Let Me Break This Awkward Silence

Chapter 14

We all ran to the door only to see a short five foot girl caring a shit load of stuff, and a five foot nine inches woman standing next to her shaking out her hand like it hurt.

I immediately recognized the woman as Susan, Kaysi’s mom.

“SUSAN!!” I screamed running and jumping onto her to give her a hug.

“You know this chick?” Gerard said, nursing his now red cheek.

“DUH! She’s Kaysi’s mom!” I said before letting go of Susan and pulling her and Kaysi inside the house.

“I saw cars out side the house Alyssa, and I thought that you might want some back up if the ‘rents were here.” Kaysi said.

“Wasn’t the ‘rents, was the band.” I said while helping Susan off with her jacket.

Kaysi dropped everything on the floor and finally noticed everyone around her. “Holy sh-“

“KAYSI ANN OLSEN! DON’T YOU DARE FINISH THAT SENTENCE!”

“Yes mom…” Kaysi said, now turning to face me, “Wow Lis, you look like –“

“KAYSI!”

“I WAS GOING TO SAY CRAP MOTHER!” Kaysi yelled before turning to the rest of the band. “HI! I’m Kaysi, no need to introduce yourselves; I know who you are, and sorry Bob for stealing your identity.”

“I’m sorry, what?!” Bob said staring shockingly at her.

“Oh I don’t mean your identity-identity, I mean your identity as a person/object/thing/name.”
She started, and noting the confused look on everyone’s (including Susan’s) face, I cut in and elaborated.

“You see, we think that everything should have an identity, and it all started with a black jacket that I have that has a fleur-de-lis on it, and Kaysi here started calling it ‘Bob’. Now, Bob could mean Bob the pidgin, you – Bob Bryar, or-“

“BOB THE TOMATO!” Kaysi yelled out.

“Who the hell is ‘Bob the Tomato’?” Gerard asked sitting down next to Susan.

“Have you not seen veggie tales?!?” Kaysi yelled at him.

“…No…” Gerard said shrinking down in the sofa, scared of what will happen next.

“Dear God Alyssa, you have so much to show him…” Kaysi said shaking her head in disapproval before going over to the kitchen and putting what looks to be a casserole dish into the fridge. “DAMN LIS! YOUR FRIDGE IS EMPTY! AND YOUR KITCHEN IS A MESS!” She yelled. “And why is there cookie crap everywhere? Wait! Were you making cookies!? Where are they?!” She said running and tackling me to the ground.

“There is none, we got into a food fight and the cookie dough got placed on top of Mikey’s head.” I said pushing her off of me.

“Okay, wait! Who started it?!” She said staring at each of the boys.

“Frank.” I said.

“HEY!” he whined.

And then Kaysi tackled Frank to the ground yelling, “HOW COULD YOU!? AND TO THINK I LOOKED UP TO YOU! BUT YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A COOKIE STEALER!!”

“I DIDN’T KNOW!!” Frank said wide-eyed at the way Kaysi tackled him. She was sitting on
his waist, basically straddling him.

“Kaysi, no raping Frankie; he is married.” I said smiling.

“Its not rape if he enjoys it.” Kaysi said smirking.

“KAYSI ANN OLSEN!” Susan gasped.

Me and Kaysi looked at Susan’s shocked face and burst out laughing, Kaysi rolling of Frankie and me falling on the floor.

Kaysi then got up sniffling, going over to Ray saying “You’re my new favorite guitarist, ‘cause my last one stole my cookies from me…”

“Gerard, you do have food to eat right? I will not have my Goddaughter be starving because her father –“

“WHOA! Wait! I have food, and I know that kids need to eat! In fact, I belived that adults needed to eat too, or am I just poorly mistaken?" Gerard seethed, instantly defending himself against the onslaught that was Susan Olsen, "Wait, goddaughter? I thought you were just Kaysi’s mom, not her Godmother!” Gerard said eyeing Susan in annoyance.

“Yes Gerard, I am Alyssa’s Godmother. She would be in my custody if Amelia didn’t put in her will that she wanted Alyssa to be raised by her Father, should anything happen to her.” Susan said glaring at Gerard.

“Okay now, Alyssa. I brought you a care package.” Kaysi said cutting of Gerard and dropping everything she had on the sofa.

“Kaysi, that’s one huge ass care package.” I said while looking at the pile of shit on the sofa.

“Well, there is a box of essentials under that stuff…” Kaysi said while throwing a black garment back with a fleur-de-lis on it. “You’re Parade uniform,” she said before throwing another garment bag at me, “You’re school uniform,”

“WAIT!? I’M GOING BACK TO A FUCKING CATHOLIC SCHOOL?!” I screamed.

Just to clear something up here. Yes I did go to a catholic school.

Oy to-the-God-Damned-Fucking Vey.

You see I was raised catholic, so Kaysi and I went to a Catholic school all through elementary and Jr. High.

And when she moved to NJ last summer, we both used the excuse to go to public school.

“ALYSSA! WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!” Susan chastised.

“Sorry mom…” I said before carefully opening up the garment bag, only to revel my Jr. High uniform. I then tackled Kaysi to the ground screaming, “DON’T YOU EVER FUCKING SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN! I JUST GOT OUT OF A CATHOLIC SCHOOL; I SURE AS HELL AIN’T GOING INTO ONE!”

“Well, not with that mouth your not.” Kaysi smirked, pushing me off of her.

I got up and turned around to see Frank opening up the black garment bag. “Drop the bagnow you English pig-dog!” I sneered with a French accent.

“What?” He said still holding the bag, and sadly had it ripped out by Kaysi.

“She said to drop the bag.” Kaysi said mimicking the King Arthur from Monty Python and the
Holy Grail, and starting to take it out of the garment bag.

“I swear these English types are so weird…” I said ripping the bag away from her.

“Well what are you then!?”

“I’m French! Why do you think I have this outrageous accent you silly King?!”

“What are you doing in Jersey?”

“Mind your own business!”

“If you will not show me the uniform I will take it by force!”

“You do not frighten me, English pig dog! Go and boil your bottoms sons of a silly person, I blow my nose at you so-called Arthur King, you and all you silly English kni-gets!” I said mimicking the French knight from Monty Python, complete with the raspberry at the end.

“What a strange person…” Susan said smiling, joining in on the routine.

“Now, look here my good man-“ Kaysi started again.

“I don’t want to talk to you no more you empty-headed-animal-food-trough-wiper; I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!”

There was a minute of silence until Kaysi, “Is there someone else up there we could talk to?” with a straight face, while everyone else was looking at us like we were crazy, well I guess since we memorized over seventy-five percent of Monty Python, well, I guess we are…

“No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!”

“Now this is your last chance, I’ve been more than reasonable…”

“Fetch me the cow!” I said to Susan.

“What?” She replied while grabbing a stuffed cow (Don’t ask me why I have a stuffed Cow, I got it when I was like five and I have Kaysi’s Duck, it’s a thing we did…anyway…).

“Fetch me the cow.”

She then threw me the stuffed cow at me while Kaysi rambled on.

“…If you do not agree to my commands then I shall – Jesus Christ!” I said when I threw the stuffed cow at her, but aiming just a bit to her left so it would hit Mikey instead. “Right.” Kaysi said pretending to unsheathe a sword, “CHARGE!!” She said slowly running at me, while I just grabbed various pillows and started throwing them at her. And when she got close to me she yelled, “Run away!” and ran behind her mom.

It was silent before Susan said: “Sir I have an idea.”

I started laughing as she mimicked Sir Bedevere. “Kaysi, I have to say that was our best run
through yet!”

“I know! You totally committed to the French knight! I’m so proud of you!” She said walking over to the now uncovered box and opened it up. “Okay! Now to the care package! First are black nail polish, eyeliner, and eye shadow.” She said pulling out a bag full of
them. “Second is Diet Dr. Pepper,” she said pulling out four six-packs, “Third is, our Bibles,” She said while getting out the Twilight series, Dracula, and the Vampire Cornices. “Fourth is your addiction–“

“Skittles!!” I said ripping the huge bag from her hands. “I LOVE YOU!” I said before opening
up the bag and shoving a hand full in my mouth.

“And I love you too, but that doesn’t mean that I want to see what’s in your mouth.” Kaysi said looking away.

“You know you love me!” I said smiling.

“And I wonder why sometimes…” She said smiling, “Fifth is our loves,” She said pulling out
Rent! and Phantom of the Opera.

“I LOVE YOU!!” I said running and tackling her again.

“I know, I know…” She said pushing me off, “Hey Ray? You have something in your hair…” she added walking up to him and picking out some egg shells.