Breathe in Breathe Out

I picked up the book I was reading which was Revolution on Canvas volume two that Gabe bought me, since he was in it. I was 50 pages through reading Ben Jorgensen’s poem The Big Reveal when I got a call I looked at the caller Id Gabe Saporta.

I thought we might need to talk about stuff like maybe he’d want some of his clothes back.

“Hello.” I said

“Hey Electra I’m surprised you answered, I just wanted to talk about everything.”

“Yeah we haven’t really done that have we?”

“No we haven’t, so do you want to meet at Chile’s I know it’s your favorite”

“Fine be there in 30” I said hanging up and getting dressed super fast. I put on my purple skinny jeans, my cardboard robot shirt, and Gabe’s purple and black striped American Apparel hoodie and then went on my way to Chile’s.

I walked in and saw Gabe waiting to be seated. “Hey Electra.” He said standing up waiting for a hug. I gave him one knowing I would feel bad later if I didn’t. After about 5 minutes we were seated I already knew what I wanted so I denied the menu as Gabe took his.

“So what should we talk about first?” I asked

“Well I just need you to know I still love you to death.”

“Gabe if this is just about you trying to get back with me I don’t believe your lies.”

“Well then believe the truth I-LOVE-YOU!”

“I…don’t know. Uh…”

“Just please at least take the ring back it doesn’t feel right with me.” He said pulling it out of his pocket and handing it to me even though my hands were at my side.

“Look, Gabe I…love you too but Gabe we can’t work out” I said moving my hands to hold his.

“You’ve already replaced my ring with this cheap piece of plastic.”

“Well yeah Gabe did you expect me never to wear a ring on that finger ever again? You don’t even know how hard it was for me to give up your ring.”

“I’m sorry I don’t know how it feels for you I’m so sorry I did all this. I miss you and I just want you back in my life.”

“You want me back in your life?”

“Yes more than you could ever know but I’m leaving on tour with TAI tomorrow so I would have no time to spend with you”

“Well it’s a good thing I’m TAI’s merch girl now, we can work things out on tour.”

“Will you take the ring please?”he pleaded.

“Fine Gabe” I said the plastic ring on to the other hand and putting Gabe’s ring in its rightful place. “But this doesn’t mean we’re back together.” I assured him

“Of course” he said it kind of made me sick that I could even consider him after what he did. After we ate I went back to the hotel and chilled. We were leaving tomorrow for Australia so I packed which took forever.

The next day I woke up at nine got dressed and put my bags out in the hall then knocked on Andy’s door once he answered I started talking.

“So I called a cab already and I think it would be smarter and cheaper if we went together you know since we’re going to the same place.”

“Sure, whatever Electra just let me get my bags.” I rolled my eyes he was obviously still mad about yesterday. Once we were in the cab we started talking, we got along too easily.

“So looks like you’re wearing Gabe’s ring again.” He said finally noticing.

“Um yeah I talked with him yesterday about the break up and he told me to take his ring back so I did. It’s not like we’re back together or anything.” We weren’t were we; we were just going to work things out right?

“Ok whatever you say.” He said he seemed upset like I had chosen Gabe over him which totally wasn’t true.

Once at the airport we met up with Cobra and TAI we had a plane that could seat 300 for only us two bands which would only be about 30 people if you include the merch and stage hands. The plane ride was super fun we played scrabble, had a few drinks played other random games I won at poker and until everyone got tired it was a great day.

Once our 15 hour flight landed in Australia we were all tired and once we got to the hotel we all went straight to our rooms. The next morning they woke us up early so we could get on out bus and drive to the venue. I got on Tai’s bus and went straight to the back lounge and sat down on the couch knees to chest listening to my iPod and trying to write poetry. A couple of the guys came and asked me if I wanted to go to lunch with the bands, I thought lunch with all the bands would be awkward so I said no. About an hour later Andy walked into the back.

“Hey we all just got back from lunch how come you didn’t go? He asked as he plopped down next to me.

“Well I wasn’t really into eating with a bunch of people so I stayed here and wrote.” I said smiling at him.

“Oh really can I see what you wrote?”

“I’m not really finished but here.” I said handing it to him. I never show anyone my poetry I write it for myself and I don’t know exactly why I let him read it.

“That was amazing its one of the best things I’ve ever read. Kind of sounds like its about your first kiss or something, but I’m probably wrong.”

“Well that’s kind of what it’s about but it’s more like my real first kiss with someone.” I said smiling it was about him but he didn’t need to know that.

“Oh well that guy must have been an amazing kisser cause that poem is amazing. but I have to go to sound check right now feel free to wander around the venue” he said giving me a kiss on the cheek. We looked at each other awkwardly for a second before he walked away.

After I transferred my unfinished poem to my blackberry I walked off bus and into the backstage area. I had no real schedule for the day except set up the merch table at five and work the merch table once the doors opened at seven. It was only two so I had a bit of free time. I got lost backstage but finally found Ryland who led me to TAI’s dressing room. When I was in TAI’s dressing room they gave me a map of the venue which made me feel stupid since no one else needed one.

At five I set up merch with the help of Tony The Academy Is’ tour manager who helped out with everything because everything has to be perfect.

“So this is your first time as merch girl right?” Tony asked before he was going to leave.

“Yeah but it should be easy I just sell stuff right?”
“Yeah kind of Cobra’s merch guy should be here soon if you have any questions ask him.” He said as he walked away. Cobra’s merch guy came about 20 minutes later and we talked until doors opened. Once the doors opened all hell broke loose, it was girl on girl on guy on girl fighting to get front row.

About 20-50 people bought some shirts and I gave out some free stuff Fueled by Ramen and Peta sent. Once the show started most of the people left the merch area to get in the pit which left me to enjoy a great show put on by City Riots, Cobra Starship and The Academy Is…

After the show I sold a few more things while TAI and Cobra took pictures and signed stuff for fans. Once the pictures were done and all the people were gone everyone helped put everything away so we were done by 1 in the morning and since bus call wasn’t till 4:30 we all walked down to a 24 hour coffee shop.

The meal was amazing the conversation was interesting. “Hey Gabe did you hear that girl in the crowd tonight that yelled ‘Gabe you give me orgasms’?” Everyone laughed.
“Well that’s not the worst I’ve heard, I think I’ve heard worse from Electra.” Gabe said as I kicked him under the table while everyone busted out in oh’s and dang’s

“Yeah whatever I’m done eating so I’m going to head back to the bus, anyone want to come?” I asked.

“I’ll go” Andy said and we walked out. We walked down the street talking about everything.

Once we got to the bus he started talking “Hey do you just want to talk some more, bus call isn’t till 4:30.” I nodded it was really nice to talk to someone who actually listened and cared. On our walk we found an Ice Cream Parlor that was open neither of us were very hungry so we shared a Sunday and then walked back to the bus finally getting there at about 3:45.

“So tonight was fun.” Andy said smiling at me

“Yeah you’re a good friend” I said giving him a hug. But I saw his face get a bit upset.

“But what about us together? I thought we had something.”

“I thought so too Andy but your just too good of a friend too me I don’t want anything to get awkward.”

“Yeah whatever let’s just get on the bus everyone is probably already in there.” He said opening the door for me. I felt bad it’s just I’m confused I mean I’m in the middle of a break up and if I have a relationship on top of that it would be even more confusing, but what I said was true he is a good friend and I don’t want to lose that.

Once we got on the bus most of the band was hanging out in the front and some people from cobra were there too including Gabe who right when we got on the bus asked if he could talk to me outside. I said yes and then I walked back off the bus.

“Where did you and Butcher go?” he asked

“Why would I tell you, you aren’t my boyfriend and I don’t have to tell you anything.”
“Yeah but you’re wearing my ring.” He said putting his face up in mine. I smelt the heavy liquor coming from his breath.

“Ok your drunk” I laughed, this is the reason he’s acting like this. “But me and Butcher went on a walk, were just friends.” I said giving him a kiss on the cheek which made his already tan face light up. I told him to go to his bus and sleep as I walked back onto my bus, strait to my bunk and fell asleep in all my clothes.