Someday I will Understand

Kate enjoyed watching the show from back stage, it gave her a different perspective she was able to watch each everyone of them and mentally she was taking notes, she noticed how much Gerard really got in to his performance like it was a different person on stage just out there giving his all to the fans.

When she looked at Mikey she could see how much he got into it but at the same time looking so relaxed and looking at Frank she didn’t know what to think so energetic and really flexible and just really into it though as she continued to look her thought’s started to wonder...no she couldn’t think of that she thought “it’s just wrong” she muttered to herself.

Rather then watch the rest of the performance Kate walked back to the waiting room or as it was now called the chill out room, where the guys could relax and get psyched up before going on stage.
Kate just sat on the sofa and slowly nodded off to the beat of the music she could hear down the hall way

Once the concert had finished everyone came back making noise and talking very loud, by now Kate was sound asleep curled up on the sofa.

Bob had spotted her “Hey gee look at this” he said pointing at Kate.
Gerard walked over and started to laugh “I cant believe we bore her this much”
Frank had joined them “Let draw all over her, make her have a moustache or something, yeah yeah that would be good”Frank said as he started to have his own little conversation on what he could do to Kate,

But it was too late Gerard moved his hand across her back, slowly waking her up he thought she looked so peaceful and with all the stress and shit she was going though she deserved to be at peace, but he also knew it was better for him to wake her rather then Frankie coming up with one of his stupid idea’s

“Hello bright eyes”
“Huh” Kate mumbled “What time is it”
“Its just before a 11pm, we just finished the show”
“Really WOW, aww shit I didn’t even watch the end of it sorry!”Kate said with a vacant look on her face
“Babes are you ok”
“I don’t think so I’m not feeling well, I’ve had stomach aches for a while, I think I’m gonna go back to the bus”
“Do you want to wait and I’ll come with you”
“Nah its ok, I’ll go myself” Kate said as she got up and walked out of the room and out to where the bus was.

Gerard stood there a little put off, to him this wasn’t like Kate at all being quiet and just wanting to be alone but then again he thought maybe she was just not feeling the best.

Going back to the bus Kate felt a little guilty as she had lied right in Gerard’s face, she felt fine it was just that she didn’t want anyone’s company. It was as though her life was going to spiral out of control again and she didn’t want that, she wanted all these painful thought’s out of her head or to be able to lock them away somewhere in her mind and throw away the key so they would never resurface and she wouldn’t have to face them.

Getting in to the bunk she shared with Gerard she stared at a photo that was taken of them when they first met when there wasn’t a care in the world, just the two of them getting to know each other.
But now Kate knew there was to much. She grabbed the blankets wrapped them around her body and thinking she was along she started to cry.

Kate didn’t know that the guys were back on the bus, they had been quiet not to wake her as she had said she wasn’t feeling well. Gerard could hear the sound of her crying just like everyone else could he wanted to go and comfort her but was stopped by Ray who was blocking the entrance to where the bunks were.
“Man let her go”
Gerard looked at him rather frazzled “Why would I want to that she needs me”

“Dude let her go she needs to let this out and if you go there she will stop and I don’t think that will help her heal”
“Ya’no Toro I think your right I just hate seeing her like this and what she told me yesterday was that she was willing to accept Hayden being gone, and its like it’s not happening”

“I know what ya saying man, and I think this will do her some good she is letting it out, You and I both know it wont happen overnight, you have to give her some time”
With that the subject was dropped, Kate continued to cry a short while longer until she had no more tears to cry.

The bus was now driving to Atlanta which would get there around lunch time the next day. Kate was still awake but didn’t have the guts to get up and see the guys who were playing video games, just winding down from the concert they had just performed.

Frank who was usually the last to crash decided to go now and headed towards the back where the bunks were located, hearing movement Kate poked her head out from behind the blind and saw Frank
“Hey Katie your awake, we thought you were sleeping” Frank said whispering
“Oh... I’ve just been laying here and thinking”
“Bout what?”
“Nothing much just different things”
“Care to share”
“Nah its nothing important”
“Oh....ok!”
Kate new she had been slightly rude but that was the last thing she wanted to worry bout, she knew that Frank was just trying to be nice and to her it was sweet, but for once she just didn’t want it.

“Frank” Kate said as Frank was getting in to his bunk which was on the opposite of her’s and Gerard’s
“Yeah Kate”
“Nothing, its alright, Ill see you in the morning”
Frank closed the curtain and pondered over what Kate was going to ask him and instantly fell asleep.

By now everyone was getting restless and all said there goodnights, Gerard got in to the bunk he shared with Kate and tried to cuddle into her under the blankets “Kate are you awake”
Kate was but didn’t respond, rather she had her back to Gerard with her eyes wide open. Thinking she was asleep Gerard whispered in to her ear “I love you” and kissed her on the head.
Kate just smiled, she loved that Gerard was always so sweet to her but everything that was going through her mind she was becoming confused. She rolled over to try and look in to his face though it was dark - Gerard could sense that she was awake and staring at him “Did I wake you”
“No I just needed to get comfy”
“Are you feeling better”
“Yeah a little” Kate said as she once again lied to Gerard
“That’s good then”
“Gerard....”
“Yeah baby?”
“Do you ever think there is more to life, that you are destined to meet your soul mate?”
“Um... I think I have found my soul mate, but promise me you wont tell anyone” Gerard said with a little laugh
Kate smiled and kissed him on the lips. Gerard spoke again “Well seeing your asking questions, what about you do you think you what did you say again?”

“Destined to meet your soul mate”Kate said finishing the question for him
“Yeah, so have you?”
Kate went quiet in her head she was thinking I don’t know if I have but rather then say that she lied “Yeah I have and he is right next to me”

Gerard was so happy he knew he loved Kate but for her to feel the same way was so different, he had never had a girl like her before she was definitely one of a kind and to him a keeper.

To him it felt as though they were both going in the same direction in life, though she had gone through so much heartache he felt that she knew where she wanted to be in life and what she wanted and one of them things was him, he knew that hadn’t discussed marriage and that was the last thing he was thinking of doing but knowing she wanted to be with him through thick and thin and to him it didn’t even matter the different lifestyles they both had, he felt grateful that he had been blessed, not only with a beautiful girlfriend but a great group of friends.

Kate on the other hand didn’t know what to think, it was like her feelings weren’t there, she adored Gerard and knew he was a great person and wonderful to be around and always supportive of her but as she continued to think, could she really spend the rest of her life with someone she wasn’t sure if she was truly in love with?