Wreckage From the Past Haunts Me; Shakes Me to the Bone

“Wake up Wake Up Wake up!” I heard as I felt someone jump on my bed. My laptop laid open next to me still playing the songs over and over again. I had put them on a loop last night.

“Lauren if you don’t get off my bed now I’m going to kick your ass!” I said as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I looked around to see the other girls as a wake as I was.

“So are we! How the hell do you jump on those beds anyways!” Jocie asked rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“Because I have very awesome powers!” Lauren yelled as she got up, “We’re in New York. Get your ass up and get ready. You promised to go shopping!”

“Well we have a slight problem! We don’t have enough hot water to shower on the bus so we all have to go without or do the sponge bath thing we used to do.” We all groaned as Nikki said this, but agreed none the less. After we had showered. We got dressed which Jocie announced that me and Tegan need to look really good. I laughed and nodded knowing it would cheer both of us up. You may be asking why Tegan needed to be cheered up. Well because we’re twins she has a tendencie of feeling the same emotion as me. Meaning if I feel down so does she!

I was dressed in a white tank top and pair of damaged skinny jeans. I put on my black converse and wrapped a scarf around my neck before walking into the bathroom. I did my make up giving myself more of a smoky eye affect and my lip gloss making my lips stand out more. I made my hair wavy and put in my earrings.

Jocie came down stairs and smiled at me before laughing.

“What?!”

“Yesterday you were all down and now you’re extremely happy!”

“I’m going shopping of course I’m happy!” She laughed and nodded.

_______________________________

“Hey guys we’re going to separate for a bit alright?” Jocie asked as we walked away from Hot Topic where Lauren had decided she wanted to go in. Which didn’t bother me. I love Hot Topic!

“Why?” Lauren asked.

“Because me and the girls haven’t bonded lately and I’m losing my sisters.” Jocie said as she pouted. We all laughed, but the girls agreed none the less.

“Where too first?” Tegan asked.

“I vote for Forever 21.” I said as I smiled. Both girls know I have weakness for that store.

“So I know the answer for this because we live together, but how are your guys relationship’s going?” Jocie asked as we looked through clothes.

“Mines going really good.” Tegan said as she giggled.

“You’ve slept with him.” I said as picked up a shirt. I heard Tegan gasp before I felt a shirt fly in my face.

“I have not! I’m not going to yet.” She said as she blushed.

“You really like him don’t you?” Jocie asked with a smile. She was currently looking at a pair skinny jeans.

“More then anyone I’ve ever liked. More then Jeff.” Tegan said with a smile.

“Wow!” I said laughing. Jocie shook her head at us before she looked over at me with a look that clearly said ‘tell me’.

“As you know mine went through a rough patch, but is better then ever right now.”

“You’ve slept with him!” I heard Tegan yell from the other side of the store making various people look in my direction. You would think they would have looked because of my tattoos, but no!

“No I haven’t! It’s too early for me to sleep with him.” I said laughing. They both looked over at me making me laugh.

“Ok. I just want it to be special.” I said as I looked down at the ground. I felt like a teenage girl waiting to lose her virginity, but I mean I’ve had a kid and have slept with Jimmy before.

“That’s so sweet!” Jocie said as she walked up the cashier and paid for her two skirts and her top.

“So we haven’t asked you yet?” Me and Tegan asked as we both walked over to Jocie. I had found a dress I really liked. No I really don’t have anywhere to wear it too, but maybe Jimmy will give me a reason one day. I paid for it and two shirts.

“We’re great.” She said, but we could hear the sadness in her voice.

‘What’s wrong?” I asked as I bumped her shoulder against mine.

“I’m just waiting for him to purpose.” She said as she smiled and looked down at her left hand where her promise ring had sat for the last three years.

“Just give him some time. I’m sure he’ll purpose in no time.” Tegan said. Did she know too?

“When is that Trista. I’ve been with him for the last five years and I feel like he’s not that into me anymore.” She shrugged.

“Hun you’re the reason he’s still alive. Did you know when he lived in the house with my parents he would come sit in our room and cry to us about how it was so unfair that he had to sit there and listen to everyone be so in love and then he saw our parents fighting and all he wanted was to find that right person. That person who would love him as much as he loved them. That’s you. You’re the girl that me and Tegan prayed would get with Matt.” I explained.

“He’s done so much for us that he needed to be happy and you made him happy. You made him who he is today. We’ve watched in on him, more then, once cutting open his arms. He hasn’t done it since he found you.” Tegan finished.

“He was cutting?” She asked as she stopped.

“You never saw that scars? He won’t talk about it except to me and Tegan because we both did the same.” I said as I looked down.

“He always wore long sleeve shirts or I just didn’t see his arms.”

“Preoccupied?” I asked as I smirked. She reached over and smacked me.

“Shut the hell up!” She yelled as she drug us over to Victoria’s Secret.

“Hey I don’t want to see anything you wear in the bedroom!” Tegan yelled as we walked in. Me and Jocie laughed before I reached back and grabbed Tegan.

“I know you’re freaked out by mannequins, but can you both bare with me?” Jocie asked as we walked in.

“Yeah we’ll be fine right Tegan?”

“Yeah...” She mumbled. I winked at her and she gave me a weak smile. That was cut off by a glare to the fake blond. No I’m not talking about a real one an actual plastic blond.

“Don’t you want to get underwear for Zacky?” Jocie asked. We all laughed before we went off. I was looking at various types of my favorite underwear when I thought about what Jocie said to Tegan. Well if Jimmy was going to be seeing my underwear whether I was just changing or not they might as well be sexy right?

“Hey getting things for your lover?” Jocie asked as she walked over to me.

“Might as well right?” I said smiling. She laughed and nodded.

“Come help me choice things. Tegan get over here!” I laughed as Tegan sighed before walking over.

“By the way I’m not the only one whose shopping for this stuff!” Jocie yelled as she walked into the changing room. Me and Tegan sat there until we got bored.

“So seriously I have a question.” Tegan said as she stared down at her hands.

“What is it?” I asked knowing I wasn’t going to like it.

“Everyone thought that Brandon was your first, but at the same time we thought you wouldn’t have him as your first. So who was the first guy?”

“I want to know!” I heard Jocie yell out. I laughed and hid my blushing cheeks.

“I’m not telling you!” I yelled out. As I hid in my arms.

“It would have to be someone you trust so...Brian?” Tegan asked as she winked. She knew already. She had to have known!

“Hell no!” I yelled out making people look at me.

“I know it wasn’t Zacky or your sister would have killed you so...Johnny?” Ok now they were just playing with me.

“Funny!” I said as I shook my head.

“Maybe it was Jimmy!” they both shouted out together.

“Alright! Alright you both caught me! Yes my first was Jimmy. Just don’t tell Matt.” I said as I blushed even harder.

“We won’t.”

“Was he any good?”

“Best I’ve had! “ I answered honestly. They both laughed.

“Well then I guess you need to repeat that night!” Jocie said as she came out showing us the little number she was wearing.

“I think Matt will go crazy over you in that!” I said as I smiled then cringed at the thought. Jocie saw my face and laughed. She nodded and then walked back into dressing room and changed.

"So JOcie who was your first?" I asked already knowing.

"Your brother!" she yelled with a smile on her face, "And it keeps getting better."

"Tegan?"

"Zacky." She mumbled.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. Remember we dated when he was like 19 or so. I don' remember." She said laughing.

"Oh yeah." I said as I remembered all of the times I covered for her and she did the same when I snuck out to Jimmy's laundry mat.

“Lets go get you something.” She said as she grabbed me. We looked through the various items of clothes before until I came to a pink Ruffle-trim flyaway baby doll. I smiled and picked it up.

“That would look so cute on you!” Tegan said as she looked at me.

“You’re not getting out of the store until you try that on!” Jocie said as she looked at me. I nodded and walked into the dressing rooms. I changed out of my clothes and put on the baby doll. The bust fit just right and it flowed out around my stomach coming to a stop at waist where the pink panties started. The back of it went down to about the middle of my butt.

“Come out!” I heard Jocie yell. I nodded to my self and walked out of the small dressing room.

“Damn! You look hot! Do you know how bad Jimmy is going to want you?” Jocie said with a laugh. I smiled and walked back into the dressing room and changed back into my clothes before walking back out.

“Girl let’s pay for these things the go to the food court. It’s already noon.” Me and Tegan nodded and walked over to the register. I paid for my two bra and three cheekie underwear before we all headed out for the food court.

I smiled over at the girls and held a finger up to my lips as I walked behind Lauren. I reached up and grabbed her waist making her jump out of her seat. We all started to laugh as she jumped in place.

“That was so not cool!” She yelled.

“That’s what you get for waking me up!”