Spiral Static

I looked down at the present Edward offered me with a measurable amount of discomfort.

“You know how I feel about gifts,” I told him, frowning at the package. It was flat and rectangular, wrapped in plain, brown paper. Obviously a book of some sort. Curiosity tugged at me.

Edward set the present down on the bed in front of me. “You’ll want this one. Don’t worry. It wasn’t expensive.”

Shoulders still tense with reluctance, I sighed and opened it.

It was a blank journal. And Edward was lying. It was obviously very expensive. It was made of hand-bound leather of the highest quality, the edges of each page laced with gold. There was an intricate design pressed into the leather – trees and stars, a partially eclipsed moon in the background. Twilight, it said in small embossed print at the bottom. It was beautiful, but for some reason, it struck me as an odd gift to receive.

“You need to write down your story, Bella,” he said when I looked up at him in confusion.

“I do?”

“So that you’ll be sure to remember us after you’re turned.”

I blinked, surprised. “I’m sorry. Say that again?”

Edward ran his fingers through his already disheveled hair as he sat down on the bed next to me. He chose his words with care as if he wanted to soften something for me. “It doesn’t work the same for everyone. Transitioning into a vampire is unpredictable, Bella. Just for the first year or two. Everything will be normal after that.”

“What are you trying to tell me?”

“The change can be disorienting. You might not remember me for a while. Carlisle thinks it’s just the mind protecting itself against the trauma of the turning.”

I continued to stare at him for a long time, almost forgetting to breathe. “I could forget you?” I asked, my voice shaky.

“It’s possible,” he said frankly. “For a little while anyway. It’s always different, depending on the person. It could last an hour, or it could last...” He trailed off, sighing. “... Well, more than an hour. Do you still want to go through with it?”

I ignored his question – that wasn’t even an option anymore – and asked one of my own. “I ... I’ll have what I write down in my journal to read after I’m turned? To remind me?”

“That’s the general idea, yes. I think it would be a comfort to you.”

I accepted the gift without further resistance.

There, in that cramped little inn in Switzerland, I began to write my story. Feverishly. Terrified I wouldn’t remember every second of my time spent with Edward. Or that I wouldn’t remember it the same way. My initial reaction to Edward coming into my life was so very human in nature, so defined by the fact that he was a vampire and I wasn’t, that I wanted to be sure that I would never forget the fascination and obsession I felt when I first laid eyes on him. I didn’t understand how a vampire mind worked. I could only hope I would want and feel the same things after it was done.

I didn’t write about my childhood in the journal. I barely talked at all about my life before the moment when Renée first drove me to the airport to live in Forks with Charlie. That’s when my life really started, after all. I only sort of existed before then. What started as a personal chronology turned into something else entirely. I filled up the first journal in a day, then bought another ... and another. Ink stains became a constant feature of the skin on my fingers. My hands ached, my fingers so cramped and sore that I could barely move them.

So Edward bought me a laptop.

I accepted it only on the condition that he return it once we got back home or keep it for himself. Typing was much easier on my hands than writing with a pen. I was at it constantly as we traveled through Austria and Germany, encompassed by the safety of the Cullen family. I wasn’t going to forget anything. Not a single glance. Not the way I felt when I first saw him. And it wasn’t just thoughts of Edward that drove me ... but thoughts of Charlie and Jacob and all of the Cullens as well. Even ridiculous Mike Newton.

"Edward Cullen is staring at you," Jessica giggled in my ear.

"He doesn't look angry, does he?" I couldn't help asking.

"My name is Edward Cullen," he continued. "I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan."

He ignored my questions. "Do I dazzle you?"

"Frequently," I admitted.

I kept going and going. Words poured out of me. Hundreds of pages, all flashing before my eyes like a movie. James and the dance studio. The terrible break-up with Edward. My blossoming friendship with Jacob, which turned into something else entirely. The Volturi. Victoria and her newborns, which I didn’t like to think about too hard. The incident in Paris on our honeymoon.

I finished the story on the airplane headed back home to Washington, taking out my laptop every now and again to type a little more if something noteworthy happened. Edward was thumbing through the first journal with a strange look on his face.

“Is this really how women think?” he murmured.

I bit my lip and shrugged. “I guess. It’s how I think. I’m a woman.”

“Mind-boggling.” He shook his head in wonder as he turned a page. “It’s good though, Bella. Simple, but it really evokes an emotional response. Perhaps I should do this, too. Tell our story from my point of view, I mean. It’s a bit different from yours.”

“Can I read it when you’re finished?”

“We’ll see. When you’re ready.”

I rested my cheek on his shoulder, exhausted. I had been pouring my heart out for days, barely pausing to sleep. “You didn’t mind, did you? That we didn’t see much on the rest of our honeymoon? We could have done so much exploring if I hadn’t been so adamant about staying in the hotel to write.”

He pressed his face into my hair, his arm tightening around my shoulders. “As long as I was able to look at you, Bella,” he assured me, “and smell your scent, believe me when I say I was perfectly content.”

On the night I was to be turned – the very last day of the month, as decreed to us – Edward asked me what my favorite meal in the world was. Something I couldn’t live without.

“Pizza,” I said immediately. “Pepperoni with extra cheese. And a Coke with lots of ice.”

That night, back at Charlie’s house in Forks, Edward made a pizza for me. He wasn’t very good at cooking, but he went at it with such dedication and attention to detail, I couldn’t help but smile when he presented me with something just shy of edible. His idea of “extra cheese” was something to behold. It dripped off of the pan and onto the table in a greasy smear. My last meal. Just like I was on death row awaiting lethal injection. The metaphor wasn’t entirely inaccurate.

Charlie ate with us. “Edward?” he said after taking a bite. “I gotta say, son. This is the shittiest damn piece of pizza I’ve ever eaten in my entire life.”

Coke nearly went up my nose.

I covered my mouth to keep from laughing. It was a good ten seconds before I could speak. “It’s not that bad,” I protested, a bit unwillingly. Edward had, after all, tried his best. I don’t think his feelings were hurt. He wasn’t even listening. Just sort of staring at me with that grim expression on his pale face. He looked anxious, troubled. It was pretty easy to guess what he was thinking about. The clock was ticking.

Charlie had noticed Edward’s sullen mood as well. “You okay over there? You look like you’re not feeling too well.”

I kicked Edward under the table, which admittedly wasn’t the best idea. It was like kicking the Empire State Building. He jolted slightly, torn from his thoughts, then sat up a little straighter in his chair. “Yes, sir. I guess I’m just a little under the weather.”

“I see you’re not eating,” Charlie pointed out. “I guess you already had some of this pizza here while you were busy in the kitchen. No wonder you’re sick.”

“Dad...” I murmured, trying to keep from giggling. “Be nice.”

“Well, I guess I’m not that great of a cook myself. And now you’re taking Bella away again on another trip. Looks like I’m not going to have another hot meal for a while.” Charlie dropped his napkin on his plate to hide what he hadn’t eaten. “Bella, are you sure you should be leaving again so soon after just getting back from your honeymoon? Another trip right after the first ... isn’t that a little much?”

There was no second trip planned, of course. We had just told Charlie that for his own sake. I probably wouldn’t be seeing him for a while.

“I wanted to come see you before I left again. I don’t know if I’ll be able to come home before the fall semester starts at college.” Tears sprung into my vision as I said it. Poor Charlie. He had no idea that I would never even arrive on campus.

“Oh?” he asked, looking strangely small sitting there in his chair. “Well. I guess that’s your choice. You’re a grown woman now. I’m glad you did, Bell – come home for a visit, I mean. I’m going to miss you.” He turned toward Edward, his face becoming stern. It was the same face he used when he pulled traffic violators over. “You gonna take care of my little girl, now? She’ll need looking after since I won’t be there. You know the kind of messes she can get herself into.”

Edward looked into Charlie’s eyes for the first time since we had arrived. “Don’t worry,” he promised in his velvety tone. “I’ll keep her safe.”

In the car, I cried when we left Charlie behind. I turned my face away from Edward so he wouldn’t see, but he knew all the same. He held my hand within his own and said nothing. His thumb traced little circles on my wrist, always centering in on where my pulse beat – for just a little while longer, anyway. He had already made me call Renée. I was so happy I’d gotten to see her at the wedding.

Time was slipping by so fast that my head was starting to spin.

“Jacob’s never going to forgive me,” I whispered, not even realizing I had said the words out loud.

Edward glanced over at me with hollow eyes. I didn’t know how to interpret his expression – that same tense, anxious energy mixed with something that resembled longing. He was probably wondering if I would have been better off with Jacob. But there was something else there in his eyes – like he was readying himself for a fight. I suppose in a way, we both were. This wasn’t going to be easy on anyone.

Through the window, I watched as we passed our turnoff. It wasn’t like Edward to miss a turn. “Are we not going to your house now?”

“No,” he answered quietly. “One last stop.” Then he squeezed my hand reassuringly, turning to offer me a sad reflection of a smile.

He took me to our meadow. It was twilight, the sun having already slipped beyond the blazing horizon. Clouds pressed in from the north, threatening the area with a storm. But for now, it was clear. I breathed deeply of the evening air, feeling nostalgic, happy to be home and surrounded by good memories. I turned to see Edward standing to the side, watching me with his hands in his pockets.

I reached out my hand to him, beckoning.

We lay together amidst the grasses and flowers for a long time – nuzzling, kissing, touching each other’s faces – until the sky grew black. Thunder rolled in the distance, signaling the approach of the storm.

There in the meadow, where no lights from the town touched the horizon because of the trees, the woods fell into thick, impenetrable darkness. I don’t know why exactly, but it frightened me, like it was somehow a physical manifestation of the dark, uncertain place I was about to enter into. A chill went through me and only worsened when Edward tried to pull me close.

“I can’t see anything anymore,” I whispered, sitting up and straining my eyes against the darkness.

“It’s all right, Bella,” his gentle voice said. I felt him sit up beside me, reaching over to tangle his fingers in my hair, drawing me back to him. “I’ve got you. Just a little longer now. Alice is about to call.”

As if on cue, his cell phone rang, piercing through the silence. He answered it before the first ring was finished. “Yes, I’ve got her here now. Did they agree? I know it’s difficult to see with them involved, but how long, do you think? All right. I’ll bring her.”

I stared at the indistinct outline of his profile, mystified. What was that all about?

“We need to go now, Bella,” said Edward as he rose to his feet. He said it like he was asking a question. Thinking back, I guess he was doing just that.

I hesitated, chewing on my lower lip, a familiar nervous habit. Then, taking a deep breath, I reached up and accepted his outstretched hand. “I’m ready.”

When we arrived, I was surprised to find the Cullen residence engaged in much more activity than I anticipated.

I’m not sure what I expected, really. Hardly a funeral dirge to be playing or anything, but it did strike me as odd. Everyone seemed to be getting ready, darting here and there around the house, some going as far as to gather in the doorway. I decided that they all must be going somewhere, perhaps to give us some privacy. That was for the best. I didn’t think I wanted them around when ... well, when the biting started. Aside from me, only Edward and Carlisle were supposed to be there when it happened. I’d made them both promise it wouldn’t be a spectacle.

The way that they were all glancing at me made me feel strange. They almost looked ... amused. Like they knew something I didn’t. It was the way adults looked at children after being handed a sticker-encrusted letter to mail to Santa Claus. Sort of, Oh, isn’t that just precious? I didn’t like it at all.

I asked Edward about it. “I hadn’t noticed,” was his reply. He sounded angry, another thing I hadn’t expected.

I glanced over at him to ask another question – then shut my mouth in surprise.

Edward’s face had completely transformed from the one I had stared into in the meadow. There he had been all sweetness – sad, yes, but still adoring. Now, he just looked murderous. His eyes had shifted to that flat black color that made my heart jump into my throat. His fingers twitched anxiously, and he glanced at his watch. He wasn’t really paying attention to me, but his glare wasn’t aimed at anyone else in the room.

“Did I do something to upset you?” I asked, taken back.

He looked over at me, eyes flickering back to amber. “What? No.”

“You look like you’re about to kill someone.”

“Just ... getting focused is all.”

Holy crap. I didn’t know biting someone took so much focus. Or anger. Was it going to be that difficult for him?

Alice came down the stairs two at a time, grinning madly. “They’re in the city limits, now. They’ll be here in two minutes and thirty-six seconds. Edward, stop making that awful face. You’re scaring Bella.”

My heartbeat continued to pound in my throat, my head feeling light and dizzy from the sudden rush of adrenaline. What was she talking about?

“Is he with them?” asked Edward in a seething tone.

Alice shook her shorn hair. “No, not that I can see. He must be pretty sure that we’ve already done it.”

Edward didn’t appear to like that at all. He breathed a string of curses from between clenched teeth. Thunder sounded in the distance, closer than last time. A gust of wind swept through the trees outside. The storm was getting closer.

“Relax, Edward,” said Carlisle, removing his nice leather jacket and placing it on the back of the sofa. “That’s a good thing. It will make this easier. Now is everyone ready?” Nods all around the room from each of the seven members of the family. Only I stood there, dumbfounded. “Edward, Bella will obviously need to stay here. She doesn’t need to see this or be put in danger.”

“What are you all talking about?” I begged, anger and confusion causing my voice to raise an octave in pitch. “See what?”

“Someone will need to stay here with her,” said Edward, nodding his chin at me. “I’m not taking a chance that one of them will come here.”

“What about you?” asked Esme. “She looks terrified, Edward. Was it really necessary to keep her in the dark about this?”

“Yes, it was. And no, I’m not going to stay here. This is my fight before it’s anyone else’s.”

“Alice will stay,” offered Jasper. “I don’t want her out there anyway.”

“Well, that’s no fun,” pouted Alice. “No offense, Bella. Only one minute until they’re here, everyone. The wolves must be close because I can’t see anything anymore. You better go meet them before they get any closer to the house. I’ll stay with Bella and keep her out of trouble.”

I watched with huge, perplexed eyes as everyone began filing out of the room. Wolves? Was Jacob coming for me? I began to tremble.

Edward lingered long enough to kiss me and whisper, “I’ll explain everything when we get back. Now stay with Alice and do what she says, all right? I love you, Bella.”

Alice was incredibly unhelpful.

“You’re really not going to tell me what’s going on, are you?” I asked for the millionth time.

“Hmmm?” she asked, not looking up from what she was doing.

She was attacking my hair with a curling iron, cosmetics and hair supplies splayed out on every available surface before us. I was barely able to sit still, only kept in place by the fear of getting burned. I think she had planned it that way. “This is just mean, Alice. You have to tell me!”

“Oh. Well, Edward wouldn’t be very happy with me if I did that.” She thought about it, her eyes going a bit unfocused. “Yes, there would definitely be name calling. Oh – well, that wasn’t a very nice thing to call me, was it?”

I didn’t ask.

“Of course,” Alice continued, “Edward knows how smart you are. If you figure it out on your own, he can’t really get mad at me, can he?”

“Okay. So obviously they were going to fight someone.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You mentioned the wolves out there. Oh, Alice, tell me the werewolves haven’t caught wind of me being changed over?”

“No, they’re not going to fight the werewolves. We called them. They’re going to help with the fighting. Just like with Victoria. They really do like you, you know. We haven’t told them anything about the deadline for changing you over.”

Another thought occurred to me when Alice said the word deadline. There were people in the world – or more accurately, monsters – that had particular interest in my mortal deadline. I nearly jumped out of the chair, held only in place by Alice’s heavy hand upon my shoulder. “The Volturi aren’t here, are they?” I squeaked, gripping the arm rests in alarm.

“Hmmm. Not exactly. Close, though.”

I stared at her blankly. That ... could possibly be worse. It wasn’t so much that I was incomprehensive at that moment – I just didn’t want to comprehend. Fear twisted in my gut that I hadn’t felt since that horrible night, alone in that hotel room, fearing for Edward’s life. “It’s not ... those other vampires, is it? The ones from Paris?”

Alice nodded, grinning enthusiastically. “Hey, can I paint your nails? We still have another minute before they get back. It’s all over now. The wolves are gone, so I can see.”

“But ... oh, my God. Did they...?” I trailed off, unable to string together coherent sentences.

“Oh, relax. They made sport of them. Ten vampires against six are pretty tough odds to beat, but add the werewolves and a vengeful Edward? Trust me, Bella. It was over fast. Well, except for that creepy leader vamp. He never showed.” Alice frowned, pondering. “I wonder how he was able to block me anyway? I never even suspected what was happening to you both in Paris.”

I remembered the feel of leather gloves on my wrist, twisting my arm cruelly, ruthless words spelled out to me in the politest of tones. The remembrance of him – that malicious, beautiful creature – made a new kind of fear settle into my stomach. I didn’t like the idea of him still out there somewhere, able to hide his presence with ease from Edward and Alice. He could be at the window, watching us, or he could be far, far away. I would never know until he decided to show his face.

“Oh, and Bella? Don’t mention the leader to Edward, okay? He’s pretty sore about it. Once he gets his mind set on revenge, he’s a bit difficult to sway. He wanted to kill the leader tonight in particular.”

Lightning flashed in the windows, and a crack of thunder followed a second later. I turned toward to glance out into the living room, anxious for the Cullens to return, and gasped in surprise when I saw a dark figure looming there in the doorway.

“Oh hey, Edward,” said Alice without bothering to turn around. “Did you have fun?”

Edward stepped from the shadows, his face still dour but calmer now. I supposed I understood now why he had been so tense all evening. I had misinterpreted it. He had known that those vampires were on their way to ... check on us, for want of a less violent phrase.

“Obviously,” he said, his voice low and smooth, almost dangerous.

“Bella, your hair is done now,” said Alice, setting the curling iron down. “It’s very becoming this way. I’ll just leave you two alone now so you can talk. Edward, be sensible, okay? She figured out what was going on all by herself.”

Giving Edward a meaningful glance, Alice slipped from the room without another word. Edward and I stood before one another from across the room. I felt strangely uncertain.

“The vampires from Paris?” I asked, my voice barely audible over the rain pounding on the roof.

Edward nodded his head silently toward the rain-speckled window. Lightning lit up the sky, and I could barely make out a pillar of smoke rising in the distance. I wondered how they got the fire going so well in the rain.

Hugging myself, I turned back to face him. “We’re still going to have to go through with it, you know. Just because you killed them doesn’t mean the Volturi are just going to stop.” Not to mention the vampire leader, I added silently.

“Yes, about that...” Edward murmured, coming close. I could see him better now. He was soaked from the rain, his hair still somehow managing to defy gravity, even wet.

I stiffened, ready for another fight. “You promised me you wouldn’t try to stop me anymore.”

“I know what I promised. I have no intention of stopping you.”

That made me pause, curious. I said nothing, letting my eyes ask the questions.

His hands dropped to my shoulders, and he dipped his face down until it was very close to mine. “Now that we’re free of certain distractions, Bella, I want to have a little talk with you. I hope it has become very plain to you that I am not going to let anything steal this choice away from you. If I have to start a war to prove that, so be it.”

“You didn’t have do that for me, Edward,” I replied, my voice shaking with emotion. “They would have left us alone if we had just gone through with it.”

Edward scoffed. “No, they really wouldn’t have. Trust me, I know their type. They thrive on controlling and manipulating people. And Bella ... I didn’t kill them for you. Call me selfish, but that was all for my own gratification. I killed them because of what they did. Because they took the choice out of your hands. I told you once, long ago, that I have a little problem with my temper. Surely you’ve noticed it once or twice by now. Do you really think I was going to let that short, stuck-up ...” and here he strung out a list of curse words I’ve never even heard before “...ill-refined midget touch you like that and get away with it?”

Again, I saw the vampire leader in my mind – like a quartz statue, perfectly sculpted. The memory made me feel strange. The way he had looked at me, as if he could see right through my clothes to my bare skin, made my stomach twist urgently. “But he’s still out there somewhere,” I told Edward. “Alice told me he didn’t come tonight.”

“I’ll deal with that when the time comes,” Edward swore, squeezing my shoulders reassuringly. “But now we’ve sent him a message, haven’t we? We protected you from Victoria and James. This will be no different. We’ve destroyed his support base. It’s likely he won’t show his face here for a long time, if ever again.”

“Oh,” I said. “Hmmm.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. It’s just...” I trailed off, blushing a bit.

Edward looked at my expression suspiciously. “Tell me.”

“Well. I mean, I’m glad he didn’t show up here,” I stammered, feeling my cheeks burn. “And yeah, it’s a little scary that he’s still out there somewhere, like those times when James and Victoria were after me...”

“But?” prompted Edward, eyebrows raised.

“Well...” I swallowed with difficulty, my throat suddenly dry. “He was prettier than James. And definitely Victoria. I was just remembering, is all.” My cheeks blazed red.

Edward stared at me, unblinking.

“You’re pretty, too!” I offered quickly, all in a rush, babbling from the embarrassment. “Very, very pretty, and have I mentioned how much I love your hair? It’s very 90210 today.”

“Bella.” Edward said my name in that tone that meant I was in trouble.

“You know ... Jason Priestley. Luke Perry. The sideburns all long and the top all crazy-like?”

He clenched his teeth. “Bella.”

Tentatively, I cracked a hopeful smile. “Yes, Edward?”

He fixed me in place with an intense gaze and cupped my face in both of his hands. He dropped one possessive kiss on my mouth, hard and uncompromising, his lips closed against mine. My insides promptly liquefied, and all other thoughts fled from my mind but those that centered around Edward. He kept me there until I my legs turned to jelly, shaking beneath me. Then he pulled back to stare at me victoriously. “Hush.”

I could barely open my eyes, dazed, so I sort of just bobbed my head up and down at him.

“Here I am trying to be serious, and you’re talking about my hair,” he scolded. “And I do not have Luke Perry hair, Bella. And how could you possibly like him?” His voice rose in pitch with every syllable. I could tell by his tone that he wasn’t referring to an actor in his last question.

“I didn’t like him!” I cried defensively, finally finding my voice. “He was evil and terrible, and he hurt you! I just...”

Edward put a hand over his face and groaned.

“... found him interesting is all.”

“You are so utterly ridiculous.”

I deflated. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m not thinking straight tonight. Nothing is happening the way I thought it would. What does any of it even mean?”

He sighed sharply. “It means that now you at least have a chance at deciding your own fate. You deserve a choice in this matter.”

I grew solemn, frowning up at him. In the excitement of the evening, I kept forgetting the real reason I was here at the Cullen house. The clock was still ticking. Somewhere, Carlisle was waiting for us.

“You still don’t want me to become a vampire, do you?”

“That doesn’t matter anymore. I promised you in Switzerland I wouldn’t say anything else to dissuade you. Neutral, right? You’re the one who needs to want it, Bella. Not me. This is your decision now, and yours alone.”

Tears stung the corners of my eyes. “You could have told me what you had planned, Edward. You left me thinking I was going to be forced into this. That I didn’t have a choice. Working through all of this mentally ... I know I’ve tried to keep my chin up, but it hasn’t been easy. I didn’t expect you to turn it all on its head like this.”

“I’m glad it wasn’t easy. That was rather the point. I wanted it to be the most difficult thing you’ve had to face in your life. I wanted to scare you into realizing the reality and finality of it. I wanted you to write down our story, yes because of the reasons I told you regarding your memories – but also so that you could see what a good life you have. Bella, you becoming a vampire is not going to complete us. We’re already complete. You do this only for yourself. If this is the life you want – cold, hard, never sleeping – then that’s one thing. But I’m not going to stand by and let you destroy something that’s already perfect just because you’re afraid of the Volturi or because you think I’ll cast you aside as you age. You told me in Switzerland that I was stronger than I realized. You were right, Bella. I am in control, and so are you. We don’t have to do anything tonight except what we want to. Does that make sense, Bella? Why are you crying?”

I had melted down as he spoke, trembling under the cold hands that still rested on my shoulders. “I don’t know,” I choked out. I didn’t resist as he pulled me close, cupping the back of my head with his hand. I couldn’t close my eyes. They were wide with fear and uncertainty, tears leaking from the corners unchecked. Edward said nothing, save for breathing my name into my hair soothingly.

I did know why I was crying, though. I had realized ... it really was my decision, wasn’t it?

I didn’t even know where to start. I was lost in that moment, floating. Everything within me ached. My heart. My head. Even my own thoughts seemed to throb angrily, making my ears ring from the pressure.

I pressed my face into Edward’s strong, unyielding chest, breathing in his familiar scent. It helped. It centered me – grounded me again. I loved the way he smelled, the way he held me so carefully against his hard body, like I was something precious and irreplaceable. I realized then why I was aching inside so acutely. I was aching for him. I wanted to be closer. To crawl inside and dwell in the same place as him. I just wanted to be where he was. Call it obsession or adoration or love, all I knew was that Edward was my life. He was the missing part of me. He was right. We were already complete the way we were – human and vampire together. But was it enough for me, when I could reach out and take more? Was all the pain and sacrifice worth an eternity with him?

Of course it was.

I pulled back to look at him with clear eyes as I said, “We were made for each other, Edward. Two halves of the same person. How can I say no? I know in my heart that it’s right. It’s worth it.”

Edward pressed his lips into a thin, straight line. Something flashed in his eyes. Fear. Pity. “That’s your final decision, then? No turning back, Bella. This is deathly serious.”

I nodded, unwavering. “No turning back,” I echoed.

Epilogue

“This is morphine, Bella,” Carlisle explained gently. I flinched when the needle slipped into my arm. “It might help to ease the pain a bit at first. I know you wanted a bit of time to finish your story.”

I gulped and looked at Edward. “At first?”

He didn’t answer. He just stood before me, staring at me like I was on my deathbed, his face cold and bleak.

Carlisle took my hand and placed it in Edward’s like we were getting married all over again. “Now be gentle, Edward. Just as we discussed. Close to the heart. That’s the quickest way. The kindest.” Carlisle touched his hand to my face, a sad look on his beautiful features. “Dearest, Bella. I hope you still think kindly of us after this is done. All right, then. I think you’re ready. I’ll be right outside should you need me. Edward?”

Eyes never leaving my face, Edward nodded his head curtly, only moving it a fraction of an inch.

We were alone after that.

Edward closed his hands over my forearms, steadying me. I couldn’t stop shaking. I could feel the morphine creeping up on me. It felt like it was trying to numb my heart. “I’m frightened,” I admitted, shoulders inching upwards toward my ears.

“I know,” he whispered, coaxing me closer, lips against my forehead. “I’ve got you.”

“Make me read the journals, Edward. Promise me.”

“Shhh, love. I promise.”

He put an icy hand on my neck, his thumb resting on my hammering pulse. It sent a shock through me. I looked up at him, panicked, tears swimming in my eyes. “Please tell me what she told you,” I begged, gripping at the sleeve of his shirt.

“Who?” he asked, his voice soothing.

“Alice. I need to know what she showed you in that vision in Switzerland. When you stopped fighting me on becoming a vampire. Whatever you saw comforted you.”

His gaze softened. “Oh, Bella,” he whispered. “She just showed you to me. That’s all. After the change. You were ... Bella.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You were still my Bella,” he clarified, molding his hand to my face. “Still sweet and perfect. Still brave and beautiful. Still obstinate and infuriating.” He smiled as he said it, eyes shining at me in adoration. “Alice showed me a vision of you dancing around our meadow, sparkling in the sunlight. Laughing. Happy. I could still see your soul in your eyes. Oh, Bella. Do you honestly think I would be standing here about do to do this if I hadn’t seen your soul?”

Tears dripped from my chin unchecked. “Were you there, too?” I asked hopefully.

The sweetest smile I’ve ever seen spread across his face. He rested his forehead against mine, our eyes still locked. “What do you think?”

He kissed me then, achingly tender. And when we parted, there were tears on his face. It took me a moment to realize they were mine.

“I love you, Bella,” he said, and his hand came to rest on the back of my neck.

“Edward?” I whispered, shaking violently as he pressed his face to my throat. I felt his teeth graze me.

And now I arrive here in the present. I have to write this fast. There’s not much time.

Bella, listen to me. Yes, I realize I’m talking to myself now, but this whole story is meant for you to read anyway. To remember. You’re a different Bella than I am now. Remember who you are, and remember the people you care about.

And make sure you take care of Edward. He really does mean well – when he gets angry and puts holes in the wall, it’s just because he loves you. Be patient with him while he adjusts to the change. Know that you love him, too, even if you can’t remember. You love him so very much, Bella. Please, please don’t ever forget that.

I wish I had more to tell you. But you see, my name is Isabella Cullen. Bella, to my friends. I’m an eighteen year old girl from a small town in Washington. Mortal. Plain. Unextraordinary in every way except for maybe the vampire in my life. And this is the end of my story.

But it’s also the start of a new one. Yours.

I really do need to stop writing now, Bella. My hands are starting to shake.

The end.

...

But to be continued in a sequel. Oh, come on. I left the freaking bad guy alive. You had to see that one coming.