Immortal

Sleep evades me. Even with One pushing back our stake out, after my constant pleading with him; worry still consumes me. Not even my weighted blanket is enough to send me off to dreamland. So it’s time to call in the heavy reinforcements. I got to my bag and pull out a baggie containing pre-rolled joints and a white BIC lighter. As I walk out of the trailer, I grab another blanket to keep my ass from getting dirty on the sand. Once outside, I lay out the blanket and sit down. I open up the baggie and pick out a joint. Just as I’m lighting it up, Billy walks over to me.

“You know One is going to kill you if he finds out you’re smoking weed a night before a mission.” He states as he sits next to me. I just shrug before taking a drag, holding in the smoke before slowly exhaling it.

“Let him add this to the every expanding list of why he’s going to kill me.” I chuckle before offering Billy the joint; which he gladly takes. “So what brings you out here? Can’t sleep as well.”

“Yea.” He replies before choking on his hit. “You looked worried, which makes me feel uneasy.” He passes the joint back to me. “I’ve never seen you plea with someone so much before. You must not want to fuck with this Russian, huh?”

“I was pleading with you before you went out that night.” I remind him. “I even used sex against you. But you’re right, I’m not wanting to fuck with this Russian with a ten foot pole. He’s bad news and I’m not going to risk my life or your life or Seven’s life for a fucking hunch.”

“Do you think One is right about this Godfather knowing something about whatever Russia is building?”

“There could be some truth to his hunch, yes. But I want to know more before I risk my life for it.” I take another hit before handing it off. “I don’t trust One as far as I can throw him.”

“Then why join him?”

“It was either this or staring down the barrel of a gun.” I shrug earning a look from Billy. “I was getting myself involved with shit I had no business being involved in. It was either fake myself, commit suicide for real or be killed by a Russian Mafiozo.”

“Why get involved with this shit?” He questions. “I thought your parents wanted a better life for you. That’s why your mother didn’t train you to be a sleeper agent.”

“The Ukrainian I helped thought I was useful.” I reply. “He saw me as more than just a pretty face. He thought he would use the blonde hair, blue eyes and the angel face to his advantage. And when he found out I was good behind a gun, I’m the master of several fighting techniques and spoke several languages. He knew he had to use me as a soldier. Then shit started changing. My particular brand of charm, wasn’t charming anymore. I was getting pretty deep into some sick shit. And the only way out was in a pine box.”

“Now you know why I faked my own death.” He takes another hit before handing the joint back to me. “I would have been dead anyway, especially now knowing who I stole from.”

“I still don’t forgive you for this.” I tell him. I don’t make eye contact with him. My eyes remain on the joint in my hands. “My downward spiral is the result of me dealing with your death. If you didn’t fake your death, I wouldn’t have gone down the path I did.”

“Are you seriously blaming me for the choices you made?” He scoffs. “You are unbelievable Alexandria.”

“Maybe I am.” I take a hit before passing it. “You were my saving grace. If I didn’t find you, I would have been lead down the road a lot sooner. I would have been dead long ago. Plus I lost more than you could possibly have known the day you decided to die and become some vigilante.”

“What are you talking about?” He asks. “What else did you lose?” Taking a deep breath, I got up off the ground and offer a hand to Billy. When he puts his hand in mine, I help him up and guide him into the trailer. I turn around enough to see him stuffing the now unlit blunt behind his ear.

Once inside, I go to my pillow and pull out a tiny little picture. It’s a sonogram image. I hand it over to Billy. He looks down at it, a confused expression washes over his face. “What’s this?”

“It’s a sonogram that was taken a couple days before the heist.” I inform him. “It’s a sonogram of our baby.” Billy looks up at me with tears forming in his eyes. “No, our baby isn’t an orphan or anything. About a month after the heist, I was experiencing very severe back pain and some spotting of blood. Your mother rushed me to the hospital. I was having a miscarriage. Your mother thought it was due to the stress of losing you. The doctors later told me it was because the baby’s blood was incompatible with my own.”

“Were you ever going to tell me?” He croaks out, his eyes going back to the picture in his hand.

“Up until a couple days ago, I thought I’d never see you again.” I tell him. “I did tell you, or at least your headstone. But after seeing you alive again, I tried to figure out a way to tell you. I did plan on telling you, I promise.”

“We could have been parents.” He chokes out, his voice is cracking as tears threaten to fall. “That’s why you were trying to get me to stay with you, wasn’t it?”

“I grew up without a father, I didn’t want my child to grow up without one.”

“So my death wasn’t the reason you spiraled.” He muses. “It was the death of our child that created the Femme Fatale.”

“I lost the last tie to you.” I tell him. “So yea, I lost it. I had to make every party involved with your “death” pay. And I ended up losing myself in the process. The Alex you knew and loved is dead. And there is no reviving her, I’m afraid.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” He hands over the sonogram and plants a kiss on my forehead. “Get some sleep. We leave tomorrow morning.” I bite my lower lip as I watch him walk away. The tears in my eyes are threatening to fall. But I can’t let them. I refuse to cry over Billy anymore. I’ve through crying over him..