And Then We Will Destroy Our Bodies

“Frankie? Is that you?” Frank heard called out from the kitchen as soon as he had closed the front door.

“Yep, I’m going up to do some homework,” He called back

“Oh wait,” his mother appeared in the doorway of the kitchen wiping her hands on a dishcloth “I’d like to talk to you honey, will you come in here please?”

Frank dropped his bag by the front door and followed his mom into the kitchen where she’d disappeared to. Standing in the doorway he saw his mom back at the island, cutting up vegetables for a salad. Frank had been a vegetarian for a few years now, something his mother and father didn’t follow, but at least his mom made him veggie food. She motioned to the seat on the other side of the tiled counter and Frank slumped over sit down.

“Yeah?”

Mrs. Iero looked up from the cutting board “Well, honey how was your day?”

Frank shrugged and started to say shitty before he caught himself…”fine, I have a lot of homework for English class…poetry and sh-..I mean, stuff.”

His mother nodded “That’s good,” she said preoccupied “Well…I wanted to let you know that I’m going back to work,”

“Mom!” Frank almost whined but was actually horrified, “Dad left this morning and you’re already out getting a job to ‘support us’?!”

His mother laughed a little sadly “It’s not like that, I’ve been looking at getting a job for awhile now, incase your father ever took off without warning, now I’m planning ahead, I don’t want to wait for the bills to pile up…” She looked up to meet her son’s gaze “I wanted to let you know because it means I won’t be here when you get home from school a lot of days.”

*
Frank’s mom used to work when Frank was younger, as a secretary for half a day a few days a week. She’d usually be home when Frank got home from school, some day’s she just couldn’t get away from the office in time. One of those days Frank had decided to fly with his best friend Jimmy Reardon, right off the upstairs roof. Jimmy had chickened out…but not Frank.

”Mom, why does Superman’s cape work and mine didn’t?” Frank had asked as he was getting his arm in a cast,

His mother shook her head under the bright hospital lights.

“Because, stupid, Superman had a cape not a bed sheet!” Jimmy piped up from the chair next to Mrs. Iero, swinging his legs because at the age 6 his feet didn’t quite touch the floor.

“I’m not stupid!” Frank had protested “Superman is! He’s dumb.”

Later that night after Frank had gone to bed his parents fought, over the years it was one of their worst fights, and the next day his mom had quit her job. Frank felt guilty for a long time because he knew it was because of him.
*

Frank nodded glumly “Okay…”

“That also means,” his mother stated “That I don’t want you bringing boys home after school if I’m not here.”

Frank’s mouth dropped open.

“Mom! Do…Do you SEE me trafficking boys from the door to my bedroom left and right?! I don’t know if you know it yet but my love life isn’t exactly the hottest thing going on right now…”

He saw his mother try not to smile and that at least made him feel a little better.

“Still,” She continued

“I got it, I got it.” Frank sighed, “No boys, sex, booze, or drugs when you’re not home.”

His mom just sighed “Or while I’m home either preferably, at least the drugs and booze part.”

“Okay,” Frank sighed “Just at school then…I’m kidding mom!” he said when he received a worried look.

“Frank go do your homework or something!” His mom laughed to herself

“It’s really awkward to have sex at school anyways!” Frank said as he backed out of the kitchen, “There’s no place to do it!”

**********************************

Prose.

What the fuck was that?

Frank had been sitting in his room for a good half hour now; he got the feeling he maybe should’ve listened to what Gerard was saying at school today instead of staring like some under sexed dork. but…God, he had a nice body! or has to have under those black clothes…Frank couldn’t help but wish his pants had been a little tighter.

Frank buried his face in his hands and tried to clear his head. His thoughts went to guys and the guys in his life…mainly it was just Jimmy.

Frank stretched out on the floor his chin resting on his folded arms and his thoughts went back to Jimmy. They’d had their 12th birthday together, that’s when Jimmy had kissed Frank. He was young enough to not be ashamed, or have some sort of pride to keep, but old enough to know not to tell anyone.

Don’t tell anyone

Frank wondered what his dad would think if he knew his only son was gay.
Maybe he’d be angry and get abusive like Jimmy’s dad, Jim Reardon, had…that’s why he had moved to Oklahoma in the first place. Just him and his mom and little sister though, Jimmy’s dad stayed behind…he didn’t want a fag for a son. At least Mr. Reardon had moved out of their neighborhood after his wife left him, that way every time Frank saw his or him taking out the trash he wouldn’t get so hot with anger that he wanted to choke him.

Maybe Frank’s Dad wouldn’t want a fag for a son either. After all he was named after his dad just like Jimmy was, great minds think alike, right? Maybe that’s why he had left in the first place; maybe he saw it coming, just like his mom sort of had. Maybe that’s why his mom had asked frank not to come out to his dad yet, because she knew it’d make him leave.

Frank shook his head, no, his dad loved him, he’d never be like Jimmy’s dad…Yeah, loved him, where is he now? Frank thought, not that I particularly need him…[i/]

Frank pushed away the thought that now he and Jimmy both had broken homes because of their sexuality. He tried not to let himself think that way. He didn’t know he was crying till his tears hit his lips and he tasted salt.

”You have to be proud of yourself at some point” Jimmy had told him last year ”Proud enough to stop hiding and let people know you”

It was the most stunning thing Jimmy had ever said to Frank. Well, aside from in the 4th grade when Jimmy had said Frank’s eyes reminded him of his cat’s Charlie. Which to Frank was a major compliment because Charlie had the most beautiful eyes ever for a cat.

Frank thought some more about Jimmy, then about his dad, till finally he stopped and sat up. Wiping his eyes and pulling out a piece of paper and a pencil he began to scribble down words. He was so absorbed he didn’t even hear his mom call him for dinner.


My life so far,
My life so far is shit…