Trashed and Scattered

“Why are you all covered in cake!?!” April screamed. I grinned.

“Cake fight. Come on Ape! It’s my birthday! Could you please just have a good time and let it pass?” I asked. She sighed.

“I guess, but I’m not riding home with you!” She said, obviously still aggravated. I looked over at Bam who had a devilish smirk. Oh no, what is he thinking about. Bam swept his hand across his arm and my arm, a big chunk of cake and frosting in his hand, and threw it at Ape. She screamed. Everyone laughed. Ape walked away with Phil behind her.

“Your so mean to your mom!” I said hitting his chest lightly.

“That’s just who I am babe.” He said kissing me.

“Hey we never performed.” Kayla said.

“Do you want to go perform, covered in cake?” Johnny asked.

“Hell no I want to go home and open presents!” I yelled jumped into the hummer limo. Everyone piled in. Chelle ran over to me, covered in cake. She jumped into my lap.

“Did daddy throw cake at you?” I asked. She nodded.

“But I got him back.” She grinned.

“Good job Chelle!” I high fived her. Bam sat down next to me. Everyone got settled in and the vehicle started moving. I was excited to get my presents.

“Hey Frankie!” I yelled since he was way in the back.

“Hey Magen!” He yelled.

“When do I get to get my lip ring?” I asked. He grinned.

“Tomorrow.” He said.

“Yay!” I cheered. Michelle started laughing.

“What are you laughing at little girl?” I asked. She giggled again and pointed at Raab who was blowing out of his nose, frustrated.

“What are you doing Raab? Do you have a booger lodged up there?” At that everyone was laughing and Michelle was having a giggle fit.

“Breath Michelle breath.” I said.

“No! You and Bam both shoved cake in my face and cake got lodged up there!” He yelled. I started laughing. Bam high fived me. We finally got to the house, lots of laughs. I heard a loud fart come from Dico.

“Dico! Gross! I’m getting out before you! I’m not going to walk in your fart cloud!” I yelled jumping up with Michelle in my arms and running through people’s legs to the door. I jumped out.

“Uncle Dico is funny.” Michelle said.

“Awe she called me uncle Dico!” Dico yelled running up to us. I laughed and let him hold her.

“Hey Michelle. What do you think of you, Ashley, Nicole, Kayla, mommy, and I go out tomorrow? We could dye your hair.” I said. Her eyes went wide.

“Yeah!” She yelled.

“Can I get purple in my hair?” She asked. I nodded.

“Your going to be just like your auntie when you grow up.” I said tickling her. Someone lifted me up and walked with me over their shoulder towards the house.

“Yay presents!” I yelled. “I have a question. Why does everybody lift me up and stuff?”

“Because your light.” Bam chuckled.

“So you’re the one who picked me up! No one ever tells me who picks me up anymore!” I yelled.

“That’s because it’s fun to torment you.” Ashley said poking my forehead.

“Don’t poke me!” I said in a no way voice. She poked me again. I started slapping her like two girls do in a cat fight. She laughed and walked in front of Bam. I got sat down on a couch.

“Stop jumping!” Nicole yelled.

“Give me my presents and I’ll stop!” I yelled. She rolled her eyes and sat down on my left, then me, then Ashley, then Mary. Everyone else came in and sat somewhere. Chris, Raab, Jeff, Johnny, Ville, Novak, Steve-O, Gas, Midge, Linde, Burton and Burton sat on the floor. My Chemical Romance sat on one couch. Ape, Phil, Wee Man, David, Dico and Dunn on another couch. Michelle ran over and jumped on Mary’s lap.

“We’re still covered in cake.” Novak stated.

“Who cares! Take showers later. Besides we’re probably going to get d-r-u-n-k later and you’re all going to pass out.” I stated, spelling drunk so Michelle wouldn’t know.

“True.” Novak said grinning. I was suprised he didn’t bring home some random slut. I would ask him about that later.

“Can I give you my present fwirst?” Michelle asked.

“You got me a present?” I asked. She nodded.

“Okay then sweetheart.” I said. Everyone was quiet. Michelle climbed down Mary’s legs and ran off somewhere.

“Where’s she going?” I asked.

“Our bags are by the door. It’s in there.” David said.

“Oh okay.” I smiled.

“Wait you have to wear this!” Nicole yelled grabbing a pink fuzzy crown and a thing like Miss America Wears that says “Horney Bitch” on it. I laughed and put them on. Michelle came running towards me with a small box that was wrapped in paper that had a bunch of drawings on it.

“Did you make this?” I asked as she handed to me.

“Yes.” She smiled and climbed onto Nicole’s lap.

“Open it!” She said. I started to take the paper off, carefully so that I could keep it. Then I opened the box. Inside was a drawing of me and her, a paper flower she made, and a card. I opened the card and read it aloud.

Dear Magen,

Hapy birthda! I lov u a lot! I mis u 2, mommy said we wer going to com viset u and I cant wat! Hapy birthda agan!! Lov Michelle!

“Awe! Thankyou Michelle! I love it!” I yelled hugging her. She hugged me back and giggled.

“I spelled my name right too! Mommy and daddy helped me!” She said proudly.

“That was very good.” I said setting the presents on a table April brought out for me to put my presents on.

“I’m next!” Kayla yelled. She handed me a big bag that was heavy. I pulled the tissue paper out and pulled out two boxes of Monster, one regular (green color) and one of them Assault. Then about 20 bags of Skittles.

“Yay! Thankyou Kayla!” I yelled hugging her. She laughed and hugged me back.

“Your welcome hun.” Kayla said Grinning, I walked the Monster and Skittles to the table.

“If anyone touches my Monster or Skittles I will cut your hands off.” I said.

“But I like my hands!” Chris said.

“Too bad.” I fake glared at him.

“Well fine I guess you don’t want your present.” Chris said crossing his arms.

“No!! Present! Please?” I gave him puppy dog eyes.

“Fine.” Chris did his laugh that he always does and gave me a small box. I ripped the paper off and stared at the box.

“How the hell does this open?” I asked.

“Like this.” Chris grabbed the box and ripped it open.

“Thankyou.” I said grinning, grabbing the box. I pulled out a box of strawberry condoms and balloons.

“Holy crap!” I yelled.

“Nice combination Chris!” Steve-O yelled high fiving him.

“Your so bad!” I yelled nudging Chris.

“There is a better present in there.” Chris said grinning. I arched my eyebrow, but looked. Inside was a necklace I laughed at what it said

“Thankyou Chris.” I hugged him.

“What does it say?” Ashley asked.

“Chris+Magen=Best Retarded Friends For Life!” I said. Everyone laughed.

“Could you help me put it on?” I asked Chris.

“Sure.” He helped me. I grinned.

“I’m still loven those strawberry flavored condoms.” Nicole said grinning.

“What are condoms?” Michelle asked. I covered my mouth to keep from laughing.

“It’s a special kind of balloon for Bam and Magen to play with so that they don’t get hurt and nothing bad happens to Magen.” Mary said. I burst out laughing along with many people.

“Special balloon!” Nicole yelled laughing.

“That’s good. That is really good.” Frankie said wiping a tear from his eye.

“Nice description Mary.” I said catching my breath.

“And Bam if you don’t use those special balloons with Magen I will cut off your d-i-c-k and feed it to the dogs.” Nicole said giving him the evil eye. Bam was speechless. I walked over to him.

“It’s okay Bam. Breath!” I said with my hand on his shoulder. He took a deep breath and let it out. I giggled a little bit.

“My turn!” Ashley yelled. I cheered and ran over to her. She looked funny covered in cake. She handed me 2 boxes.

“Open the one with red paper first.” She said. I nodded. Michelle had fallen asleep on the floor. David picked her up and walked her to mine and Bam’s bed after asking him if he could. I waited until David got back. Finally he did and I tore the package open. Ashley helped me open the box. I gasped at what was inside. Nicole, Kayla, and Mary had their hands over their mouths trying not to laugh to loud.

“What is it!?” Bam asked. I picked it up and showed them.

“It’s a vibrating whip!” Raab yelled laughing.

“Wow Ashley..just..wow.” Was all I could say.

“You’re gonna have a lot of fun with that!” Johnny yelled. I gasped.

“Go screw Nicole, Johnny! Wait never mind cause I know you will!” I said. Nicole hit my shoulder “Don’t make me use this on you.” I said bursting into another fit of laughter. I put the whip back in the box and ripped open the next one. There were more Skittles and Monster! It was a jumbo bag of Skittles and a 2XL can of Monster, a jar of carmel, and a barbie doll with Bam’s face taped over the barbie face. I burst out laughing at the doll. I held it up and showed everyone.

“Bam’s a barbie girl, in a barbie world!” I sang. Bam threw a pillow at me. I looked over and saw some MTV dude recording me.

“What the hell?”

“We’re starting Viva La Bam.” Dico said grinning.

“So this is like going to be the first episode?” I asked. Bam nodded.Oh shit.” I said scratching my head. “Well whatever. Hi people of America.” I said laughing. “Did you get everything else?” The camera guy nodded.

“We’re covered in cake on Viva La Bam Well whatever. High five man!” I yelled. He walked over and started to high five me. “Get away from me I don’t know you like that! You fucking pervert!” I yelled. He backed away scared. “I’m just kidding man come here, show me some love.” He walked back over and I high fived him. He went back to filming.

“Alright it’s Nicole’s turn!” I said. She grinned and handed me a bottle of whiskey.

“Wow nice. I just love the wrapping on this gift.” I said. She rolled her eyes.

“Later we’re also going to throw balloons at cop cars!! With paint in them!” She yelled.

“Ahh just like that little story I wrote hella long time ago! All we need is Dunn to pose as your uncle...” I said. Everyone looked at me confused.

“Never mind.” I said.

“My turn!” Mary said.

“Okay yay!” I said, still excited and happy with all my gifts. She handed me a huge box and a smaller one.

“Big box first!” I yelled and started ripping open the paper and then the box. I gasped and lifted the dark purple, sleeveless, dress that ended at the thighs.

“I love it! Thankyou so, so much!” I said hugging her, then running over and hugging David, my older brother.

“You are going to look so hot in that.” Novak said.

“Shut up Novak.” Bam said.

“Sorry dude.” Novak said grinning.

“Okay now open the next box, it’s from all three of us.” David said. I nodded and grabbed the other box, opening it. There was an itunes 50 dollar giftcard, a 50 dollar Starbucks giftcard, a scrapbook.

“I love it thankyou!” I yelled hugging them again. I opened the scrapbook.

“Oh my god!” I said.

“What? Show me!” Dico yelled attacking me. I held it out of his grasp.

“You guy’s will wreck it. Maybe later I will let you guy’s okay.” They all nodded, pouting. I set it down. Time for the next present!!