Wish You Were Here

So we went to his hotel room to talk. He let us both in with his key, he was fumbling and I knew he was slightly nervous. Why? This was me here, me, his lifelong friend. What was he nervous of?

The hotel room smelt of him, of his cologne and it was messy which didn’t surprise me, the shirt he was wearing last night laying in a heap on the floor, a damp towel was in the doorway of the bathroom and I noticed the bed hadn’t been slept in but looked rumpled as though he had been lying on top of it. There was a half empty bottle of scotch on the bedside table; his suitcase was open with an assortment of clothes and toiletries bunched up inside and this made me smile. He never ever emptied his suitcase when he was away he just lived out of it, rummaged around looking for something, crumpling everything up as he did.

“Hey, what are you smiling at?” Tre said. He was standing over by the window.

“I was just looking at the mess in here and smiling at the state of your suitcase. Why don’t you ever unpack and put your things away in the drawers.”

He shrugged, “you know me.” He said putting his door keys down onto the dressing table then he sighed.

“Of course I know you.” I said.

Then was a momentary silence and then it was broken as we both said each other’s names at the same time, a slightly awkward moment between us and it felt weird, we’d never had this before.

But then we looked at each other and laughed then he came towards me.

“You haven’t slept have you?” I said to him and he shook his head.

“I couldn’t sleep from…thinking about what was said. Mike came to see me and we chatted for ages, he explained everything,” said Tre looking down. He took my hand in his and started rubbing his thumb over the fleshy part between my thumb and forefinger, the part that I’d cut with the knife all those years ago not long after I’d first met him when we’d been tree carving and if you looked closely you could see a tiny silver-like scar. No-one really knew it was there but Tre knew.

“What did he say?” I said my heart pounding against my rib cage.

“He explained that when you came back from Scotland he wanted to take things a little further with you, he saw you in a different way. He remembered the time you were together, apparently he couldn’t quite get it from his mind and wanted to get it back but he knew you had other ideas and he apologised to me because he thought I knew.”

He was still holding my hand, still running his thumb over my little tiny scar but he wasn’t looking at me.

“Tre…I….it was something and nothing. It happened, it was a one off night. I didn’t tell you because…”

“Its OK Jules because…I already knew. I’ve always known.” He said raising his face so that his eyes could meet mine.

“You knew!” I said.

Letting go of my hand he walked over to the bed and laid down on it, watching me, he lay on his back, his arms behind his head. So he knew, he knew about Mike and I having slept together all those years ago and I cringed slightly for some reason.

He smiled.

“Jules, think about it. Don’t you remember you told me that Mike was coming for dinner that night because he was upset and you wanted to cook for him, talk to him and check that he was OK? So typical of you by the way.”

“Yeah, I remember,” I said walking over to the bed and climbing onto it, lying on my back alongside him, both of us looking up at the ceiling.

“Well I called you early the next morning to see if everything was OK with Mike, to see how the evening went. Do you remember that?”

”Yeah…I remember now.” I had vague memories of Tre calling to see if Mike was OK but at the time of the call Mike was still with me, still lying naked in the bed beside me and I couldn’t talk to Tre properly.

“You couldn’t talk properly and I guessed that you had someone there. I wasn’t sure if it was Mike so I came by, sat outside your house and lo and behold, out came Mike. I watched you both, he pecked you on the cheek, you both looked embarrassed and it was obvious that it was a one-off.” He said.

“I remember now because about ten minutes after Mike left you turned up and I remember being glad that you hadn’t arrived earlier. Oh my god so you’ve known about us all these years.”

“I have but like you I really didn’t think much about it, so much fuss has been made about it, its ridiculous Jules.”

“Yeah, I suppose it is.” I said turning onto my side so that I could look at him. “I used to tell you everything, absolutely everything. What went wrong?”

His eyes were closing and I knew he was tired.

“You met that dick, Clive, that’s what went wrong. He changed you. I wish you hadn’t gone away,” he said, his eyes still shut tight. “Because that’s when I realised.”

“Realised what?” I said.

“Realised that I loved you. I knew all that time ago and it scared the shit out of me.”

“I love you too,” I said but he was snoring now and I knew he was asleep so wasn’t sure if he’d heard me or not.

I smiled to myself, listening to the familiar snore as I pulled the blanket up over us, snuggled down next to him and joined him in the land of nod.

I woke to the sound of him talking at the hotel door, talking to someone. There was the rattle of cups and he appeared, in his boxers, his torso naked and toned. He must have always been that toned and good looking for all those years and I’d never even noticed it.

“Coffee?” He said but he poured one out anyway. He knew how I took it, of course he did, he didn’t have to ask.

“Mmmm. Please,” I said stretching. What the fuck must I look like, I’d hardly slept all night and I don’t even remember the last time I’d put a comb through my hair.

He came over, clambered onto the bed and handed me the coffee after I’d sat up and put a pillow behind me. I sipped the coffee and it was perfectly made by Tre, as usual.

He was looking at me.

“What you looking at?” I said.

“Just looking.” He replied.

“I must look dreadful,” I said to him putting my hand up to my hair as if it was going to make some sort of difference to the state it was in.

“You could never look dreadful.”

“I must have done sometimes, hey, remember when you used to call me skinny bitch?” I said sipping at my coffee and looking at his face, I liked it when he had a slight stubble on his chin.

”Yeah, I remember.”

“But you always used to make a comment about my jeans. I never did get that. Why was it every time I wore them you made a comment?”

“Because…when you wore jeans your ass…it…it always looked hot,” he said taking my coffee cup and saucer from me.

I blushed. I actually blushed at the comment Tre said to me. So he’d thought I had a hot ass, all those years ago that’s why he’d always commented on my jeans.

“I think I need to tell you something.” Said Tre. “The one thing I never did get to tell you about…something that happened while you were away.”

“You slept with Sara,” I said looking him directly in the eye.

“I knew she’d tell you. She’s a bitch.” Said Tre glancing away from me.

“Well, that bitch thought you were great in bed, I hate to say it but she fell for you a little.” I said still watching him.

“I presume she told you everything?” Said Tre.

“Yes, all about the ice cream, everything.” I said.

“I’m sorry Jules but…like you, it was a one off thing. Never to be repeated, ever.” He said.

“You know, as soon as she mentioned to me over lunch that day about mint chocolate chip ice cream I sort of had this feeling it was you because she wouldn’t let on who it was. I was sure it was you but...I think I liked to block it out. So she fell for you, poor Sara, you would have made a great bitchy little couple you know,” I said trying to make him smile. He’d definitely regretted it, I could see it in his eyes and I was sure he knew that I regretted the Mike instance.

He laughed then he took my hand again, he kissed the palm, his breath hot and tickly against it and then he kissed a gentle trail all the way up my arm and I knew then that we were going to be OK, we were friends, best friends but we were also a couple.

This time Tre pulled the blanket over us and we didn’t leave that hotel room for the rest of the day.

After taking a much-needed shower I wrapped the huge bathroom towel around me and wrapped a smaller one, turban style around my head and left the bathroom. I couldn’t see Tre at first but then I spotted him out on the hotel balcony so I joined him. He was looking out across the skyline and he had something in his hand.

“Are you OK?” I said to him.

“Just fine, just fine. Listen Jules there’s something I want to say.”

What was it? I hoped he hadn’t changed his mind, had he played me for a fool all along? Was he getting me back?

“Julia MacDonald would you marry me?” He suddenly blurted out, quickly, hurriedly, nervously.

My mouth was open, shocked as I wasn’t expecting this. I smiled a broad smile and he smiled back at me. I loved him so much.

“Yes Tre, of course I’ll marry you,” I managed to croak out as he took me in his arms and held me close.

“Are you sure you want to do this, you’ve been married twice before?”

He looked at me. “Of course I’m sure Jules, never more so.”

”But, I can’t give you a child.” I said that awful thing forever hanging over me like a dark cloud.

“But its you I want Jules.” He said. “Just you.”

“Actually Tre, there’s something else I’ve been meaning to tell you. Something I’ve only just remembered as I didn’t think it would be an issue. Adrienne knows all about it and she’ll have to play a huge part.” I said looking into his blue eyes.

He touched my face.

“What is it?” He said.

“Come and sit on the bed and I’ll explain.”