Trashed and Scattered

“It’s not what you think!” Bam yelled. Missy and him were naked and fucking each other. I pulled Dunn’s hands off of me and ran out the front door, stumbling a few times from the boots. I wasn’t sure where I was going but I really didn’t care at the moment. I heard voices close behind me.

“Leave me alone!!” I screamed when I felt a couple pairs of hands grab me. “Let go just let go of me!” I started throwing punches and kicking. Johnny, Ville, Chris, Jeff, Dunn, Dico and the girls were here. I saw trees. I must have run into the woods. The guy’s were holding me.

“Please just let me go.” I whispered the last part.

“No. You need to come back to the house.” Chris said.

“Why?!? So I can see them both fucking and all over each other again!??! Hell no!” I screamed. “I thought he liked me!! I thought he might actually care!! I thought that I had found my one!! Fuck!! My brother was right!! Happy endings are just unfinished stories!! I’m never going to find someone who loves me. I’m never just going to be happy. Everything is perfect and everythings just happy then it all comes crashing down on top of me! I’m just fucking bad luck!!” I started yelling things just I was pissed. I was engulfed in a huge hug by my friends. I think we sat there for about 20 minutes I was crying into Chris’s shirt.

“I think I want to go back and have something to drink.” I said.

“You can’t drink your problems away love.” Ville said.

“Yes I can.” I said and started walking back to the castle. Everyone following silently. After about 10 minutes we got back. I must have fucking run fast. I opened the door and walked in. There were no more guests just Raab, Rake, Novak, Ape, Phil, HIM, Wee Man, Ehren, Bam, and Missy. The last two were on the couch. I rolled my eyes and walked down to the Pirate Bar with everyone’s eyes on me. I heard voices. *Probably just talking about me* I shrugged and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. I popped that fucker open and started drinking straight from the bottle. After about 10 minutes I had a little more then half and I was already piss drunk. I stumbled upstairs. Everyone was talking and when I walked in they got silent. When I get drunk I’m a happy drunk don’t worry, but I tend to say things I don’t mean or I over exaggerate and tell my feelings to easily.

“Ohh it’s okay continue talking about me -hiccup- I don’t care. I’m used to it any -hiccup- ways.” I said plopping down next to Chris and Jeff and taking a big drink of whiskey.

“We’re not talking about you.” Missy said.

“Oh whatever -hiccup- bitch! Your just jealous because -hiccup- I can sing -hiccup- and you can’t -hiccup- and that -hiccup- Bam’s friends -hiccup- actually like me. Yes you fucked Bam -hiccup- but that just means your a slut!” I said and took another drink of whiskey.

“You don’t need to be mean to her Magen she’s just trying to make a point!” Bam said rudely.

“Oh make a point huh? Well how about I make my point huh? All I ever did was love you. I wrote a song because I loved you and you hated me. I thought maybe this was what love was and it wasn’t like my other boyfriends. I thought that I was going to be able to say ‘Hey mom I found love you were fucking wrong! I found someone to call me beautiful! I found someone to call me pretty! I found someone who loves me back and we would be together till the end.’ I thought I had finally proven her wrong and I had you to thank and love for that. Instead when I’m about to tell you how I feel, what happened? Oh that’s right your fucking Missy! How wonderful. Now I know that I’ll never find love. I mean yes I have friends!! The best of friends. I guess that’s all I’ll ever have. Now I can thank you for showing me that there’s no love in the world for me! That I’ll be miserable my whole life. Oh and for making my favorite holiday the worst!! Oh and I just bet my birthday will the best!! So thankyou!! Thankyou Bam Margera!!” I was standing through most of that so I walked back down the Pirate Bar and grabbed some rum since I finished off the whiskey bottle.

“You know you really should stop drinking.” I heard Chris’s voice behind me.

“And why is that?” I asked taking another drink.

“Well it’s not healthy.” He said sitting next to me.

“Like I could care. I have what to live for?” I asked. He grabbed my bottle away from me.

“How about your friends? We all love you. We may have only met you girls a few days ago but you’ve grown on us and we all love you. You have shown us something we never thought about. I don’t know how to explain it but you’ve opened our eyes to something new. Then all 4 of you are fucking hyper asses that taught us we need to be crazier but also have fun not just do things for the camera. If you left then you would take a part of us with you.” Chris said.

“Plus your like my best girlfriend.” Chris said hugging me. I laughed. I had sobered up pretty quick from yelling at Bam.

“You know Bam kicked Missy out after you ran back down here. Now he’s like crying. You do know he was drunk right? Missy came on to him.” Chris said.

“I don’t care who came on to who. When he found out my secret he knew how fragile I could be he promised he would never hurt me. Then we clicked the other night and just everythings fucked up right now. I just want to sleep right now. Which room do I have to stay in.” I asked looking up at Chris.

“Umm. Uhh. I don’t know how to tell you this but uhh you were assigned to sleep in Bam’s room.” Chris said.

“Aw hell no!! I call couch. I am NOT sleeping in the same room with him, let alone the same bed as him that him and Missy fucked on!! No way! I’m sleeping on the couch. I’ll be back I’m grabbing my pajama’s.” I said standing up a little bit mad and walked upstairs. No one was saying anything.

“I’m sleeping on the couch just to let you all know.” I said and walked away and upstairs to our bags and pulled out my pajama’s. I walked to the bathroom and changed. I looked into the mirror and my makeup was seriously messed up. I grabbed a rag and got it wet. I wiped all my makeup off. At least we took happy pictures earlier. Right now I had my short shorts, a tanktop, and my My Chemical Romance hoodie. I stared at myself for a few minutes then walked to the couches. Everyone was still in silence. I grabbed my ipod and sat on the empty couch and turned it on. ‘Almost Easy’ by Avenged Sevenfold came on. Everyone was looking at me. I put my hood up and I fell asleep. I woke up in a field with a wedding dress on and I stood up and looked around me. It was sunny out I had roses in my hand, and a ring on my left. I pulled it off and looked at it. There was an inscription that said ‘I will always love you. - Bam’ I gasped. I looked around me and saw I was in a church. I had a black dress on this time. I looked around and saw a bunch of people crying. There was a casket up front. I walked up. I saw all my friend at the front and Bam’s parents. When I was close to the front everyone was staring and glaring at me. They started saying ‘It’s all you fault. It’s all your fault. It’s all your fault.’ There were whispers and loud voices all around me. I looked in the casket and saw Bam. The priest started talking. “This poor man committed suicide because of that woman!” His voice boomed the last part and pointed his finger at me. Everyone stared at me. Ape and Phil walked up to me.

“This is all your fault! You made him do this you made him!!” She screamed at me.

“No. No. No. I didn’t! I don’t know what happened!” I screamed and sat down hugging my knees the people were still chanting the same words over and over again. The room changed and there were padded walls everywhere.

“You have a visitor.” Some man said. I looked down. I had a straight jacket on. Ashley, Kayla, and Nicole walked in.

“Guy’s help me! I don’t know what’s happening. I mean really.” I stood up and ran over to them.

“How are you feeling hun?” Ashley asked tucking my hair behind my ear. Hair? What the hell. I have short hair.

“I don’t know. I woke up with a wedding dress in a field, and then Bam was dead and Ape and they said it was my fault. Now I’m here!! Where am I what’s happening?” I asked crying. They looked sympathetic.

“You tried to kill yourself hun. The pain of Bam’s death was to much for you. So you’re here and you’ve been here for a few years. Guess what?? Today’s your 27th birthday!!” Ashley squealed like I was supposed to be happy about this.

“No this isn’t happening.” I said backing up. They nodded.

“Yes it is. Look hun I’m sorry but we got to get back to our hubbies.” Kayla said.

“You got married!?” I asked. They nodded.

“Yes a while ago. We all had our wedding the same day!” Nicole said grinning.

“Why don’t I remember? Why didn’t I go. I thought we were going to all have our wedding the same day? Or at least have one at a time and then I don’t know! But just why!?!?” I asked.

“Because your doctor said you couldn’t. Plus we didn’t want you feeling bad, knowing there was no one there for you.” Kayla said.

“Goodbye.” Ashley said and they hugged me. No this isn’t happening. They left and I started crying. I cried myself to sleep. This time I woke up in the same field but with a cream colored dress on and it had a bunch of rips in it and was all dirty. I had no shoes and it was raining. I stood up and started walking around. My long hair was soaked and I was freezing. I saw a bunch of graves. Then I saw one I never wanted to see, Bam Margera then it had the date of birth to death, then the inscription ‘Died to young. Never married. We love you. Great son, friend, and family. RIP’ I shook my head, tears falling out.

“What’s going on!?” I yelled crying. I sat up to a few concerned faces and sweat covering my head. I pulled my hood off and felt my head. Short hair.

“Where am I?” I asked.

“Your at Castle Bam hun.” Ashley said. I breathed a sigh of relief.

“I had a freaky dream.” I said. Chris, Ville, Johnny, Ape, the girls, and Bam, who was on the couch, were in front of me. I ignored Bam and told them the whole story.

“I don’t know what it was about but it was scary.” I said hugging Chris.

“Don’t worry that will never happen. Everything will be fine.” Kayla said. I nodded.

“What time is it?” I asked.

“It’s 6 in the morning.” Nicole said. I nodded.

“I’m going to go find something to eat. I walked down to the kitchen area and looked for some waffles in the freezer. There were. I did a little cheer and put 2 into the toaster and grabbed some butter and found some syrup. They popped up and I put some butter on them and then grabbed a plate and fork and poured syrup on the waffles. Yum. I sat down and started eating them. Raab walked in.