Be All Mine

“I checked them three times, Audrey,” Matt said, re-checking the locks on all of the windows and the front and back doors. “Believe me, he ain't getting' through to this house, babe. Just calm down. I promise you, you'll be okay. Got it? Now come watch TV with me.”

I hesitated as I stood in the doorway of the twins' bedroom, their little breaths of air silent even in the deathly quiet room. Though I would have preferred to stand there all night and watch over the babies and Mikey, I knew that I had to calm down and get my nerves to unwind. If I was all uptight and scared and Brent showed up, I was going to just do something really stupid no doubt.

Matt wrapped his arms around my shoulders as I sat beside him, curling up against his left side. He wore only a pair of basketball shorts and nothing else, my hand resting on the scar on his chest. “How'd you get this?” I asked.

He looked down and then back at the horror flick on the television. “Bar fight when I was just a little younger. Broken bottle stabbed me.”

I shook my head and sighed. “I'm marrying an anarchist, and I seem to like it, too.”

Laughing to himself, Matt stood up and stretched. His six-pack abs and godly biceps made me to look away so that I wouldn't grow ecstatic and hot. But Matt obviously wanted me to, because he tugged me feet, forcing my whole body to straighten out and shift down the couch. I lied on my back as Matt got on top of my waist, straddling me as I looked up at him in the only light that illuminated off of the television.

He bent his head low, touched his mouth to my neck as I sighed from nervousness and tension. I smiled as he kissed from my neck to my lips, his hands finding their way beneath my shirt as I giggled. Was it wrong to try and find joy within a stormy situation? God I hope not...

Matt continued to kiss me, our lips becoming more and more stuck to one another as we grew fierce. He occasionally bit my lip playfully as he leaned his weight into me more and more. I gasped each time he jokingly pushed against me, and I kissed his chin. “You need a life,” I laughed, as I rolled him onto his back and took the top position. We continued kissing, but an odd sound reverberated from our bedroom window, and we both stood up quickly.

Matt picked up Mikey's baseball bat and motioned for me to stay where I was. “I'll go check it out,” Matt said, heading down the hallway silently.

I – of course- didn't pay attention to his order, and followed close behind him as he passed the kids' bedroom. “Matt,” I whispered, trying to make sure he was still ahead of me in the darkness that surrounded us. He grabbed my hand and pulled me close behind him.

We paused just at the threshold of the door and heard the shattering of glass from the living room this time. I didn't know whether to keep looking in the bedroom, or follow Matt to the portion of the house we were just at. All I knew was that I was about to piss myself and run away screaming.

Matt turned on the hallway light and we kept our eyes locked onto the end of the hallway where we had just come from, the wind outside issuing a noise that echoed through the one-floor beach house. “Matt?” I whispered fearfully, as he turned on the light in our bedroom. He gently shoved me in there and whispered, “Call the police, Audrey. Now!”

Rushing to the side of the bed that had the phone, I quickly dialed 911 and waited impatiently for them to answer. “911, what's the emergency?”

I took a deep breath and whispered, “Someone broke into our beach house. We're at 553 West Brownly Court. Please, we need police now!”

“Help is on the way, ma'am,” said the unenthusiastic operator as I hung up quickly. I looked back and saw Matt still standing at the doorway.

Running to meet him, I said, “They're on their way, Matt. What do we do? What about the kids?”

Matt looked at me and hesitated for a second before he bent his head low and kissed my cheek. He started down the hall before I could grab at him and try to pull him back. I wanted to hit him myself for not staying there next to me, but I just went into mom mode and grabbed my switchblade from my back pocket. I'd always kept it there since I was thirteen because I was always afraid of this happening. I started down the hall.

Matt waited at the corner that rounded into the front of the beach house and I waited beside him nervously. My heart pounded, not because I might get hurt, but because I may end up never seeing my kids again. I love you, Mikey, Adrian, and Marcus. Mommy loves you.

Brent stood by the large window that faced the ocean, and I gripped the knife tighter. He looked at me with the same gaze he'd always looked at me when I was his little doll: pure fun and as if I was a challenging game to play.

“What are you doing here, Brent?” I asked, as Matt stood in front of me to protect any motion that would be directed my way. “You don't belong here.”

Brent smiled and nodded. “I believe I do, Audrey. I'm your father, remember? So don't call me Brent, honey. Call me Dad. Okay? Now why don't you tell bozo the clown here to lower the Babe Ruth?”

I shook my head. “No, and no. You're never going to be my dad, and never have been. So forget it. How about you leave my family alone and go back to whatever slime hole you crawled out of, Brent?”

Grinding his teeth together like he did when he was angry, I rested my hand on Matt's back and let him know that he needed to grip that bat tightly and be ready for a spur of the moment lunge. Matt took a baseball player's stance as I stepped forward.

“That's no way to talk to your father, young lady,” Brent snapped.

“That was no way to touch a young lady, Brent,” I snapped back, spitting at his feet in anger. “What? You couldn't get Lacy to love you so you forced me to? Is that it? Lacy didn't even want to be with you, Brent, and she was a stupid whore who used you for money and booze!”

Brent tightened his hands into fists at his side and I knew I was getting to him. “You're just a hopeless little girl,” he growled.

I remembered how he used to tell me that all for the time before he would begin his ritual, and I felt that same strike to the lungs as I gasped. He'd always abused me even when I wasn't in his reach.

“Mommy?” came Mikey's innocent voice from behind Matt and me. I started to freak.

“Mikey,” I said as calmly as I could manage. Why did he have to wake up now?

Brent smiled at Mikey and asked, “And who would you be?” He looked devilishly at Mikey before glancing up at me as I stepped towards Mikey to be in front of him. Matt did it for me so that he was standing before both of us.

“Mommy? Who is he?” asked Mikey, as he grabbed onto my pant leg fearfully. His uneasiness with new people always scared him, but he was terrified now. Who wouldn't be at his age? His mother was holding a switchblade and her fiance was grasping a baseball bat. I'd have crapped myself if I were in his shoes.

“Nobody, honey,” I said, panic obvious in my voice. I knew I should have just held onto him by the way he started to cry and shake violently. He couldn't take stress like this. He had an anxiety disorder, how would he help it?

Brent smiled mischievously at me and Mikey and asked, “Is this my grandson, Audrey? How rude of you to not introduce us?” He stepped forward as I forced Mikey backwards, cornering him between Matt, me, and the wall. No way was Brent going to get to him now.

“I told you to leave,” I snapped at him, trying not to yell so I wouldn't frighten the sleeping twins. “So either you go peacefully, or the police, who are on their way, will get you to leave regardless of if you want to or not, Brent.”

Head cocked, finger wagging, he did the gesture he always did before he was about to scorn me, and I gulped. What if he did get to Mikey? What if he hurt Matt badly in the process? Was it my fault? I couldn't live with two people's pain on my conscience like that.

“Now Audrey,” he started, walking towards us as we grew stuck, backs against a wall. “I think you remember what I taught you about first impressions. Right?”

I tried to remember, but nothing came to mind until he started to open his coat and pulled out a small revolver. He held it tight and pointed it at no one n particular, just towards out direction. I knew now. He had always said that you could learn a person's nature by their first impressions.

“If you cringe at the sight of a gun, girl,” he started to say, loading his pistol, “then you like peace without having to do anything for it. If you smile, then you think you're invincible. So, what are you, Audrey? Are you still the coward?”

Tears flowing down now, I pleaded with him. Matt still held the bat, but I wished I could have just taken the shot already to get this over with. I was a coward on my own, but when it came to the lives of my children, I was a power you shouldn't ever go up against.

Without realizing what -or for what reason- I was doing, I stepped towards Brent, arm outstretched as Matt tried to ease forward. I nudged him back and I then stared directly at my father. He had my eyes, but his were filled with anger while I prayed that mine were filled with love and the hope for my children's long lives. Mikey cried loudly, but I simply turned my head to smile at him and say, “I love you, Mikey.”

Brent looked at me with fear that I'd never in my life witnessed before. “What are you doing?” he wondered.

I shrugged and pulled the gun towards my heart. “This has been what you wanted for so long, right? You've wanted to see me suffer and see me give in to you since I was born. I ruined your life; I ruined mom's. She may be dead, dad, but I still think she's behind your motive for everything. I killed your freedom, your life, and you want nothing else than to take mine. But you don't understand that my life is and always has been my children. And I'll be damned if I am gonna let you take them without a fight. So why not just get rid of me? Just one clean kill, none of that messy stuff, right?”

Brent glowered at me and threw the gun to the floor ten feet away. He slapped me across the face and I watched as Matt attempted to step forward while I fell on my side. I grabbed his ankle to keep him in front of Mikey while the sharp pain in my cheek flushed away gradually.

“You always were an idiot!” he yelled at me, the faint sound of sirens in the background of the my life at the moment. I slowly rose to my knees as he shook his head angrily. “Why you had to come into this world I have no idea. What good do you possibly bring? When you die, I bet two people will go to your funeral: your son-called son and me. Only one of us will care though.”

“It's not how many people I have in my life,” I snapped. “It's how much I touched them. If I die with only two people having been changed due to my help and grace, than so be it. I'd rather die knowing I helped someone than die like you.”

“And how would that be?” he asked.

I glared at him and remembered all of the words he called me, all of the things he stole from me when I was little. How he stole, not only my innocence, but my hope and dreams. This man deserved to rot in a hole, not a jail cell. He deserved to decompose within his own heart, where ice replaced warmth and love.

“You're so stuck telling yourself that there's no life for you because I stole it that you believe it. You've wasted an entire life searching for revenge on something that could have been a beacon and a light for you, dad,” I said, trying weakly to hold in tears that were somehow sympathetic. Could I truly feel sorry for him? That can't be right. I hated him! He took away everything...Was I just like him? Did I wish that he would get what he deserved because he deserved it, or because I hoped he did?

I shook my head and began to cry. “All I wanted growing up was to know I had a family. I wouldn't have cared if you loved me as much as my foster dad, but you could have at least tried to care. Whether you like it or not, Brent, you're always my dad, and I have to deal with the pain of knowing that you're my father.”

Brent grunted. “So Miss Independent grew some balls. Never thought I'd live to see that. The way you cried when you were little, it was addicting to watch. Wanna know why?”

“Not really,” Matt snapped, holding the bat tighter than ever.

“The only time you showed any emotion was when you cried,” Brent answered. “I loved watching the way your nose scrunched up and the tears rolled down hard as you cried, 'Why, Daddy? Why?' It was beautifully intoxicating. Much more enjoyable than when your mother finally croaked.”

My eyes snapped open.

He laughed and nodded. “What? You thought I actually cried when your mother died? What do you take me for, a wimp?”

“I knew you were evil,” I said. “But I didn't think you were heartless.”

He chuckled. “So I said, 'Oh well! Shit happens,' and walked on. She had it coming, ya know. She drank herself to heart break after heart break before crawling right into her own death bed at a loony bin. Can't act like you loved her, Audrey. We both know you didn't.”

I gulped and looked around helplessly. The sirens were getting louder, but I had the faint notion that my mother would be dead in one of them, eyes blurred from constant alcohol abuse. She used to have the eyes of a saint, pure blue with a small flicker of hope behind them. Last I saw of them, they were watching me leave the apartment with a social worker named Annie. They'd never had emotion as long as she was drinking, and she was always hitting the Jack Daniels hard.

“I...I would have cared,” I whispered, more to myself then to Brent, who leaned in to hear, but only laughed when I looked up at his eyes. “I would have cared, Brent. She gave me life. I'd have at least tried to gain one back for her.”

“No you wouldn't,” he said. “You may not like it, Audrey, but you're just like me. You'd have tossed her aside like a piece of garbage, too.”

“No,” I snapped through gritted teeth.

He nodded. “Oh yes you'd have.”

“No!” I shrieked at him, as a police officer walked in and hand-cuffed my dad quickly. He merely smiled and I stared at him fearfully.

“Remember what I used to say, Audrey,” he said. “People may have the want to love, but never will they have the ability to do so. Everyone is just playing the game of life until they can die. We start dying the day we're born.”

They took him out of the house as I cupped my face and sobbed uncontrollably. Mikey ran to meet me as I hugged him tightly, Matt throwing his arms around the two of us as well. We call cried. How could such little words have hurt me like his? I thought the old saying was that words could never hurt me.

“It's okay,” Matt said to both Mikey and me. “He's gone. He's never coming back. Don't worry about it. Ssh...It's okay, you two.”

I pulled Mikey closer and kissed the top of his head gently and for a long time. I was suddenly drowning in the fact that I came so close to never seeing my family again. Pain flooded every joint in my body and i rocked Mikey and myself back and forth for awhile as he slowly fell asleep.

“I love you, Mikey,” I said over and over again, making sure that i could make up for all of the times I never heard it when I was his age. “You never forget that, Mikey. I will always love you.”

Matt kissed my cheek and then my lips, crying, “Don't you ever do something as stupid as that again. Got it? I thought you were going to slip away just as fast as I'd finally gotten you. I love you, Audrey Woodrow. You're going to be all mine. I promise you a life where you'll never see a day where that doesn't show. Got it?”

I nodded and kissed him back as we embraced each other, Mikey hugging both of us awkwardly but lovingly.

“When we get married,” I whispered, “Promise me you'll love me no matter what happens.”

Matt stared at me and leaned in closely. “I already do,” he whispered in reply.