Wish You Were Here

I couldn’t sleep but desperately wanted it to happen. I kept looking at the digital numbers on the alarm clock but they’d hardly moved since the previous times I’d looked.

I was hot, I was bothered, and I was thirsty but didn’t want to get up to get a drink. I was confused and bewildered.

Why? Because Tre had sucked my wound with his warm mouth and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Throughout the meal I couldn’t quite concentrate on our conversation, wondering how he could just chat normally to me after such a tender moment. His lips had been so soft and then while we were eating ice cream, mint chocolate chip ice cream I wondered, surprisingly what it would be like to kiss those lips. Was he a great kisser or just average? I cringed now, thinking of it while lying in bed. Why had I thought about kissing Tre?

Stupid, stupid thoughts were going around my head, playing on my mind and teasing me. As if Tre would want to kiss me anyway, I was Jules, his old friend, his drinking buddy, his fart partner, he’d seen me at my worst, he’d taken the piss out of me, we’d argued hundreds of times and disagreed thousands. We were so different. But then were we? Were we different? May be we were similar after all, two people, two lost souls looking for something, possibly the same thing, to be wanted and to be loved.

Except, except he liked the glamorous type of woman and I…really I don’t know what I liked, all the guys I’d been with were so different from each other I didn’t really go for the same sort of guy.

So here I was at 03:27 having not slept a wink, my eyes burning with tiredness and thinking once again what it would be like to kiss Tre’s soft lips.

He was gone when I woke, he said there was a car coming early for him and it was taking him to the record company for a couple of hours to go over some last minute details, to listen over their CD, to decide on what song they were going to release first and then talking about which further songs they were going to release, also talk of their videos and who they were going to get to shoot them.

Later, Adrienne was coming to get me and for an instant I wished I’d turned the whole thing down. But what was there here for me? I loved it here, I didn’t have a job, the guys would be touring and wouldn’t be around and neither would Adrienne as she was going to be with them most of the time too.

So what was there here for me then? Nothing. Nothing at all and deep down I wanted to go and bring back all those wonderful, happy times that we’d all shared on tour together before.

They were all sitting around this huge shiny mahogany table when Adrienne and I entered the room. None of them looked in a good mood causing me to wonder what had been discussed. Had they brought up the fact that they weren’t happy with Tre’s behaviour just lately? I glanced at him deciding that his hair was in need of urgent attention, I was dying to get my hands on it and I was sure that the dark brown colour that I had decided on would suit him. I also realised he’d lost some weight, how had I not noticed this sooner? It looked good on him.

Next to him sat Billie, his hair wavy and long. He’d always hated having his hair done, he much preferred just plonking a baseball hat on his head but then he’d have a mad half hour and decide he’d want to bleach it or something but he often did it himself, using the wrong colour tones. I’d decided he’d look great dyed jet black, with a short spiky cut. I also wanted to say to him that he should wear black eyeliner, I’d thought it for years now but a little part of me didn’t want to suggest it because I didn’t think that it would really be his thing.

On the other side of Tre sat Mike, his mousy hair shapeless and untidy. I think he’d look great with it bleached I thought as I sat down opposite him. He was smiling at me and I was aware of his eyes lingering on me just that little bit longer and I remembered the other night when he’d wanted to sleep with me. I liked Mike a lot but I didn’t want a relationship with him, he was my friend, a great friend and that’s how I wanted it to stay.

We talked around the table for ages and I put forward my ideas. Surprisingly Billie was up for the eyeliner and Tre said he’d have a go at wearing it too. They liked my ideas for their hair and I agreed that the night before the tour, I’d work on their hair. I’d definitely tour with them, sleep in one of the crew buses and we agreed on an amount that I’d be paid. It was more than I imagined and I finally felt free of Clive, or Cliff the dick, as Tre had always said. Tre was right, right all along like he generally was but I hated to admit. Clive was a dick.

Adrienne then spoke to the guys about their clothes, she had some fantastic ideas and she’d even sketched some of them out to show them. They were fantastic and I noticed how Billie looked so very proud of her.

So the meeting went on for ages but it was so interesting. I’d never been right in the thick of it before and I loved every minute. Suddenly I realised I was part of all this and I was going to be part of their huge tour, travelling around the world with them, making them look good, sharing it all with them and I just couldn’t wait to get started, I was so enthusiastic about the whole thing.

As we stood up when the meeting ended Tre turned and spoke to me.

“Wanna grab something to eat?” He asked looking at me hopefully. He looked forlorn and I wondered what had gone on in the meeting before Adrienne and I had arrived. Mike and Billie walked out of the room together, whispering and laughing about something, Adrienne following closely behind.

“Actually Tre I’ve arranged to meet Sara.” I said and I had, literally just before we’d entered the room Sara had called up and asked if we could meet. I’d agreed and hoped that she’d finally spill the beans about ice-cream guy.

“Oh,” He said and I don’t think he was expecting that. I felt sorry for him and now was my chance to may be get to talk to him, “well its OK, I’ll meet up with Stephanie instead,” he said as we walked side by side out the door.

“Stephanie, you mean…Stephanie that you..”

“Yes. Her. Apparently she’s split with Vincent, she’s a little upset and wanted to meet up. I’d rather have gone out with you but I’ll call her up and see if she still wants to do something,” said Tre.

”I’ll catch you at the house later then,” I said to him.

“Not sure, we’re beginning the tour in a couple of days and I want to catch up with Ramona and Frankito, I’ve got loads of packing to do so I don’t know when I’m going to be around,” he said then shrugged. He didn’t look happy and I felt so sorry for him. He was a good guy and I hoped that Mike hadn’t upset him, there was more to Tre acting like this, I was sure of it.

“So…I’ll see you properly in a couple of days then, when I get to grips with that hair,” I said.

He smiled at me and I just wanted to call up Sara and cancel her but I was stubborn. I’d have loads of time with Tre on tour; I’d get to talk with him then.

“Yeah,” he said. “Enjoy your time with Sara.” Then he was gone, walking right on past Mike and Billie but shouting a quick, “see you later,” as he went.

Something was wrong with him and I hadn’t got to find out and when would I get another chance?

Walking into the salon I could feel Vincent looking across at me but I didn’t want to look at him, I didn’t want to make eye contact.

I was aware of Sara’s dulcet tones coming from the back room and then she appeared, looking as glamorous as ever and peering over her glasses at me.

“The elusive Jules,” she said coming over. “I’ve booked a table at Armando’s, hope you’re hungry,” she said to me. Well I was always hungry, nothing much stopped me from eating and Sara always said she was always hungry but whatever she ate wouldn’t be enough to keep a sparrow alive. This was how she kept her slim figure, a diet that mainly consistent of cigarettes, coffee, water and the occasional morsel of food.

“Yes, I’m starving.”

“I hear you’re going to be away for some time again,” she said looking at me in a way that reminded me of how teachers used to look at me. As if waiting for an explanation, as if I wasn’t able to make up my own mind about things or just making sure I knew what I was doing. This was just Sara, and this was how she looked at people. She looked at everyone like that, with hardly any expression. Tre often called her stony face and I could now see why.

“Yeah, I made the decision only yesterday, I’ve missed being with them and I thought it would be a great opportunity. I’m so looking forward to it.

“I don’t know how you can spend all that time, constantly in the same company as…”

”As Tre?” I said questioning her. What the fuck was it with those two?

Then we were interrupted by Vincent.

“Hi Jules,” He said coming over, a pair of scissors in one hand and a comb in the other, his client sitting over by the window looking at me with her hair dripping all around her wondering who the hell I was to drag Vincent away from her waiting attention.

“Hi,” I said in quite a cool manner.

I noticed Sara saunter off into the back room.

“Listen, about the other night, I’m sorry but it was a little…too soon for me but…how about, how about we go out sometime, tonight?” He said.

What was this? Vincent having second thoughts about little old me. Little old me, the one that he couldn’t quite bring himself to sleep with.

“I’m sorry Vincent, I’m busy tonight,” I said to him, “and you were right the other night, I don’t know what I was thinking, I must have had far too much to drink. Anyway, thanks, thanks for asking and I’m sorry to hear that you and Stephanie have split.”

“Yeah she…she’s hung up on Tre I think. She said…she said why couldn’t I be like him, something about he knew how to treat a woman, he respected her and such like.”

Tre? Tre respecting someone? Taking advantage of her more like, she was young and vulnerable and he took advantage of her. Or had he? She was old enough to know what she was doing so may be he did treat women with a little respect. Well I’d never seen it but then may be I’d never looked for it and thoughts of his hot breath against my hand overwhelmed me then Sara suddenly appeared ready for our lunch date. I was glad to leave the the salon, leave the young Vincent behind and forget my thoughts of Tre.

But I couldn’t forget my thoughts of Tre, they kept popping up every now and again, occasionally something Sara would say brought him to my mind, as I ordered from the menu I took a glance and wondered what Tre would order. Again something we did when we were younger, I’d always guess what he would have and he would guess correctly what I’d choose.

The waiter was wearing the very same cologne as Tre wore and the taxi home was playing Longview.

There was no escaping him I thought as I let myself into his house. It was totally empty, silent and unwelcoming.

Where was he? Was he with his children, saying goodbye to them because he wasn’t sure when he’d get to see them properly again? Or was he with the lovely Stephanie?

I went to bed early, falling asleep quickly because of my lack of sleep from the night before and when I woke I was sure I’d dreamt of Tre, his lips on mine and mint chocolate chip ice cream.

Making my morning coffee in my favourite mug that Tre had kept here I realised that my feelings had changed for Tre and I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.