Status: Updated regularly (every other day or so)
The Fueled By Ramen Analysis
Riding In Cars With Boys
I learned two things from riding in a car full of rowdy boys. One: never, ever let Ryan drive when listening to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun; it’s a very traumatizing experience. Along with his scratchy falsetto voice, he closed his eyes at times to hit the nonexistent high notes, causing us to swerve countless times. Two: never sit in the passenger’s seat where you’re far away from said rowdy boys. Spencer and Joe somehow found a sharpie, scotch tape, and notebook in the backseat and began to create signs for all the other drivers to see. Messages such as:
Honk if you just wanna have fun!
Honk if you’re sexy!
Honk if you think I’m sexy!
And so much more were plastered around my vehicle without me knowing. Damn those bastards, no wonder we got honked at a lot. I was finally aware of what they had been doing when Ashlee called to see if I was okay and they hadn’t taken me hostage. Apparently my car’s windows were nonexistent except for the one right next to the sign that read “Honk if you think I’m sexy!”
I didn’t say a word to the boys when we arrived at Pete’s house. When we were getting close they discretely took the signs down and stashed their supplies away for later use. As we got out of the car the boys sent each other secret smiles. Ryan was oblivious to their actions and I was seething on the inside.
As we walked in a single file line up Pete’s walkway I nonchalantly said, “By the way you guys, none of you, except for Ryan, Jon, and Patrick, are allowed inside my car until further notice.”
The line stopped and Joe, Andy, and Spencer turned to face me.
“Why?” Spencer whined. “We didn’t do anything.”
“He’s lying!” chorused Joe and Andy.
“We admit that we did put up the signs and we’re sorry Chelsea May,” confessed Joe.
“Very sorry,” added Andy.
Everyone was watching this exchange with an amused look on their face.
“Okay, Andy, Joe, you boys are allowed in my car. As for you, Spencer Smith, consider yourself banned,” I said, walking away from the boys and into the house.
“But Chelsea May…” whined Spencer.
I ignored him and went around the house looking for the shopping bags filled with clothes. Upon finding them, I dug out a pair of dark washed skinny jeans, a black vest, and a Hemmingway tee. I laid the outfit on the ground and deemed it good enough before bunching it up in my hands and walking to the closest bathroom.
“Okay you perves!” I announced. “I’m taking a shower and if any of you even think about opening this door, don’t even think about having babies!”
About 20 minutes into my shower I heard a banging at the door. I turned the water off and waited for someone to say something.
“May, are you finished?” Patrick’s voice called out. “Pete wanted to leave soon.”
“For where?” I asked.
“The Veggie Grill,” he answered.
“What the hell?!” I said confused. “Didn’t we just eat breakfast?”
“Yeah but he said something about traffic and how it’ll take 2 hours to get there.”
“Ughh, okay,” I groaned. “I’ll be fully dressed and ready to go in 30 minutes.”
Soon after my conversation with Patrick I dried off, using the special yellow towel that Pete kept for me at his house and changed into the new clothes. I looked at my reflection and wondered what I should do with my super wet, jet-black hair. An idea popped into my head and I ran out of the bathroom quickly.
“Hey Ryan! Where are you?” I called out.
“Here,” he said, casually striding through the hallway. “What’s up?”
“Well… I was just wondering since you used to have pretty hair, maybe you could channel some of that back and maybe do something with mine?” I asked hopefully.
“Pshh,” he scoffed. “It still is pretty, but sure. It’ll be fun I haven’t done something like this since Kel-“
He stopped himself mid sentence and shook his head. “Umm well yeah, let’s go into the den. My bags are there and I’m pretty sure I packed my emergency hair dryer.”
I looked at him weirdly and decided against making fun of him, it seems like he’s been through a lot already plus he might change his mind about doing my hair. Once in the den he rummaged through a huge black bag and pulled out, a comb, hairspray, roller brush, bobby pins, and a red ceramic hair dryer.
“Off to the bathroom,” he grinned. “I know just what to do with you.”
He had me sit on the counter top while he began to Blow dry my hair. In his words he was “giving it volume”. He was very gentle with the roller brush and didn’t yank my hair so I decided if he was treating my hair right, then he can do whatever he wanted.
“You know, your hair is the perfect length,” he said randomly.
“Really?” I asked.
“Yeah, it’s not too short, not too long. You don’t have any split ends and your layers are perfectly defined,” answered Ryan.
“Thank you, I guess.”
“Mhm,” he said, turning the hair dryer off. “Okay so what I’m about to do might hurt a little, but trust me, it will be worth it in the end.”
I nodded my head and closed my eyes shut, hoping it wasn’t too bad. Oh how wrong I was.
“Oww Ryan! What the fuck!? You said it would hurt a little!” I exclaimed, clutching the back of my head where he had tugged some of my hair back and forth using the comb he had.
“Come on, Chelsea! Just trust me. I’m teasing your hair,” he whined, trying to grab another strand so he could “tease” it.
“Ryan, I’ve teased my hair before and it doesn’t feel like that! What you’re doing is fucking killing it!” I argued.
“Please, Chelsea. I promise if you don’t like how you look I’ll buy you a new outfit,” he compromised. “Just let me finish.”
“Whatever, but just know if I look like shit in the end, you’re buying me shoes and bag to match,” I said as I closed my eyes once again.
“Of course,” he agreed, going back to tugging at my hair. After a while he stopped tugging. “You can open your eyes now; the worst is over.”
I turned my body and looked in the mirror.
“Ryan, I look like shit,” I glared.
“Did I say I was finished? No I did not. Since your crown has lots of volume due to my wonderful teasing and blow-drying skills, I can now put it all in a back pouf,” he said, lightly grabbing some hair at the top back of my head and twisting it. He then pushed it up and asked for a bobby pin. I handed him bobby pin after bobby pin until he was satisfied.
“Am I done yet?” I asked.
“Yes, just two more things,” he whispered, looking right at me.
He grabbed the black bottle of hair spray and gave it a few spritzes at my “back pouf”. He then grabbed the roller brush and brushed my bangs to the side.
“Damn, I’m good,” he grinned.
“That’s what she said,” I smiled, jumping off the counter and swiveling my body around to look at Ryan’s creation.
“Ryan, are you secretly gay? I know we just met and all but you can tell me,” I joked.
“I take it you like it?” he asked, arching his right eyebrow.
“Yes, yes I do!” I said, giving him a hug.
“Woah, woah, woah! What do we have here?!” someone exclaimed loudly.
Ryan and I looked over at the now open door to reveal none other than Adam T. Siska and Jack holding a video camera.
Honk if you just wanna have fun!
Honk if you’re sexy!
Honk if you think I’m sexy!
And so much more were plastered around my vehicle without me knowing. Damn those bastards, no wonder we got honked at a lot. I was finally aware of what they had been doing when Ashlee called to see if I was okay and they hadn’t taken me hostage. Apparently my car’s windows were nonexistent except for the one right next to the sign that read “Honk if you think I’m sexy!”
I didn’t say a word to the boys when we arrived at Pete’s house. When we were getting close they discretely took the signs down and stashed their supplies away for later use. As we got out of the car the boys sent each other secret smiles. Ryan was oblivious to their actions and I was seething on the inside.
As we walked in a single file line up Pete’s walkway I nonchalantly said, “By the way you guys, none of you, except for Ryan, Jon, and Patrick, are allowed inside my car until further notice.”
The line stopped and Joe, Andy, and Spencer turned to face me.
“Why?” Spencer whined. “We didn’t do anything.”
“He’s lying!” chorused Joe and Andy.
“We admit that we did put up the signs and we’re sorry Chelsea May,” confessed Joe.
“Very sorry,” added Andy.
Everyone was watching this exchange with an amused look on their face.
“Okay, Andy, Joe, you boys are allowed in my car. As for you, Spencer Smith, consider yourself banned,” I said, walking away from the boys and into the house.
“But Chelsea May…” whined Spencer.
I ignored him and went around the house looking for the shopping bags filled with clothes. Upon finding them, I dug out a pair of dark washed skinny jeans, a black vest, and a Hemmingway tee. I laid the outfit on the ground and deemed it good enough before bunching it up in my hands and walking to the closest bathroom.
“Okay you perves!” I announced. “I’m taking a shower and if any of you even think about opening this door, don’t even think about having babies!”
About 20 minutes into my shower I heard a banging at the door. I turned the water off and waited for someone to say something.
“May, are you finished?” Patrick’s voice called out. “Pete wanted to leave soon.”
“For where?” I asked.
“The Veggie Grill,” he answered.
“What the hell?!” I said confused. “Didn’t we just eat breakfast?”
“Yeah but he said something about traffic and how it’ll take 2 hours to get there.”
“Ughh, okay,” I groaned. “I’ll be fully dressed and ready to go in 30 minutes.”
Soon after my conversation with Patrick I dried off, using the special yellow towel that Pete kept for me at his house and changed into the new clothes. I looked at my reflection and wondered what I should do with my super wet, jet-black hair. An idea popped into my head and I ran out of the bathroom quickly.
“Hey Ryan! Where are you?” I called out.
“Here,” he said, casually striding through the hallway. “What’s up?”
“Well… I was just wondering since you used to have pretty hair, maybe you could channel some of that back and maybe do something with mine?” I asked hopefully.
“Pshh,” he scoffed. “It still is pretty, but sure. It’ll be fun I haven’t done something like this since Kel-“
He stopped himself mid sentence and shook his head. “Umm well yeah, let’s go into the den. My bags are there and I’m pretty sure I packed my emergency hair dryer.”
I looked at him weirdly and decided against making fun of him, it seems like he’s been through a lot already plus he might change his mind about doing my hair. Once in the den he rummaged through a huge black bag and pulled out, a comb, hairspray, roller brush, bobby pins, and a red ceramic hair dryer.
“Off to the bathroom,” he grinned. “I know just what to do with you.”
He had me sit on the counter top while he began to Blow dry my hair. In his words he was “giving it volume”. He was very gentle with the roller brush and didn’t yank my hair so I decided if he was treating my hair right, then he can do whatever he wanted.
“You know, your hair is the perfect length,” he said randomly.
“Really?” I asked.
“Yeah, it’s not too short, not too long. You don’t have any split ends and your layers are perfectly defined,” answered Ryan.
“Thank you, I guess.”
“Mhm,” he said, turning the hair dryer off. “Okay so what I’m about to do might hurt a little, but trust me, it will be worth it in the end.”
I nodded my head and closed my eyes shut, hoping it wasn’t too bad. Oh how wrong I was.
“Oww Ryan! What the fuck!? You said it would hurt a little!” I exclaimed, clutching the back of my head where he had tugged some of my hair back and forth using the comb he had.
“Come on, Chelsea! Just trust me. I’m teasing your hair,” he whined, trying to grab another strand so he could “tease” it.
“Ryan, I’ve teased my hair before and it doesn’t feel like that! What you’re doing is fucking killing it!” I argued.
“Please, Chelsea. I promise if you don’t like how you look I’ll buy you a new outfit,” he compromised. “Just let me finish.”
“Whatever, but just know if I look like shit in the end, you’re buying me shoes and bag to match,” I said as I closed my eyes once again.
“Of course,” he agreed, going back to tugging at my hair. After a while he stopped tugging. “You can open your eyes now; the worst is over.”
I turned my body and looked in the mirror.
“Ryan, I look like shit,” I glared.
“Did I say I was finished? No I did not. Since your crown has lots of volume due to my wonderful teasing and blow-drying skills, I can now put it all in a back pouf,” he said, lightly grabbing some hair at the top back of my head and twisting it. He then pushed it up and asked for a bobby pin. I handed him bobby pin after bobby pin until he was satisfied.
“Am I done yet?” I asked.
“Yes, just two more things,” he whispered, looking right at me.
He grabbed the black bottle of hair spray and gave it a few spritzes at my “back pouf”. He then grabbed the roller brush and brushed my bangs to the side.
“Damn, I’m good,” he grinned.
“That’s what she said,” I smiled, jumping off the counter and swiveling my body around to look at Ryan’s creation.
“Ryan, are you secretly gay? I know we just met and all but you can tell me,” I joked.
“I take it you like it?” he asked, arching his right eyebrow.
“Yes, yes I do!” I said, giving him a hug.
“Woah, woah, woah! What do we have here?!” someone exclaimed loudly.
Ryan and I looked over at the now open door to reveal none other than Adam T. Siska and Jack holding a video camera.