Skinny Jeans Have No Place On These Thighs
Ponytail and Grimace
"What's the matter with your face?" asks Marcus.
I don't know what to tell him. That I'm on to him? That I know he knows that I'll probably fall in love with him and let him have sex with me because I have low self esteem. I'm actually surprised I figured it out in time. The thing I'm not surprised about it whether or not I'll let him.
I am flattered that he wants to have sex with me. Because I know he could have sex with anyone. Although . . . maybe that means he's sleeping with everyone . . . like that blonde girl with the longest legs I'd ever seen. When I last saw Marcus - the girl he was saying good bye to . . . she wasn't really his cousin. I could see that now.
"I think you should go, probably," I say quietly, not able to look at him. I feel like crying and I don't want to do it in front of him anymore. In fact, I think I want him to leave right now.
"Why, what have I done?" asks Marcus, sounding surprised. "Is it 'cause of him? That bloke your Mum's seeing?"
I shake my head. Why would it be because of that? One little kiss from my Mum's boyfriend. I'll need to think about that later of course. Anyway, a few seconds ago, Marcus didn't seem to care very much at all about the fact that he might be molesting me. (I mean, he's NOT, of course! But Marcus didn't know that, and didn't care enough to thoroughly check either.) It's only now that I want him to leave that he's suddenly acting like he cares.
"It's nothing to do with him. It's just . . . my Mum will be back soon," I lie quickly, making my way out of my room.
"I thought you said your Mum would be gone for hours?" I carry on walking down the stairs but then of course I'm filled with doubt. Did I tell him? "Would you just tell me what the matter is? I might be able to help."
He's fishing. I know he doesn't really want to help, he just wants to stay. Besides, unless I come out with what's bothering me, then he can't stay. Because what's bothering me is him and the fact he keeps pestering me to go further than I think I want to.
"Ella!" Marcus catches hold of my arm and forces me to look at him. "What have I done? Why are you kicking me out? I know you are, I've been kicked out of places before. The people who do it aren't usually as small as you though."
This angers me as well. I'm not small! That's probably the biggest reason of all for me wanting him to leave. Because if he keeps kissing me like that I might want to take my top off. I don't know. But I might. And then he'll see everything. Stretch lines, rolls of fat, stomach, hips, babyish bra, he'll see it all! How can I let him see all that?
I've not eaten properly in almost a week, and now I can see why I have to keep that up! I couldn't ever have sex with someone or be naked with someone the way I look at the moment. I'd die of embarrassment. The idea makes me want to burst into tears and just hide under my duvet until I'm barely even there anymore.
"I . . . I . . . er . . . "
This isn't a good answer. Marcus starts kissing me again and I kiss him back because I don't know what else to do! Then, there's a knock at the front door.
"Sugar, that's Mum!" I gasp. It's so bad that I barely even have space in my chest to feel embarrassed for saying the word 'sugar'.
Marcus doesn't take his hands off me. He just frowns and points out, "Why would your Mum knock at the door. She's use her key, wouldn't she?"
"Good point," I say, feeling stupid then. There's another knock, louder this time.
"Would you just wait in the other room for a second?" I ask Marcus shyly. Marcus looks down at me, kisses me with a dirty look on his face and makes his way out of the hall.
I open the front door and there in front of the step are two burly men, one with a pony tail and a suit and the other with just a grimace on his face.
"You Mrs Sparks?" asks Grimace. His fists are clenched and there's a very odd intensity about his face that I don't like one bit. I shake my head and he asks gruffly, "Miss, then?" I nod.
"We're old friends of your father's, mind if we take a look around?" Ponytail brushes me aside and the two of them push their way into the house. They're looking around the hall with eagle eyes, as though they were memorising every bit of it.
"Excuse me!" I said nervously. "I don't think you're allowed to be here. My Mum - "
"We'd like to have a word with her. Is she around?" asks Ponytail, his hand on the banister, peering up the stairs.
"No," I say, edging towards him anxiously. "She's not here."
"Oh!" Grimace gives Ponytail a sort of meaningful glance. "That changes things."
I look from Grimace to Ponytail and back to Grimace, feeling the hairs on my arms beginning to rise. Why did I let them push their way in here? Surely Marcus can hear them talking like this? Why isn't he doing anything? Of course I did tell him to wait in the other room . . .
"Marcus?" I call out suddenly. The two men look rather startled although when Marcus materialises in the hall they look less so. Marcus takes in the two men and then looks at me questioningly. "These two men came in . . . and . . . they um . . . "
Marcus raises his eyebrows as though he's saying, . . . yeah?
I get a sudden bright idea. "I want you to leave." The two men and Marcus exchange glances, as though trying to establish who I'm talking to. "All of you," I add quickly.
"This lad bothering you?" says Ponytail, nodding to Grimace. "We'll sort that. Come on, lad. You heard the girl."
And suddenly Grimace has his hand on Marcus's arm and in under eight seconds, he's bundled Marcus out of the front door and he's saying roughly, "Don't hurry back either you bell-end," then slams the door in Marcus's face. I'm too startled to move so I just stand gaping at Grimace. Then Ponytail seems to take charge because he's telling Grimace to look upstairs. I open my mouth, no words come out and then Ponytail tells me to show him to the kitchen.
I do it because I don't know what else to do. I wonder desperately if Marcus will try and get back in or not. He hasn't rung the doorbell or attempted to get in the back door, which I realise I stupidly left unlocked before.
Ponytail, with his hands on my shoulders, firmly sits me down at the kitchen table and tells me not to move. He sits down opposite me and asks me, "Now, who was the bloke who just left?"
"You mean, Marcus?"
Ponytail sighs exasperatedly. "No, not him. The man who left your house five minutes ago. Who is he?"
I don't know whether I should tell him or not. I don't know who Ponytail is or why he wants to know and I'm too scared to ask so I just sit there, trembling very slightly. For some reason though, I really try and hide that. I try and keep still, but the more I try the more I seem to move about. My head seems to bob a tiny bit and my hands are gripping one another like the ivy ties itself to our shed.
"Come on," says Ponytail again, only this time he doesn't make an effort to sound nice. "You can do better than that. Who was that man?"
I play it badly. "Don't know."
Then I jump because Ponytail bangs his fist down on the table. "He had a key, you silly bitch, so don't give me any of that sugar!" Only of course he doesn't say sugar. He says the real word. And then he says it again, loudly, along with "God's sake!" and the f word too. Grimace shouts something from the stairs and Ponytail gives me a look and says firmly, "Don't. Move."
He gets up and I hear him stepping into the hall behind me. Then I hear his footsteps double back and I give a tiny squeal as I feel his hands on my shoulders again, instructing me silently to come with him. He pushes me in front of him into the hall just as Grimace comes back down the stairs.
"Anything there?" asks Ponytail.
"Got something, yeah," says Grimace. Only he's not grimacing as much now. It's sort of scarier now because I don't know why he's half smiling.
"Excellent," says Ponytail. Then he steps forward so we're side by and side and he jerks his head towards me and asks, "What do we do now? Follow through with the plan or . . . ?"
I realise suddenly that they're talking about me. And, yeah, you guessed it, I just stand there and panic silently.
I don't know what to tell him. That I'm on to him? That I know he knows that I'll probably fall in love with him and let him have sex with me because I have low self esteem. I'm actually surprised I figured it out in time. The thing I'm not surprised about it whether or not I'll let him.
I am flattered that he wants to have sex with me. Because I know he could have sex with anyone. Although . . . maybe that means he's sleeping with everyone . . . like that blonde girl with the longest legs I'd ever seen. When I last saw Marcus - the girl he was saying good bye to . . . she wasn't really his cousin. I could see that now.
"I think you should go, probably," I say quietly, not able to look at him. I feel like crying and I don't want to do it in front of him anymore. In fact, I think I want him to leave right now.
"Why, what have I done?" asks Marcus, sounding surprised. "Is it 'cause of him? That bloke your Mum's seeing?"
I shake my head. Why would it be because of that? One little kiss from my Mum's boyfriend. I'll need to think about that later of course. Anyway, a few seconds ago, Marcus didn't seem to care very much at all about the fact that he might be molesting me. (I mean, he's NOT, of course! But Marcus didn't know that, and didn't care enough to thoroughly check either.) It's only now that I want him to leave that he's suddenly acting like he cares.
"It's nothing to do with him. It's just . . . my Mum will be back soon," I lie quickly, making my way out of my room.
"I thought you said your Mum would be gone for hours?" I carry on walking down the stairs but then of course I'm filled with doubt. Did I tell him? "Would you just tell me what the matter is? I might be able to help."
He's fishing. I know he doesn't really want to help, he just wants to stay. Besides, unless I come out with what's bothering me, then he can't stay. Because what's bothering me is him and the fact he keeps pestering me to go further than I think I want to.
"Ella!" Marcus catches hold of my arm and forces me to look at him. "What have I done? Why are you kicking me out? I know you are, I've been kicked out of places before. The people who do it aren't usually as small as you though."
This angers me as well. I'm not small! That's probably the biggest reason of all for me wanting him to leave. Because if he keeps kissing me like that I might want to take my top off. I don't know. But I might. And then he'll see everything. Stretch lines, rolls of fat, stomach, hips, babyish bra, he'll see it all! How can I let him see all that?
I've not eaten properly in almost a week, and now I can see why I have to keep that up! I couldn't ever have sex with someone or be naked with someone the way I look at the moment. I'd die of embarrassment. The idea makes me want to burst into tears and just hide under my duvet until I'm barely even there anymore.
"I . . . I . . . er . . . "
This isn't a good answer. Marcus starts kissing me again and I kiss him back because I don't know what else to do! Then, there's a knock at the front door.
"Sugar, that's Mum!" I gasp. It's so bad that I barely even have space in my chest to feel embarrassed for saying the word 'sugar'.
Marcus doesn't take his hands off me. He just frowns and points out, "Why would your Mum knock at the door. She's use her key, wouldn't she?"
"Good point," I say, feeling stupid then. There's another knock, louder this time.
"Would you just wait in the other room for a second?" I ask Marcus shyly. Marcus looks down at me, kisses me with a dirty look on his face and makes his way out of the hall.
I open the front door and there in front of the step are two burly men, one with a pony tail and a suit and the other with just a grimace on his face.
"You Mrs Sparks?" asks Grimace. His fists are clenched and there's a very odd intensity about his face that I don't like one bit. I shake my head and he asks gruffly, "Miss, then?" I nod.
"We're old friends of your father's, mind if we take a look around?" Ponytail brushes me aside and the two of them push their way into the house. They're looking around the hall with eagle eyes, as though they were memorising every bit of it.
"Excuse me!" I said nervously. "I don't think you're allowed to be here. My Mum - "
"We'd like to have a word with her. Is she around?" asks Ponytail, his hand on the banister, peering up the stairs.
"No," I say, edging towards him anxiously. "She's not here."
"Oh!" Grimace gives Ponytail a sort of meaningful glance. "That changes things."
I look from Grimace to Ponytail and back to Grimace, feeling the hairs on my arms beginning to rise. Why did I let them push their way in here? Surely Marcus can hear them talking like this? Why isn't he doing anything? Of course I did tell him to wait in the other room . . .
"Marcus?" I call out suddenly. The two men look rather startled although when Marcus materialises in the hall they look less so. Marcus takes in the two men and then looks at me questioningly. "These two men came in . . . and . . . they um . . . "
Marcus raises his eyebrows as though he's saying, . . . yeah?
I get a sudden bright idea. "I want you to leave." The two men and Marcus exchange glances, as though trying to establish who I'm talking to. "All of you," I add quickly.
"This lad bothering you?" says Ponytail, nodding to Grimace. "We'll sort that. Come on, lad. You heard the girl."
And suddenly Grimace has his hand on Marcus's arm and in under eight seconds, he's bundled Marcus out of the front door and he's saying roughly, "Don't hurry back either you bell-end," then slams the door in Marcus's face. I'm too startled to move so I just stand gaping at Grimace. Then Ponytail seems to take charge because he's telling Grimace to look upstairs. I open my mouth, no words come out and then Ponytail tells me to show him to the kitchen.
I do it because I don't know what else to do. I wonder desperately if Marcus will try and get back in or not. He hasn't rung the doorbell or attempted to get in the back door, which I realise I stupidly left unlocked before.
Ponytail, with his hands on my shoulders, firmly sits me down at the kitchen table and tells me not to move. He sits down opposite me and asks me, "Now, who was the bloke who just left?"
"You mean, Marcus?"
Ponytail sighs exasperatedly. "No, not him. The man who left your house five minutes ago. Who is he?"
I don't know whether I should tell him or not. I don't know who Ponytail is or why he wants to know and I'm too scared to ask so I just sit there, trembling very slightly. For some reason though, I really try and hide that. I try and keep still, but the more I try the more I seem to move about. My head seems to bob a tiny bit and my hands are gripping one another like the ivy ties itself to our shed.
"Come on," says Ponytail again, only this time he doesn't make an effort to sound nice. "You can do better than that. Who was that man?"
I play it badly. "Don't know."
Then I jump because Ponytail bangs his fist down on the table. "He had a key, you silly bitch, so don't give me any of that sugar!" Only of course he doesn't say sugar. He says the real word. And then he says it again, loudly, along with "God's sake!" and the f word too. Grimace shouts something from the stairs and Ponytail gives me a look and says firmly, "Don't. Move."
He gets up and I hear him stepping into the hall behind me. Then I hear his footsteps double back and I give a tiny squeal as I feel his hands on my shoulders again, instructing me silently to come with him. He pushes me in front of him into the hall just as Grimace comes back down the stairs.
"Anything there?" asks Ponytail.
"Got something, yeah," says Grimace. Only he's not grimacing as much now. It's sort of scarier now because I don't know why he's half smiling.
"Excellent," says Ponytail. Then he steps forward so we're side by and side and he jerks his head towards me and asks, "What do we do now? Follow through with the plan or . . . ?"
I realise suddenly that they're talking about me. And, yeah, you guessed it, I just stand there and panic silently.
♠ ♠ ♠
Ella Sparks was never any good at asserting herself.But what will Marcus Blunt do? Will he do anything?