Close to the Heart

“So,” Shane said trying to make small talk, but failed miserably. I pursed my lips out and cocked my right eyebrow. “Tonight’s nice.”

“It’s not even night yet,” I said.

“What do you call this then? Morning?”

“No, it’s late afternoon you tool,” I replied.

“Ah, do you really have to be so specific about the time of day?” he asked.

“No, I’m not an anal person like you, but it’s not night nor morning,” I replied.

“I hate when you talk all perfect-like,” Shane said. I turned my head to look at him and he was just looking straight ahead.

“What are you mean by perfect-like?”

“You use words like nor and stuff like that,” Shane said.

“Don’t normal people with an average vocabulary do the same?” I asked.

“Who uses the word vocabulary in their vocabulary? Oh wait, never mind.”

“And you have fans?” I asked. “Where are we walking towards anyways?” Shane shrugged his shoulders as we continued walking around the camp.

“Want to take a canoe ride?” he asked.

“Not really,” I replied.

“Come on,” Shane said. “Just once. Have you ever been on a canoe?”

“Yes. The last time I went on a canoe ride was at midnight on your last night here,” I said. “And the canoe had a hole and we could have drowned!” Shane laughed at my dramatic-ness.

“I remember that day. You started panicking and we were in the middle of the lake,” Shane said.

“You would have freaked out if I didn’t,” I said getting annoyed. “I mean what if the canoe totally sunk and neither of us could swim?”

“Well I was secretly freaking out but one of us had to be strong for the other,” Shane replied.

“Aw that’s sweet, even for Satan’s spawn,” I replied.

“You got to get over your fears you know. Plus you can swim, it’s not like anything bad is going to happen to you.”

“Yeah, but I don’t feel like getting wet at the moment,” I replied. “Knowing you you’re going to push me into the lake again.”

“You really think I’d do something like that again ‘cause I won’t. I’m not in the mood anyways,” Shane said. He stuck his hand in front of me and I just stared at it. I crossed my arms over my chest and rejected his hand that was held out. What made me laugh was how Shane tried to play it off.

“Damn flies,” he muttered as he swatted the air with his hand. “It’s getting chilly out, aren’t you getting cold?”

“Not really. If that’s your way of making a move you’re clearly a horrible at it,” I said.

“Oh yeah? Think you’re a player then?”

“No, I never said that,” I said. I noticed a turned over canoe and sat on top of it, “All I said is you suck. If you want to make a move on a girl, just go for it.”

“Uh, don’t you see I’ve been trying?” Shane said as he sat next to me. “It’s not easy liking someone like you. You love torturing me, don’t you?” A smile grin crept up on my face and I nodded my head.

“You’re just an easy target,” I said. “No offence love.” I felt Shane move closer to where I was sitting and he did the lamest thing ever, yawned and stretched his arms up towards the sky. I rolled my eyes at his attempt to make yet another ‘move’ if you can even call it that. He was about to place his arm over his shoulder when I suddenly stood up.

“Say how about that canoe ride?” I asked Shane as he quickly put his arm down. He started rubbing the canoe where I was just sitting as if there was a stain there.

“Now you want to go?” he asked standing up. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“It’s warm out,” I said, “And a canoe ride seems like fun just as long as you paddle.”

“You call this warm? Is there something wrong with British people?” Shane asked.

“For your information I was raised in California not London,” I said. “And okay it’s not warm out but you make excuses everyday, why can’t I?” Shane chuckled as he tipped over the canoe we were seated at mere seconds ago.

“Grab those paddles over there,” Shane said pointing behind me. I grabbed one and handed it to him. “I said paddles, as in plural. I’m not going to paddle alone.”

“Tough luck superstar. You can get your workout today,” I said standing in the canoe and sitting down.

“Get up and help me push it out,” Shane complained as he threw the first paddle into the canoe and went to grab another one.

“No way, that’s a man’s job,” I said as I grabbed the paddle and held it out. I purposely held it wrong and looked at Shane. “Is this how you hold it?” Shane shut his eyes and shook his head.

“And you call me a tool?” he said as he pushed the canoe half in the water and half on land. “Move to the other side.” I rolled my eyes and sat on the other side of the canoe as Shane got in. He used the paddle to move us since he was being a baby and didn’t want to ruin his shoes. He had money. He could just buy a new pair and call it a day.

“Wow, this is so much fun,” I said sarcastically. “I could be napping now instead of being here with you.”

“You act like I’m a disease. I’m not that bad,” Shane said paddling the canoe out towards the middle of the lake.

“You’re right,” I admitted, “You aren’t that bad. And I guess I could enjoy this more. It’s not like I can ride a canoe everyday at home.”

“How is everything at home?” Shane asked. I shrugged and started slowly paddling myself.

“Okay,” I replied.

“That’s all I get? One word?”

“It could be better,” I said. “I spend a lot of time home alone and when I get extremely lonely I hitch a ride up to my aunt’s. There that’s like twenty words. My life isn’t as glamorous as yours Shane. I’m just glad I’m finally 18 now and I’m thinking of moving to New York or something.”

“You’re moving?” Shane asked. “Why?”

“I want to,” I said in a ‘duh’ tone. “Plus why do you care? You and your band travel a lot and I doubt we’ll be friends again once summer is over.”

“You never know,” Shane said. “I wouldn’t mind keeping contact with you.”

“Yeah and I wouldn’t mind having a deer as a pet,” I said. I looked down at the lake as I paddled slowly.

“Why are you so mean to me? Okay, I was a jerk to you for three years and I didn’t talk to you because you had a boyfriend, but do you really need to continue holding this grudge against me? I told you I was sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t fix it all. And I told you I forgave you, kind of,” I said.

“You didn’t forgive me one bit. Every minute of everyday you spend annoying me or turning me down or something. When is this going to stop?”

“When I feel like it should stop,” I said. “Maybe this was a bad idea; let’s just go back to shore.”

“No. We’re going to stay here until you forgive me,” Shane said. I rolled my eyes and started paddling myself.

“I told you, you are forgiven,” I said as Shane now started paddling and we were only going in circles. “Stop doing that, I said I forgive you.”

“I know you don’t mean that though. You’re only saying that so I think you forgive me but once we go back towards camp you’re going to be a jerk again.”

“Fine, I won’t be a jerk,” I said. I knew this would be hard but I didn’t want to stay in this canoe any longer. I felt I was in a small, confined space. Plus it didn’t help that Shane wouldn’t look at anything else but me.

“You promise?” Shane said. I nodded my head. “Okay shake on it.” I rolled my eyes and put my paddle down to shake Shane’s hand. At that moment Shane grabbed my paddle and I assumed he was going to paddle our way back to the camp, but I was wrong.

“What the hell are you doing?” I shouted as Shane threw the paddle into the lake. I looked at it floating there for a few seconds and it started to sink slowly.

“I don’t buy your act right now. And until we have talked everything out we’re going to stay here all night,” Shane said.

“You are so stupid! You better bring me back to camp right now before I slaughter you,” I shouted. Shane held his paddle over the side of the canoe and looked at me. “Don’t you dare! I am not swimming back to camp.”

“Then listen up princess. I’m in a funk right now.”

“Good I hope you stay like that,” I said. Shane put the paddle in the water and held it with two fingers. “I mean why are you so sad?” I put my hand on his knee as if I cared about all his problems. “What can Isabella do to help?”

“Help me get over something,” Shane said. “I like two girls, but now-”

“Wait, wait, wait. I don’t care if you like two girls, okay? If one of them is me stop liking me and pick the other girl,” I said.

“But she lied to me,” Shane said.

“Mitchie didn’t lie to you,” I said.

“How do you know I’m talking about her?”

“Hello? Mere hours ago you were all sad because she lied to you,” I said.

“You weren’t even there, how do you even know?” Shane asked.

“She confided in me and only me about her secret. I told her don’t pretend to be someone you’re not, but she didn’t listen. Now the whole camp knows she lied. But she’s a really nice girl,” I said.

“I don’t care if she’s nice. She still lied,” Shane said acting very much like a small child.

“Grow up. The world is not full of truthful people,” I said.

“You’re right, okay I’m over her now,” Shane said. “Now can you please just tell me why you don’t like me back? Is it my hair?” I laughed and shook my head. “No? Well, my attire?”

“No Shane. It’s not you at all. I just can’t see myself liking you that’s all.”

“Why?”

“It’s complicated,” I said. “Why don’t we just talk about moving this thing that way?” I said pointing towards land.

“Why don’t you enlighten me for once? Just tell me why we can’t be together,” Shane said. At this point I was really fed up with him and actually felt like jumping off the canoe and swimming back to camp.

“I’m a lesbian,” I said.

“You are not!” I laughed but stopped when I saw Shane’s face.

“Fine, so I’m not, but I could be,” I said.

“I doubt it.”

“Fine! I don’t want to be with you because of my dad. He thinks I could do better than you,” I said.

“Is that the truth?”

“Half,” I admitted. “Don’t get me wrong, he likes you, but he just wants to see me happy.”

“And you don’t think I can make you happy? Who better to make you happy than a guy that’s known you since you were born.”

“Truth is I don’t want to go out with you and then you break up with me because you found someone better. You’re in one of the hottest bands around and I know you better when it comes to your past relationships. They don’t last more than a month and the girl is always a complete wreck after you break it off with her.”

“Then you don’t know me as well as I thought you did,” Shane said. “The only reason I went out with other girls was to see if I could stop liking you, but I never could. As cliché as it sounds, I only have eyes for you and nobody else.”

“That was so cheesy, even for you,” I said. “But I’m still not sure.”

“What aren’t you sure about? What can I possibly do to change your mind? I’m nicer now. I’m nice to your friends and besides you not being around lately, I’ve been in a good mood. I wrote two songs and I even told my record label off. Nate helped out a bit but we’re finally going to be able to write songs that we want to sing about.”

“Well that’s nice for you,” I said. “I didn’t realize you were such a pansy and didn’t tell your record label that you would only sing what you wanted to. Come on Shane, you shouldn’t sing what you don’t like and what doesn’t make you happy.”

“I know that now, thanks for telling me two years later,” Shane said. “And thanks for going back to your sarcastic ways. You said I can’t change? Maybe it’s you that needs to change.”

“No, I don’t need to change nor do I want to change,” I said getting defensive. “Give me that damn paddle so I can get as far away from you as possible.”

“No Isabella. You need to work out your anger issues and I’m offering you my help.”

“Screw your help. You need to help yourself before you help me. Plus I don’t need help; I’m perfectly capable of living my life without you.”

“Stop lying,” Shane said.

“I’m not lying Shane.”

“You are too. Look you’re twirling your hair and your leg is bouncing up and down. I’m not that stupid, I remember your signs when you lied.” Subconsciously I was doing exactly what Shane said. I had no idea I was twirling my hair and I sure as hell didn’t feel my leg seizing up. At that point I stood up and looked down at Shane.

“Sit down before you tip us over,” Shane said.

“Stand up Gray.”

“No,” Shane said putting the paddle down.

“Stand up,” I ordered. Shane grumbled and muttered one or two obscenities but stood up nonetheless.

“What?” he asked. I put my hand on the collar of his shirt and grabbed it, pulling him closer to me.

“I’m going to regret this later,” I mumbled and closed the space between us. I slammed my lips onto Shane’s and he continued to stand there not sure of what to do. So this was what it felt like kissing Shane Gray. Not exactly romantic since I forced my lips onto his, but it was still nice. It definitely wasn’t the way I pictured in my head how our first kiss would be, but I was feeling confident at the moment.

I was about to pull away when Shane pulled me even closer to him and I felt something graze my bottom lip. I smirked and I pulled away from him.

“Regret it?” he asked. I felt his warm breath hit my forehead and it made me want to kiss him again but I restrained myself as I wrapped my arms around his waist.

“Not one bit.”