About a Girl

I tried to ignore the throbbing pain in my left hand but it was practically useless. I can’t believe I had tried to pick up the broken pieces of glass from the floor; especially when my mind was obviously elsewhere. It’s in the far-off place right now again, I can tell because I can see that Alex is speaking to me but I don’t hear the words at all.

“What?” I asked, interrupting him just as he finished.

Alex sighed out as he finished signing his name on the bottom of a form that he had to fill out since I just had to come to the hospital, “I was saying… I’m sorry, I should’ve told you.”

I nodded, “You should’ve,” but then it dawned on me. “That’s what you wanted to say in the elevator, right?”

Alex put the clipboard down on a chair and climbed up into the bed I was into. The pain in my hand was starting to numb down a bit, which I was glad about but my unhappiness at Alex was growing. Being in happy relationship don’t keep big things from each other. And this, this was big.

“I guess it was, but I just didn’t know how you would take it,” Alex stopped and looked down before he continued. He was taking so long before he spoke up again that I thought he wouldn’t speak again. I was in the processing of opening my mouth when he finally looked up and stared straight ahead at the wall, “I know you still love him, Addie; but you love me too. I’m banking on that to keep me sane.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. Because I knew it was true. No matter what Will did to me, no matter what he will do to me I will love him. It’s a constant nagging, irritating pain in the back of my head. That wasn’t the only thing he was right about though, I do love him. Alex has been the only thing that has actually worked out right – so far.

“I do love you, Alex,” I told him point-blankly.

“But,” He sighed.

“But you’re right, I will always love Will because he was a big part of my life. He led me to you and you know that’s true,” I closed my eyes tight before I sighed and looked over at Alex. “I need to see him because I know that he needs to see me.”

“No,” Alex said bluntly. “I don’t think so.”

My mouth fell open in protest, “Alex, if he is sick then he didn’t do everything that he did to us on his own accord, he was sick.”

“Addie, I don’t want to argue about this with you-“

I cut him off, “Then don’t.”

Alex sighed for probably the billionth time today, “You just won’t be happy with me if I even try to be tough with you? I have to be the nice, sweet guy that always gives in, don’t I?”

“Yes,” I smiled in his direction.

“Fine,” I kissed his cheek.

“And that’s why I love you.”

[>>>]Baltimore, Maryland[<<<]

Two days later we were back home in Baltimore. I thought I would be happy to be home but I think I had about a hundred different emotions running through my body making me feel like I was going to throw up. Alex told me on the way home that Will was at Johns Hopkins back in Baltimore. A part of me was excited to see him, but then another part was scared about what he would look like now; knowing that he would be (if it were possible) deathly skinny and his hair would be completely gone.

As Alex and I walked towards Will’s room, my grip on ‘Lex’s hand tightened to the point where I heard him say ‘ow’. I smiled up nervously at him before we stopped in front of the closed door.

“What should I do? Knock, just go in? Is he expecting me?” I bit my lip. And in response, Alex knocked on the door, opened in and pushed me inside. I hadn’t even noticed my hand left his until I was standing by myself in front of Will’s hospital bed.

Will looked worse than I had imagined. With his face turned towards the window you could see the through the shadows across him face and how sunken his face was. His hair, I couldn’t tell if it was there or not – his head was covered by a thick gauze.

Will slowly turned his head towards me, “A-addie?”

“William? Is that actually you? I can’t believe it,” I shook my head and tried to will myself to come closer to his bedside. Amazingly I made it to stand next to him, I wanted to reach out and touch him but I was so scared that I would hurt him.

“I’m really happy you came to see me,” It shocked me that now, Will’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“How did this happen so fast? You look like you’re dying,” I said bluntly. And maybe it was a little too bluntly because the look on Will’s face as the word ’dying’ came out of my mouth could break any heart.

“It’s really advanced. They can’t stop it, but they’re trying,” Will pointed slowly up towards the gauze on his head.

“Johns Hopkins is supposed to be the best, right?” I said this more to myself than to Will. I couldn’t believe it. Will was dying right here in front of me. I shook my head I couldn’t believe this.

“Don’t cry, Addie. That would kill me right there,” Will choked out a laugh.

I sniffled, “Don’t strain yourself,” Will reached out wearily and touched my cheek. I smiled as he just held it there briefly.

I sighed. This just makes me feel horrible. “Will is there anything I can do to make you feel better at all?”

Will took his hand back and looked back up at the ceiling, “Anything, Addie?”

I know that I should’ve thought before I spoke but I just said, “Yes.”

Will took a few breaths before he spoke again. I was wondering what I could possibly do for him; Get his affairs in order? Tell the fans? The horrible thought of arranging his funeral made me shake but the sound of Will’s voice knocked me back to the present.

“Addie, Will you marry me?”