die. Not me.' And I brought my hand up to his stomach and hit the button on the knife. He was surprised and stumbled away. There was so much fucking blood." I am a hot sobbing mess now. I'm not sure how much of the last part they heard, but it's out now.

"Baby, come here." Corey whispered, getting in the bed with me. I leaned into his chest and sobbed hard.

"He said he was going to fuck me, then kill me." I sobbed. I felt Corey's arms tighten around me.

"Shhh. It didn't happen. You're safe now." Corey whispered. He laid back in the bed with me. I just laid on his chest and cried.

"Holy fucking shit, Evie. I'm so fucking sorry. Goddamn, I'm sorry." Sid whispered.

I reached for his hand, and he grinned, grabbing mine. The three of us sat like that for a very long time. It felt like hours, and it very well could of been. All I know is, I felt safe for the first time in days. I had calmed down and was laying on Corey's chest, holding Sid's hand still.

"Evie?" Sid asked quietly. I looked at him.

"Yeah?" I asked. He broke into a big smile, which was already making me smile.

"Girl, we gotta talk about you getting a shower. Goddamn. Three days, lady." Sid said. I was horrified hearing this. I moved off of Corey and looked at him, clearly disgusted with this.

"Why the fuck did you let me lay on you? Ugh!" I frowned. They are both laughing at me. I am trying to get out of the bed. "Fucking gross!" I exclaimed.

"I knew that would get her." Sid laughed.

"Babe! Holy shit! Let me help you." Corey laughed getting up. I'm trying to untangle myself from blankets and the IV. "Evie, I get why your dad said he'd have a stroke." Corey smiled as he helped untangle me. I am out of the bed and walking to the bathroom, listening to them laugh at how fast I'm moving. I turned around and looked at Sid.

"Don't fucking let me go like that ever again!" I told him. Sid is almost giggling now. Corey walked behind me.

"Slow down tiger." He grinned. I heard Sid groan.

"Yuck! I'm going to get coffee. Don't be pervs in the hospital bathroom!" Sid called out as he left my room. I am digging in my bag for my toothbrush, and found it along with my toothpaste. I started brushing my teeth. Well, I brushed them three times to be exact.

"Evie, I am pretty sure they're clean." Corey laughed as he leaned against the wall of the bathroom. I rinsed my mouth and stood up, catching a glimpse of my self. I froze at what I saw.

Angry red and purple bruises that outlined fingers are along my jawline on both sides of it. My chin is almost purple. The right side of my face is a dark red that starts on my cheekbone, and goes all the way up to my ear and towards my eye socket. My bottom lip is starting to heal from being busted open.

"Evie?" Corey asked quietly. I looked in the mirror and saw him standing behind me. He looked in the mirror at me. "It doesn't matter. You're beautiful. I don't care what you say or think, you're beautiful." He said. Is he high? I looked like fifty miles of bombed out highway. I turned and looked at him.

"I mean it. You're still beautiful." He said, brushing my hair out of my face.

"Corey, we both know I look like shit, and I probably smell just as bad." I grinned at him. He pressed his lips together, trying to choke back a laugh as I raised my eyebrows at him. He finally broke out laughing.

"Fuck!" He laughed. "Dammit babe! I was being serious!" He smiled.

"You were being nice. I appreciate it and all, but let's not sugarcoat the bullshit." I grinned. He laughed and hugged me. I wiggled away. "Gross! I smell terrible!" I smiled for the first time in days. He smiled even more and hugged me hard.

"And I don't care one bit." He said quietly. I held on to him. I could hear the sincerity in his voice as he said it.

"I need to shower." I said. He chuckled and let go of me.

The next day I was getting changed when the doctor came back saying I could leave in a few hours. I am so done with this place.

I'm not sure I can go home. What if I can't ever go back inside again? Where will I go? I don't want to not live across the street from Sid. He's made living there so much fun and it feels like a real home. I can't imagine not living near him now. It scares me to think if it.

As I am thinking about what to do and where I should go, Colson and Corey showed up. Corey looked upset and almost pissed off. Actually, Sid has been acting pissy today too. Colson, Sid, and Corey all glared at each other when they sat down. Corey said he had to leave earlier this morning, and is just now coming back, which is about five hours later. Sid has been with me, but distant all day. What the fuck?

"Hey. You look better. Feel a little better?" Colson asked.

"Some. Just worried about going home." I said. I watched Sid and Corey shift uncomfortably in their seats. I looked at Colson and narrowed my eyes. "What did you do?" I asked him.

Colson swallowed hard, and glanced at Sid and Corey nervously. He grinned, and rubbed his forehead.

"Um. Evie? We kind of moved you out of your house." Colson said. Wait, what the fuck did he just say? I looked at the three of them and none of them will look at me.

"What?" I asked. He couldn't of just said that.

"Uh, yeah. Evie, you know you wouldn't of been able to go back inside that place. I'm sorry. We didn't want an argument or have you being stubborn. We just did it. I'm sorry. I really am." Colson said.

"You two knew?" I asked Sid and Corey. They both nodded slowly and they stared at the floor. "Where the fuck is my stuff?" I demanded.

"My house." Sid said, finally looking up at me.

I looked at Corey and he nodded. Wait, Corey just let them move my stuff to Sid's house? He didn't intervene or offer to let me stay with him even? I know it's only been six months that we've been together, but Jesus, we have practically lived together since we met. Is he for real? I sat trying to not come undone.

"So I'm living with you now?" I asked Sid. Sid nodded at me. I looked at Corey. "You're ok with this?" I asked. He nodded hesitantly, but it was like that's what he wanted. I took a deep breath.

"Great. Can I leave now?" I asked them. None of them knew what to say to me. They know I'm pissed and I'm holding it in.

"Who's idea was this exactly?" I asked.

"Mine." Corey said. He looked down at the floor sadly. "I just thought it would be best. Maybe you could sell your house and find something else. It's just for a while is all." He explained.

"Are you fucking kidding me Corey?" I asked him.

"Evie, you can't go back there. You really think you can deal with that?" Corey asked me.

"Oh shit." Sid said. He sat back in his chair and shook his head at Corey. "Wrong fucking words man. You just challenged her. She's gonna go out of her way to prove you wrong now. Nice job, asshole." Sid said bitterly. They sat glaring at each other. They've never done this before.

"What the fuck is really going on?" I asked them. They just glared at each other.

"Nothing." They both said, finally looking at me.

"Fuck you guys. Colson? Give me a lift home." I said standing up.

"What! No!" Colson yelled. I put my shoes on and started throwing stuff in a bag.

"Evie! Stop!" Sid almost yelled. I turned and glared at them.

"Fuck this shit! I don't know what the fuck is going on, and I'm to the point I don't fucking care. When both of you get your shit together and stop lying to me, come find me." I told them. The door to the room opened, and a nurse came in. She looked concerned.

"What?!" I almost yelled at the nurse.

"Do I need to call security?" She asked in a shitty tone.

"Oh fuck this!" I said. All of them are looking at me with looks of concern, anger, fear. I've had it. I won't be lied to. I grabbed my bag and walked out.

"You can't just leave!" The nurse yelled. I flipped her off and kept walking down the hall. I got to the elevator and kept pressing the buttons. I heard those guys running up to me.

"Evie, wait." Corey said. I turned and looked at him. "I just don't want you going back there. I'm sorry."

"So you made the decision to move me out, but to Sid's house?" I asked. Both Colson and Sid looked down. Something is really off here.

"What is it Corey?" I asked quietly. He looked at me with tears in his eyes.

"I can't stay here after this. I'm leaving." He whispered. I leaned against the wall. What? Why would he leave me here?

"I...I feel like it's all my fault. I love you, I do. But, I just can't stay here." He said softly. I watched the tears roll down his face. I feel like I've been punched again, only this time in my heart. I can't cry, I'm too shocked by what I'm hearing.

"So this is it, is what you're saying?" I asked. He looked down, then very slowly nodded at me.

"Wow. You are a fucking liar and a fucking asshole on top of it." I said. Sid and Colson look like they want to kick the shit out of Corey, but also look like they are totally heartbroken for me.

"I'm so sorry, Evie." Corey whispered through his tears.

"No you're not. I should of seen all of the signs sooner. I'm an idiot for believing you loved me or cared about me." I said. I shook my head and headed for the steps, hearing the three of them arguing.

Fuck this. Fuck all of it. I can't take this on top of what I just dealt with. I'm done. I need to be alone and I know exactly where I'm going.

Where is that place you may ask? No, I'm not killing myself. Fuck that. I'm too much of an asshole to do that. I walked out of the hospital, and then down the seven blocks to the liquor store. People stopped and stared as I picked out what I wanted. I paid for my bottle, then walked another three blocks to the cemetery.

"Hey buddy." I said to Larry's headstone as I leaned against it. I opened the bottle of scotch I just bought and started drinking it. It warmed my stomach, and I've never been a lightweight, but, I haven't hardly eaten in three days. I can feel myself relaxing as I took a few more drinks.

"Shit is really fucked up right now." I said. I launched into a drunken tirade to Larry's headstone. I can almost hear him telling me to keep my chin up. I laid down, and put my hand on the headstone, my eyes feeling heavy. It's a little cold out, but I don't care. It feels nice to be close to someone. That's all I want. I want to be close to someone who loves me. That's really it.

"Evie? Hey girl." I heard Sid whisper in my ear. I slowly opened my eyes and saw it was dark outside now. I can see the outline of his face under the moonlight. I smiled at him.

"I'm sorry Sid." I told him. He is sitting next to me.

"No. Do not do that. I found out not much before you did. That's why we were like that, glaring at each other." He said. I moved over and laid my head in his lap.

"It was really his idea?" I asked. I felt his body tense under me.

"Evie, there's more to it than just this." He said quietly. I am too drunk to sit up.

"What?" I asked. He shook his head and sighed.

"Can we talk about it later? You kinda have enough to deal with." Sid said. I shook my head.

"Fuck! Evie, no going off the deep end on me. Promise?" He asked. I nodded feeling him run his fingers through my hair gently.

"His ex showed up. She's pregnant. The timeline adds up. He's moving in with her so they can raise the baby together." He said quietly. I am sobbing now. I held my hands to my face.

"Why!? Why am I not good enough for anyone?" I yelled out, crying harder.

"Hey, cut that shit out now." Sid said sternly. He helped me sit up and looked at me. "You are too good for him. You are fucking amazing. You're gonna find someone way better, I can promise you that." He told me.

"Why the fuck couldn't this bitch at least give me a fucking day to get home or some shit, before she brings her fat, prego ass around?" I asked, wiping my eyes. I heard a small laugh, followed by his hand going to his mouth.

"I don't want to laugh." I told him. His whole body is shaking as he isn't making a sound. "Goddammit Sid!" I giggled, as he finally laughed.

"I'm sorry, but it was funny." He smiled. "Come on. Let's go home." He said. I picked up my bottle and he laughed. "Got the good shit." He grinned. I smiled and nodded as he helped me stand up. I swayed and laughed, hearing him laugh as he held on to my waist.

"I'm so wasted." I said.

"I'm aware. You need some food." He smiled as he helped me in his car. I leaned against the window the whole ride back to Sid's house. I'm so drunk, I didn't even bother looking at my house. I went to get out of the car and fell to my hands and knees in the driveway.

"Fuck! Evie, come on, babe. Up you go." Sid said as he helped me up and inside the house. He sat me in a chair at the kitchen table, and pulled out a microwave meal for me. He set the timer and sat across from me.

"I love ya, Evie. You know this. But, no running off again, understand? You seriously scared the fucking shit out of everyone." He told me. I laid my head in my arms on the table.

"I just needed to be alone. I'm sorry. Does everyone know I'm alive?" I asked. He nodded.

"I sent out texts and made calls before I woke you up." He said quietly. The timer went off on the microwave, and he stood to grab my food. He set down in front of me. I picked up the fork toying with it.

"You gotta eat. Please?" He begged. I started choking the food down. We sat quietly until I finished. He grinned and threw out the container.

"I need a shower." I said, hearing him groan. He laughed and shook his head.

"I gotta help you I take it?" He laughed. His face is already turning red.

"You saw it all last time. I'm too pissed off and hurt to care." I said, stumbling to get up.

He sighed and helped me up, then guided me to the bathroom. He started the shower as I got undressed. Honestly, Sid has seen me naked more times than any friend should. I've seen him naked too. Yes, we have a very odd friendship. And yes, we've both been sober seeing each other naked. I've never felt embarrassed about my body. Not sure why, I just don't.

Sid grinned and stripped to his boxers. He laughed and shook his head as we got in. He kept a hold of me as I swayed and tried to shower as fast as I could.

"My eyes are closed." He announced to me. I laughed, and looked back. He really does have his eyes closed.

"At least you kept your boxers on this time." I said rinsing my hair. He laughed and nodded.

"I gotta have some kind of barrier between us. Jesus, girl." He laughed.

"Whatever." I laughed, grabbing the conditioner. I applied some to my hair. I leaned forward to rinse my hair, and slid out of his grip. I stumbled forward into the wall, barely catching myself.

"Oh fuck!" Sid half yelled as he reached down to help me up. "Are you ok?" He asked. He looks terrified almost, and now I'm worried about him. I stood and looked at his pale blue eyes, and I can see dark circles under them. Sid also looks like he may break down at any moment.

"Sid? Are you ok?" I asked quietly. He looked down at the shower floor and shook his head. "Hey, talk to me." I said. I heard a small sob escape his throat and he looked up at me.

"I thought I lost you. They wouldn't let me in the house. I could hear everything happening and it killed me, Evie. I felt like I let you down. I should of been there. I'm sorry." He said, wiping his eyes.

"Sid, you've been here for me more than anyone. There wasn't any way for you to know what was going to happen. It wasn't your fault. Not even a little." I told him. He grabbed me and hugged me hard. I feel tears burning my eyes as they slid down my face and onto his shoulder.

"I would have lost my shit if something happened to you." He whispered. I nodded. We stayed hugging each other for a few minutes.

"Evie?" He asked. I can hear the humor in his voice.

"Yeah?" I asked. He started laughing.

"Uh, we may need to stop hugging naked in the shower." He said. I moved back a little and looked down. I grinned at him and he laughed.

"For real, Sid?" I asked. He laughed and nodded.

"What? You're fucking totally naked and hot as fuck. Then you're all pressed up against me. I can't help it." He smiled. I giggled and shut the water off. He laughed as he handed me a towel, then grabbed one for himself. I wrapped my towel around me, and he did the same for himself. I sighed and sat on the counter.

"Evie, what Corey did was beyond fucked up." He told me. I nodded. "We had decided to move you out of your house yesterday. Everything was packed up and he asked if you could stay with me, which I found odd. Then he told me about his ex. I couldn't believe he just up and moved in with her. He doesn't know for sure the kid is even his." He said.

"Where did you guys plan on moving me to exactly?" I asked. He grinned at me.

"Next door. Colson's house. He's been gone so much though. No one wanted you alone, and we all kinda hoped Corey would of said you could move in with him." He told me. Colson has lived next door to Sid for about a year, but he's been on tour, so I haven't hardly seen him.

"Is it bad that I'm really glad you let me live here?" I asked. He smiled and shook his head.

"No. I'm glad you are. I couldn't imagine not seeing you every day." He grinned. I nodded and smiled a little.

"How are you feeling about Corey?" He asked. I shrugged.

"I'm really hurt. Heartbroken, actually. I'm just tired of being treated like shit by men." I said, tearing up again.

"I know. It's gonna be ok. We will get through it." He told me. I nodded. "Let's get clothes on." He laughed. I stood up and saw a bunch of boxes shoved in his room with my clothes. I grabbed some shorts and a tank top to sleep in, throwing them on. I turned around and he had already changed into shorts a t-shirt. I am exhausted all of a sudden.

"I can sleep in the guest room." I said. He looked offended by this.

"Get in the damn bed. Fuck." He grinned. I smiled and crawled in next to him. He shut the light off and held on to me as I laid on my side.

"Get some sleep." He said.