True Confessions

I'm completely over him...

I think I was just convincing myself that I loved him, because I need that sort of attention right now. Nothing is going right.

"True?"

"What Jake?"

Is it sad that I've become so desperate for human contact, other than my family and friends, that I have become snippy and vindictive towards them?

"I love you! Good night, I'm going for bed now."

He said it slowly and with each word my heart broke. I wanted him to know that I loved him, oh how I loved that boy. He was my life, my brother, my other half. It was just how it had always been.

He hummed a song as he walked away and I called after him, "Jake, I love you too."

I waited for his door to click shut to take out my camera. I turned the flash off and stepped outside into the sunset.

I took pictures of everything I could see. The horizon, dotted with tiny houses that looked like ants should crawl into or out of them at any minute was seen in the last few pictures I took.

I liked to watch contemporary America evole from civil to ant-like. We were all used to patterens, we all had sets of data in our heads that kept us sane. I wondered if mine was about to break apart.

"Hey!"

Across the street a boy waved at me. I waved back and he started the ten second trip across the road to where I was standing.

"Hi."

"I'm new here, I just moved in across the street! My name is Brendon. What's yours?"

"True. Nice to meet you Brendon."

"True? That's a pretty name."

"Thanks..." I blushed. "Where are you going to school?"

His smile fell short. "That prep school... I don't know what it's called. My parents enrolled me."

"Really? Cool! I'm in public school."

He laughed. "Prep school, cool? No, I don't think so."

"I think so..."

I sighed.

"Well good for you. So how're things?"

Nothing like an invitation to tell him my life story.

"Fine. How about for yourself?"

"Alright. I'm glad we moved here... I just got in this fight with my best friend. She... Well that's a boring story I'm sure you wouldn't like to hear."

"I just lost my best friend to a fight." I said softly, using the smallest voice I could muster.

"Oh. So we're on the same boat then?"

"Yes."

I let my camera droop around my neck and I swallowed.

"That's a nice camera."

"Thank you. My grandfather bought it for me before he passed away. He always told me to 'capture my buttertflies'... I guess he meant every moment was a butterfly. He was a very poetic man."

"Sounds it."

"Yeah... I miss him."

"I'm sorry."

"For what? It's not your fault he's dead."

I car drove by and reminded us that time stops for no one. The sun was down by then and I knew I'd have to head back in.

He was silent to my question and odd statement.

"Listen, I have to go in and help make dinner for my parents. I'll talk to you later, alright?"

I started towards my house and took a deep breath.

"Can I have your number?"

I turned around with a start. His eyes were expectant, and sort of sad.

"Sure." It was irrational, yes, but I liked him.

I took a pen out of my pocket - I carried them everywhere- and wrote it on the palm of his hand. He leaned forward and set a kiss on my cheek.

"Thanks True."

I grinned and walked home, happier than I had been in months.