Counting Your Face Among the Living

Mikey's POV

Who ever was in the room would see the tears falling off of my face anyways, there was no point in hiding it. I looked up to see a dark figure walking towards me. They had a hood on. Am I in another dream again? Let me guess this will be...Frankie! And then he'll slap me, and then he'll disappear?

I gave a slight laugh that wasn't able to be heard by anyone other than myself. The stranger had an olive pale skin tone. I could see his nose and his mouth. There was a nose ring and a lip ring launched in his skin. I knew this person. I knew this was all to good to be true. Frankie wouldn't be here.

He stopped at the end of the bed before revealing himself to white room surrounding us both. It was Frankie. On the contrary this was "my" Frankie. Not the "dream" Frankie. He looked at me with red eyes. They were blood shot and it looked at if he had been crying. I looked up at him to make sure it really was him and not a hallucination. When I realized it was actually was him I let out a little gasp. The letter was still in my hands, my hands clinging to it for dear life.

My heart beat was racing and my breath felt like it was going a mile a minute. I felt like a dog who peed in the house and knew as soon as their master came home their nose would be rubbed into it. I got that feeling only when I had done something terrible, and I knew this counted as something terrible.

He looked my over and over before opening his mouth to speak before shutting it as tears slipped out his eyes. He was making me nervous by not talking. He was making me feel worst that I did. I deserved every ounce of it though. I think he knew it to. Who would want me now? Even if he "did" love me, he wouldn't now. It was a sure thing.

"W.Why?" He said before more tears trickled out his eyes and landing on his black jacket.

"I don't know." It was the truth. I didn't know why I had done it. The voices were one thing, but me making him say them was another thing. Another thing that I had no explanation for.

"Gerard. He called me. He told me what happened to you the minute he found you in the bathtub at your house. I know what happened, and it's all my fault. I should have never done this. I should have just not have told anyone. I'm sorry." He turned around before starting for the door.

"Frankie, wait." It stopped him dead in his tracks as he shut the opened door and turned around. More tears were coming, and in larger numbers.

"Frankie, I know why I did it. Please hear me out. Please?" I wanted him to know everything that happened. I needed for him to know. Before I knew it it was sitting next to me on the bed and staring at all the bandages on my arms, face, and with the covers I had taken off, my legs as well.

"Frankie, when you left me I felt like I was worthless. I didn't feel like I was worth anything anymore, like no one cared. Then when you came over with Matt and Ray, and I kinda got busted for staring at you... I well, I went ballistic. I started having dreams about you telling me to do it, that no one cared, and it encouraged me more to do it. I felt like i was in a crowded room with everyone laughing at me and you telling me these things before laughing along with the crowd." I said until tears fell down more and more until I couldn't see out them without blinking a few more times. I looked over to see tears streaming out his eyes as well.

"Then, I was home alone, you called and I just did it. I couldn't take it anymore. Then I had a dream before waking up in this room. It was me and you in a solid white room, and you started telling me these things. Things like you pity me, things like no one would care if they found me, it's better I got over with it early, and things like that. Then you told me that you wouldn't say sorry...Sorry, because I was the one putting words in your mouth the whole time. I was the one telling myself the suicidal words. I was the one who convinced myself to do this. I had complete control over it." When I let out the last few words I broke down. When it was out in the open it sounded worst than it did in my own sick tortured mind. It was something I never wanted to repeat.

The letter was still being clinged to. Tears were close to coating his ink, yet I wanted to read the note over and over. It made me feel whole to know that Frankie actually cared. That Frankie didn't want me to hurt inside.

"M.Mikey, I want you to know I never tent for this to happen. I didn't think you were this serious about anything. I didn't want you to get hurt. I've missed you so much."