Be All Mine

I watched Matt follow the rest of the band out onto the stage only after he gave me a reassuring kiss on the lips, Mikey still gripping my hand excitedly. I heard the whole festival erupt into a raucous of cheering and whistling as I stood back stage and waited for my entrance. Three songs, and then I was supposed to walk out on stage with Mikey and make my debut since probably college when I'd song in the choir. Never, not even then, had my heart pounded as hard as it was.

Mikey tugged on my shirt and I leaned down to meet his lips as he yelled over the noise of the band and audience. “I'm scared.”

Furrowing my eyebrows, I looked at his pure face and then decided to smile to lighten up his mood. “Why are you scared, babe? I'm here, Matt's out there. You're okay.”

“No,” he said. “I'm afraid you might get too nervous and not sing. I want you to sing, Mommy.”

I nodded and kissed his forehead, picking him up to set on my hip as we watched Matt sing to the crowd, one arm raised high as the other held the microphone. He constantly touched the hands on the fans in front and tried to make contact with them somehow, whether by touch or simply talking to them. Mikey clapped along with the beat and pretended to drum the song as I laughed and sang to both of us. He nestled his head in my neck and said, “You have a pretty voice, mom.”

I smiled genuinely and kissed his cheeks. “You have a pretty smile, Mikey. Never get rid of it.”

He laughed. “You know I can't throw away a smile, mommy. Stop being so silly. Can I go out by Matt, now? I think I am ready to.”

Hesitantly putting him on his feet, I let him run out towards Matt, who turned and kept singing as Mikey grabbed his leg and squeezed him tightly. Matt bent low and hugged Mikey, kissing his head as I took a deep breath. It was odd watching my son show more affection for my boyfriend than his own father. It seemed a little like I was betraying Mark, but then again, I wasn't the one who was always so busy he couldn't play with his son. Not to mention it was Mikey who was attached to Matt, and he did it on his own, I never forced him to.

I couldn't really hear over the pounding of my own heart, but as I put in my play-back earplugs in, I got occasional words and phrases out of Matt's conversation with the crowd. “She's a beautiful girl...Voice perfect...Welcome her..Audrey!”

I took the first step forward and felt my nervousness flush away as I continued on towards Matt, Mikey jumping up and down on the stage near Zacky who handed him a bottle of water.

Matt smiled at me as I took his outstretched hand and he kissed my lips gently with a loud cheer from the audience. One of the extra players off stage started the violin intro and the song abruptly began as I stood still next to Matt. He began the first verse, and then I entered at “fallen into this place...” in which I bent low to exaggerate my movements instead of acting like I was frozen.

At the second chorus repeat, I strolled out and onto the walkway that led into the middle of the audience and touched the hands of fans who reached for me, though I didn't know why. Matt and I head-banged to the slowed down bridge of the song and I sang it out as if I were still in college, care-free of the world around me. Matt did his signature scream before the guitar solo, Mikey on his hip as he headed put into the crowd.

My heart was reverberating in my ears, yet I was so happy singing along with the Avenged Sevenfold. Matt made this so comfortable, and I wasn't going to just stand still and watch it fly by. I jumped when I felt like it, and I screamed when he wasn't.

The song ended, but ran straight into “Seize the Day,” where Mikey held onto tight to my left leg. I rested my hand on his head and held the Mic with the other one. Matt walked all along the edge of the stage before I entered with him at the chorus and continued on through out the whole song, finally taking a more dramatic route at the bridge where Matt practically screamed the part.

When “Seize the Day” was over, I was about to wave to the crowd and leave when Matt took a hold of my hand and pulled me back towards him. He pulled me into a hug as I kissed him and followed him to the catwalk that went into the crowd.

“I want every person here to know that this woman, this goddess, is the most gorgeous woman that I've ever met. And her kids, they're like my own and I love them just as if they were,” he said into the microphone, as I stood behind him and waited for what he wanted me to do. “Audrey is someone you all should get to know. She doesn't pussy-foot around; she tells you what you need to know, and she helps you even when you think you don't need it.”

Where is this going? I kept asking myself, smiling as Matt spoke to the audience for a long while, the band still playing a slight melodic tune behind us.

“Audrey knows love takes time, and she's willing to wait the world for me just so we can be together,” he said more sincerely, now looking towards me rather than the crowd. He took my hand in his and continued. “She's in love with me because she knows that she can't live without me. And I want her, I want you, Audrey, to know that I feel the same. We haven't been dating long. Only a month or so, but I want you to be mine forever. And I know you want me to be yours forever.”

Oh my god...Oh my god....He's not going to propose is he? I asked myself, trembling all over as Matt smiled, eyes brimmed with a thin layer of tears as I realized mine were, too.

He turned to face me, standing directly in front of me as I struggled to breathe and hold tightly to the microphone in my left hand.

Never had the world shifted in my life like it did when I witnessed him take a knee, holding onto my hands as if he'd never be able to touch them again in his life. Full-fledged tears rolled down my face and I felt my head lighten as if it were suddenly filled with helium and was about o drift into the sky like a balloon.

He put the microphone on the ground, the crowd's cheers now completely faint as my heart pounded behind my rib cage beautifully. It wasn't just a thud and a jump like it had been; it was now a song that my soul played for Matt every time I was near him. My words are the words of the singer, and my heart was the beat. All I needed was Matt to be the melody to my harmony; the meaning to my song.

“Audrey Woodrow?” Matt asked, a fearful yet hopeful expression painted across the contours of his face.

I gulped and managed a wimpy, “Yes?”

He pulled a small jewelry box out from his pocket, black with a gold trim, and I stepped back as the breath I was trying to take in was knocked back out. Matt grabbed my left hand, and flipped open the box to reveal the most gorgeous ring I'd ever seen. It wasn't dramatic, it was simple, and that was what we were; we were simply and obviously in love. We didn't need dashing amounts of color and sheen to fill up any gaps in our hearts, because they were full with the love for the other.

It had a silver band with one white, square diamond lying in the center, and it was the ring I knew he and Mikey had been looking at earlier. I realized it because he smiled as Mikey walked over and gave him a hug.

Mikey took the ring out of the box and slid it onto my finger with Matt, both of them guiding it on with care and love. My two loves in life were both showing me they were going to be mind for the rest of my life, and that I didn't have to worry anymore. I didn't have to be scared that this wouldn't work, that Mikey would never accept Matt to be my husband and not his father. Mikey wanted this as much as I did, and I gasped. I truly wanted this.

“Will you marry me, Audrey?” Matt finally asked me, as I held my other hand over my mouth, as if to shield the fact that I had been mouthing yes for the past two minutes.

The answer in my head, I nodded gently and said, “I thought you'd never ask.”

Matt smiled and got up quickly, pulling me into his arms as the crowd erupted into cheers and shouts louder than ever before. We hugged like we'd never been able to before, and he kissed my cheeks, my neck and my lips. “I love you,” he said, holding my face in his hands.

I smiled and broke down in tears as I cried, “I love you, too, Mathew. I always have. You're my little piece of heaven, and I want you to be all mine.”

Matt nodded and kissed my lips once more as Mikey jumped up and down. Matt picked him up and they hugged as I turned towards the band who clapped all together. I fell to my
knees. This was the happiest I'd been in a long time, and I have always been pretty content.

“I think, that in the light of the circumstances, “ Matt started, voice wobbly with what I took as joyful sobbing, “that we should have Audrey sing something of her own.”

My eyes darted up at Matt and he smiled down at me. “She has some stage fright, but I want you to know that she wrote this song out of the purest part of her soul that is reserved for her son, Mikey. She wrote it for him when he was a baby, and I want you all to allow her the pleasure of performing it.”

Standing up, I looked around and smiled fearfully. There were too many people, just way too many. Yet I still took the acoustic guitar from Synyster when he ran over to hand it to me. I pulled it on over my head and rested it on my shoulders.

Matt propped up the microphone stand as I started the opening of the song which was a slow-paced chord progression, soft and lovely as the crowd quieted sincerely.

“I WANTED TO TELL YOU, MY SON,
THAT YOU WERE ALWAYS MY SOUL.
WHEN THE WORLD GREW COLD,
YOU WARMED ME AND MADE ME WHOLE.
I WANTED TO TELL YOU, MY SON,
THAT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE JUST THAT.
UNTIL THE DAY I PASS ON TO THE OTHERSIDE,
I WILL ALWAYS BE PROUD OF YOU EVEN IF, OF ME, YOU CAN'T.
MIKEY, DEAR MIKEY, YOU'RE MY WORLD,
YOU'RE MY REASON FOR WAKING UP,
MY REASON FOR BEING IN LOVE.
I WANTED TO TELL YOU, MY SON,
THAT I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU'D KNOW.
WHEN THE RAIN POURS DOWN,
YOU'RE MY REASON FOR NOT FEELING LOW.
CLOSE YOUR EYES, MIKEY,
AND HOLD ME TIGHTLY LIKE YOU DO,
NEVER FORGET MY WORDS IN THE VERSES OF YOUR MELODY.
MIKEY, NEVER FORGET THE MELODY.”

After the three minute song was over, I looked over at Mikey who smiled and gave me the two thumbs up as Matt and the guys went straight into “Afterlife.” I gave the guitar to a roadie and picked up Mikey as we headed off stage.

He kissed my cheek and asked, “Want to know something, Mommy?”

I looked at him with dried tears still on my face and asked, “What would that be, Mikey?”

He smiled. “Matt asked me if it'd be okay for him to marry you. And you know what I said?”

“What?”

Mikey hugged my neck and stayed there for the longest moment as I watched Matt jump around the stage. “I told him that my daddy may be blood daddy, but that he makes mommy happy. And that's all I want, Mommy. I want you to be happy forever, 'cause then I'm happy, too.”

“Mommy's always happy so long as she has you, babe,” I said, touched by his words and struck by their power, as well.

Mikey smiled at me as he raised his head. “But if I go to daddy's, I want you to be happy and not lone,” he said, messing up on alone. I didn't even bother to notice that the band was ending, because I realized now my son was so much more than a five year old; he was my son, and he understood me like no other person did.

“Congratulations,” Zacky and Synyster said as they passed me and Mikey. I nodded and also accepted The Rev's and Johnny's good lucks as well.

Matt finally arrived and he pulled Mikey and me into a tight-knit hug, his arms around mainly me as he kissed my lips, and Mikey's forehead. “Are we ready to go home?” he asked. I was suddenly struck by the fact that we were a family now. We were home no matter where we were, as long as we had each other.

I nodded and said, “I think we're going to have a sleep over at Matt's house, okay Mikey?”

“You mean our house,” said Matt, as I looked at him and smiled. “I already have plans to turn one of the rooms into Mikey's bedroom, and we can make the other a nursery. I want this, Audrey. I really do.”

Kissing him, I whispered, “I know you do. I always knew you had to be the one for me.”