I Can't Believe This

*My POV*

How long had I sat there? Wrapped in Billie’s warm embrace, hearing his quiet “shh’s”. Slowly the sobbing began to subside once again. I can’t believe I broke down like this, it’s so embarrassing. Having everyone here, just staring at me, wondering if I’m okay. Finally gaining some courage, I looked up at Billie. His beautiful face was twisted with agony and concern.

“Lisa…” he whispered, only loud enough for me to hear.

“I’m okay.”

Although I wasn’t sure if that were actually true.

“What happened?” Billie suddenly asked.

I hesitated. “Some guys, they, uh, they tried to…” I trailed off.

Oh God, not again, I though. Please, please, please don’t let me start crying again. I could feel the tears becoming more prominent, trying spill down my bruised face.

*Billie’s POV*

What the hell happened to her? I wondered. I came into my dressing room, feeling great about the concert, and I was ready to call Lisa and pick her up and take her out for a celebration. I mean, this is our last concert for now. But then I saw her. Her face is bruised, her cheeks smeared with eyeliner that couldn’t withstand her tears. I had walked over to her and she just started crying. God, it feels horrible. knowing that she’s in pain. I have to know what happened.

“Lisa, shh…calm down. Tell me what happened. Please?” I pleaded with her and trying to get her to stop crying.

“I just….we were, and then they. They tried to…” She whispered.

“They tried to what? What did they do to you?” I pressed. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hope I’m wrong.

“Rape me.” she whispered, barely audible.

Oh my God. They tried to rape her? Those sick bastards.

“What was his name?” I asked, my voice sharper than I had intended. “Did he tell you his name?”

“Jack.”

“Where?”

“Where what?”

“Where did it happen?”

“Down the street, we were on our way here and…”

“I’ll be back later.”

*My POV*

“I’ll be back later>“ Billie said.

I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was going to try and find them. That’s the last thing I wanted.

“Billie, don’t okay? Just leave it be. Stay here with me, please?”

“I’m not just going to sit by and let those creeps get away, I need to do something.”

“Well, then call the fucking police ok?” I yelled. “Just don’t go out there and try to handle it yourself. You can’t always fix everything.”

His face fell, I’d upset him. I knew that he was just being protective of me, but I didn’t want him to go out there. What if he got hurt? Where would I be then?

“Alright, I won’t but we should call the police, let them know.”

“No.”

“We have to!”

“No. I don’t want to do that. I just want to go home. If we call the police then we’ll be stuck here for another few days.”

“But if we don’t then they’ll just be out there, planning to rape some other innocent woman.”

He had a point. “Fine, we’ll call them, but I don’t want them to know about what happened with me. We’ll just tell them that we heard some screams and that they should check it out. Then we’ll hang up and go home.”

“Fine.”

***

Billie had made the call and the police thanked him for the tip. He was still angry with me for not letting the police know about me, but he’ll get over it. Now we were on our flight home, crossing Illinois I believe. I don’t know why, but I don’t feel anything right now. I feel fine actually. I don’t feel like I was assaulted. Maybe I should but I don’t. I’d always been good at repressing bad memories, maybe that’s what my brain was trying to do now.

“Where are you going?” Billie asked, looking up at me.

“To the bathroom.” I replied, heading down the aisle.

“I look like shit.” I said to myself once I had gotten to the bathroom. I was looking in pathetic excuse for a mirror in the tiny restroom. Suddenly Billie’s face appeared behind me.

“You don’t look like shit, you look beautiful.” He said, wrapping his tattooed arms around me.

I smirked and turned around to face him. “You’re just being nice.”

“I’m not, you’re gorgeous.”

I chuckled. He was such a good liar. I kissed the tip of his nose, smiling. “We better get back, the others are probably wondering what happened to us.” I turned to leave, beginning to open the door, before it was slammed shut again.

“Wait.” Billie said, pulling me back into his arms. “They wont miss us. And besides, I’m comfortable right here.”

I rolled my eyes. “You are by far the weirdest person I’ve ever met. You’re comfortable in a restroom, on a plane?”

“Yep.”

He leaned down and kissed me lightly on the lips, lingering for a moment while he spoke. “I’m comfortable wherever you are.”

“You are such a cheese.” I laughed, kissing him again.

“But I’m your cheese.”

He kissed me again, deeper this time. I could feel him becoming aroused. Smirking I pulled him closer, deciding to tease him a little. Slowly, I pushed him against the wall, pressing myself against his firm body. He tightened his grip on my waist, and kissed me harder, sliding his tongue between my teeth. At that moment I felt him harden under my touch. I smirked to myself. I know I’m mean, but hey. A girl has to have a little fun right?

“Oh God.” Billie whispered, as my hand slid up his inner thigh.

I pulled my hand away, breaking our kiss, with a lot of effort. “We should get back. Really.”

“Hey, wait a minute, you can’t do that.” he whined.

“Do what?” I asked, innocently.

“Kiss me and get me completely excited, then just stop.”

“I didn’t know that you were excited.” I replied, trying not to smile.

“You did too.” he whispered, coming closer. His voice had grown husky again.

“No I really didn…”

Before I could finish, Billie kissed me again. He trailed his kisses down my neck until he was at my weak spot. Damn him. He knows I go crazy when he kisses me on my collar bone.

“You did. And now you’re paying for that little trick.” He playfully warned.

Billie’s breathing was becoming more labored, as was mine. I didn’t know how long I would be able to last before I gave in. I knew it wasn’t long though. And I had a feeling Billie knew it too.

“Billie, we’re on a plane, how long do you think it’ll be until someone comes here, wanting to go to the bathroom?”

“Long enough.” he replied simply, not breaking his trail of kisses on my neck.

He reached for my shirt, pulling it over my head and discarding it onto the ground. Then, almost as if I were watching a movie, the memories from last night came flooding back. That man touching me, pulling off my sweatshirt, and kissing me. Instinctively I pushed Billie back. He stopped, looking stunned by my action. I quickly grabbed my shirt, pulling it over my torso.

“What’s wrong?” Billie asked, sure that he had done something wrong.

“Nothing, we shouldn’t do this on a plane. I mean, for Christ’s sake Billie! There are other people out there. They can probably hear us.”

“That’s not what’s wrong, and you and I both know it. You were fine. Now what’s going on?”

“Nothing.” I said, icily.

I turned, shoving open the door that revealed the rest of the plane, filled with passengers. I stalked back to my seat, sitting down with a thud.

“Talk to me.”

I jumped. I hadn’t know Billie had followed me right away. And I hadn’t heard him sit down either.

“Nothing is wrong, I’m just…tired.” I answered, unconvincingly.

“Lisa, I.”

“Drop it.”

That’s me, queen of one sentence answers.

I turned towards the window, placing my iPod’s ear buds into my ears, and turning the volume up as high as it could go. The sound of Atrophy, by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, filled in the silence around me. I could feel Billie’s gaze on me. I want to explain to him what had happened. Why I just freaked out and ran from him. but I can’t, it’s too hard for me to put into words. Now I could feel the others’ gaze on me. Great, now everyone is going to be asking me what’s wrong.

***

It seemed like forever, but finally our plane landed. I was waiting to grab my luggage when Tre pulled me aside.

“What’s wrong?”

God, shouldn’t everyone be tired of asking that by now? “Nothing.”

“Billie said you’d say that. Now really, what’s up?”

Tre’s icy blue eyes bore deep into my hazel ones, as if trying to lift the truth from my mind.

“I’m tired.”

“Bullshit. But hey, if you don’t wanna tell me then fine. It’s none of my business anyway. But think about this for a second. Your boyfriend, who cares about so much that he’d do anything for you, is worried. he doesn’t know what the hell is going on in that head of yours and it’s starting to scare him. If you won’t tell me, then at least tell your own boyfriend.”

Then he walked away, without another word.

He’s right. I know he’s right. I just have to tell him. And I will…later.