I'm Not Your Protege, Just Your Kid

“What’s wrong? You’ve been depressed and moping all day,” Zack asked me as he sat down next to me at the table where we decided to eat lunch.

“I’m fine,” I mumbled.

“Jayden, the only things I demand from you are respect and to tell me the truth,” Zack said in a serious tone and stared back at me with the same, electric green eyes that Devon and I have.

“It’s just, you remember this morning when Brian and I were insulting each other? Well the whole nobody loving me comment really got me pissed,” I confessed and started playing with my fries.

“Jayden, you don’t have to get mad. I love you, Devon loves you and everyone else loves you,” he explained.

“I guess,” I shrugged.

“Speaking of Devon, what’s up with you guys? All of us have noticed that you two have hardly said a word to each other for the past couple of weeks,” he said.

“Oh,” I said and felt my stomach go hollow.

“Has anything gone wrong between you guys?” he asked.

“Nope,” I said, telling a lie straight to his face.

“Alright, well if you have any problems promise that you’ll come talk to me,” he pleaded.

“Sure,”

There goes one more broken promise.

He ruffled my hair and went back to the table where the rest of the guys were sitting. I continued to sit by myself when I heard the chair in front of me scrape against the floor. What the hell? I can’t wallow in my own self pity today?

I looked up and saw Devon staring at me with no emotion in his eyes, but the rest of his face spilled everything.

“What do you want?” I asked.

“I came to talk to you,”

“Are you sure you just didn’t come to yell at me some more?” I snapped.

He sighed and sat back in his seat. “I just came to apologize for yelling at you, but I had a good reason to,” he reasoned.

“I know that, but it’s my life and I’ll do whatever I want whenever I feel like it,” I said.

“Fine,” he sighed.

I continued to stare at him, waiting for him to say something else, but when he didn’t I pulled out my phone and started messing with it so he’d get the point to leave me alone. He sighed in defeat and went back to the table. I threw out my untouched food and walked out of the small covered area.

I didn’t bother telling anyone where I was going because not even I know where I was heading. All I know is that I wanted to be alone so I could think properly. People kept shoving past me as I walked with my head down and it wasn’t until everything got quiet that I looked up.

I had wondered to a different section of the park where only a few families were watching their children play in the big fountain. I took a seat on the small ledge next to the fountain underneath a tree and let my left hand float in the cool water. I placed my head against the tree trunk and stretched out my legs as I watched the families.

I spotted a mother playing with her little girl and immediately felt sad. Vague memories came to mind and I felt my throat burn from me holding back tears. I shook my head and took a cigarette out of my pocket. I lit it up with my lighter and inhaled the poisonous material.

I watched the smoke drift away and I badly wished that was me. I wanted to float away whenever I wanted and not look back. I looked back at the mother and child and for the first time in a long time, I thought of my own. Where was she right now? Does she still think about Devon and my self? Is she even looking for us again? A million and one questions ran through my head and I wanted answers to all of them.

My peaceful thinking was broken by the ringing of my phone. I left the cigarette in my mouth as I pulled out my phone. It read ‘Zack’ on the screen and I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah?” I sighed and blew out some smoke.

“Where are you?!” he asked.

“By the fountain,” I said in a bored tone and inhaled some more.

“Okay, we’re going on a few more rides and then we’re going home,” he explained.

“Okay,” I said.

“See you in a couple of minutes,” he told me.

I didn’t bother to say bye and just hung up before he could start rambling on about something else. I swear, he’s such a girl and that’s saying something seeing as how I’m the one with the vagina.

“Jayden!” someone called.

I saw the guys coming towards me and I rolled my eyes. I can never have one fucking minute to myself with these people. I watched them get closer and kept inhaling my cigarette.

“Why’d you run off?” Jimmy asked.

“Because I needed time to think,” I said.

“Oh well, come on,”

“Fine,” I said.

I finished off my cigarette and stubbed it out under my shoes. I flicked it in the bushes and followed behind the group.

Xxx

I guess I had fallen asleep on the way home because I felt someone carrying me into the house. I didn’t have enough energy to struggle against whoever it was so I just let myself curl into the person’s chest.

“Jayden, wake up,” Devon said.

I groaned and Devon set me down on my bed. I was so tired that my limbs felt heavy and I couldn’t even complete one sentence. I just rolled over in bed and fell asleep.

Xxx

“I’m going out,” I told Zack as I pulled on my jacket.

“Where are you going?” he asked and threw his magazine down on the table while following me out the door.

“Out to meet someone,” I said.

“Who?”

“Noah,” I sighed and slammed the door behind me.

Noah had wanted me to meet him at the park so he could talk to me about something. I made it there within 15 minutes of walking and I saw him sitting on the swings. I had to hide my smile as I walked up to him.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey,” he smiled.

“What did you want to talk about?” I asked and sat down on the swing next to him.

“Erica,” he said.

I felt my face fall but regained my composure before he could notice.

“What about her?” I asked with absolutely no emotion.

“She’s been acting weird lately and I needed a girl’s opinion,” he said.

“And you picked me out of all people?” I asked.

“Well I already know what Alex thinks of Erica,” he chuckled.

He started explaining everything that’s been happening and I wanted to scream in his face. Would he believe me?

“She’s been cheating on you!” I screamed, silencing him.

“What?” he asked.

“She’s been cheating on you,” I weakly said and kept my head down.

“Why? How? I-” he started stuttering and I took a deep breath.

“I saw her go into a room with some other guy the night of the party,” I told him. “She bumped into me and I saw them kissing,”

“How would you know that?!” he screamed standing up. “You were fucking drunk and most likely high fro what Erica told me!” he yelled.

I looked up at him with wide eyes and my mouth fall open.

“Yeah, she told me you came out of the room full of pot-heads,” he snarled.

“Noah, I know what I saw and I’m telling you the truth,” I said now standing up.

“Why would I believe a drug addict? I don’t even know why I bothered calling you for help. You’re obviously jealous of Erica that you’d stoop so low to accuse her of cheating,”

“But she is!” I yelled.

“You know, I expected this from Alex, but not from you,” he said.

He walked away from me and straight out the park without another glance back at me. I placed my head in my hands and nearly screamed in frustration.

For the first time I told the truth and Noah didn’t believe me. Not only that, but Erica saw me drugged up and had the power to tell everyone at school about it.

Knowing I couldn’t do anything else I got up from the swings and started walking back home. I kept my head down towards the sidewalk and before I knew it I had made it back home. I saw that Zack had gone out and let out a sigh of relief. I didn’t need him interrogating me now.

I walked in and shut the door behind me. I walked upstairs to my bathroom and shut the door before taking off my clothes and filling up the tub with warm water. I stepped in and let my body sink down until only my head was sticking out. I dunked my head under water and let my straight hair start to curl a bit.

After half an hour the water started to turn cold and I got out. I drained the tub and wrapped a towel around my self. I walked out of my bathroom and into my room. I dried my self off and pulled on some underwear. I put on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. I let my hair air dry so it could fall in waves. I grabbed my old hockey hooded sweatshirt and pulled it on.

I yanked open my window and climbed out onto the roof. I lied down and took my pack of cigarettes out from my pocket. I lit it up and put one arm behind my head as I smoked and stared at the stars. When I didn’t blow smoke out from the cancer stick, my breath could be seen in the chilly November air.

“Hey,” I heard Devon say.

“Hey,” I answered without looking at him.

“How was your talk with Noah?” he asked me as he took one of my cigarettes and lit it up.

“It sucked,” I answered.

“How?” he asked and laid back on the roof in the same exact position as I was.

“I told him the truth,” I shrugged.

“Which was?”

“I told him that Erica was cheating on him,” I shrugged.

“And he didn’t believe you?”

“Nope, because Erica told him that she saw me come out of the drug room that night,” I explained and took another puff.

“That does suck,” he said.

“Yup,” I agreed.

Devon and I continued to smoke out my pack of cigarettes, not saying a word because we didn’t want to ruin anything.

“Do you think mom would ever come back?” Devon asked.

My chest tightened up and I struggled to find an answer. “I stopped believing that years ago Dev,” I finally answered.

“We’re going to find her one day,” he declared.

“Sure, you keep thinking that. If she abandoned us then she obviously didn’t want to see us again,” I said.

“Maybe she did it for a reason,” he tried to convince me.

“Yeah, because she didn’t want us anymore,” I said and put out my cancer stick before flicking it over the edge of the roof. Devon did the same a few minutes later and we stayed in our positions.

We were so wrapped up staring at the stars that we didn’t hear Zack come home or call for us. He had come into my room and we were oblivious to him walking into his room, grabbing his camera, and running back in. He had climbed through my window with his camera ready. It wasn’t until the flash went off that Devon and I came out of our thoughts.

“What are you guys doing up here?” he asked and fully climbed onto the roof.

“Just thinking,” I shrugged.

“About what?” he asked.

“Mom,” Devon answered.

“Oh, what did you want to know?”

“Did she love us? Before she left?” Devon asked Zack.

“I don’t know, she left before she even started showing. I found out about her pregnancy from a letter she sent me from Detroit,” he explained to us.

“Do you still have it?” I asked him.

“Yeah, but I won’t give it to you right now,” he said.

We stopped asking questions and continued to look at the stars above. The wind that kept blowing in my face slowly started to make me sleepy. After a while I couldn’t fight it anymore and fell asleep right there on the roof next to Devon and Zack with thoughts of mom plaguing my mind.