Deep Inside

Camilla

“I swear if you don’t shut the fuck up I’m going to kill you” Jason whispers through his teeth into my ear. I can’t help it, it’s hurting me so much. The cut I had received across my stomach still hasn’t healed and, to make it even worse he just ran the blade across it again for the third time.

“Jason stop!” I beg him, tears falling down the side of my face as he pushes me down onto the mattress of the bed.

“Shut up Camilla, I’m warning you, I’ll kill you” He says into my ear. Suddenly strong arms pin me down to the mattress and I’m forced to stop struggling.

“So kill me, it’d be better than this” I spit, “Kill me now, if this is how things are going to be back home then just kill me!” I scream at him, kicking my legs, trying to hurt him in any way. I honestly don’t doubt he would kill me, if he was drunk enough he wouldn’t even hesitate.

Jason stops and looks at me in the eyes, I feel the cool metal tracing along my skin. Not decided where my next mark will be. I only stop kicking him once I feel it draw near my neck, I freeze.

“Oh” He laughs, “OH! Look, she’s not at all that brave”
My body begins to shake. “Now now little miss” He chuckles, I close my eyes and beg myself to stop. I can’t believe this. I swore to my self as consciousness returned to me that I would get out of here. How the fuck am I supposed to do that if he doesn’t leave? I need my clothes as well. “Time to play” He whispers.

I close my eyes as he pushes himself into me. He’s not even hard, which makes this even more painful for me. My body tenses up, I refuse to let myself become accustomed to this awful feeling. I’d rather take the pain than pleasure.
“Camilla I’m warning you, co-operate” Jason orders me, I don’t relax my body in the slightest. “You’re just making this more painful for yourself” He jeers and starts thrusting. I bite my lip as the pain shoots through me from my rear. His hands molest my scarred body as I lay pinned to the bed.
“If you don’t even try to enjoy this, I will make it nearly impossible for you to even move tomorrow” Jason threatens. I shake my head furiously.

“I will never enjoy this… you sick… bastard!” I scream at him, saying it through my teeth, not trusting myself to keep the howl of pain from escaping my lips.

And I feel it, the knife running from my left shoulder, right down to my elbow. I don’t move, the pain isn’t as worse as when he struck me across the stomach. I can deal with this pain.
“Afraid to cry? Scream?” His voice jeers into my ear clearly. “You’re too proud for your own good you slut” He snaps.

“I’m not a slut” I say fiercely. “But you are fucking rapist!” I scream. His fist collides with my jaw painfully, another awful ‘accident’. Fortunately no crack is heard, this time.

“Oh prove it” An evil laugh follows. I swallow, trying to keep the pain from my arm out of my head. The blood flowing around my body seems to be pumping in my ears thickly. Pounding loudly. I wonder if I loose enough blood would he bring me to the emergency room?

“I’ll get you murdered” I tell him strongly.

“I’m sure your little friend Harry will do a lot of damage” He snorts. “It’s a shame he’s in a band, a lot of fans will be let down when the drummer is suddenly shot accidently” I freeze.
I never told Jason about Harry’s profession. I never told Jason about Harry period. How the hell did he find out about him?
I almost forgot he’s inside me until he pulls out and I immediately relax my aching muscles. His face isn’t visible in the dark but I know he’s smirking.

“You wouldn’t hurt him” I tell him, shaking with fear.

“Of course I wouldn’t baby. He’s your friend, I’d never do anything to hurt you” His hot breath is beside my ear again and I swallow painfully.

“Because I’m immune to rape and attempt murder” I mutter under my breath sarcastically.

“It’s not rape. We’re trying for a baby remember Camilla?” He says into my ear then kisses me. I go to slap him but he catches my hand. “Now now, violence only leads to mistakes” He tells me, his lips touch the skin on the back of my hand and I scratch at the skin on his face with my nails.

“I swear if you got me fucking pregnant…” I trail off, not wanting to finish the sentence.

“We’ll be one big happy family” I roll my eyes and he climbs off the bed.

“Here” He tosses something onto the bed. “We’re leaving bright and early in the morning, make yourself respectable” It’s a bag.

“I won’t go” I say stubbornly.

“Actually I’m thinking you will, or you will be forced to. Do it the easy way or the hard way babe, you’ll be going” He tells me. “Look at the clothes” I don’t touch the bag. “Now” He says, his voice straining. I don’t move. Firstly the pain is just a little too much for me at the present.
My stomach is sore, my arms are sore - I’m sure bruises are already forming - the newly formed cut is sore, my lower area is sore, I’m just sore all over.

“Now!”
I don’t move. I will not move. It may earn me a couple extra bruisings or cuts, but I will be as stubborn about this as possible. I will not leave this hotel quietly. I will kick up a fuss. I will not leave without being noticed. I will not get onto that plane to the USA.
Because the second I do, my life is over.
It will just crumble. Because the second I get onto that plane I’ve lost it all , I’ve lost Danny, I’ve lost Tom, I’ve lost Harry and worst of all, I’ve lost Dougie. Not that I have him at the moment, but I will have him.
All means of communication in the world won’t matter though, if I go, because I will just be a small dot in the huge population of America. Impossible to reach. I will be a nothing. Unknown to most. I will be forced to live in some house, have a child. I will be beaten almost every night and raped continuously, I will be miserable.
So miserable I will have lost the will to live and want to kill myself. But the little girl that I had will be the only thing keeping me from doing so, because, if he hurts me, he won’t hurt her. If he abuses me, he won’t abuse her. I won’t be able to leave. She may be his, but she would be mine too.

I shake my head, but of course he can’t see me, due to the dark.
“NOW!” He screams. My ears hurt. I don’t see why he shouts so much, it’s totally unnecessary.

“NO!” I shout back, regretting it almost instantly. He’s on top of me, quickly. His face inches from mine.

“Say that again” He tells me, his hands clasp around my arms painfully. The cut he had formed earlier stings painfully as the skin from his hands press against it. I can’t take it. It’s like rubbing salt into a wound.

“GET OFF ME!” I shout and try to push him off, struggling. Suddenly furious knocks sound on the door and I freeze, he freezes. I turn my head towards the door slowly. The small light underneath the door shows two shadows.
Jason scrambles off me quickly and looks through the peep hole.

“What?” He asks through the door.

“Open the door” A deep gruff voice tells Jason.

“Sorry I can’t do that” He tells the person simply.

“Sir, we have been getting many complaints about the amount of shouting coming from this room over the past few days” The voice says, “Open the door” He’s ordered.

“Get dressed Camilla” He tells me through his teeth.

“Why?” I ask him, delaying, maybe they’ll break down the door if he doesn’t open it quickly enough

“Just do it!” He roars. I jump and grab the bag, shoving on the jeans and long sleeved shirt that was in it. The fabric against my skin makes me wince painfully.

“Sir!” The man calls through the door.

“Clean up the room” He tells me quickly, and tells the man outside to hold on. I slink off the bed, whimpering, limping and trying to find any source of strength in my body. I hear Jason pulling on clothes quickly.
The light flips on and I flinch. Covering my eyes and scrunching up my nose.

“Stop it” He hisses. “You look a state, clean up this room and get into the bathroom” he orders me. I look around me and throw the sheets and blankets on to the bed, covering the red stains on the mattress. Various things are thrown around the room and I shove them under the bed and run into the bathroom, keeping the door ajar slightly.

“Sir, please open the door” The man asks again.

“Okay, sorry” And I hear the little squeak in the door, telling me Jason has just opened it. I push the lid of the toilet down and sit on it, looking through the gap.
A tall, stocky man walks into the room, just in my view.

“Who were you talking to?” The man asks Jason. Maybe he should’ve kept his voice down while roaring at me.

“Huh? No one, it was the TV” He tells the guy. I roll my eyes. That TV hasn’t been touched since I’ve been in this room. The man unfortunately doesn’t question Jason any further on the matter.

“There have been a lot of complaints about screams and shouts from this room, this young man called the front desk fifteen minutes ago about what sounded like a woman screaming in despair coming from this room” His gruff voice says. I look at the man. He’s dressed in a pair of navy trousers and a black shirt. The worst combination of clothing known to man-kind, he probably has no girlfriend or wife. He has a heavily creased face and deep dark circles under his eyes. I suppose that’s from working the night-shifts. His arms are bared, which look very muscle-y. He’d be able to choke Jason with one hand.

“This room?” Jason tries to deny it. He’s a bad liar, I hope this guy sees through him.

“Yes, this young man here-” He pauses and gestures to someone I can’t see, “Rang, he said it was definitely coming from this room”

“Oh, well sorry” Jason apologizes. That must’ve been a hard challenge for him - apologizing.

“That’s okay” A different voice says, my heart thuds suddenly. I gasp loudly. The room goes quiet. I freeze but force myself to move away from the light shinning into the bathroom through the gap.

“Please make sure it won’t happen again” The guy with the gruff voice says after a minute of silence. I hear footsteps wandering around on the floor and keep my eyes glued to the badly-dressed man. He seemed to have heard me and shot a look towards…

My throat has gone dry.
He knows where I am. He’s going to save me. He won’t let me go back to the USA with Jason and have a child. He won’t leave me in this situation.

“I assure you, it won’t happen again” Jason tells him.
And then he does it, he walks right past the door, his eyes fixed on the small gap between the door and the wall.
I lean forwards slightly to show myself to him a little. He sees me and stops suddenly.

Dougie looks straight into my eyes, looking absolutely horrified.
Do I really look that bad?