Frankly, I Don't Love You.

“So, you and Frankie boy, eh?” Mikey asked after Frank and Gerard disappeared into the house to get our drinks.

“What do you mean by Frank and I? He’s my best friend besides you and Gerard and Jeremy. He wouldn’t mess up a friendship like that” I covered. Mikey couldn’t know my feelings, not yet at least.

“A.J. come on; have you see the way he looks at you? If he looked more like that he would look like a puppy in a pet store” Mikey laughed.

“Mikey, I know for a fact that Frank wouldn’t even think about liking me in that way. He can only see me in the best friend type of view, nothing else” then muttered, “Maybe he’s the smart one. Way to go Allison, falling for your best friend is just dainty.”

“Oh A.J. shut up already. So you like him, big deal. He likes you back which makes it better for you! I don’t see what the problem is!”

“Mikey, he’s my best friend, besides you, this is not a good way to start off a friendship. It’s just not right; you’re not supposed to like a friend, that’s why they’re called friends!”

“What happened with your last boyfriend then?”

“There’s a weird story about that actually” I said sighing looking up towards the stars

“What happened A.J? You guys never really explained anything, but we knew it was bound to happen cause you guys have always been so close to each other.” He said as he sat up with a worried look on his face. “What could be so weird about it?” is probably what he was thinking. I knew this would not be a good conversation. I drew a deep breath in and began to reencounter almost faded memories.

“So remember that whole thing, two years ago with Alex? How he raped me?” I struggled to get through the sentence. “Well, the only person I really actually told was Gerard because he was the one that I came to for help after it happened. So he knows everything that happened, while you know just the basic concept.” I paused trying so hard to put away all o those dreaded memories but they came flashbacking anyway.


“Come on Alex,.let’s go inside and watch a movie!” I said dragging my boyfriend of six months into the living room where I picked out a movie I knew we would both like. I smiled up at him. So far he and I had never had a fight, he knew exactly what I liked and had never pushed my boundaries. Little did I know that that was about to change tonight. We sat on the loveseat and began to watch the movie. I curled up into his chest and felt at ease.

“So Jeremy went out with his friends?”

“Yeah, I think he went out with Gerard, Mikey and Frank” I said

“Oh okay. I’m glad we could spend time together Alyson. I love you so much”

“I love you too Alex” I whispered into his neck. He pushed my chin up and kissed me on the lips, a bit too rough for my liking, nevertheless I slowly kissed him back. In the back of my mind, a voice was telling me to slow down. As the kiss progressed, Alex somehow led us to my bedroom. When he pushed me onto my bed forcefully, I knew this had gone too far.

“Alex, stop I don’t want this. I’m only fifteen and I don’t think I could lose something this special in this manner.”

“Oh A.J. how could you be so naïve to think that this wasn’t going to happen soon, it should have been obvious.” He bellowed at me, the glare in his eyes almost fiery red. I was still under him which made him seem scarier. My eyes felt watery and my cheeks cold .In between all of this hysteria I could only recall my clothes being ripped off of me, pain, and more pain. Each time he pounded me and I felt as if I was being slammed into a wall. I couldn’t think, nor scream, I simply saw myself there helpless. All through the whole ordeal Alex kept going as if nothing was wrong. “I love you’s” kept rolling out of his mouth as well as the rough kisses I had experienced earlier. I would feel his lips all over as well as his hands. This closet that I had been locked was not showing any light. An eternity later followed and he was done. He threw on his clothes and walked out soon after that. And just like that my world was torn in two, leaving me in pieces as well.

“Gerard was there for the whole thing, and somehow I think it just happened because he wanted to protect me from other guys. He apparently always liked me and vice versa so it seemed pretty rational, you know? But I can’t help thinking that there was more of a protective side to the whole ordeal. Of course, he was there for when I would have nightmares of Alex doing all of those horrible things to me, and Gerard would be there. There would be those days where he would try to hug me and I would scream. I’m surprised he got through all of those months of not being able to hold me as much as he would have liked. Either way, that’s about it, besides the whole experience that you don’t have to know about”

“W-wow.” He stuttered “That was really nice of Gerard to do that for you. He still loves you, and I don’t think that’ll go away, ever. It’s just amazing that he went through all of that with you”

“I know he knows me pretty well” I said sighing again.

“Do you think you’ll tell Frank about what Alex did to you?”

“I don’t know. It’s kind of hard to bring up that subject, even with you. It would be too hard to bring that up with Frank. I mean I’m seventeen and haven’t had an actual boyfriend besides your brother. I was raped when I was fifteen and ever since haven’t been the same. Do you really think Frank would look at me in the same light again? As friends anyways.”

“You never know A.J.” he might just care about how good of a person you are. We’ve all noticed a change in him since you guys became friends”

I rolled my eyes knowing he was right. Shoot.