Miles to Go

“I’ll get it,” I called, hurrying to the door, not surprised to see Seth on the other side once I’d opened it.

“Hey,” he greeted, his wet hair indicating that he’s just taken a shower. I was momentarily stunned to taste the air around him just slightly bitter, and immediately knew something was bothering him.

“Hey. Do you want to come in?”

“Nah, it’s too nice tonight.”

I shrugged, stepping outside and closing the door behind me, staring ahead of me at the deserted road. “Something bothering you?”

He glanced at me warily, before looking away again. “I’m just a little stressed out, that’s all.”

He wasn’t lying exactly, but he wasn’t telling the full truth either, instead choosing to toe the already blurred line. “About Rylie, I’m guessing?”

“Of course. Isn’t that always the case?”

“Nearly,” I agreed, careful to keep my tone even.

“So you were saying something earlier? Before I had to go?”

I nodded once. “Why not just ask Rylie?”

“Because she won’t tell me a single thing.” He turned to look at me. “Look, I’ve never taken care of my little sister. If anything, it’s been the other way around in a weird way. And… after moving here, I found out how much she’d been hurt in the past. I won’t let it happen again. So if you’re fooling around with her or something—”

“We’re not fooling around,” I interrupted. “We’re not doing anything. We’re friends. That’s all.”

“You’re sure.”

“Positive.”

“And you don’t think she…” he cringed, “likes you or anything?”

“No, I don’t think so,” I said, knowing it’d be weird to say I knew for certain she didn’t.

“Okay,” he agreed, his voice quiet as he ran a hand through his hair. I saw him glance at his house before looking towards my yard again. “I know I probably come off as crazy, but… I need to look out for her, you know?”

“Yeah,” I said, feeling the need to protect her emitting from him as I thought back to yesterday, when I’d gone after her. “I do.”

“Good.” He smiled. “So I’m not as crazy as I think I am.”

“Guess not.”

“I’ll talk to you later, okay? We’re about to have dinner.”

“Sure.”

He waved, cutting across the grass, before he turned around to walk backwards and called out, “Oh, by the way. We’re taking my car tomorrow.”

I nodded. “Okay, thanks. It’s my turn the day after, right?”

“I guess. I have no idea. Ask Charlotte.” He laughed. “Later, man.”

I nodded, looking to the house and tasting the air until I could taste the cold that was just slightly bored now.

Yeah, that was definitely her.
*
For the first time since Rylie and I had begun talking, I was alone on the beach all night. And weirder still was the fact that I couldn’t taste her. There wasn’t a single trace of cold unconcern in the neighboring house. In fact, as far as I could tell, everyone was still deeply asleep.

I glanced at my phone, frowning when I saw it was five in the morning.

Where was she?

The next hour dragged by, like time itself knew about my anxiety, and finally I could go inside and get ready. But of course, today was the day my movements were unconsciously faster, and I finished a whole twenty minutes earlier than usual.

“Desmond,” my mother greeted as I entered the kitchen. “You’re done early today. Sit down, have some breakfast.”

I grabbed a bowl and a spoon, sinking down on a chair at the table before grabbing the cereal.

“Is everything okay?” my mom asked suddenly as I set the box back and picked up the milk.

“Yeah,” I said distractedly, my mind still set on Rylie, “fine.”

She didn’t respond, only watched me as I devoured the cereal at record speed.

As I finished, I glanced up at the clock, getting to my feet so quickly that the chair wobbled slightly. “I have to go,” I muttered, putting my bowl in the sink on my way out.

When I stepped outside, I immediately saw Seth’s car waiting for me, frowning when I didn’t see Rylie inside.

“Hey,” Seth greeted, tossing his bag into the back.

“Hey. Where’s Rylie?”

His hands tightened around the wheel. “She’s gone out.”

“Where?”

He glanced at me before wordlessly backing out onto the street. “Out. She’ll be back soon.”

My brow furrowed at his choice of words, and suddenly I knew something was extremely wrong. “When exactly is soon?”

“I don’t know, okay?” Seth snapped, stomping on the brakes last minute as we approached a red light. “I have no damn idea. She’s gone. I put her in a hotel room. She’s not coming home anytime soon, and she’s not going to school.”

I hesitated, not really surprised by his reaction. It was expected, but I hadn’t been expecting the stress he felt. “What happened?”

“Our lives happened,” he answered shortly, turning onto Charlotte’s street. “Our lives continued happening. And somehow, even when we’re sure we’ve hit rock bottom, things get worse.”

I didn’t say anything as he pulled to a stop and got out, slamming the door unnecessarily hard. Thoughtfully getting out of the car, I slid into the back instead.

When the two got back within five minutes, I leaned forward, staring at Seth, and asked if there was anything I could do.

“No. There isn’t. But I’ll tell her you offered.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Charlotte asked as I sighed, dropping against the backrest.

“I’ll tell you about it later,” Seth mumbled, shrugging.

“Will you tell me where she is?”

He locked eyes with me in the rearview mirror. “I promised her I wouldn’t tell. I’m sorry.”

I nodded, turning to look out the window. From what I’d gathered of her character, she was fairly stubborn, though she didn’t come off that way. What could’ve been bad enough for her to leave? For her to actually admit defeat and retreat?
*
It was actually pretty weird, not seeing her around school. It somehow, miniscule as it was, managed to throw off my entire day.

“Desmond?” Charlotte asked. “Dude, stop zoning out.”

I looked at her, frowning. “Right. Thanks.”

“It’s Rylie, isn’t it?”

I carefully rearranged my expression to look neutral. “Rylie? What’re you talking about?”

“Seth told me. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out she’s the reason behind your absentmindedness.”

“Seth told you?” I confirmed, still indifferent as hell.

“Yeah.”

“And what did he tell you exactly?”

Her eyebrow rose. “You have no idea, do you?”

“No, I just wanted to make sure we had the same stories.”

She rolled her eyes. “Your crappy lying isn’t helping you.” She hesitated. “I’m not supposed to know, forget tell you, but she’s staying at the hotel just by the mall.”

I nodded. After a brief hesitation, I added, “I won’t tell him you…”

“Thanks,” she said gratefully. “But seriously, pay attention.”
*
I knocked on the door, shuffling my feet nervously. I wasn’t supposed to be here, but… I needed to know what was wrong, why she’d leave without telling me.

The door opened a minute later, revealing Rylie’s surprised face. She hadn’t been expecting me, obviously. But she still invited me in.

“What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same damn question,” I retorted, my anger not only surprising her, but surprising myself as well.

“I should’ve told you I was leaving,” she admitted, brushing a couple of stands of hair out of her face that had fallen out of the large clip she’d stuck in her hair.

“Damn right you should’ve. I had to find out from everyone else but you.”

“I’m sorry.”

I scoffed, pacing to the door, half tempted to leave before forcing myself to turn back. “What the hell happened?”

Her gaze slowly lowered as she crossed her arms across her chest and tilted her face just slightly to the side so she wasn’t looking at me, and I was caught off guard by the sudden maturity I saw in her features. It was right there, in the frowning pout of her lips, her heavy lidded eyes, the way she carefully held her body in such a way that could only be described as rigid. I thought of the first time I’d seen her in direct light, how I’d thought of her as an ice queen and realized I’d been right on the mark. Her entire being screamed distance, and her willow frame made her seem breakable, almost.

“Rylie?” I asked, softening my tone slightly as I lightly touched her arm, the movement slow enough for her eyes to follow, and led her to sit on the edge of her bed.

“I don’t…” She cleared her throat. “I just didn’t want to be there anymore. So I left.”

I recognized the lie, but said nothing. “Are you okay?”

She nodded, dropping her hands to her sides, gripping the edge of the bed.

“What about school? You know you can’t just stop coming.”

“It’s only for a day. Maybe two.”

I softly touched her fidgeting hand, slipping my fingers between hers when her hand stilled. Her bracelet threw off the light it caught, and I silently stared down at it for a moment. “And what about home? You know you’ll have to come back.”

“Probably,” she agreed. “But I don’t have to tonight. And until I do, you know where to find me.”

I didn’t like her answer, but I nodded, the only thing I really could do. “Do you have money?”

“Yes. Seth…”

“Good. I should probably…” I trailed off, running my thumb across her knuckles.

“Right.” She got to her feet, pulling her hand from mine. “Thanks for coming by, though.”

“Sure. Take care of yourself, Rylie. You look like hell.”

She reached up, touching her messy hair (a huge change from her ever perfect natural style,) and looking down at the oversized hoodie she wore accompanied with baggy jeans. “Okay. Good night, Desmond.”

I pulled open the door, smiling at her. “Yeah. Good night.”
*
Apparently I’d managed to get through to her. Kind of.

She still hadn’t gone back home, but she was in school the next day. It was something, at the very least.

“Hey,” she greeted as I fell into step with her, instantly noticing the way she held her binder against her chest with both hands, and how the fingers of her right hand would twitch.

“Hey. How are you?”

“Okay.”

“Been better?”

She nodded, biting on her lower lip. “Something like that.”

“Well, think of it this way,” Charlotte said, suddenly appearing out of nowhere with Seth as they began walking with us. “It could always be worse. And, from what Seth’s told me, you must have a little experience with that.”

I glared at her from over Rylie’s head, mouthing for her to shut up as her boyfriend gently nudged her.

She shrugged guiltily, eyes wide.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, or so I’m assuming,” Charlotte said quickly. “Because he’s told me about himself, and since you’re siblings, I just figured…”

“Stop while you’re ahead,” Seth warned, shaking his head. “She knows you’re lying.”

“Well, obviously she does now. Thanks for that.”

I laughed, nudging Rylie as I saw the frown on her face while Seth explained something about Rylie’s ability to tell if a person was lying.

She looked up at me, and I faltered, seeing the plain misery in her eyes. The air around her still carried apathy, but her eyes… there was something else there. A grief buried so deep inside I wondered how she could bare looking at herself in the mirror.

Not knowing what I could say, I lightly touched the back of her arm, hoping to comfort.

But she only shook her head, turning into the room her next class was in.

I sighed, watching her go. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“Hey, wait up! We’re going to the same place.” Charlotte turned to Seth, moving to the tips of her toes and lightly kissing him goodbye before coming to me and linking her arm through mine. “Feeling any better?”

“I wasn’t feeling bad to begin with,” I lied.

“Don’t give me that. I may not understand what’s between you and Rylie, but that doesn’t mean I don’t see it.”

“There’s nothing between Rylie and I.”

She rolled her eyes. “Seth tells me Rylie believes you shouldn’t lie if you’re going to get caught, and you’re definitely going to get caught if you’re lying about something stupid. I think that’s a pretty good rule to live by.”

“Then you’ve clearly been hanging out with Rylie and Seth too much.”

She shot me a look even as the corners of her lips lifted and elbowed my stomach. “Don’t be mean. Tell me what’s going on.”

“There is nothing going on!” I repeated.

“I told you about Seth and I! This isn’t fair, Desmond.”

“Charlotte, if there was actually something to tell you, I would. But there isn’t.”

“Desmond, I see the way you are around her, the way you touch her and the way she doesn’t react to you the way she does everyone else. You can’t expect me to believe you.”

“I don’t know what else to tell you. If anything does happen between us, which it probably won’t, you will be the first to know. Okay?”

She stared at me thoughtfully for a second before nodding. “Deal.”
*
“You still look pretty bad,” I said softly as Rylie and I walked together to my car where we were sure Seth and Charlotte would already be waiting. I plucked the cigarette from her hands, dropping it into a trashcan after I’d put it out.

She touched her messy hair, her hand sliding down to the baggy shirt she wore that I swore I’d seen on her brother before. “You didn’t expect me to be all fixed in a day, did you?”

“Hey,” I said, taking her arm and pulling her to a stop. I waited until she turned to face me before continuing. “You… there’s nothing that needs to be fixed, Rylie.”

She scoffed, her lips curling in a bitter smile. “Have you met me?”

I frowned, staring into her honest, nearly black eyes. Apparently I wasn’t the only who could tell if a person was lying. But just because it was true, I didn’t want her thinking it for whatever reason. “Yeah,” I said, not knowing what to say to make her change her mind, “I have.”

“So you know what I mean.”

“No, I still don’t.”

Her lips tightened and she looked away. “We should get going. Seth hates having to wait.”

My eyes moved past her head to where my car should be and grinned. “I don’t think he’ll mind just this once.”

“What’re you talking about?”

I turned her away from me, pointing to the couple kissing beside my car. “That’s why.”

“Oh.” She actually blushed, turning so quickly towards me again she nearly lost her footing. “Gross.”

I laughed. “Gross because they’re kissing or…?”

“Gross because that’s my brother.”

I shook my head at her logic, placing my hand on her back and softly pushing her towards the car. “Let’s go.”

“Uhm,” she paused, and when she looked up at me with unsure eyes, I almost missed the uncertainty, the self-recrimination. “You’ll drop Charlotte off first, right?”

“If you want,” I said slowly, distracted. It’d been there all along. Right there, in her almost empty eyes. But under that emptiness, under that coldness, it was right there.

“Yeah.”

“And you want to go back to the hotel?”

She slowly nodded, glancing at the couple by the car. “Yeah, I do.”

“Okay.”

She looked at me then, eyebrow raised. “What, no argument?”

I shook my head. “No, no argument. It’s entirely up to you.”

“Thank you.”

“Sure.”

She began walking again, and this time we didn’t stop until we were at the car and I was clearing my throat unnecessarily loudly.

The two pulled away from their embrace, Charlotte blushing and Seth clearly embarrassed.

“Hey,” Seth said to the two of us even as he only looked at his sister.

“Hey,” Rylie muttered, not looking at anyone as she went around the car to the passenger side.

I quickly took out my keys, unlocking the doors just as she reached for the handle.

Once she was inside and had closed the door, Seth turned to me and very softly asked, “Is she going home?”

“No,” I muttered, not wanting her to hear though she was inside, and carefully kept my eyes away from her. “She’s not.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Try convincing her—”

“I can’t, Seth. And you can’t either. It’s not going to work. If anything, it’ll make her want to rebel even more.”

“You think?”

“He’s right,” Charlotte said thoughtfully, staring at me with inquisitive eyes. “Let her be.”

Seth glanced away, knowing there was no way he could win here. “I’m trusting you two. Just get her there safe, Desmond. And I’ll see you after practice,” he said to his girlfriend, absently kissing her forehead as his eyes moved to the car.

“Go, Seth,” I urged, “You’ll be late. And don’t… don’t worry about her.”

“Easier said than done,” he conceded. “Thanks, Desmond.”

“Sure.”

He forced a smile before heading towards the field, already in uniform.

Charlotte turned to me then, placing her fisted hands on her hips. “I’m going to call you tonight, and you’re going to answer. Get me?”

I nodded, ducking my head and side stepping her to get in the driver’s seat.

Why did I get the feeling I was in a lot of trouble?
*
I ended up coming upstairs to drop her off. But instead I was inside, sitting across the small table from her.

“I know Seth’s worried. And that you guys were talking about me.”

I looked up at Rylie, not admitting or denying anything. “Tell me what’s going on, why you’re here.”

She shrugged, looking out the window right beside us.

I followed her gaze to the manmade lake. “Tell me anything, Rylie. I just don’t understand you sometimes, and it’s infuriating.”

“Why? Because you understand everyone else in the world?”

“Close enough,” I retorted, picking up on the underlying sarcastic frustration in her voice.

“Well, if and when there’s something to tell, I’ll come find you, okay?”

I scoffed. “The hell you will.”

“What do you want from me, Desmond?”

“I want to know what would be bad enough that you, one of the most exasperatingly stubborn people I know, run away from it!”

“I’m not running away from anything,” she snapped. “Just… leave. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

“Rylie—”

“Not right now, Desmond. Besides, Seth’s coming over later. I need to save my arguments for him.”

I sighed, knowing I’d blown it, and got to my feet. “Fine. If you need anything—”

“Yeah, I know.”

“If you need anything, you know where to find me, even at three in the morning,” I finished, grabbing my jacket from the bed and going towards the door.

She didn’t say anything, not that I expected otherwise, and I stepped outside, closing the door behind me without a goodbye.

I don’t know how long I stood there, waiting to feel something from her, anything. But when I still didn’t get a single thing, I bleakly cut my losses and went back to the parking lot.