The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You

Holly.
After calming down Frank from his outburst with Gerard, he pulled me onto the bus and practically dragged me back to the bunks. I could tell the feeling of anger was alive in him and it was eating him up, “Get your stuff.” He ordered me, shoving my half full suitcase at me. I kept most of my things still in my suitcase, so there wasn’t much to pack.

“Frank, what about the tour? Maybe you should just stay and finish that out first,” I asked him but only got a dirty look. “Please Frankie, you care so much about your fans and the people who helped you here, and if you go now, you are letting them all down. Do you really want that to happen?” I tried one last time to reason with him but he would only give me a dirty look and continue on with packing.

As I watched him back I realized I had never seen him like this before. I sat back slowly on Gee’s bunk across from ours and watched him. Anyone could tell he was hurt and angry. He had a right to, after dealing with Gerard, who wouldn’t be. It even amazed me how Helena dealt with his attitude for this long. He turned around after noticing I wasn’t moving and sighed, “Oh Holly… I’m sorry.” He rubbed his forehead and sent me an apologetic glance, “It’s just that I am completely stressed out by all of this. I never meant to hurt you.”

“It’s alright. I understand what you’re feeling; I mean you have a right to how you feel. I mean you just dealt with the most narcissistic person on this planet. You know what, you should probably finish packing. I’m already done,” I told him and held up my bag showing him that I had everything I needed. He nodded slowly and turned around. I watched him as he gathered up his things from his bunk. I felt this empty feeling inside my heart as he put one thing at a time in his bag. Memories, the good and the bad, filled my mind. It hurt to think that I wasn’t going to be living on this tour bus anymore. I would never see the same people every morning, or even have deep conversations in the early morning. I would never get to see Helena as offended as I am used to, and that hurt me. After spending time with so many people, you get to know them even if most of their qualities are bad.

As I sat there and thought about the current situation, I heard the bus door open and slam shut. It literally made me jump out of the bunk I was sitting in. I looked over at Frank and noticed he had jumped too. He quickly turned toward me and gave me a worried look. I knew he was worried that it might be Gerard, but as I looked harder at the person entering our bus, I realized it was Helena.

Helena.

“Helena?” I heard someone call out my name. I looked into the bus more and realized it was Holly. Frankie was also there, but was standing across from her.

“Oh hey, listen, I’m really sorry about Gerard,” I said and tried to cover my teary eyes.

“It’s not your fault,” Holly said as she stood up. Her expression turned from mellow to concern when she looked harder at my face, “Helena, are you crying?”

“Um,” Shit, I gave it away so easily, “Nah, I just need to grab something and then be out of your way,” I quickly moved past them covering my eyes and searching around the back of the bus for nothing at all. I was throwing random shirts around and pretended like I couldn’t find something.

“Helena, what happened?” she asked in a concern sisterly way. I knew I couldn’t hide from her, so I had to tell her.

“I think Gerard and I are going to break up,” I chocked on my words as I picked up one of his shirts that I spotted lying on the couch and picked at the collar.

“Aw sweetie, are you sure?” she asked me.

“Yeah I mean he practically said he was sick of me,” I told her, letting only a few tears fall. Suddenly I felt her arms wrap around me. That’s when I broke down and I cried my eyes out while hugging her tightly.

“Shh, It’s going to be okay,” she whispered but I knew nothing was going to be the same.



After my small emotional break down with Holly, I was now sitting outside with my older brother. The party had ended hours ago, but most of them were outside with us. But at the same time, no one was paying attention to me or my brother, and it was nice having some alone time with him. We were all gathered around and warming up to the fire, sharing intimate conversations with each other. Together, Bob and I sat in a comfortable silence until he broke it.

“Where’s Frankie?” he asked. I sighed and played with the edge of my shirt. I knew I had to tell him, he had a right. But how could I tell my brother that his career and life dream was now being taken away from him.

“Well… he went home,” I told him, not taking my eyes off the fire.

“I don’t understand?” he asked confused.

“Frankie quit the band because of Gerard,” I explained.

“Shut up! Frankie would never quit. I mean My Chemical Romance is his favorite band,” Bob said.

“Well he did,” I sighed and remembered the argument clearly. Every time I thought about it, it brought tears to my eyes.

“What?” he looked over at me and knew I wasn’t lying. He looked hard at me before he got up and kneeled next to me, “Helena, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m afraid the band is over and my relationship with Gerard, it’s umm…” I couldn’t finish it. It broke my heard thinking it was over. I never thought we would break it off. We always talked about getting married at the right time and growing old together.

“It’s over,” I cried and he immediately wrapped his arms around my shoulder. I silently cried into his shoulder as he ran his hand over my hair, trying to calm me down.

“Let’s get out of here,” he whispered and nodded in agreement. I didn’t want to show my emotions in front of these people and see him at my worst. I stood up and started to walk through the various buses that filled the small parking lot. We walked far enough to where no one could hear us. I calmed myself down and leaned against a random tour bus with the moon shining bright, “Do you want to tell me the reason why I am going to go punch Gerard in the face?”

I laughed lightly as I stared at the ground and kicked around a small stone. I took a deep breath and looked up at my older brother. He was so overprotective of me since our father died of cancer. He promised to look after me and to take care of me. And that was exactly that he was doing, “When Frankie said he was quitting the band, Gerard did not take him seriously and just complained about the party. He even asked me to leave with him, but I told him it’s not always about him. So he just started yelling and told me not to get into his bunk tonight. “

“So what eye do you want black, the right or left one?” he asked and I just smiled at him. I walked closer to him and wrapped my arms around his waist and he held me close to him, “I promise Dad that I would take care of you and if you want me to beat the crap out of him, I will.”

“Nah, it’s okay. I just need somewhere to sleep tonight. Mind if I bunk with you?” I asked him with a puppy dog frown, knowing that he could not refuse me.

“Nope not at all,” he smiled and kissed my forehead, “That is what big brothers are for.”

Gerard.
I walked alone towards the bus where I knew drama was. It was the drama that I created out of my own self-centeredness. I also knew that I would have to answer to Helena. But what could I say; I practically made a foul out of her in the lobby. I was just afraid I was too late. She was my life, even though she thinks she’s not, she was. I cared more about her then myself, even if I didn’t show it. I knew I was wrong to let the fame go to my head, but I couldn’t help it. It was like a curse that was on me and taking over my body. Like a devil spirit making me do his dirty work.

I looked up at the moon but only thought about the woman I loved. She smiled like no one else, and I loved how I would put it there. I thought about what she said to me today and how I did throw her the prom she never attended. It was around the first time I met Helena and got to know her that she told me that she always wanted to go to her senior prom, but couldn’t due to money problems. So for our first date I asked her to the prom. I knew it was dorky, but she was excited. She had no idea what I was talking about, but she was still excited. I sent her the prettiest dress I could find and it fit her like a glove, showing off her body in all the right places. It was a simple strapless black dress. It was slim fit and had a silk red ribbon that wrapped around her waist and tied in the front. The ends of the ribbons hung loosely down the front. The end of the dress reached to her ankles and the ends were elegantly cut in different lengths with the same silky red ribbon finishing off the ends. Her hair was down and in light curls that framed her face nicely. Of course I was dressed in a black tux with a crimson vest and a crimson tie. I even did my hair, wanting this night to be perfect for her and only her.

I decorated my parent’s basement with a winter theme. I had streamers around everything and balloons covering the floor. I had various lights that I bought from Spencers to light up the room. I had light background music from the oldies since she loves that time period. I even went to the record store and talked about it with the owner and he told me the hits from Frank Sinatra, Billie Holiday and The Temptations.

”Alright, you have to close your eyes,” I told her at the top of my stairs. She looked at me curiously and I laughed, “You have to trust me.”

“Fine, I trust you,” she said and closed her eyes. I smiled devilishly as I walked over towards her and picked her up. She protested but I just kept telling her to keep her eyes closed. I walked her down the stairs and into the basement. I placed her back on the floor and covered her eyes. I reached into my pocket and played the music.

“Now open your eyes,” I whispered and she slowly did. She looked around and her mouth completely dropped. I knew she was shocked and never expected this.

“You did all this?” she asked stunned as she took in the room one more time.

“Yes, since you never got your prom, I decided that you should have your own private one,” I whispered in her ear and wrapped my arms around her waist. She melted against my chest and smiled happily.

“You know, this is the best first date I had ever been on,” she told me and I smiled to myself.
“And it only gets better from here,” I whispered in her ear again and kissed the side of her head.

Now that I am thinking about that night, it felt so long ago and how I lied to her. I only made her life worst, from the time she met me to now, and I only made it a living hell for her. From my mood swings to my selfishness, I don’t know how she could put up with me. I was finally outside our best and took a deep breath. I noticed that most of the lights were off, but I still walked in. It was extremely quiet, but I continue walking towards the back, fearing the worst. I walked past the kitchen and into the bunk area. I looked into my bunk hoping she was in there so I could say I was sorry, but she wasn’t there.

My heart started to beat faster and faster. I looked up quickly and ran to the back, she wasn’t there either. I walked over to Frankie’s and pushed the curtain back, she still wasn’t there. I started to panic thinking she went home, that she packed up her stuff and went home. I was scared that I would never see her again, but I knew there was one more place. I reached up to Bob’s bunk and pulled the curtain back a little and there she was, soundly asleep. My heart started to calm down and I smiled at her. She was still that beautiful girl I fell in love with all those years ago. A piece of her bangs fell into her eyes and I reached up to push it back. She moved a little but didn’t wake up. I felt myself tear up realizing that I could forever lose this girl if I didn’t shape up. I knew it was going to be hard, but if I wanted her in my life, I had to do it, no matter what.