Skinny Jeans Have No Place On These Thighs

The Night

Marcus leads me out of the room and I just hold onto his hand and let him lead me. At this moment, I have never been happier in my life. I'm not even sure why. Or how it came to be. Marcus wasn't even on my radar before tonight and yet now . . . we were, like, in love. Is that what this feeling is? Are we in love? He's been kissing me like there's no one else in the world and when he was I felt like it was true.

We go into the kitchen. Izzie suddenly stumbles into our path, laughing as though she'd been inhaling the gas they give you at the dentist. A short, fair haired boy came and put his arms around her waist. He wasn't as good looking as Izzie but he was laughing just as hard.

"Man, Marcus, my man!" He says, putting a hand out from behind Izzie.

Marcus seems to be amused as he stretches out his own hand to shake the guy's.

"It's all going down, Marcus, all of it! Down to the volcanoes, and the lava!" Izzie suddenly squeals hysterically and the guy smiles, raising his eyebrow at Marcus, "Oh you know she likes it, don't you baby?"

Izzie and the boy stagger away and, as I glance over my shoulder, they seem to be climbing the stairs.

"Come on," Marcus mutters to me, "you don't want them to have all the fun, do you?"

In the kitchen there are two girls sitting at the table, one blonde with spiky hair and the other Chinese with bright green eye shadow that she had drawn all around her eyes. They were both incredibly skinny with chiselled cheek bones and even skinnier jeans. When they catch sight of Marcus, their smiles stretch, making their faces seem smaller somehow.

"Markie, baby," the blonde one whispers, like Marcus was a God and she a mere Imp.

The Chinese girl kicks a chair towards him with her foot under the table and gestures towards it with a roguish smile. Marcus seems to appreciate this; he sits down and I grab a chair, not wanting to be left out. I'm not sure what he wants to show me - that every single other girl at the party wants him? That I should think myself very lucky to have spent the last couple of hours kissing him but to leave it at that?

"You all right, Jenni?" Marcus says to the Chinese girl who nods and starts to tell him about a short Indie film she's making that she wants the band to be involved with. While she's talking, I notice that the blonde girl hasn't said anything but that her eyes are fixed on Marcus. I don't know how I know this but I suddenly have this horrible idea that they are playing footsie under the table.

"Anyway, it's all shop talk," Jenni says, finishing her story with a grin, "You just let me know when you guys are free to do a set and we'll film around you, so to speak. Now, obviously I can't pay you for your troubles - in fact, you should be paying me, Marcus darling, for the exposure - but, I'm an old fashioned gal, so I believe that some kind of payment is in order."

At this point, Jenni picks up a credit card from the table and waves it at Marcus, giggling. I stare, wondering how she's going to pay Marcus with that. It's not like Marcus carries around a card machine on him. But Marcus is grinning back at her and my eyes are drawn to a small clear pouch of white powder she is tipping delicately onto a DVD case lying on the table.

I know exactly what it is. Sort of. I've never seen it before. But I know what it is. I'm not stupid.

Jenni starts tapping the card onto the powder. Marcus gets out his wallet, takes out a twenty pound note and begins to roll it very tightly. I stare wondering what on earth he's doing it for. After a moment, though it all comes clear. Jenni takes it from him puts her face right onto the table and, with the rolled up twenty pressed to her nostril, she begins to suck up the powder with her nose.

My happy, giddy feeling I suddenly realise is gone.

"Come on, Ella," Marcus says out of the blue. I notice he's holding the DVD case, trying to pass it to me. "What are you afraid of?"

I glance at Jenni, who is leaning back on her chair, taking a deep breath with a smile slowly spreading on her face. Then I look at the blonde girl. She's looking right at me, her eyes boring into me. She's not blinking at all. I'm scared of her, if I'm honest.

"Ella?" Marcus sounds more irritable this time. "I'm not holding it all night, take it."

"Hasn't she had it before?" Jenni asks him, completely ignoring me. Marcus laughs, a little unkindly and shakes his head. Jenni's lips curl into a small smile and she turns to look at me. "Listen sweetheart, I'm going to let you try some of this," - she's speaking really slowly as if I'm really drunk or something. I'm not - she's the one on drugs, not me - "And you're going to really like it."

She takes the case from Marcus and puts it down on the table before me. She passes me the rolled up twenty, swallowing as she does so.

"I . . . I don't know if I should." I say nervously. There seem to be an awful lot of reasons not to. One of them is still staring at me.

But Jenni smiles at me and says, "Listen. Everyone has a night or a day where they let go and start to see more of life than they ever did before. This is . . . happiness. Here. Right in front of you. You're never going to get nearer to it without a little help. Take it."

*

Everything seemed to speed up a little then. Marcus and I were outside the backdoor, kissing and laughing and he was tickling me, trying to put his hand into my trousers but I just squealed in laughter, batting him away.

Then we were in the living room in a circle and we were playing a slapping game where everyone had to slap the person the left of them and at any time the slap could be reserved. My cheek is still hurting. I remember seeing Izzie on the other side of the circle, the short guy's arm draped around her shoulders. She was still laughing, even though it must have been hours later.

I remember then feeling like I wanted water. So I went into the kitchen and found that the blonde girl had fallen asleep on the table. Her short spiky hair had streamers in it and, even then in my state, I couldn't help wondering where she'd got them from

*

Marcus is kissing me again. We're sitting on the bottom of the stairs, and listening as the rest of the household starts to wind down and sleep.

"We can watch the sun rise," Marcus says, playing with my hair, "I always wanted to do that."

"Me too," I say, dreamily.

The atmosphere is suddenly destroyed. I hear a scream coming from upstairs. Marcus and I both look up to find Bridget running down the stairs with a face like thunder.

"Hey Bridge, love, what's up?" Marcus laughs. Even when she turns around and glares at him, he doesn't stop smiling.

Bridget pulls me up, much to my dismay, and drags me into the kitchen. She throws a disgusted look at the blonde girl who is still asleep at the kitchen table and then turns back to me with a really serious look on her.

"OK. Brace yourself. I just caught Izzie having sex with Andrew Foreman in my bed."

The information doesn't really go through to my brain. I can feel myself frowning and the word, "What?" sneaks out of my throat but I can't seem to muster anymore.

"She's up there," cries Bridget, almost hysterical, "having sex. In my bed."

"In your bed?" I repeat dumbly. Then suddenly, it starts to register. "Izzie's having sex?"

"Well she was!" Bridget shouts angrily. "Until I walked in and disturbed them. God, I mean, how sick is that? She doesn't even know him!"

"I can't believe it," I say stupidly. She's had sex? My best friend, Izzie?

Suddenly I realise how everything is different. Everytime I look at a boy and tell her I think he's nice looking, she'll be wondering what he's like in bed. She'll know what sex is really like. She'll be able to talk about it, and laugh about it, and I'll look like even more of an idiot than I already do because I don't know anything at all . . . my Izzie is starting to feel like a memory.

"Ella!" Bridget snaps. "You listening to me?"

"Nu - what?" I reply, snapping straight out of my paranoia. "Sorry . . . er . . . what are we going to do?"

"Nothing." Bridget replies, shaking her head. "We're not going to do anything. It's none of our business. I'm not speaking to her until she's apologised to me. She's acted like the biggest idiot tonight. Such a kid. The second she starts hanging around with older people, she suddenly starts acting like she's one of them. I know exactly what she'll have been upto with them all. Smoking, snorting stuff," I hope my cheeks aren't going red, "and now, shagging!"

"Yeah," I retort with a well-placed snort, "What is she playing at?"

"God knows," Bridget sighs. And then gives me a little nudge. "So, you and Marcus seem to be getting on rather well. I hope I don't have to be worrying about finding you two sneaking away upstairs."

I laugh. "No, you don't."

Bridget grins. "Well, at least one of you has a brain! Right, go back to Marcus then, love. I'm going to go and tell Sebastian exactly what I think of him and his mates."

She leaves me in the kitchen where the blonde girl is still not stirring.

I leave then too and sidle back to the stairs where I find Marcus lighting a cigarette.

"I don't think you're meant to smoke in here," I say shyly, suddenly remembering all of the smoke that will be hanging in the air in the sitting room.

Marcus is obviously thinking of this too as he raises his eyebrows and lets out a laugh.

"So what's got Bridget's knickers in a twist?" He asks me, before taking a drag. I pause, not sure whether or not I should betray Izzie's secret. "Something about some girl having sex in her bed?" I nod, glad that I don't have to tell him. Marcus grins at me and says, "Well at least there's some action going on in there. I wouldn't have thought Bridget is entertaining very much in there."

"She has us all the time!" I say, before I realise what he meant. I wince in embarassment - I can be so thick!

Marcus thankfully seems to find my stupidity rather entertaining. He starts laughing at me and doesn't stop until he has tears in his eyes.
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