Dance With Me in This Rain

The next day, I did something I had never done. And I mean never.
I called in sick. That's right.
And no, I wasn't faking. I didn't know why, but that morning, I felt extremely sick.
And it was probably for the best anyways, since I didn't feel like seeing Clara, who'd surely be at the school. I was afraid that Tom might have said something to her and she'd automatically come to me looking for answers.
Besides, like Bill had said, I worked too much and I needed a little break.
One day off work wouldn't kill me.
It was now 7:30 pm. I was sitting on my couch, wrapped around a fluffy blanket, eating chocolate chip ice cream while watching my favorite movie: Donnie Darko.
Yes, I see the mistake. I should've been watching something like Titanic or any of those other sappy love movies.
But, since I'm far from being too cliche, I settled for a good psychological thriller. It always cheered me up whenever I felt crappy.
Donnie Darko is just one of those movies that has so much meaning behind it and it takes a while for you to really capture its message and understand what it's about.
Plus, Jake Gyllenhaal is the main character. Need I say more?
I took a spoonful of my favorite ice cream, shoving it in my mouth.
Clearly, another mistake.
"Ahhhh!" I suddenly shrieked, dropping the spoon and holding my head.
Brain freeze.
Well, I guess I deserved that. Think twice before shoving too much ice cold goodness in your mouth, Bella.
-"28 days. 6 hours. 42 minutes. 12 seconds"- the giant bunny rabbit in the movie said.
"That is when the world will end," I finished, as Frank the rabbit appeared on the screen.
I had watched this movie so many times, I had all the lines memorized.
Then came Donnie's face into view.
I took another spoonful, forgetting the last brain freeze.
God, I love this movie. And Jake Gyllenhaal.
His eyes were so beautiful and he had the most gorgeous smile.
I took more spoonfuls of ice cream, admiring that man on TV.
Though, much to my displeasure, the good movie was interrupted by a sudden loud knock on the door. I nearly dropped the pot of ice cream on my lap in surprise. I quickly threw the blanket off me and placed the pot on the coffee table.
I stood from the couch, walking over to the front door in slight confusion.
I opened it, stumbling a bit.
Tom was standing there. And he didn't seem to happy by the look on his face.
Gee, I wonder why.
This ought to be interesting.
He was wearing the usual. Freakishly oversized clothes, his headsock and his hat, with his dreadlocks pushed back in a ponytail.
I stared at him, eyes wide.
"Tom, what-" I began saying but was rudely cut off.
"What the hell happened yesterday?!" He asked loudly, pushing past me, not looking me in the face.
I frowned, shutting the door.
Oh boy.
At that moment, I actually felt scared. He seemed really mad. Like really really mad.
But then again, why wouldn't he?
I bit my bottom lip nervously and followed him slowly to the living room, where he sat on the couch, placing his head in his hands.
He didn't say anything. I stood behind the couch, watching him in utter confusion.
I waited a while for him to say anything, but he didn't.
The silence was just unbearable.
Jeez, just when I thought I could enjoy my 'day off', Tom comes along and changes it completely.
"T-Tom?" My voice came out a bit raspy.
"What happened yesterday?" He repeated, only this time more calmly. I continued chewing madly on my bottom lip as he lifted his head and turned around to look at me.
I looked down at my hands. Words didn't seem to find their way out of my mouth.
Come on, Bella. Say something. Anything!
Tom sighed, staring at me. "Bella, answer me."
He stared at me expectantly.
"W-What are you doing here?" I managed to ask a few seconds later, trying my best not to make any eye contact whatsoever.
He stood up off the couch. "I came to see you. And ask what the hell happened yesterday."
I placed a strand of hair behind my ear, clearing my slightly dry throat. "Look, forget everything I said yesterday. Ok? Just forget it."
Tom shook his head. "I'm not gonna forget it. And I wanna know why you reacted the way you did. Why were you so mad when I asked you about Clara and me?"
I sighed.
Shit, I really didn't wanna answer that.
"Tom, just drop it. I seriously don't wanna talk about this."
Tom laughed cruelly. "So what, you bring it up and now you won't talk about it?"
I glared at him.
Why the hell should I take his crap? This was my house! "Leave."
He frowned, his eyebrows knitting into a V shape. "What?"
"Leave," I hissed. "Now."
He shook his head. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what the fuck's going on with you!"
"Just get the fuck out, Tom!" I yelled, stomping out of the living room. I power walked to the door, opening it in hopes of making him leave.
It was clearly impossible to have a conversation with him at that point.
Tom followed and once he came near me, he shut the door fiercely. He then faced me. We were only a few inches away. I could see the anger in his dark eyes.
I was beginning to get a lot more scared. I had never seen him like this.
"Tell me, Bella! There's something you're hiding from me, isn't there?"
I wasn't going to let my fear show. "What the hell? I'm not hiding anything from you!"
"Oh yeah? Then why did you flip out yesterday?" He still had his hand on the door, so I wouldn't try to open it again.
I was on the verge of screaming. I wanted him to leave. But he was practically forcing me to tell him the truth. And I wasn't about to do that.
Hell no, he wouldn't get it out of me that easily!
"Tom, I am asking you nicely. Please leave," I said slowly, between gritted teeth.
Tom's head dropped, as he let out a frustrated sigh. "Dammit, Bella. Why do you have to be so fucking complicated?!"
My jaw dropped.
"Me?!" I exclaimed. "You're the one who's being complicated, Tom! Don't think you can just barge in here, forcing me to tell you something that I don't even know what you're talking about!"
He shook his head. "You're upset and I know it."
"You have no idea what the hell I'm feeling so just shut your damn mouth!" I yelled, walking away from him. I buried my face in my hands, breathing heavily.
He made me so nervous.
Tom looked down, as he slowly came near me. "What's that supposed to mean?"
I put my hands down, and faced him, with a glare.
"You don't know anything about me. How could you possibly know how I feel?" I argued.
"You wanna know how? Because I can see it in your face, Bella!"
I cackled. "So you think you got me all figured out, huh? Wow, so you're not so dumb after all," I said sarcastically.
Tom sighed. "Don't do this. Look, I'm sorry for yelling. I just don't know what's happening. And I honestly don't know why you can't tell me!"
"Because there's nothing to tell!"
"Shit, Bella!" He said. "Stop being such a bitch!"
I paused, glaring at him. "Oh, so now I'm a bitch?"
Tom groaned loudly. "I didn't mean it like that. I-"
"You know what, I've had enough drama for one day. Could you please just leave?"
He rubbed his head, looking down. "Is that what you really want?"
"Yes!" I snapped, crossing my arms.
"Fine," He said, defeatedly. "Just answer me one last thing."
I rolled my eyes, sighing impatiently. "What?"
"That day, when we kissed, did....did you feel anything?"
Oh no.
My eyes widened. "I felt nothing. It was a stupid game," I muttered.
He laughed in a sort of sarcastic way. "Yeah, well you wanna know something crazy? That stupid game really fucked me up!"
The room suddenly fell silent.
Tom stared at me, angry as hell. And I just stood there, confusion plastered all over my face.
"What the hell are you saying?" I asked quietly. I swallowed the large lump that was stuck in my throat.
"I'm saying," He said angrily, "I think I fucking like you! Alot."
Okay....Did those words actually escape Tom Kaulitz's mouth? Did he really just say that or was it just my wild imagination?
I couldn't even describe what I was feeling right then and there. There were just so many emotions coming in and out of me.
"If this is one of your stupid jokes....it's not funny. At all," I said, backing away from him, stumbling a little.
He sighed, looking down. "It's not a joke, Bella."
I shook my head furiously. "You're lying. Y-you can't like me. You're with Clara. You like her, not me!"
"Oh yeah?" He said, coming closer. "Then how come you're all I keep thinking about even when I'm with her? It's like I see your face instead of hers. And that fucking scares me, because we weren't even really that close to begin with!"
I froze in place. I could barely move. He made me speechless.
He once again looked at me expectantly, but I just couldn't think of anything to say at that point.
"Well, say something," He said.
I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Just air.
"Bella!" Tom said impatiently. "Say anything."
"I-I..." I began. "W-when....how....um, when?" I asked, slightly brain-dead.
He stared. "When what?"
"W-when did you start...you know, liking me?" I managed to regain my sanity, and stood there in front of him.
"Since that day at the bar, I guess."
I frowned. "You mean the day I got drunk?"
"Yeah."
I looked down at my hands. "And...why didn't you say anything to me before?"
He shrugged. "First of all, I wasn't about to tell you I liked you while you were puking like crazy. And second, because I thought you wouldn't talk to me again. I thought about telling you, but just when I found the courage to, you just disappeared. You didn't talk to any of us for weeks."
I nodded slowly and understandingly, letting all his words sink in. Then, I shook my head quickly. "Tom, this is just so hard to believe. Y-you like me?"
"What can I say, it's true," He said with a sigh, as he collapsed on the couch. He covered his face with his hat.
He was embarrassed. I was too, though. I never expected him to just blurt it out like that.
It had literally caught me by surprise.
The image of Tom admitting to a girl that he liked her couldn't seem to fit through my head, yet that exact scene just happened in my living room.
I walked over closely, stopping in front of him. He looked up at me, as if trying to guess what was going on in my mind.
"How do I know you're not lying?" I asked. "How do I know this isn't just one of your stupid little jokes?"
"Bella, I told you! It's not. Damn, you really can't get it through your head, can you?"
I crossed my arms, looking down. "No Tom, I really can't."
He nodded. "Fine. You want me to prove it to you, then?"
And before I could say anything, he suddenly shot up from the couch, and his lips came in full contact with mine. I felt the immediate shivers.
He grabbed hold of both my arms, kissing me roughly as though not making me wanna let go. I wasn't quite moving, since he had caught me completely off guard.
I couldn't believe this was actually happening to me. It was unreal.
And that's when I remembered the dream I had with him, a few days ago. I dreamt he was kissing me just like this.
We probably stayed like that for about two minutes, until he pulled away, breathing heavily. He stared me in the eyes intently, releasing me from his firm grip.
I took a deep breath, trying to regain my posture. I felt dizzy for some reason.
"Now...." He whispered. "Do you believe me?"
I took another breath, as he stood there, looking at me. And I didn't say anything.
My mind began processing every little detail of that moment.
Screw it, I thought.
I just stared at that kid in front of me and without anymore hesitation, I grabbed him by his hoodie and brought him closer. This time, I was the one who initiated the rough kiss. He didn't pull away, and I could feel him smiling as our lips were once again in full contact.
He began running his hands through my hair frantically, down my back and finally rested them on my waist. I pulled him even closer and we began stumbling backwards, not letting go of each other.
I soon felt him pushing me up against the wall.
We continued with the rush, until something suddenly crossed my mind.
And that's what made me regret what I had just done. I quickly pulled away from the kiss, this time, catching him by surprise.
"Why'd you stop?" Tom asked, still holding me.
We were both breathing heavily. The kiss was just so intense.
I shook my head furiously. "No no, we can't do this!"
I pushed him off me, and walked quickly past him.
"What? Why not?" He asked, staring at me confusingly.
I put my hands on my head. "Tom, you're with Clara! Oh my God, I can't believe I just did that! If she ever finds out about this, she'll hate me forever!" I panicked. "You gotta leave!"
Tom frowned. "But Bella-"
"Please, Tom! I can't do this to her! You can't do this to her!"
"Bella, calm down!" He said. "This is something we both want, so why stop it?"
"Because you're still with her and this counts as cheating!" I spat. "Tom seriously, I can't even begin to wonder what would happen if she finds out!"
I suddenly found myself walking back and forth shakily, as Tom just watched in confusion.
"She's not gonna find out. I won't tell her," He said quietly, trying to calm me down.
"You're damn right you won't tell her!" I snapped. "Now, please, just go!" I put my hands on his back and led him out of the living room, towards the door.
"Wait!" He said, turning around.
"Tom, please," I cried. "We can't do this to Clara! This is so wrong. Oh my God, I'm a horrible friend," I said, burying my face in my hands.
Tom shook his head, taking me roughly by the shoulders. "Bella, listen to me. This isn't your fault or mine!"
"But Tom, we can't. Please. Just...leave," I pleaded.
He stared at me, and finally just sighed in defeat. "Fine. Whatever." He let go of me and with that, he opened the door and left.
I sighed, shutting the door. I leaned back onto it and slid to the ground. I let out the most frustrating sigh, pulling my knees up my chest.
Why did he kiss me? Or better yet, why did I have to kiss him?!
Through all that's happened between him and me, I had completely forgotten about Clara. How did I let her just slip out of my mind like that?
Maybe I just got so caught up in the situation. Tom telling me he liked me. The kiss.
Damn, the kiss. That was the most intense kiss I had ever experienced.
I sat there miserably on the floor, staring at the ceiling. That kiss had probably made me like him even more.
But I knew it was totally wrong and I just had to deal with that. I couldn't do that to Clara and I never would.
She didn't deserve it.
It's time to pull yourself together, Bella. Think of the kiss with Tom as just a once in a lifetime thing. It won't happen again.
It can't happen again.
I put my hands on my head. "Dammit." I muttered to myself.