Deep Inside

I think the problem is, is that nether Dougie nor I break away from the kiss. It’s the feeling I’ve wanted since the last kiss he gave me. That was a long time ago. His tongue rubbing softly but powerfully against mine with a great speed. His hands locked onto my hips, pulling me so close that our bodies are pressed against each other . My hands running through his hair slowly, pulling him closer.

I let out a little moan as lets his hand run to my neck. But suddenly a thought runs through my head.

He broke me.

He hurt me. Too much. My heart is bruised, I wouldn’t say broken, but definitely bruised. And now, I just let him kiss me. What about Danny?
Danny’s to good for me to do this to him.
I like him a lot.
He wouldn’t just abandon me like Dougie did.

So, I break away. Reluctantly, but I still break away.
My eyes open quickly to see Dougie’s confused face. I get out of his hold and make a run for the door, but not before he stops me.
His cool hand wraps around my wrist.

“What are you doing?” He whispers so smoothly that I feel feint.

“Stop playing with me” I snap at him then run down the stairs.
I collide into Danny who is on his way up. He catches me quickly and I smile up at him.

“Hello little lady” He smiles. But as Dougie comes down the stairs my smile fades. Danny sets me upright, I take his hand and lead him outside. This relationship will not be built on lies.
Once outside the bus I turn to Danny.

“What’s wrong?” He asks me suddenly.

“Danny, I don’t want to have a relationship with you” I stop trying to think up how to put the next part. Danny’s face falls and I realise what I just said. “No no! I mean I do, I wasn’t finished!” I tell him quickly. He sighs with relief. “I don’t want to have secrets from you, that’s just not what I do. So I need to tell you something okay?”

“Sure…” He trails off.

“Dougie and I… well we kissed” I say in a quiet voice, looking at Danny carefully for any change in his facial expression. He takes a deep breath and nods a little.

“Okay Cam, I thought I could do this but I so clearly can’t” He says quietly, “I can’t date you” He tells me looking sorrowful.
My stomach drops.

“But… Danny?… Why not?” I ask quickly. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. He places his hands on my upper arms and looks down at me.

“You and Dougie have something between you, something I’ve always wanted with someone and I really don’t want to come between that. I know something happened and I only know his side of the story, but to be honest I don’t want to go behind Dougie’s back like that. He’s too much of a best mate to me and I couldn’t handle if anything went wrong” He tells me.

I guess what he’s saying is making sense. In a way…

Danny steps back a little but I catch him. “Can I kiss you?” I ask him.

He shakes his head a little, causing my stomach to drop even more.
“I wouldn’t be able to break it” He whispers softly.
Danny leaves me outside the bus.
Alone.
It’s cold.
I still haven’t changed out of last nights dress.

I decide to go for a walk. Clear my head. What did I do to make Dougie hate me?
What exactly happened that he suddenly turned off me?
He got into a mood… We were fine, and then he had to talk to… Harry.

At this point I’m about a minute away from the stadium. Circling the area a little, I find myself walking towards a little area with shops.

What could Harry have said to Dougie to make him completely go off me? Sure he’s the older brother type, only caring about my safety most of the time. But why would he be so scared about me dating his friend?
Surely he trusts him enough to let him be with me?
It’s not like Dougie would’ve gone behind Harry’s back and done something that he shouldn’t have.

I stop outside a shop. Deciding to go in and buy something. I grab a bar of Galaxy chocolate and buy it. Something catches my eye behind the counter.
Cigarettes.
I think for a minute.

“Anything else miss?” She asks.

“Yes, can I have those blue silk cut?” I ask her.

“How many?” She asks me.

I shrug, “Whatever” She grabs a packet for me and I pay for it, remembering also to get a lighter. Once outside I light it up with quivering hands. I take a breath then put the small cancer stick into my mouth.
I suddenly feel free of emotion. Like I’m floating a little.
Nothing to worry about.

“Cam?” I hear a dark worried voice. I turn around and see the very man I wanted to talk to.

“Harry!” I smile at him, taking another puff. His eyes widen at the thing in my hand.

“What are you doing?” He asks me urgently.

“Uh… smoking?” I reply confused.

“Cam, you don’t like smokers! You hate them! Are you trying to kill yourself?” He snaps at me. I roll my eyes and take another puff. Harry reaches over and grabs it, throwing it to the ground.

“Right, I think we better have a talk” He says gravely and putting his arm around me, he leads me away from the shop.

“Yeah, actually Harry I have to talk to you too” I say suddenly remembering.

“What about?”

“Dougie” I say, his face falls.

“Oh”

“Yeah, what exactly did you say to him Harry?” I ask him clearly.

Harry stops walking for a minute then turns to me with a sigh.
“I just don’t want you getting hurt Cam” He says softly. I take his hand gently.

“Harry, I’m not going to get hurt. After all this drama with him, I’ve learnt to pretty much built up a wall” I tell him softly.

“He’s not good for you Cam” He tells me softly.

“You have no right to tell me that Harry. I know you’re only trying to look out for me, but seriously. I’m a big girl. Please just tell me what you said” I beg him, walking on a little towards the car park.

“I told him t- I said you were to good for him” Harry says quickly. Something tells me that’s not what he was going to say. I look at him suspiciously but he just looks back innocently.

“Why did he turn on me though?” I ask him, as the two of us walk into the car park.

“He got angry. I’m sorry Cam” He whispers. I walk quickly towards the tour bus.

“We kissed Harry” I say softly. Harry stops dead. “We kissed earlier on”

Harry looks at me. I’m not sure what emotion he’s giving off.
Anger? Hurt? Sadness?

I think he’s furious, but I just don’t know why.

“Harry… I think I love-”

“Don’t!” He shouts loudly. I jump a little, stunned. “You can’t love him Camilla. You’ve been around him barely a full two weeks!” He snaps at me. My mouth falls a little.

“I don’t care Harry. What he did is all the past. That kiss brought back emotions I didn’t even know I had or were possible to have towards Dougie after knowing him for such a short period, but it happened. That girl he brought back is the past. I know he has some feelings towards me or he wouldn’t have kissed me!” I take a deep breath, “It’s your choice; be happy for me or sulk. But either way I’m going to fix this, because honestly… I’m in too deep”

He doesn’t look at me. Watching his feet he kicks a stone towards the entrance of the car park, just as he opens his mouth the bus door swings open.
Tom comes running out of the bus with something in his hand.
“Camilla! Your phone’s ringing!” He shouts running over to us.

“Thanks Tom” I smile at him and snatch the phone. Not bothering on looking at the screen I answer the phone.

“Hello?” I say into the phone. It’s quiet. “Hello?” I repeat.

“I know where you are” A raspy voice says through the phone quietly. I freeze. Harry looks at me, frowning.

“Don’t ever scare me like that again Cam” He says softly, as if he actually cares that I left.

“Why are you calling me?” I try desperately to sound brave, but the terror in my voice breaks through.

“Cam give me the phone” Harry says strongly, but I keep it stuck to my ear.

“Now, be a good girl Cami and go home” He says in a sickly sweet voice. I feel sick just thinking about the dirty smirk he has on his face at the moment.

“How did you get my number?” I ask terrified.

“Camilla! Phone now!” Harry whispers.

I jump suddenly, but don’t hand it over. “No no, don’t give him the phone. That wouldn’t be a good idea” Jason says. I stare wide eyed at Harry. Jason couldn’t have possibly heard what Harry said, I barely heard.

“Where are you?” I whisper terrified, glancing over my shoulder.

“I’m always watching you Camilla” He taunts.

“Just leave me alone” I beg, my voice is quavering and I‘m close to tears.

“Well you see Cami, I need you. I miss you. I swear I’m all better now” He says in a delicate tone, “If you just come home everything will be al better”

“You’re a horrible man. Leave me alone. I don’t have anything you want” I say desperately, a tear rolling down my cheek.

“Now that’s where you’re wrong-” But his wheezy voice gets cut off from Harry pulling the phone from me.

“Right, that’s it. Leave Camilla alone! She’s done nothing to you. She doesn’t want you. You’re not worth her time! Piss off!” he screams into the phone. I stare at Harry in shock as he slams the phone shut and puts it into my hand

“Woah” I mutter.

“That conversation is not over” Harry gives a small growl and stalks off to the bus. I don’t notice Tom still standing there until he shuffles after Harry.

I sigh in worry and stand there, deciding what to do.
“Cam” A voice says from behind me. I turn around quickly. Before I’m able to catch view of the person I feel a strong pressure across my face.

“Don’t ever run out on me again you little bitch!” He whispers into my ear. I hold a hand to my ear quickly. I feel his hand hit against the side of my face again and I fall to the hard gravel. Stones scratching against my bare legs.

“Harry…” I mutter weakly.

“He’s not coming. You’re not worth all this fuss Camilla. I don’t see why you don’t just come home with me” He says. I open my eyes, looking straight into his hard cold ones.

“Leave me alone” I say. His hand flies to my head and pulls at my hair. I feel terribly weak as he pulls me into a standing position. A car suddenly flies into the car park and stops dead in front of Jason and myself.
He throws me into the back of the car. I try and exit the car quickly as he gets in, but he’s put the child lock on the doors. I glance at the bus.

Just in time to see Dougie and Harry running out of the bus, but not before the car swerves violently out. I collapse out of exhaustion in the back seat.