Wreckage From the Past Haunts Me; Shakes Me to the Bone

I sighed as I finished writing the song that was laying in my lap. I handed it to Jocie. I swore I heard her gasp as she read it.

“It’s my last hope. Maybe this will get it through his head.”

“I’ll show it to the girls. Why don’t you go shower?” Jocie asked as she hugged me, “Maybe when we go to New York me, you and tegan can go off by our selves for a bit?”

“Sounds good.” I said as I gave her a weak smile. I’d been up all night with my thoughts. She kissed my forehead, her motherly side coming out, and walked over to the stairs. Most likely going to her own bed for a bit. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the light before turning on the shower as well. Once the shower was hot enough burn my skin I stepped. I let out a content sigh as I felt the water burn my skin. I must have stood there for an hour because soon the water turned cold. I felt the bus stop meaning we were at our next stop in New Jersey. I wrapped a towel around my body and dried off before getting dressed in red tights and black shorts with a black button up tie shirt. I put on my tie and fixed my hair so it was up in a bun again. I really have no effort in how I look today. I walked out to see Jimmy on my bed with his head in his hands.

“I’m so sorry.” he said as his shoulders shook, “I just needed one more hit before I stopped completely. the coke was laced though. I have no idea what was mixed in it I though. I ...I remember dropping the phone and trying to grab it but my body wouldn’t move. I remember trying to stay awake until I heard your voice. When I heard it I knew I was safe so I let go and passed out. When I woke up this morning my whole body was stiff and I was just thrown on the bed. The guys are avoiding me like a plague. Matt drilled into me about how I fucked up and I need to fix it. He told me that he could see the fear in your face when you guys found me. About how I need to figure out what I'm doing. I'm stopping baby even if it kills me. I promise on Vicki and Aidyn’s life that I will stay sober. Ill even stop drinking!" He said as he stood up, "Just don’t leave me" By now he was hugging my middle and crying .

"I'll never leave you Jimmy I promised. You can still drink because that was never a problem. It was the drugs! Jimmy last night when I found memories of our teen Years went through my mind! I don’t want to relive or teen Years we have kids now we cant act sixteen anymore. Im not letting those two kids go through that either. listen to our new song today. Listen closely." he nodded and stood up and hugged me right . He leaned over and kissed my lips softly, just enough to make me feel it. I leaned up and pressed out lips together harder. He took my face in his hands and put all of his emotion in to it. I could feel all of his sadness, happiness, and his anger. But most of all I could feel the love in his kiss. I set my hands on his face. Our tears were mixing as well as our lips. We pulled away shortly after. Our lips still lingered over each others. Our breath was mixing together. He wiped away my tears as I did th same to him. We laughed as he rested his head on my forehead.

“Come on. You didn’t get to sing to the kids last night. They missed you from what I heard.” I said as I took his hands in mine. He nodded and we walked out to the front of the bus where Lusty was sitting with the kids. She looked at us and smiled before looking at our hands and smiling even wider. She came over to us and hugged me before saying,

“I’ll glad you two worked it out. James you hurt her again and I’ll kill you.”

Me and Jimmy laughed before we heard a very familiar “Dada” Jimmy smiled even wider and walked quickly to where Aidyn and Vicki were playing. He leaned down and pulled both of them into a tight hug.

“I love you Dada.” I heard Vicki say. I leaned against the wall and tried to hold back my tears. This time of happiness. This is what my family is supposed to look like.

“Come here Mama.” I heard. I looked over to see Jimmy smiling and Vicki biting her lip as I walked over. I sat on the ground with them and started to build a house out of their blocks.

________________________________

“Are you sure you want to play this song tonight?” Tegan asked me as we finished getting ready.

“Yeah. I need him to hear it and see my side of things.” I said as I looked over at her. She nodded and smiled before hugging me before walking out of our dressing room. I sighed and jumped up and down a few times before walking out after her.

“Huddle!” Jocie said. We hadn’t huddle in a long time. I laughed as our heads all met together in the middle. We were the last band to go on tonight.

“Ok guys. This I a big night for Fiction. Let’s make sure this song is sung right. Ready on three...one...two...three.”

“No one can touch us!” We all screamed. We heard Matt laugh since it was a lyric from his album “Waking The Fallen”

He was my best friend, I tried to help him,
But he traded everything, for suffering,
And found himself alone.
I watched the lying, turn into hiding,
With scars on both his lips, his fingertips...
Were melted to the bone.

But I can still remember what his face looked like,
When I found him in an alley in the middle of the night.
Tell me what you know! Tell me what you gone and done now!
Tell me what you know! Tell me what you gone and done now!
Gonna do the trick, get it over with,
You're better off...
To take all you've got and burn it on the spot,
To get high-igh, igh, igh (high-igh, igh, igh).

The other night flashed through my mind as I continued to be at on my drums.

Three days no sleeping, he gave up eating,
He sold his mother's rings, she said nothing,
And pretended not to know...
He started stealing, to supply the feeling,
Found out he pulled a knife, on someone's wife...
And held it to her throat.

Flashback

“Hello?” I asked as I answered the phone.

“Trista dear! I need you to run to the jail and bail Jimmy out.” I heard Mrs. Sullivan cry over the phone.

“What do you mean he’s in jail?”

“He was taking to jail for attempted robbery. God this is all my fault. If I hadn’t had hid my rings and necklaces then he wouldn’t have something sell to get his fix!”

“He’s been selling your rings?! Why didn’t you say anything Mrs. Sullivan?”

“Because this is my fault dear! I used drugs around him to much when he was a child. That’s how he knows what to do. I got him started. Plus he’s my son. Trista I’ll do anything for my son.”

“How much is bail?”

“$600 the couple isn’t pressing charges on him.” I hung up the phone and ran out of my house and over to my car. Soon I was at the jail. Thankfully I had gone to the bank earlier and pulled out $700 for Syn’s birthday party. I walked into the jail.

“I need to post bail for James Sullivan.” I said as I walked to the lady.

“One moment please.” She said as she stood up.

“Are you here for James Sullivan?” I heard a woman ask. I turned around to see a girl about 22.

“Yes.”

“Hi I’m Olivia. I’m the girl he tried to rob.”

“Oh My God I’m so sorry about that.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve held a knife to someone’s throat to get money too. I’ve been in his postion. Just help him ok. It’s really hard getting sober.” She said as she smiled and gave me a hug.

“Thank you so much for not pressing charges.”

“Well if it was up to me he would have been locked away here for as long as possible!” The man said before he walked out of the station.

“Excuse my husband. Just be there for him ok and make sure that you take everything out of his house. All dangerous items. You know what. Just don’t leave him alone ever. Not even to take a shower.”

End Flashback

But I can still remember what his face looked like,
When I found him in an alley in the middle of the night.
Tell me what you know! Tell me what you gone and done now!
Tell me what you know! Tell me what you gone and done now!
Gonna do the trick, get it over with,

You're better off...
To take all that you've got and burn it on the spot,
Just to get high-igh, igh, igh (high-igh, igh, igh).
Tell me what did, where you gone and hid?
Show me...!
What you really want, was it what you got?
Slowly...!
Circle in the drain, throw it all away,
Just to get high-igh, igh, igh (high-igh, igh, igh).
High-igh, igh...oooooh!

(High-igh-igh-igh, high-igh-igh-igh)
Hiiigh
(High-igh-igh-igh, high-igh-igh-igh)
Hiiigh

Tell me what you know! Tell me what you gone and done now!
Tell me what you know! Tell me what you gone and done now!
Gonna do the trick, get it over with,
You're better off...
To take all that you've got and burn it on the spot,
Just to get high-igh, igh, igh (high-igh, igh, igh).
Tell me what did, where you gone and hid?
Show me...!
What you really want, was it what you got?
Slowly...!
Circle in the drain, throw it all away,Just to get high-igh, igh, igh, igh
Just to get high-igh, igh, igh, igh
Circle in the drain, throw it all away,
Just to get high-igh, igh, igh, igh.

Flashback

“Matt had to want freakn ice cream at 12:30 at night! Man he’s worse then a pregnant chick.” I mumbled as I walked through the city. My lovely older brother sent his 16 year older sister out to get him ice cream because he was currently drunk. I really didn’t mind though. I needed to get out of that house. You see earlier I got into a fight with my best friend Jimmy. So I need some fresh air. I walked along the beach and over to the small liquor store. I walked in a bought my brother’s vanilla ice cream and paid. The guy behind the counter was eyeing me, since al I was wearing was a pair of short shorts a tank top under a Avenged Sevenfold hoodie and my uggs. (Yes she had a pair back then too).

“My brother wouldn’t be to happy to know your staring at me.” I said as I walked away.

“Who’s your brother?”

“Matt Sanders.” I said as I walked back out. I laughed as I heard the guy gulp. I heard someone whimper my name. I knew that voice. It was Jimmy. I looked around to see an alley way. I sighed and walked down the path slightly. Of course I was scared. Not only was it a very dark alley way, but it was Jimmy’s voice.

As I walked down the alley way I saw something lying on the ground. I knew it was Jimmy. I dropped the ice cream and ran over to him. His blond hair was completely messed up. His kimono was untied and thrown around slightly.

“Jimmy what happened?” I asked frantically. His face was etched with pain and fear. His blue eyes were dull from what I could see. There was wet spots running down his face meaning he was crying. There was blood running down from his nose.

“I...I...was picking up my drugs, but I took too much too fast.” He said as he coughed, “Trista I need your help.” I nodded and helped him up. He whimpered the whole time. I got him up and his arm wrapped around my neck. It took us an hour to get home when it only took 15 for me to walk to the store. I had to stop several times to get Jimmy to stay awake or to even give him a break for a second. Once we got him I heard Matt yell out ice cream. He ran over to where me and Jimmy were and instantly sober ed up.

“Oh god Jimmy.” He said as he helped me get Jimmy to my room.

End flashback

I finished the song breathing extremely heavy. I reached up and wiped the tears from my face. I looked over and saw that the other girls were in the same shape as me. I looked off to the side to see Jimmy turning away and walking out. I sighed and step out from behind my drums and walked off the stage as well. The other girls were following me.

“I’m going back to the bus alright?” I said as I walked out of the arena. The girls all nodded from what I could tell. I walked onto the bus. I saw that they was a cd on my bed. I picked it up and put it into my laptop.

Hey baby. I took the kids tonight so you could sleep. I thought that you needed an explanation of why I went back to the drugs. I had a dream of you leaving me and I couldn’t take it. Plus my childhood nightmares came back. You remember the ones. Where I’m being chased through a hallway with no way out. Then I remembered the only way I got rid of them was when I started the drugs. Then I got a call from Brandon. He was harassing me. Saying that the was going to get you how he was a better man then me. I know he’s not, but he brought up all of the times I had to lean on you for support. I know what you’re going to say. ‘We’re in a relationship we’re supposed to do that.’ I know that now, but I wasn’t thinking clearly then. I’m so fucking sorry! And I love you with everything in me. I have since we were sixteen. Oh and don’t tell Jocie, but Matt’s been looking at rings on line. Yeah I’m video taping this using his computer. Don’t tell him The camera turned off and I couldn’t help but to laugh.

Pictures of our teen year went through the screen as various songs came on.

The cd went like this:

Far Away-Nickleback
Fall For You- Secondhand Serenade
Between You and I - Every Avenue
Rescue me- Buckcherry
Sorry- Buckcherry
I hate my self for losing you- Kelly Clarkson (just the first part) was written in his messing writing.
Blake Shelton - She Wouldn't Be Gone
What I’ve done- Linkin Park

I fell asleep listening to Between You and I.