Sequel: On and On ›
The Good Life
Chapter 35
The kiss lingered on as people celebrated all around us, but my mind blocked them out, the only thing I could think of was Joe, the way he looked, the way he smelled, the clothes he was wearing, just him. He pulled back and set his forehead against mine, I was scared to open my eyes fearing that if I did all of this would go away, that I was dreaming a sick twisted dream that wasn’t real at all. His thumbs dabbed at the tears on my face and I pulled myself closer to him for confirmation that is was really real.
I felt his forehead slowly drift away from mine and I finally allowed my eyes to open, finding his face still within a few inches of mine. I looked into his eyes searching for hints of his mood, but he was unreadable. I kept my eyes locked on his, I opened my mouth to speak fearing that if I didn’t he’s walk away, but he pressed his finger softly against my lips, “Not here.” He whispered. He trailed his hand down my arm and slid his hand into mine intertwining our fingers. He took a few steps away from me and turned his back to me but pulling me forward so my front pressed against his back, our arms and intertwined hands sandwiched in between us.
I saw him make eye contact with his brothers and nod towards me and then to an unknown destination beyond the back of the stage. The two nodded and sent small smiles in his direction, but both looking somewhat uneasy. He started walking towards the back set of stairs keeping me pulled close to him.
We walked in silence through a small crowd gathered behind the stage. We continued to walk down the streets that were littered with small groups of people here and there going to and from parties, most making their way towards Times Square.
He never spoke, but he kept a firm grip on my hand and frequently glanced at me, expressionless and he would quickly turn away. His actions were making me nervous, and I didn’t notice where we were or how far we had walked until he set me down on a bench overlooking an ice skating rink. We were in Central Park, my dad had taken me here when I was twelve and he had to come to New York for business, we stayed an extra couple of days and did all the tourist must do’s. I smiled at the memory but my attention quickly directed itself to the person that was pacing back in forth in front of me.
I kept my eyes on him. He was walking briskly back and forth, rubbing his thumb and index finger along his jaw line, obviously deep in thought. His eyebrows were pulled together in frustration and confusion and his teeth had a tight hold on his bottom lip. I wanted him to say something, anything, the silence was unbearable. I hesitantly reached out and set it on his forearm as he walked by, “Joe.” I said softly. He stopped and stared at my hand on his forearm and his eyes made their way to mine, “Why Kayden?” He asked softly, not trying to hide the pain that radiated from his eyes, “Why would you do that to me?”
I let my eyes fall from the gaze we held and focused on my shoes, I shrugged, “Why would you say that to me Joe?” I saw him shake his head and I slid back down onto the bench, keeping my head down. I heard him let out a breathy sigh, “Because I’m an idiot.” He answered bringing his arms up and letting them loosely fall down and slap against his thighs.
He kneeled in front of me, in between my knees and looked up at my eyes, “I should have never said those things to you.” His hands slowly came up to rest on my thighs, he watched his hands for a few moments before looking back up to me, “Why’d you leave?” I shrugged, “I don’t know, I was angry, appalled, scared, hurt, sad—I didn’t know what else to do.” His eyes left mine and he dropped his head, “I—I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how that made you feel. I don’t think you’re like that—I KNOW you’re not like that. I was just so mad that we couldn’t be together, and I wanted you to be mad at me, I wanted to pick a fight. God, I’m such an idiot.” I let him vent, I didn’t know what to say.
I let silence take over us for a few minutes before I spoke up, “I overreacted, I should have stayed and we should have worked it out—” I was silent, collecting my thoughts and a chill went down my spine as I though of what I would say next, “W-wh-what if something would have happened to you—or to me—while we were fighting like that?” I felt the tears streaming down my face once more, and his head jerked up to look at me, a sudden panic washing over his face, “I could never live with myself.” I whispered.
His hand found my cheek, softly stroking it, “If I lost you,” He gulped, staring into my eyes, “I’d lose everything.” He said softly. “Honestly,” he said after a few moments, “When that ring came off your finger, you might as well have stabbed me in the heart right then.” I sucked on my bottom lip, dropping his gaze feeling ashamed of what I did. “That was my breaking point.” He whispered softly, “I’m sorry.” I said breathlessly. “I’m so sorry.” I said breaking down a little at a time, I let out a sob and shook my head, “I will never forgive myself for that.” I said standing up, not sure if I should walk away and give him time, or stay and wait it out. He stood and shoved his hands into his coat with a concentrated look on his face. I took that as a symbol that he needed time so I turned making my way to the path.
Before I took more than three steps he was swirling me around and pulling me to his chest, my eyes drifted closed taking in his scent. “Where are you going?” He breathed onto my closed eyelids. I shrugged trying to catch my breath and recovering from the speechlessness that just washed over me, “I—uh—I was—umm—” He pressed his finger over my lips and picked up my left hand off his chest, he played with my fingers before I felt something cold slip onto a very important finger.
My eyes snapped open and I looked up at him, he looked at me searching my face for an answer to his unspoken question. I answered him my smiling widely and sliding my arms around his neck and pulling his face to mine, our lips connecting, I felt him smile into the kiss and I pulled back after a few moments keeping our noses together, “Thank you.” I said breathlessly, tiny puffs of fog coming out of my mouth due to the freezing weather. “For what?” He asked, stroking my back, his warm breath hitting my face, “For everything.” I smiled. “Everything you’ve ever done for me, you have no idea how much you mean to me. I love you.” I said pulling the collar of his shirt, bringing our lips together again. He broke the kiss a few seconds later, keeping his lips against mine, “I love you,” he said, “God, I love you.” He moved his lips onto mine again, tracing his tongue along the outline of my lips. I allowed him in and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to remember this moment.
I pulled his coat, trying to get him closer to me, every part of our bodies were pressed together, I melted into him, we were one person again, just like it was supposed to be.
I felt his forehead slowly drift away from mine and I finally allowed my eyes to open, finding his face still within a few inches of mine. I looked into his eyes searching for hints of his mood, but he was unreadable. I kept my eyes locked on his, I opened my mouth to speak fearing that if I didn’t he’s walk away, but he pressed his finger softly against my lips, “Not here.” He whispered. He trailed his hand down my arm and slid his hand into mine intertwining our fingers. He took a few steps away from me and turned his back to me but pulling me forward so my front pressed against his back, our arms and intertwined hands sandwiched in between us.
I saw him make eye contact with his brothers and nod towards me and then to an unknown destination beyond the back of the stage. The two nodded and sent small smiles in his direction, but both looking somewhat uneasy. He started walking towards the back set of stairs keeping me pulled close to him.
We walked in silence through a small crowd gathered behind the stage. We continued to walk down the streets that were littered with small groups of people here and there going to and from parties, most making their way towards Times Square.
He never spoke, but he kept a firm grip on my hand and frequently glanced at me, expressionless and he would quickly turn away. His actions were making me nervous, and I didn’t notice where we were or how far we had walked until he set me down on a bench overlooking an ice skating rink. We were in Central Park, my dad had taken me here when I was twelve and he had to come to New York for business, we stayed an extra couple of days and did all the tourist must do’s. I smiled at the memory but my attention quickly directed itself to the person that was pacing back in forth in front of me.
I kept my eyes on him. He was walking briskly back and forth, rubbing his thumb and index finger along his jaw line, obviously deep in thought. His eyebrows were pulled together in frustration and confusion and his teeth had a tight hold on his bottom lip. I wanted him to say something, anything, the silence was unbearable. I hesitantly reached out and set it on his forearm as he walked by, “Joe.” I said softly. He stopped and stared at my hand on his forearm and his eyes made their way to mine, “Why Kayden?” He asked softly, not trying to hide the pain that radiated from his eyes, “Why would you do that to me?”
I let my eyes fall from the gaze we held and focused on my shoes, I shrugged, “Why would you say that to me Joe?” I saw him shake his head and I slid back down onto the bench, keeping my head down. I heard him let out a breathy sigh, “Because I’m an idiot.” He answered bringing his arms up and letting them loosely fall down and slap against his thighs.
He kneeled in front of me, in between my knees and looked up at my eyes, “I should have never said those things to you.” His hands slowly came up to rest on my thighs, he watched his hands for a few moments before looking back up to me, “Why’d you leave?” I shrugged, “I don’t know, I was angry, appalled, scared, hurt, sad—I didn’t know what else to do.” His eyes left mine and he dropped his head, “I—I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how that made you feel. I don’t think you’re like that—I KNOW you’re not like that. I was just so mad that we couldn’t be together, and I wanted you to be mad at me, I wanted to pick a fight. God, I’m such an idiot.” I let him vent, I didn’t know what to say.
I let silence take over us for a few minutes before I spoke up, “I overreacted, I should have stayed and we should have worked it out—” I was silent, collecting my thoughts and a chill went down my spine as I though of what I would say next, “W-wh-what if something would have happened to you—or to me—while we were fighting like that?” I felt the tears streaming down my face once more, and his head jerked up to look at me, a sudden panic washing over his face, “I could never live with myself.” I whispered.
His hand found my cheek, softly stroking it, “If I lost you,” He gulped, staring into my eyes, “I’d lose everything.” He said softly. “Honestly,” he said after a few moments, “When that ring came off your finger, you might as well have stabbed me in the heart right then.” I sucked on my bottom lip, dropping his gaze feeling ashamed of what I did. “That was my breaking point.” He whispered softly, “I’m sorry.” I said breathlessly. “I’m so sorry.” I said breaking down a little at a time, I let out a sob and shook my head, “I will never forgive myself for that.” I said standing up, not sure if I should walk away and give him time, or stay and wait it out. He stood and shoved his hands into his coat with a concentrated look on his face. I took that as a symbol that he needed time so I turned making my way to the path.
Before I took more than three steps he was swirling me around and pulling me to his chest, my eyes drifted closed taking in his scent. “Where are you going?” He breathed onto my closed eyelids. I shrugged trying to catch my breath and recovering from the speechlessness that just washed over me, “I—uh—I was—umm—” He pressed his finger over my lips and picked up my left hand off his chest, he played with my fingers before I felt something cold slip onto a very important finger.
My eyes snapped open and I looked up at him, he looked at me searching my face for an answer to his unspoken question. I answered him my smiling widely and sliding my arms around his neck and pulling his face to mine, our lips connecting, I felt him smile into the kiss and I pulled back after a few moments keeping our noses together, “Thank you.” I said breathlessly, tiny puffs of fog coming out of my mouth due to the freezing weather. “For what?” He asked, stroking my back, his warm breath hitting my face, “For everything.” I smiled. “Everything you’ve ever done for me, you have no idea how much you mean to me. I love you.” I said pulling the collar of his shirt, bringing our lips together again. He broke the kiss a few seconds later, keeping his lips against mine, “I love you,” he said, “God, I love you.” He moved his lips onto mine again, tracing his tongue along the outline of my lips. I allowed him in and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to remember this moment.
I pulled his coat, trying to get him closer to me, every part of our bodies were pressed together, I melted into him, we were one person again, just like it was supposed to be.