She's Not Bleeding on the Ballroom Floor Just for the Attention
But Who Could Love Me, I Am Out Of My Mind
"God, Scarlett," my mother said, grabbing my wrist and looking at the fresh cut on my arm. "Could you grow up a bit? If it's attention you want, you have my full attention."
She let go of my wrist which went back down by my side. She stared at me, expecting me to say something. I just shook my head as my mom just sighed and rolled her eyes.
"Really," she said. "What do you want? I'm sick with putting up with your shit. First eating disorders, and now that we got that problem fixed, you've resorted to cutting yourself."
I'd had enough, so I went outside and sat against a tree next to my house and cried. Just cried. I hadn't cut myself. I had been playing with my cat, and she had gotten annoyed. Just because I had had an eating disorder didn't mean I was going to go ahead and start cutting myself. I hadn't done it for attention. I was stressed at the time. Everything seemed out of control and I felt the only thing I could control was how I ate.
I really hate my mom sometimes..Ok, most of the time. It seemed everything I did was just for attention. I get a good grade in school, she asks what I want. I cough, she stops what she's doing and says 'What?' in an annoyed voice. Seriously. It would be nice to have someone who just loved me for me and the things I did and not think I did these things for attention. Ok, that sounds like I want attention. I don't. I want love. I want to be happy.
"Hey," I heard a voice say. I lifted my head off my knees and looked at a boy. Might I add a very cute boy. "Are you ok?"
"I-I'm fine," I said. He looked at me in disbelief. He came closer to me and sat next to me.
"I don't believe you," he said. I knew it. "So, I'm not leaving this spot, and neither are you, till you tell me what's wrong."
"I can't," I said.
"Why not?" he asked.
"Because I don't know you," I said. "Plus, it's complicated."
"I see," he said. "Well, my name is Ryan. And you are...?"
"Scarlett," I said.
"There," he said. "Now we know each other. And I have plenty of time for complicated."
"I don't know you," I said. "Just knowing your name doesn't mean anything."
"So?" he said. "Maybe that'll make it easier. We don't know each other and probably won't ever see each other ever again."
I thought about this for a moment.
"Fine," I said. "I'll tell you."
Ryan smiled. But his smile turned into a look of concern as I told him everything. I told him about my eating disorder. I told him my wants, my needs. I told him why I was sitting out here crying. When I was done, we sat in silence. I wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my chin on my knees.
"You know what?" Ryan finally asked.
"No," I said. "What?"
"I might be able to help you," he said. I looked at him to find he was looking right back at me.
"How?" I asked. He smiled.
"I think I could love you," he said. "If you let me, and give it time of course."
"You'd do that?" I asked.
"Of course," he said. "I think you're someone I could fall in love with."
She let go of my wrist which went back down by my side. She stared at me, expecting me to say something. I just shook my head as my mom just sighed and rolled her eyes.
"Really," she said. "What do you want? I'm sick with putting up with your shit. First eating disorders, and now that we got that problem fixed, you've resorted to cutting yourself."
I'd had enough, so I went outside and sat against a tree next to my house and cried. Just cried. I hadn't cut myself. I had been playing with my cat, and she had gotten annoyed. Just because I had had an eating disorder didn't mean I was going to go ahead and start cutting myself. I hadn't done it for attention. I was stressed at the time. Everything seemed out of control and I felt the only thing I could control was how I ate.
I really hate my mom sometimes..Ok, most of the time. It seemed everything I did was just for attention. I get a good grade in school, she asks what I want. I cough, she stops what she's doing and says 'What?' in an annoyed voice. Seriously. It would be nice to have someone who just loved me for me and the things I did and not think I did these things for attention. Ok, that sounds like I want attention. I don't. I want love. I want to be happy.
"Hey," I heard a voice say. I lifted my head off my knees and looked at a boy. Might I add a very cute boy. "Are you ok?"
"I-I'm fine," I said. He looked at me in disbelief. He came closer to me and sat next to me.
"I don't believe you," he said. I knew it. "So, I'm not leaving this spot, and neither are you, till you tell me what's wrong."
"I can't," I said.
"Why not?" he asked.
"Because I don't know you," I said. "Plus, it's complicated."
"I see," he said. "Well, my name is Ryan. And you are...?"
"Scarlett," I said.
"There," he said. "Now we know each other. And I have plenty of time for complicated."
"I don't know you," I said. "Just knowing your name doesn't mean anything."
"So?" he said. "Maybe that'll make it easier. We don't know each other and probably won't ever see each other ever again."
I thought about this for a moment.
"Fine," I said. "I'll tell you."
Ryan smiled. But his smile turned into a look of concern as I told him everything. I told him about my eating disorder. I told him my wants, my needs. I told him why I was sitting out here crying. When I was done, we sat in silence. I wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my chin on my knees.
"You know what?" Ryan finally asked.
"No," I said. "What?"
"I might be able to help you," he said. I looked at him to find he was looking right back at me.
"How?" I asked. He smiled.
"I think I could love you," he said. "If you let me, and give it time of course."
"You'd do that?" I asked.
"Of course," he said. "I think you're someone I could fall in love with."
♠ ♠ ♠
Tell me what you think. Stay as a one-shot, or continue? I like it, but I'm not sure if it's something that could be continued.~Sally