Inhale

It's almost a month later since that night at my house and Corey leaving me. I insisted that Colson go back for his tour. He agreed, but not without and argument. He has called every day since he left to check on me.

I've been staying with Sid, and haven't gone back to work yet. I can barely leave the house without feeling terrified or having a panic attack. I mainly stay inside the house and either watch TV or sleep. My parents have been by a few times, and each time they want me to move home. No fucking way can I do that.

Sid has been incredibly kind and beyond patient with me. He makes sure I'm not alone when he has to leave, which means Jim or Mick come over to hang out with me. They try to cheer me up, but it's not really working. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm scared, and I'm hurt.

I erased all of my pictures of Corey from my phone. I deleted his number, and anything that I have found while unpacking that is his, I've tossed in a box and labeled it 'ASSHOLE' in giant black letters. I haven't heard from him once in this last month. No texts, no stopping by, no calls. Nothing. It hurts to be honest. Must be enjoying his life with his woman and baby.

"Look man, how the fuck do you think she is doing?" I heard Sid talking quietly one day in the kitchen. I was around the corner and wasn't sure if someone was here or if he was on the phone.

"Yeah. No. Man, you can't have it both ways. It's so fucked up with how bad you hurt her. Don't you have a baby to worry about?" Sid hissed. I felt my stomach drop. I know who is on the other end of the call. I was glad Corey hadn't showed up. I can't face him right now.

"What? Are you fucking kidding me?! No. Goddamn, Corey. You are an asshole." Sid whispered. I came around the corner and Sid looked at me worried. "Yeah. I gotta go." He said hanging up.

"Hey girl." He grinned.

"Hey." I said quietly.

"How about we go somewhere for a bit? I have a surprise for you." Sid said.

"Better not be anywhere Corey is." I told him. His eyes got big.

"You heard me on the phone. Fuck!" He sighed. "No. It's nothing to do with him. Something that may help you feel just a tad better." He grinned.

"We going drinking?" I asked. He laughed.

"No. Get some shoes on." He smiled. I sighed and got my shoes on and grabbed his pullover hoodie. We got in the car and started driving.

"If you take me any-" He cut me off.

"I swear it's nothing to do with him. I wouldn't lie to you." He told me. I relaxed as we drove. Well, relaxed for about five minutes until I started feeling panic set in. I felt Sid gently squeeze my hand.

"You're ok." He said calmly. It's like I need someone to tell me everything is fine and then I can calm down.

We drove for about thirty minutes, and I realized this is the longest amount of time I've been away from the house in the last month. I watched as we pulled up the a place called Mallard Pointe. There were tons of dog kennels. What? I looked at him as we parked and he grinned, getting out. I got out and followed him inside. It looks like a boarding facility or something.

"Are you Sid?" A lady at the front desk asked. Sid smiled and nodded as she walked into the back room.

"What are we doing?" I asked him. He smiled at me.

"You'll see." He grinned more. The woman came back out and led us to a room to sit and wait.

"I found this guy, and he needs a home. I think maybe in a way, we might need him too." Sid said as we waited.

"It's not a fucking cat is it?" I'm not a fan of cats at all. He laughed and shook his head.

"No. Not a cat." He smiled. The door opened, and in walked a beautiful, fawn colored bullmastiff. He has the sweetest face I've ever seen in my life. He perked his ears up, and wagged his tail when he saw us sitting there. The woman let him off the leash, and he quickly came over to us. His body is wiggling as he sniffed our hands and gave us giant wet kisses. I laughed as he half crawled in my lap.

"His name is Marley. He's about two years old. His owners didn't have time for him. We have always loved having him here when he's been boarded. We offered to keep him until we could find a good home for him." The woman smiled at us.

"I think he will do just fine with us." Sid grinned at her. I laughed and nodded as I rubbed his big ears.

We got Marley home, and let him out back to run around and play. After a few hours of playing, we came in and Marley hopped up on the couch, passing out quickly. I sat next to him, petting his giant head.

"You were right. He's exactly what we need." I smiled.

"I know he is. I think he may even be able to hang out at the store too." Sid told me.

"I think he will too. Thank you. You don't know what this means to me." I smiled.

"I'm pretty sure I do." He grinned.

Sid was right. Marley loves going to work with me. It took me about a month before I could go back full time, but I did. Two months later, and I was just starting to feel like my life was slowly coming around for me.

Well, until Lou the detective walked in the store this afternoon. I saw him, and both Sid and I froze in place. Lou grinned a little at me.

"Hi Evie. Remember me?" Lou asked.

"Of course I do." I said.

"Look, I'm sorry to come here and tell you this. But, the prosecution wants to file charges against you." Lou said. I almost fell over.

"What!" Sid yelled. He is livid. "Fuck that shit! He could of killed her!" Sid yelled.

"I...I don't understand." I said, panic is setting in.

"Some of the call was cut out. It was muffled in parts. They aren't sure that it was manslaughter." Lou said.

"I didn't let him in my house! He beat the shit out of me! He told me he was going to rape me and kill me!" I yelled. Tears are flowing down my face. I felt Sid wrap his arm around my waist.

"Evie, I know all of this. I need you to come down to the station and give a statement about what happened. I need Corey to come down too." Lou said. I may be fucking sick.

"We....He left me." I barely got out. Lou looked down and nodded.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I've heard alot of that over the years when something like this happens. I'm so sorry Evie." Lou said sincerely. I nodded and wiped my eyes.

"Can you give us an hour? We will come down. She needs just a little bit to calm down." Sid told Lou.

"Sure. Just make sure you come down though, please." Lou said. We nodded as Lou left. I turned to Sid in a panic.

"I can't do this Sid. I can't go to jail!" I sobbed. He hugged me hard.

"You aren't. I need to make some calls. You're getting a lawyer before we go in there. No arguments." He told me. I held on to him and sobbed.

"Shhh. It's ok. Everything will be fine." Sid told me. "Marco!" Sid called to him. Sid eased back a little and Marco moved in to hug me. I held onto Marco and sobbed.

"Chica, you're gonna be fine. This is just a way to scare you into coming down and talking to them." Marco assured me.

Sid closed the store as he made calls, while Marco and I sat on the floor. I had my head in his lap while he played with my hair. I heard the bell to the front go off. Sid always forgets to lock that fucking door. I didn't bother looking up to see who it was.

"Fuck." Marco whispered. I saw footsteps right in front of me. The black Van's shoes told me who it was without having to look up.

"Fuck my life." I groaned as I sat up.

I stood up, refusing to look at Corey. I turned and saw Sid glaring in Corey's direction, as Sid was still on the phone. I walked to the backroom, and heard Corey behind me.

"Evie?" He asked quietly.

I sighed and turned to look at him. He looks like he did when I broke up with him for a month. He has a beard, wrinkled clothes on. His bags under his eyes are ten times worse than the last time. He looks like he's lost weight even. He didn't have any to lose. His eyes are full of pain, but I'm not sure why. This was what he wanted.

"What?" I snapped. He looked hurt.

"Are you ok?" He asked lamely. Now I'm pissed. That's the dumbest thing he could of asked me.

"Oh yeah. I'm fucking great Corey. How's your girlfriend?" I shot back. He looked down, his shoulders rising and falling quickly.

"What do you want and why are you here?" I asked him.

"Lou came by. Said you would be at the station soon. I wasn't sure if it was really true about them wanting to press charges." He said quietly.

"It sure is! Just another thing to help my shitty fucking life. Don't you have a kid and girlfriend that need you or some shit?" I spat at him. He swallowed hard.

"Um. No. I don't have either." He said looking down.

"Walk out on them too?" I did regret that when it came out of my mouth. He looked hurt and shocked for just a moment. Corey looked up, his eyes hardened at me, turning almost grey.

"No, I didn't. If I had a kid, I would never walk out on them. Fuck!" He yelled. I jumped back from him. His eyes got huge.

"Oh God. Evie, I'm so-" He started to say. I shook my head vigorously at him.

"Don't move. Please." I whispered in tears. I am having to tell myself that it's not Anthony.

"Evie? I wouldn't hurt you. I'm sorry." He whispered. I can't breathe. I can hear myself hyperventilating.

"I'm just coming a little closer. It's just me." He said. I can't catch my breath. I am frozen in place as he slowly moved towards me.

"Evie, look at me." Corey said. I looked at his eyes, and they were the eyes I've always looked into when I was with him.

"Come here, ok? Let me help." He said quietly.

He slowly brought his hand up and held it out to me. I'm so panicked and I know I'm going to pass out if I can't slow down my breathing. I reached for his hand, and he closed his hand around mine. Before I could do anything else, he pulled me to his chest and held me tight. I heard him let out a huge sigh of relief.

"Slow down. One breath at time." He said quietly. I am sobbing harder and I can't breathe.

"Hey, look at me." He said moving back to look at me. He held my face gently with his hands.

"Just one slow breath." He said as he took a slow breath with me, letting it out. I have no idea how long I stood doing that, but it felt like forever. I slowly calmed down. He gently let go of my face.

"Evie? How bad have your panic attacks gotten?" He asked me worried.

"Bad enough. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to deal with me. I know you have enough going on." I said. He opened his mouth to speak and Sid came around the corner.

"Hey. You fuck with her at all Corey and I'll kick the fuck out of you." Sid warned Corey.

"I'm not man. I swear I'm not." Corey said desperately to both Sid and I.

"We gotta go. The lawyer is meeting us there. He said it's all bullshit, and he's confident we can get it cleared up." Sid told me. I nodded and went to the bathroom to clean myself up. I can hear the two of them through the door.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me she was having such bad panic attacks?" Corey asked Sid.

"You haven't been here for two months. You've been doing.....what the fuck have you been doing?" Sid demanded.

"Finding out that I'm not really the kids dad is what I've been doing. And sleeping on a couch because I wasn't sleeping next her. Fuck!" Corey snapped back. I felt relieved hearing he wasn't in bed with his ex. One small victory for me I guess.

"Man, you really fucked up bad. You have any idea how much she needed you and you weren't there. Goddammit Corey!" Sid hissed in a hushed voice.

"I know. Believe me I know. I never wanted to let her go. I thought I was doing the right thing. I didn't want that kid growing up not knowing his dad. Then I found out two weeks ago he's not mine. Not mine, man. Fuck! I love Evie, and I am going to prove it to her. I just hope she'll let me." Corey whispered.

"Good luck man. She's not doing good. She feels abandoned. You hurt her so bad. She did nothing but cry for the longest time. Not just because of you, because of everything all at once. You are so lucky I'm not kicking the shit out of you right now." Sid growled. I walked out of the bathroom.

"Let's go." I told them as I walked past them. I heard them behind me as I grabbed Sid's hoodie, pulling it on. I walked to the door.

"I can drive us." Corey said.

"I don't fucking care." I said. He unlocked the car and I got in the back seat. We were silent as we drove to the station.

Four and a half hours later, they let me go. The lawyer was a fucking pitbull, and shut them down on a ton of shit. The prosecution had nothing and they knew it between my statement and Corey's. They ended up not pressing any charges against me.

"I need a fucking beer." Sid said as we left the station. I handed him a twenty from the backseat of Corey's car.

"Scotch." I told him. Sid groaned.

"You eat today?" Sid asked.

"Sure didn't. I'm drinking my dinner tonight." I said.

"Ok. Pull over man." Sid told Corey. Corey pulled into a parking lot. They both turned and looked at me.

"No. No more drinking. It's not an escape, Evie. Have a beer once in a while. But scotch? You trying to be like Larry?" Sid asked me.

"Really? You wanna lecture me on this shit? I was fucking attacked in my own home, almost raped, had the shit kicked out of me, my Guinea pig was killed, my friend was murdered, my boyfriend broke up with me, I had to move out of my house, and I was almost charged with murder. I know I can't drink all the time. I fucking know this. But, I think considering the fucking day I've had, I'm good to have a drink." I finished. Both of them couldn't say anything. They looked at each other, then back at me.

"Man, I'm not trying to kiss her ass here or anything, but, she's kinda right." Corey told Sid.

"Um. Ok. Tonight, and then that's it for like six months. And you're eating first. Deal?" Sid asked.

"Deal." I said. He nodded and we pulled out of the lot.

After they made me eat, I was surprised that Corey stopped to let Sid pick up alchohol. Sid sighed as he handed me the small bottle of scotch. I opened it and took a swig as we drove.

God I miss Corey. When he held on to me earlier, I wanted the world to just go away and stay like that forever. After hearing what he told Sid earlier, I don't know why he'd want to be with me. I'm such a fucked up mess. He needs someone who is stable, can be there for him. Not me. I can't offer any of that to him.

"Evie?" Corey asked. I turned and looked at him. He grinned a little. "We are here. Sid's house." He said.

"Oh. Sorry. Thanks." I said. I didn't even notice that Sid had gotten out of the car. I started to open my door.

"Can we maybe talk tomorrow?" He asked me.

"Sure. About what?" I asked.

"Us." He said quietly. I felt myself missing him even more.

"Uh. I don't know. I'm really not sure you would want to be around me Corey. I-" He stopped me.

"We can talk about whatever you want to talk about." He said, almost pleading with me.

"Ok. I guess like tomorrow night is fine. Call me and let me know tomorrow if you want to." I told him. He smiled wide at me.

"I will. I'll call you about six tomorrow night." He said. I nodded and got out.

I got inside the house and sat petting Marley. Sid flopped down next to me and grinned. He nudged me a little and I laid my head on his shoulder.

"I don't know if I can take him back." I said.

"You know what? Let's talk about stupid things. Let's have fun." Sid grinned at me. I smiled and nodded.

We did talk about stupid shit all night long. We laughed alot and had each other in tears from laughing so much. By the end of the night we are laying on the couch together still laughing.

"I love you Sid." I said in my drunk happy stupor. He laughed.

"You know I love you Evie." He said laughing. I nodded and laid in the crook of his arm. We laid there quietly for a while.

"Know what?" Sid asked me.

I leaned up to look at him. He smiled happily and pulled my lips down to his. I let him kiss me, enjoying how sweet he is when he kisses me. I know that he rarely does this. This is like the third time he's ever done this. We pulled away and he laughed.

"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't do that. I like kissing you. I know we are just friends though." He smiled. He also has said the same thing each time afterwords.

"We are. You're really sweet whenever you've kissed me." I smiled. He seriously just giggled at me.

"Yeah. If we dated, I would of like mauled you or something. What the fuck is wrong with us? Why didn't we ever date?" Sid asked. I laughed and so did he.

"I've asked this before haven't I?" He asked. I nodded.

"Everytime we've ever kissed you've asked this. It's because we are too good of friends. Do you honestly ever feel anything for me when you've kissed me?" I asked him. He giggled again.

"I know you don't." I told him.

"I've wanted to. I really have. You're fucking hot. You're my best friend. But, I love you as my best friend. Are you mad at me?" He asked worried. I laughed and shook my head at him.

"Yay!" He smiled as he hugged me.

"Are you gonna tell Corey I kissed you?" He asked. I giggled.

"Dunno. Do you care?" I asked.

"No." He laughed.