Wreckage From the Past Haunts Me; Shakes Me to the Bone

I watched Jimmy as he played the beat on his drums. He does it so gracefully He had so much energy, but I suppose that's because of the cocaine. Yeah he relapsed. though I guess it was just a matter of time. I'm not mad at him. I mean he went completely cold turkey for three months. It's a start. I told him last night to stop or he's going to lose me and I'll take Vicki with me. I know that if it came down to it he would give me guardianship.

I had Aidyn in my lap while I practiced before I went on stage. Lusty was playing next to me on her guitar along with Syn's, although no one could hear since her guitar wasn't plugged in. Tonight Syn was playing with us instead since Larry told her he couldn't play. I know that she's going to anyways.

My brother's voice was booming through the speakers and Vicki was dancing. Zacky was trying not laugh as Tegan and Jussi made faces. Every now and then Johnny would pull out his phone and blush. The last time Alex had sent, "Nice Shoes want to fuck?" though I suppose that was because Johnny had lost a bet and had to wear a skirt, no top, a bra, and knee high heels. Nikki and Lusty held him down and shaved his legs too! I believe that the bet was that Johnny could out drink Zacky, which we all know he can't. I saw Corey grab the phone and text something, but I couldn't see what it was. Jocelyn was up on stage singing the end of "A Little Piece of Heaven." The last words were sung and their fans went wild. I clapped as Aidyn screeched, Jimmy smiled a tired smile. I knew the drugs were wearing off. Aidyn started to cry suddenly making me jump. I started to rock him back and forth, but he didn't stop. I saw that Vicki's bottom lip was starting to quiver.

"Oh please don't cry Riot." I said as I picked her up too. Yes we had taken to calling her Riot after she started a fight between Ville and Mige. It was quite funny actually.

I started to walk out of the arena , but Jimmy caught me. He motioned for me to come out on stage, but I shook my head. He smiled and nodded. I sighed and walked out with both of them in my arms. I walked over to him and he grabbed Aidyn and got his to stop crying. I’m always amazed when Aidyn simply gets into his arms. He immediately when he gets in Jimmy’s hands. Jimmy leaned over and hugged me, though he was really resting his head in the crook of my neck.

“It’s wearing off.”

“I know. I can tell.” I said as tears started to come to my eyes.

“Don’t cry please.” He begged as he looked me in the eyes.

“I’m sorry I just...I failed you.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Jimmy I promised I would make sure you stayed sober.”

“You also promised you wouldn’t leave me.” I nodded and wiped my eyes.

“I can’t now. I’m to in love with you.” I said as I kissed him. Vicki said ‘Eww’ making me and Jimmy pull away laughing.

“Ladies and Gentleman...I’m sure you’re wondering who these lovely people are. Well this is my beautiful daughter Victoria!” He said as I picked her up and kissed her forehead as she snuggled into his neck, “My son Aidyn and my beautiful girlfriend Fiction!”

I gasped. I’m sure he heard it. He thought of Aidyn as his son. I let a huge smile grace my face as I bit my lip. I heard the fans go crazy. He leaned down and kissed me again before sending me back off stage.

“Hey sis get the hell of stage! We have one more song before you get up here!” I flipped Matt off and walked off stage holding Aidyn and Vicki. Tegan and Lauren nearly tackled me to the floor when I got over to the side. Jussi and Jyrki grabbed the kids from me and waked away making me look at them like they were crazy.

“Jocie wants you to sing first so we have to get you ready!” Lauren told me as she dragged me off to the side. Jocie was sitting in the dressing room with a few things. Jocie set me in a chair and smiled at me.

“I need you to get dressed in your grey skinny jeans, black tank top, and your white vest.”

“The one that ties in the back?”

“That’s the one.” She said as she winked. I nodded and got dressed as fast as I could. Tegan walked over with my fingerless lace gloves and morning tie. It’s a tie that has a bunch of stuff written all over it I slipped them both on and tied my tie. I used to have to tie Matt’s all of the time so I’m really glad I know how. I yawned making Jocie laugh at me.

“Shut up! Aidyn could like feel that there was something wrong with me and wouldn’t go to sleep.”

“You’re really torn up about it aren’t you?”

“Jocie you’re his best friend practically his sister. I know you’re just as torn up as I am!”

“I know. He was doing so well.” She said with her head down. Tegan walked over and hugged me and Jocie quickly joined. Even Lauren was in it.

“Come on guys you go on stage in less then thirty minutes.” Lauren said as we all broke apart. I slipped on my high heels that laced up like sneakers while Jocie put in my key earrings. I sighed and stood up.

“Show time!” I said as I stood up. They all laughed at me and nodded.

“You better do my vocals right!” Jocie said as she glared at me. ‘

“You better play my drums right!” I shot back. We both laughed and walked out on stage. Syn was making faces at the crowd and Nikki was playing a random tune. The stopped when they saw us, except Syn since we were behind him. I reached over and smacked him in the back of the head making everyone laugh.

“In the words for Johnny Christ...Are you ready for a rock show?!” I screamed into the microphone. The fans screamed making me smile. Out of every job in the world this had to be the greatest! Just seeing the fans faces. Each one of them different from the next. Some having the Deathbat across their chest. Some having the Angels of Deception logo across their arms.

“This is In Fates Hands!” I screamed out as Nikki started the song.

“I remember a year ago I was standing in the crowd
Waiting for my chance to break through, my chance to live again.
Now it seems I've found some friends who finally understand
What it takes to make this dream come true, we'll be here till the end.

Shake it, break it, get off your feet,
Come dance with me and don't you fake it.
Shake it, break it, get off your feet,
Get close to me and don't you fake it.

Shout and scream my friends, connect with me and we'll pretend
This night will never end (whao oh) this night will never end.
Just let go you'll see together we'll do anything
This night will never end (whao oh) this night will never end.

Shake it, break it, get off your feet,
Come dance with me and don't you fake it.
Shake it, break it, get off your feet,
Get close to me and don't you fake it.

Oh, wish I could thank you all for what you have done
And all of the things that you have shared with me.
Oh, wish I could take you all to where I must go
Wish I could take you all, I'll take you in my arms.

Dance, get on the floor, shake, get on the floor, break, get on the floor
Dance, get on the floor, shake, get on the floor, break

Shake it, break it, get off your feet,
Come dance with me and don't you fake it.
Shake it, break it, get off your feet,
Get close to me and don't you fake it.

I'm reaching out here to show you what we've been through
I think there's something we can share, that's completely new
Or maybe I'm just insane, whao oh
Shake it, break it, get off your feet”

I finished the song and looked back at Jocie and Tegan. They both smiled and gave me a thumbs up. I sang The Flood before I saw something that made my stomach sick. I saw a guy hit a girl and not in a mosh pit type of way. He punched her in the face. I bent down to the ground and told Security to go get him.

“Guys I hate to stop the show, but We need to make sure something it taken care of. Guy bring her up here!” I said as I saw the guys grab the man she was with and picked her up and set her on the stage. Jyrki came out and grabbed her and took her back stage.

“Make sure he stays right there boys! After this song you can take him back!” The girls all looked at me funny before I walked off stage and over to Lusty.

“We need you up there.” She smiled knowing what song I wanted to play. She walked out on stage behind me and started into the song. Everyone followed and soon I was singing the entrance to Face Down. I starred at him the whole time I was singing. He was getting visibly pissed, but there was one thing I noticed. Her boyfriend was none other then Todd. I smirked and shook my head before I sang the last two lines of the song.

Jocie finished singing for the rest of the concert knowing I was beyond pissed. After the show I walked off stage to see Jimmy leaning against the wall. He was high. I thought about it for a minute and realized that if he didn’t stop that I wasn’t going to be able to stay around him. There’s been too much drug use in my past and I don’t want that near me anymore.

“Jimmy can I talk to you?” I asked. He nodded and walked into the dressing room with me.

“What do you need to say?” He asked.

“You have to stop. I can’t go through with this again. I went through it with you when I was 16, but now I’m not sure if I can.”

“I told you last night that I would stop.”

“Jimmy you’re high right now.” I said as I starred up at him, “If you’re going to be high all of the time like you were when we were teens that I don’t want you around me or the kids. You called Aidyn your son earlier, but I don’t want my son around drug. Especially when he’s this young. So pick either me and the kids or your drugs!” He didn’t say anything he just walked away. I’m not really glad that he were stopped at a hotel tonight.

I sighed and pushed the tears to the back of my head before walking out. I was stopped by Corey and Shawn.

“We’ll take the kids tonight alright?” I shook my head, but the tears quickly started again. Corey pulled me into a hug and rocked me back and forth.

“You need a night alright.” I nodded and smiled a weak smile before walking out of the Arena. Matt was out leaning against his bus with Jocie wrapped in his arms.

“Hey what hotel are we at?” I asked as I walked over to them.

“I’ll take her.” Jocie said as Tegan ran out.

“I love you!” Matt yelled as we walked towards the gate.

“I love you too!” She yelled louder. I smiled and Tegan wrapped her arms around my waist since she couldn’t reach my shoulders. I hugged her back as we walked. Once we got to the hotel room I opened the door and walked into the bath room. I didn’t stop at the bed just straight into the bath room. I started the water and when it was heated all the way I stepped in burning my skin, but I really didn’t care. It felt so good. Once I was done I stepped out and wrapped my self in a towel and walked into my room. I saw that both girls were still in my room.

“We’re staying here tonight.” I smiled and nodded at what Tegan said. I quickly got dressed in underwear and one of Jimmy’s shirts. I crawled into bed and soon both girls were right next to me. About an hour later there was a knock on my door. Tegan got up and answered it. Nikki walked in a second later with Lusty and a huge bag of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and the movie 300.

I laughed and put in the movie and laid back down. The girls all changed into their pjs. Most consisted of underwear and their boyfriend t-shirt or boxers and their shirts.

The girls all fell asleep shortly after the movie. I head a knock on the door. I pulled on pair of pants and opened the door to see Zacky standing there.

“You wouldn’t to have Jimmy in there do you?”

“No why?”

“We can’t find him.”

“I’ll help you look.” I said as I grabbed my hoodie.

“So you and the girls having fun?”

“They’re all asleep.” I said as I smiled. He laughed and nodded. I looked atm y phone to see it was 1:30 in the morning. I called his cell phone.

Baby?

“Yeah hun it’s me. Where are you?”

I...I don’t know, but I’m sleepy again Trista.

“Hun look around and see whats around you.”

“Did you get him to answer his phone?” Matt asked as we walked outside.

Babe I see a bar named...- That was all I heard. There was nothing. The phone had been dropped.

“He’s near a bar!” I said as I took off in the direction that I knew. Matt was behind me. We came to an alley way and he wasn’t there. I went through the alley way looking where ever I could.

“Matt!” I yelled out as I saw Jimmy’s red tie. Matt rushed over and saw where I was talking about and quickly picked up Jimmy. His hair was matted to his face and his clothes were messed up. Tears found my eyes as I took in his appearance. Me and Matt walked out of the alley way and over to the hotel again. Matt took him to his room with me following.

“Go back to your room and go to sleep. I’ll take care of him. He’s getting off the drugs whether he likes it or not.” Matt said as he walked me to my room. I nodded and hugged Matt before walking into my room and curling into a ball between Tegan and Jocie.