Screw You I'm a Rock Star

“Where is he?” I asked as I got on the bus.

Woah, deja vu...

“He's in there,” Matt said as he motioned towards the bunks.

I walked over to the back of the bus his back was faced towards me. I stood there staring at the back of his head almost afraid to call out to him and make him turn around. Should I turn around and pretend I was never here? No, that'd be useless. I took a deep breath and tapped him on the shoulder.

His eyes were shocked yet were also somber. He furrowed his eyes almost like he was questioning if it was really me.

“Hey...” I mumbled.

“Hey,” He said plainly.

“So uh, how've you been?” I asked as the knot in my stomach tightened.

He shrugged. “Alright.”

“That's good,” I said as I looked away and rubbed my arm. It was silent for a moment and I could feel his gaze drilling holes through me. I couldn't take it.

“Brian I-”

“Don't explain,” Brian said quickly.

“But Brian I-” I began but I was cut off once more.

“No Michelle!” His strong voiced shocked me and made me jump. “Look, it's one thing to ignore me but to lie to me?” His eyes were mixture anger and sadness, it scared me.

“I'm not a fucking dumb-ass, I know you're not busy all the damn time. Look if you don't wanna be with me then just say it but don't fucking lead me on!” This time he wasn't looking at me as he spoke to me he was looking down. My heart cramped and lump formed in the pits of my throat.

“Brian...” I said quietly.

“No just go!”

I didn't have a choice but leave and I ran. Ran out of the buss, ran out of the parking lot, and just run. It didn't take long til I was out of breath, I stopped and let the feeling slap me in the face. The feeling of being heartbroken. The familiar feeling. I've dealt with it before, but dealing with it twice just felt worse. It wasn't long til I was on my knees and the tears just flowed. I couldn't stop bawling and I couldn't stop shaking. It hurt, all of me.

My hands covered my face and I just cried into them. I could hear my phone vibrating in my pocket but it only angered me and so I just picked it up and threw it. It shattered only a few feet away and I stared at it. I didn't care who it was, it could've been God telling me my life would turn out for the better but I just didn't wanna hear it. Nothing could make it better.

All I could do was stare...

~*~

“I'm so sorry Michelle,” Kat said as she held me in her arms. I didn't have to tell her anything, she just knew. Just like she always knew.

“You've got to talk to him,” she insisted.

“What's the point,” I said rubbing my sore eyes. “He won't listen. He's already made up his mind.”

She sighed and began rubbing my shoulders again. “What an ass,” Jesse muttered. “he should have that guitar shoved up his big hairy-”

“Jesse!” Kat warned. Jesse closed her mouth and zipped it with her invisible zipper.

I stood up away from Kat and pushed the hair out of my face. “I guess I deserve it. I mean I have been ignoring him but I just didn't know how to deal with it. I was afraid this would happen, my luck it would happen anyways. Fuck my life.”

“Well,” Kat said standing up. “this sounds like a Covenant night.” She said as she started walking towards the bus door.

“The Covenant? Really? Hehe, good movie. Hot guys too.” Jesse giggled.

“I don't think that'll help,” I muttered.

“Which is why I'm going out to get ice-cream, so I'll be back really soon. Don't. Start. The. Movie. With out. Me. I will go Chuck Norris on your ass,” She warned as she point a finger at us before leaving the bus.

“So...” Jesse said sitting beside me. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Nah,” I said placing my head on her lap. “There's not much to say. He dumped me, I'm here bawling, blah blah blah. Love sucks, guys suck, life sucks.”

“Yeah, I guess that sums it up,” Jesse said. We sat there in silence and I pondered about what I could've done different or if I should go out and run over there and beg him back. Begging wasn't my thing though, it never was.

“Hey I know what we could do!” Jesse said happily. She got up with out much warning and I plopped on the floor.

“I deserve that...” I said as my face was buried in the carpet of the bus.

“I wonder if we still have some...” She muttered as she went through the cabinets above our tiny sink.

“What?” I said as I propped myself up with my elbows.

“Here it is!” Jesse said as she jumped away gleefully. “Brownies!” She said as she presented the red box of brownie mix in front of me.

“So?” I muttered with a sigh as I place my head in the palm of my hand.

“We used to make them all the time on girls night, and when the hell was the last time we had one? We're officially making brownie's now so get you're Mexican ass up,” She said as pulled on my arm. I obliged and got up.

We mixed the brownie mix, of course not without spilling some on yourselves first. It earned a few laughs that I really needed and the licking the bowl was the best part as we waited for it to cook in the oven. Brian wasn't the priority of my thoughts but he was still close to the surface.

As soon as they were done, Kat walked through the door.

“What took you so long,” Kat shrugged and pulled out the tubs of ice-cream. Three, for each of us.

“Brownies?” She questioned as she sniffed the air.

We both nodded and she smiled. “Awesome.” She said.

We got settled with a pan of brownies, a tub of ice-cream, and The Covenant in the DVD. I couldn't as for better friends. I just wish I could enjoy it more than I did.