‹ Prequel: Broken Hearts May Have Their Doubts
Ocean of Emotion
06
The outside of my reflection was perfectly fine. My hair was styled in gentle waves, my eyes outlined in black and my lips coated in sticky, shiny lip gloss. I'd dug out some decent looking clothes from my suitcase and changed from my pyjamas.
I stared at my reflection. Behind the make up, the clothes, the hair, the big fake smile was a broken girl. I studied myself in the mirror. The shower was still running, signaling that Jenny was still rinsing masses of hairspray out of her hair. I stared at my face, scrutinizing myself. My eyes were too small and squinty. My lips weren't thick and plump. My cheeks were still round, giving me the baby faced look. My nose was too big. I spun around and looked at my bum. It was far too big. My legs were too chunky. My hair not blonde or soft enough.
With all those flaws, it was no wonder Josh had run off and had his one night with Heather. Those imperfections were just on the outside. The inside was far worse. I knew I was annoying, I questioned things too much, I'm a crap listener and I'm selfish. I bitch about other people, one's I pass in the street. I judge a book by it's cover. Let's face it, I'm an awful person.
The shower stopped abruptly and the bathroom door swung open. Jenny stepped out, rubbing her hair with a white fluffy towel. Her make up had run down her cheeks, beads of water dripping from her hair and forehead, dragging the black and grey eye make up down her face.
"I think thats the last time I bother using hairspray," she announced, glaring at the can she'd purchased that afternoon. "I know it was cheap, but it says it doesn't make your hair go all hard and sticky."
I nodded. I wasn't paying attention to her, instead I was inspecting my ears. They were far too big. I looked like Dumbo. Sucking my teeth I turned to face the girl who had once been my arch nemesis. "Jenny, are my ears too big? Be truthful."
"Bliss, darling, stop picking out faults with yourself. Your ears are in perfect proportion. Your completely fine and if Josh can't see that then that's his problem."
I felt a lump form in my throat. Why was she being so nice to me? I was about to ask that question, when I thought against it. It might offend her, and I needed all the understanding friends I could get at the moment.
"I think I'll go for a walk for a bit, just till you've finished your hair and everything. I'll be back soon," I smiled softly, walking towards the door, I grabbed one of the room keys and slipped it into the pocket of my denim skirt. Opening the door, I set off out into the warm night air.
I walked around the block of rooms, walking past a group of kids trying to break into the vending machine that housed various bottles of fizzy drink. I rolled my eyes at their immaturity and carried on walking towards the pool area, where a familiar bunch were sitting on sun loungers, each one dressed up to go out. Charming how none of them had bothered to come and find myself and Jenny and ask us to go along.
I was tempted to just walk by and blank them, but one of the fools spotted me and called. It was Polly, waving her tanned arms in the air, a set of silver bangles clinking together as she did so.
Hesitating, I wondered if I should walk over to them, but before my brain had chance to process any information, my feet were already taking me across to them.
"Where've you been all day?" Libby asked, curiously. She was seated beside Matt, their hands clasped together. At her question, all of them looked up at me, each pair of eyes staring, waiting for an answer.
"Just in the room. Sleeping," I lied. My eyes scanned the faces staring at me, each one unsure of my answer. They knew I was lying. My three best friends could read me like a book, and their partners seemed to have picked up on their skill as well. My eyes locked with another familiar pair. A pair I'd wanted to be lost in, never to be found again.
"Oh, are you unwell?" Sacha asked, playing along with the lie, she looked between myself and Josh and back again.
My eyes swivelled to where she was seated, closest to me, and the girl that was sat beside her. Long bleach blonde hair, incredibly tanned, a short skirt that barely covered her bum and a very revealing top. Her manicured hand was resting dangerously high on Chris' thigh. She was giggling lowly and he appeared to be enjoying every second of this female attention.
"Oh, moved on have we?" I asked, directing my question at Heather.
She looked up at me, her nose crinkled at the sight of me. She flicked a lock of her hair over her shoulder. "What?"
"Moved on. Last night it was Josh. Tonight it's Chris. Who's it going to be tomorrow? Henri? Or maybe someone married, so Matt or Ant? Or maybe you'd go that one step further and go for Max, since not only is he engaged, but he has a baby."
She snarled. "I don't know what any of this has got to do with you. Crying because Josh wants a real woman. You're pathetic."
I bit my tongue. I wasn't about to lash out at her, I thought I was better than that. We didn't need a school yard fight. Not here, not now. Instead, I looked at the ring sparkling in the light on my finger. Keeping my eyes on Josh I took it off and threw it back in his face. "It's over, Josh. For good." Turning around, I walked away.
"Bliss!"
I carried on walking, quickening my pace.
"Bliss." A hand came into contact with my shoulder and I turned around, looking up into Josh's eyes. "I didn't do anything with her, please believe me."
I shook my head. "No, Josh. Don't lie to me please. Just leave me alone, I can't do this anymore." I ripped my arm away from him and turned and began to run back to the room.
I stared at my reflection. Behind the make up, the clothes, the hair, the big fake smile was a broken girl. I studied myself in the mirror. The shower was still running, signaling that Jenny was still rinsing masses of hairspray out of her hair. I stared at my face, scrutinizing myself. My eyes were too small and squinty. My lips weren't thick and plump. My cheeks were still round, giving me the baby faced look. My nose was too big. I spun around and looked at my bum. It was far too big. My legs were too chunky. My hair not blonde or soft enough.
With all those flaws, it was no wonder Josh had run off and had his one night with Heather. Those imperfections were just on the outside. The inside was far worse. I knew I was annoying, I questioned things too much, I'm a crap listener and I'm selfish. I bitch about other people, one's I pass in the street. I judge a book by it's cover. Let's face it, I'm an awful person.
The shower stopped abruptly and the bathroom door swung open. Jenny stepped out, rubbing her hair with a white fluffy towel. Her make up had run down her cheeks, beads of water dripping from her hair and forehead, dragging the black and grey eye make up down her face.
"I think thats the last time I bother using hairspray," she announced, glaring at the can she'd purchased that afternoon. "I know it was cheap, but it says it doesn't make your hair go all hard and sticky."
I nodded. I wasn't paying attention to her, instead I was inspecting my ears. They were far too big. I looked like Dumbo. Sucking my teeth I turned to face the girl who had once been my arch nemesis. "Jenny, are my ears too big? Be truthful."
"Bliss, darling, stop picking out faults with yourself. Your ears are in perfect proportion. Your completely fine and if Josh can't see that then that's his problem."
I felt a lump form in my throat. Why was she being so nice to me? I was about to ask that question, when I thought against it. It might offend her, and I needed all the understanding friends I could get at the moment.
"I think I'll go for a walk for a bit, just till you've finished your hair and everything. I'll be back soon," I smiled softly, walking towards the door, I grabbed one of the room keys and slipped it into the pocket of my denim skirt. Opening the door, I set off out into the warm night air.
I walked around the block of rooms, walking past a group of kids trying to break into the vending machine that housed various bottles of fizzy drink. I rolled my eyes at their immaturity and carried on walking towards the pool area, where a familiar bunch were sitting on sun loungers, each one dressed up to go out. Charming how none of them had bothered to come and find myself and Jenny and ask us to go along.
I was tempted to just walk by and blank them, but one of the fools spotted me and called. It was Polly, waving her tanned arms in the air, a set of silver bangles clinking together as she did so.
Hesitating, I wondered if I should walk over to them, but before my brain had chance to process any information, my feet were already taking me across to them.
"Where've you been all day?" Libby asked, curiously. She was seated beside Matt, their hands clasped together. At her question, all of them looked up at me, each pair of eyes staring, waiting for an answer.
"Just in the room. Sleeping," I lied. My eyes scanned the faces staring at me, each one unsure of my answer. They knew I was lying. My three best friends could read me like a book, and their partners seemed to have picked up on their skill as well. My eyes locked with another familiar pair. A pair I'd wanted to be lost in, never to be found again.
"Oh, are you unwell?" Sacha asked, playing along with the lie, she looked between myself and Josh and back again.
My eyes swivelled to where she was seated, closest to me, and the girl that was sat beside her. Long bleach blonde hair, incredibly tanned, a short skirt that barely covered her bum and a very revealing top. Her manicured hand was resting dangerously high on Chris' thigh. She was giggling lowly and he appeared to be enjoying every second of this female attention.
"Oh, moved on have we?" I asked, directing my question at Heather.
She looked up at me, her nose crinkled at the sight of me. She flicked a lock of her hair over her shoulder. "What?"
"Moved on. Last night it was Josh. Tonight it's Chris. Who's it going to be tomorrow? Henri? Or maybe someone married, so Matt or Ant? Or maybe you'd go that one step further and go for Max, since not only is he engaged, but he has a baby."
She snarled. "I don't know what any of this has got to do with you. Crying because Josh wants a real woman. You're pathetic."
I bit my tongue. I wasn't about to lash out at her, I thought I was better than that. We didn't need a school yard fight. Not here, not now. Instead, I looked at the ring sparkling in the light on my finger. Keeping my eyes on Josh I took it off and threw it back in his face. "It's over, Josh. For good." Turning around, I walked away.
"Bliss!"
I carried on walking, quickening my pace.
"Bliss." A hand came into contact with my shoulder and I turned around, looking up into Josh's eyes. "I didn't do anything with her, please believe me."
I shook my head. "No, Josh. Don't lie to me please. Just leave me alone, I can't do this anymore." I ripped my arm away from him and turned and began to run back to the room.