Bottom of the Blackest Hole

“I want a divorce,” I repeated, louder this time.

He stepped back and looked at me with wide eyes, “W-what?”

“It’s for the best. Really.” I was sure I was making the right choice. I think.

“How the hell-”

“It’s pretty clear that you’re seeing someone else. I don’t want to get in a way of your happiness. You’ll go your way and I’ll go mine,” I interrupted. I intertwined my hands and rested them on my lap.

“What about Leila?” his voice level went up a little.

“I’ll take her on the week days and you take her on the weekends or something. We’ll figure something out.” I looked at his feet, avoiding his eyes.

“Is this what you want? To divorce me?” he asked quietly. It sounded like he was scared.

That’s when I tilted my head up. My eyes stared intensely into his.

“Yes,” I lied.

--

[Josh]

“Dude,” David started, “What’s up with you?” Josh groaned into his hands.

His brother nudged him with his foot.

“Bailey wants a divorce,” he grumbled miserably. A pillow collided against his head.

“Hey!” He rubbed the sore spot.

“What?!” David yelled.

“Ugh, I don’t know what to do.”

“What did you say to her? Heck, what did you do?”

“She saw Adrianna kiss me last week.” Another pillow was thrown.

“Stop it!” he whined at his brother.

“Who the hell is Adrianna?”

“Just someone from work. But I didn’t kiss her. She was on me! I swear!” David rolled his eyes.

“Well, why are you telling me?” Josh buried his head into his hands.

“I don’t know man. I’m so confused.”

“She’s in love with you, bro.” David concluded. Josh froze.

“No, she’s not.”

“You are so oblivious. Why else would she get mad and jealous?”

“I don’t know,” he muttered, “Because women are confusing?”

“True that,” David agreed and swung his arm around Josh’s shoulder, “Can’t live without ‘em though.”

“I think I’m going to do it.” Josh said numbly, referring to the divorce.

“What are you? Stupid?! You can’t divorce her!”

“What else am I suppose to do?”

David shrugged. “Win her back, or something…you do love her, right?”

Josh went quiet. “I…don’t know.”

David rolled his eyes again, “Kid, you are so whipped.”

[/Josh]

--

“What do you mean you’re not going to do it?!” I yelled at him. I slammed my hands down the table. Several people around us started staring. This was three days later after he said that he’d bring the divorce papers but here he was, sitting in front of me with an arrogant smirk plastered on his stupid face. I hate men!

“I mean, I won’t divorce you.” He still kept the same expression. My hand twitched to throw my coffee cup at him face.

“You are seriously pissing me off,” I hissed. He raised an eyebrow. A couple strands of his hair fell into his eyes. Instead of having the urge to run my hand through his hair and move the strand, I wanted to stab him in the eye with it.

“I will never divorce you.” He stated with arrogance.

“Why the hell not?!” His smirk dropped and he just stared blankly at me.

“I know you don’t want to either, Bailey,” he said quietly. My eyes soften a little.

“Yes I do,” I said stubbornly.

“No you don’t,” he said sternly.

“Why should we even stay married in the first place? It’s not like we even love each other.” I mumbled. I’m the only one in this relationship with feelings…

“Marriage should be about two people that love each other immensely. We just married because you knocked me up,” I continued.

“If you don’t have feelings for me, then why’d you get jealous and upset when you saw me kissing Adrianna?” he challenged. My mouth hung open a little. What was I suppose to say to that?

I cleared my throat, “I was not jealous.” I denied. He scoffed.

“Please, Bailey. You were eating cartons of ice cream over at your friends house, who, by the way, I have to thank you for telling me about where you were.” Traitor.

“I was craving for ice cream,” I defended. He rolled his eyes.

“Face it,” he demanded, “You’re in love with me.”

I started coughing loudly and awkwardly. Josh just stared.

How did he-? Traitor, traitor, traitor!

“What’s the difference?” I said exasperatedly, “It’s not like you feel the same way.”

“What happens if I do? What happens if I said ‘I love you’ right now?” My breath hitched up. Was he teasing me? Was he playing with my feelings?

“Just stop it,” I groaned.

“No,” he leant forward, “What happens if I said ‘I love you’?” he repeated.

“You can’t just say those things and not mean it!”

“But what happens if I do?” My bottom lip quivered. I could feel it. Why is he doing this to me?

There was a pregnant pause where we were staring back at each other. “But it’s all just ‘what happens if’, right?” I walked out of the store.

--

[Josh]

Great. Just great. She probably thought he was playing with her feelings. Idiot! He banged his head for millionth times that day. People were still staring around him but he didn’t care. He needed to do something, anything, before she slips away. He can’t let that happen. He knew how he felt for her. It just took a little a while to comprehend that in his head. Now all he needed to do was just say it.

He flipped open his phone and speed dialed David. “I messed up again. Plan 2.”

[/Josh]

--

“He is such a bastard!” I wailed on Courtney’s shoulders. David was in the kitchen, probably too scared to come face the wrath of a heartbroken woman.

“Honey,” she began, “Why would you even want to divorce him if you’re in love with him?”

“Because he doesn’t love me back,” I said, “Now I know how it feels like to be in a one love relationship. It sucks,” I groaned.

“How do you know he doesn’t love you?” She questioned.

“I just know.” I wiped my teary eyes with a tissue. Fact is, I don’t.

A couple of minutes later, David poked his head in. He looked nervous. I immediately felt awful. I remembered why he was here in the first place. They were supposed to be on their date. Kind of. He was going to cook for her. How sweet.

“I think I’m going out for a walk,” I said quietly to Courtney. She nodded and began getting up. I shook my head.

“You stay here and enjoy your date. I’m sorry I ruined it,” I added, “I’ll take Leila with me too.” Courtney protested that she’ll go but I was already out the door and pushing the stroller.

Again, today was a perfect weather. Too bad I was feeling too crappy to enjoy it. I parked the stroller in front of a bench and sat down. Leila looked at me with a tilted head. I frowned and she looked like she was about to burst out crying. I quickly changed my expression to a full wide grin, she smiled right back. Instantly, my mood lightened at her smile. Her dimples popped out on her cheek making me grin a little more.

We sat in silence, not that she could talk, and just enjoyed each other’s present.

“Bailey,” someone said behind me. I screamed loudly, scared by the voice.

Josh looked at me with wide eyes. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!” Leila noticed my terrified expression and began crying. I was just about to carry her up and calm her down but Josh was too quick. Just in seconds, she was in his arms, bouncing and giggling.

I stood awkwardly in front of them. Later, he set the now sleeping Leila back in the stroller and turned to face me.

I rubbed my neck nervously, “I should probably g-”

Josh took my shoulders before I could move. “Just please listen.”

I stayed quiet so he continued. “I’m in love with you, Bailey Beth. I know it took me a while to say but I do. I love you so much. I love how sometimes your eyes get dark when you’re angry or how you would just genuinely smile. I love that you don’t realize just how beautiful you are. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to have millions of kids with you. I know I hurt you for the past week and you probably want nothing to do with me but I’m a selfish person. And I’m too selfish to let you go. I don’t want us to be away. I completely understand if you don’t forgive me but I’ll keep trying. I’ll do whatever it takes to win you back. I love you, Bailey.”

I stood stunned by his words, not knowing what to say. My eyes got blurry and a tear dropped. This time, it was a happy tear. “You stupid idiot. I love you too,” I choked out cheekily. He broke out into a grin, whooped in joy, before crushing me into a hug. I circled my arms around his neck as he spun me around.

“Let’s start over,” he gushed when he set me down.

“I’m Josh,” he stuck out his hand. I giggled. Yes. I downright giggled.

“Bailey,” I said back. Instead of shaking my hand, Josh went on his knees.

“Bailey Beth, will you marry me and make me the happiest man? Again?”