Wreckage From the Past Haunts Me; Shakes Me to the Bone

“Oh My God! We’re home.“ I yelled as we stood outside of Jimmy’s house. Yes Jimmy’s house not Matt’s. I figured that Jocie needed to be alone with Matt since she hasn’t even slept in the same bed wit him since we were at the last hotel over a week ago. I mean how does someone go from sleeping in the same bed with your “other” and then the next minute them not be there anymore. It feels weird!

“Hun as much as I love when your hyper now is not the time! The neighbors...speak of the devil.” He said as our neighbor Mr. Ryans came out.

“Can’t you keep it quite! The rest of us are trying to sleep. We have day jobs unlike you hooligan and get those kids to bed!”

“Sorry Mr. Ryans.” Me and Jimmy both yelled. We both giggled like high school kids and walked inside with the kids. Aidyn was asleep on Jimmy’s chest. He had his arm wrapped around Aidyn’s back and one under his butt. I had Vicki on my hip and her arms were wrapped around my neck.

“Must sleep in a real bed!” Jimmy said as he flopped down on the bed after he had put Vicki in her bed and Aidyn in the crib he bought. Yes he bought Aidyn a crib.

“Must take shower!” I said as pointed to the shower. He laughed and nodded. I heard the shower turn on and I laid down on his bed. I felt a hand rub my back and a soft kiss be laid to my temple before a hand wrapped around my waist and picked me up.

“You need to shower too.” He said as he walked into the bathroom. He set me on the toilet and smiled at me. It was a tired smile just like the one he’s been giving me for the past week. He’s been sober again for a week straight. He reached into the shower and felt the water before smiling.

“I’ll shower after you.” I said as I got up. He chuckled slightly before shaking his head.

“You’ll fall asleep before you ever shower.” He said as he leaned down and kissed me.

“Jimmy I’m so tired though.” I said with my head against his chest.

“So am I. I’ll give you a massage and I’ll sing you to sleep if you take a shower with me.”

“You’re bribing me?”

“Sounds right babe.” He said as he kissed me again this time he didn’t pull back and neither did I. I felt his hands go to the bottom of my black Jack Skeleton shirt and pull it up. I pulled back and let him take it off before I pulled his shirt off too and let it join on the floor next to mine. I joined out lips together again as I felt his hands roam my stomach. I nipped at his lower lip making him moan. His tongue found it way into mine and for once we weren’t fighting over dominance just letting our tongues rub against each other.

“We’re not having sex.” I said as I pulled away.

“I know. I didn’t think we would.” He replied joining our lips again. He rested his hands on my hips before trailing up my back to the clasp of my bra. He rested on hand on my lower back again and undid my bra with the other before letting it fall to the ground next to our shirts. My breath was hitching in my throat as he kissed down my neck and down to the tops of my pants before he unbuckled them and pushed them down. He kissed back up and kissed my neck again before lightly sucking on the skin that rested between my neck and my collar bone. I let out a soft moan as my hands went down to his pants. He bit down harder on my neck making me gasp as I felt him release the skin an let his tongue sooth the skin. I unbuckled them making him moan quietly as I pushed them down. I felt “him” on my leg as he pushed down my pink cheekie underwear.

“I’m not going to do anything about that.” He said noticing my hesitation. I nodded knowing he wouldn’t pressure me. Now I really feel like I’m back in high school. I reach forward slightly and let my hands play with the rim of his boxers. He smiled and kissed me hard on the lips before he took my hands in his and pushed his boxers down. He wrapped on arm behind me and one opened the shower door before he set me in the shower. Right as he went to step in we heard Vicki cry.

“I swear they have like perfect timing.” He said with his head rested on my shoulder, “Go a head and take a shower.” He said as he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. I nodded and stepped back in the shower. I felt bad for him because he just wanted to take a shower with me. I just stood under the water and ran my hands through my hair. I grabbed the shampoo he had which was head & shoulders. I laughed and started to wash my hair. I felt hands on my hands before my hands were put on his hips and his hands ran through my hair washing out the shampoo. I opened my eyes to see Jimmy smiling above me.

“Hey baby.” I said as I smiled.

“Hey.” He said as he leaned down and kissed me lightly. He rested his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes. I smiled and ran my hands thorough his now soaking wet hair. I grabbed the shampoo and started to wash his hair. Massaging his scalp making him sigh into my neck. I stepped farther back into the water not letting him go, which made him go directly under the water so I could wash out the shampoo. Once it was all out I grabbed the sponge and washed his body, well what I could reach. He did the same to me. It was like he was memorizing my body though, which I didn’t mind.

“I forgot about this tattoo.” He said as he pointed to the mermaid on my side. I laughed and nodded.

“Let’s get out.” I said noticing the water was now cold. He smiled and nodded. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist before wrapping one around me as I turned the water off. I sighed as he pulled me out of the shower and into the bedroom. I sat on his bed before grabbing my bag and pulling out my Cami set he wanted to see me in so much. I slipped on my underwear and the top before turning to see Jimmy standing in nothing but basketball short.

“Although you look really good standing there in just that I promised you a massage so lay on your stomach and take your shirt back off.” He said as he walked out of the room. I did what he said and laid down on the bed. I heard him walked back into the room as I rest my head on my arms. I felt one of his sheets be moved up and placed at my lower back before I felt the bed dip in and him staddle my waist so he was sitting on my upper thighs. I heard a cap pop open before I felt his hands on my up back rubbing in my Black Raspberry Vanilla body cream. I sighed as his hands went to the middle of my back and started rubbing circles on my spine. The higher his hands went more pressure was added. I was in heaven to put it lightly. He knew all f the spots to hit. He put more pressure on the middle of my back, making it pop. He did it a few times making my whole spine pop. I moaned out each time making him chuckle slightly. He went back to rubbing my back. I could feel my skin move up and stretch out as he moved his hands making it feel that much better. I winced as he hit a sore spot.

“Sorry baby.” his voice rang out.

“S’okay.” I said. My words were slurred slightly as my eyes closed.

Jimmy’s POV

She closed her eyes and I smiled as she moaned softly. She winced again and instead of stopping I put both hands on her shoulder and rubbed that spot a bit harder. Once I felt it relaxed I moved to her lower back. Her whole body tensed when I hit her another spot. I said as quiet sorry and she smiled. I continued to massage her back until I ran out of lotion. I put more on my hands and worked it into her skin. Soon enough she was asleep, but each time I moved she would wake up. She really deserved this. She’s got a lot a head of her. Mainly with me. My cravings are worse then last time. I leaned down and placed a soft kiss to her forehead and wrapped my arms around her body slightly. My chest was pressed against her back.

“I love you.” I whispered in her ear before kissing her head again. I went to move off of her, but she whined slightly and started to stir so I didn’t move from my spot on her legs. I moved my hands higher up her back and gentle rubbed the skin on her shoulders. She sighed in her sleep making me smiled. I moved off of her slowly, this time she didn’t whine just scooted closer to me. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer feeling her chest on mine. I sighed and continued to rub her back. My hand trailed down to her lower back before going back up. She moved so she was laying on top of me with her legs between mine. I looked over at her top and thought it would be smart to put it on her incase Vicki came in. I grabbed it without moving her and put one arm through it before moving her head through it and then her other arm. Surprisingly she didn’t wake up. I sighed as she snuggled deeper into my chest. This is where I’m meant to be. Here in my room with the most wonderful girl in my arms. My son and daughter two doors down. I smiled even wider and wonder how I managed to be with her. Both now and when we were younger. Yes we dated secretly when we were younger. I taught her everything from drums to making out to even just being her first lover. Yes like I’ve said I was the first man to ever touch her in a way that’s sacred I suppose. Yeah that’s what it was. Sacred.

Brandon kept talking about how he was going to get her back no matter what it took. Well I’m here to say that no matter what it takes she’ll be here in my arms and not with a man that thinks it’s ok to hit women. I know for a fact that Zacky is thinking the same thing about Tegan. Todd called him the other day and was talking about how Brandon is getting out of jail in just three weeks. No I’m not telling Trista that. She has enough to worry about. I sighed and closed my eyes and rested my head even farther in my pillow and pulled the crimson colored sheets even closer to my body.

__________________

“Mama! Daddy! Wake up! Aidyn’s crying!” Vicki yelled out as she jumped up and down on my bed. I grabbed her.

“Don’t wake up Trista.” I said as I sat up.

“Mama tired?” She asked with a yawn. I smiled and nodded.

“Mama’s very tired.” I put her on my hip and walked into Aidyn’s room. Sure enough he was crying. I set Vicki down and pulled Aidyn out of bed and changed his diaper having a bit of trouble since Aidyn has now figured out how to play with the powder. I cleaned both of us up and put the powder back before picking him up and taking Vicki’s hand in mine. We walked down stairs and into my livingroom.

“Dada!”

“What Aidyn?” I asked as set him in the play pen, “Are you hungry?”

“I am!” Vicki said as she raised her hand. I laughed and nodded before walking into the kitchen. I made Aidyn a bottle and thought about how I was going to manage to feed Aidyn and make breakfast at the same time.

“Vicki?” I asked as I walked into the livingroom.

“Yeah Daddy?”

“Can you feed Aidyn hun?” She smiled and nodded. I picked up Aidyn and set him in Vicki’s arms. He smiled up at me and I handed her the bottle.

“Come on Bubba take the bottle.” She said as she set the bottle near his mouth, “Look Daddy! He’s eating!”

“You’re right baby girl he is.” I said as I leaned down and kissed both of their foreheads. I walked back into the kitchen and pulled out serval items before I had enough common sense to look at the clock. 7:30 am shone back at me making me sigh. Vicki had to have gotten that from her mom and Aidyn is just a baby so the well known Sander skills of sleeping in late haven’t reached his mind yet. I knew both me and Trista wanted to get up early and fix both the rooms up for the kids since my mom will be living here with the kids while we’re gone. I thought about what Trista would want to eat before realize it would be the same thing that she always wants. Biscuits and Gravy with fired eggs and bacon. I pre-heated the oven to 450 before getting the biscuits out of there fridge. I placed them all in the pan before putting it in the oven.

I walked back out into the livingroom to see Vicki still feeding Aidyn. I smiled over at them before walking back into the kitchen. I took the bacon out and started to cook it. Making sure not to burn the hell out of my chest I sat there and cooked all of the bacon until it was a mix between crispy and not. Once it was done I put it aside and took out the biscuits since the alarm was going off. I set them next to me on the counter and started the eggs. The eggs were done fast which I was thankful for. I made Vicki a plate knowing she hates gravy. I took it into the livingroom to see Aidyn now in the hands of my mom.

“Shouldn’t you wear a shirt around you daughter?” She asked with her playful glare.

“Isn’t it a sin to be up at this hour and in your son’s house without him knowing?”

“No.”

“But I could have been doing something very very naughty with Trista.” I said with my devious smile.

“You would have been in the room still and Aidyn wouldn’t have been down here.” She said. Damn her and being logical!

“You caught me!” I said as I chuckled and walked back into the kitchen.

“No. I know my son. Just like I know you used again.”

“Yeah I relapsed.” I said as I rested my hands on the skin and put my head down.

“It’s very common Jimmy-Jam.” she said as she rested her back against the counter, “You really should do something with this kitchen.”

“I’m going to today mama. Just like I’m doing Aidyn’s room here and Trista’s doing Vicki’s and possibly something with my room and bathroom. I’m not sure though.” I said as I thought about it. I guess I thought took long because my mom pushed me aside and took the spatula from me and started making the last of the eggs. I sighed and shook my head.

“You’re doing something with the Guest room too right? I’m not going to have to sleep in an all white room?”

“No mom.” I said as I smiled. Knowing her style she’s gonna want a very elegant room.

“Good boy.” She said as she made Trista’s plate. I didn’t even realize that she had made the gravy.

“Now go give this to your girlfriend and have her get dressed. Then go to Home Depot and get everything you need. I’ll take the kids for the next two days so the paint fumes don’t get to them.” She said as she smiled up at me. I laughed and nodded. I walked up stairs and walked into my room where Trista was laying. I heard my mom walk up stairs and into Vicki’s room.

“Baby?” I said as I ran my hand through her hair, “baby wake up.” She stirred and rolled over.

“Morning love.” She said as she looked up at me. Her soft bell like voice was still heavy with sleep.

“Morning baby.” I said as I leaned down and kissed her, “Breakfast is ready. Half made by me, half by my mom. My mom said she would take the kids for the next two days while we get the bedrooms ready and the kitchen apparently.”

“Works for me.” She said as she stretched, “You put my shirt on last night.”

“Yeah I thought you would want it on incase Vicki came in.” She thought about it and nodded. I laughed and walked into the closet. I stripped down, hidden by the wall, and changed my clothes, including my boxers, into a pair of black pants and a black sleeveless shirt that had a crest like symbol on it. (A/N: You know the one! If not look on my profile it’s my pic!)

“So what all are we doing to the rooms?” She asked as she ate. I shrugged and sat on the bed.

“I was thinking that you could do whatever you want to Vicki’s. I could do Aidyn’s. Completely surprise each other. Then combine our thoughts on my room. You could do the guest room and I could do the kitchen. Since according to my mom there is something wrong with my kitchen.” She laughed and nodded.

“Sounds good to me.” She said as she set her plate on the side.

“Come on get dressed.” I said as I patted her leg and took her plate down stairs. My mom was making up Aidyn’s diaper bag.

“Is she up?”

“Yes Ma’am.” I said laughing. She nodded and stood up and hugged me, which is hard because she’s only 5'4".

“You look good if it helps.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m sorry I lived like that when you were younger.”

“It’s ok. It’s hard to fight it.” I felt her nod before she pulled back, “I don’t think of you any different and I understand why you kicked me out when I was younger. Mom I forgave you so long ago so forgive your self. Dad wouldn’t want you fighting yourself like this.”

“Thank you honey.” She said as she smile up at me. Trista came down stairs a few minutes later.

“Guten Morgen Frau Sullivan.” Trista said as she walked over to us. She was wearing jean capris and a white tank top with her hair up in a bun and a bandana and no make up, which made my happy. She doesn’t need it. Her black high top converse were on her feet.

“Guten Morgen Trista.”

“And the German begins.” I said as I sat on the couch. Why must my mother and girlfriend know a language I don’t know?

“Wie geht es du?” Trista said or asked. I’m not sure. (How are you?)

“Mit meinem Alter, wer weiß. Ich vermute, ich bin aber gut. Es ist schwieriger, da Owen starb.” (With my old age, who knows. I guess I’m well. It’s difficult since Owen died)

“Es tut mir leid zu hören.” (I’m sorry to hear that.)

“Nichts, was man tun könnte. Ich muss Sie bitten, sich für eine Sache für mich.” My mother said. (Nothing you could do. I must ask you, for one thing for me.) Trista looked at her with a questionable look on her face before nodding.

“Stellen Sie sicher, dass mein Sohn und meine Enkelkinder berücksichtigt werden. Ich glaube nicht, dass ich viel mehr. Mein Herz ist einfach nicht ganz ohne Owen und etwas sagt mir, in den nächsten zwei Jahren bin ich mit ihm.” (Make sure my son and grandchildren are taken care of. I don’t think I’ll be here much longer. My heart just isn’t whole without Owen and something tells me that within the next two years I’ll be with him.)

“Immer.” Trista said as she hugged my mom. (Always)

“I’ll be on my way now. Vicki you and Aidyn are coming with Oma so daddy can get your room ready for you.” Vicki shot up and grabbed my mom’s hand. I hugged my mom and Vicki and pressed a kiss to Aidyn’s forehead before walking them out to the car and putting Aidyn’s car seat into my mom’s car.

“Bye baby.” My mom said as she drove out of the drive way.

“What were you two taking about?”

“Just catching up.” Trista said as she hugged me. I laughed and nodded knowing I wasn’t going to get it out of her. We walked over to one of my Ford F-150 and got in.

“So what do you want to do in our room?”

“Our room?”

“Well when you stay over you’ll be in there right? So might as well say our room.” I said as I took her hand in mine. She smiled and kissed the back of my hand moving her legs so she was sitting with them pulled up and under her butt.

“I like that thought.” She said as she laid her head back.

“So colors?” I asked.

“Red. More like Crimson red. I love the color of your sheets.” She said as she giggled. I laughed and nodded before I parked the car.

“I’m tired.” I said as I rested my head on hers as she picked out a red for my room and a black.

“It’s because your sober. I’m proud of you.” She said as she turned around and kissed me.

“I just...I don’t understand why I’m not taking it harder. I mean yeah my cravings are bad, but every doctor in the world expected me to curl up in a ball and rock back and forth because I’m not using.” I said as we walked over to lighting.

“Because you’re focused on other things. Last night when you wanted to use what did you do?”

“I thought about you.” I answer honestly, “I see. I don’t need the drugs because I already have one.”

“And what’s that?”

“You.” I said as I leaned down and kissed her again. She smiled into the kiss and added a little more pressure.

“You’re going to do it. I have faith in you.” She said as she pulled away.

“As long as I have you I know I’ll be fine, but what I hate is now I’m really hungry.” I said as she laughed.

“Well lets finish up here and then we’ll go home. I’ll make you some lunch and I’ll get started on Vicki’s rom.” I nodded and walked over to the curtains.

______________________________

“Ok So both kids rooms are done!” She said as she jumped up and down. I nodded. Now I was extremely tired. She took my hand and lead me into Vicki’s now black room. I have to say though even though it was the walls on each far side were black and the one with the window and so was pink, it was beautiful. She really put her drawing talent to work because they’re were drawings of various Chinese places. They’re were cherry blossoms on the wall in frames. The pink curtains, that were on the windows, matched the color of Vicki’s sheets. The black forest floor was sweep and Vicki’s dresser was pushed against the wall.

“I know it’s not much, but...” She said as she trailed off.

“It’s beautiful. She’s going to love it.”

“You think?”

“I know she will. Now come on you need to see AIdyn’s room.” I said as we walked down the hall and into Aidyn’s rom. I heard her gasp as she looked around and saw a very musical room. I had painted it all a dark blue and hung up serval pictures of famous musicians. His dark crib was up against one side and his changing table was next to it.

“Oh My God Jimmy is wonderful!” She yelled as she jumped into my arms and kissed me.

“Thank you.”

“You are amazing!”

“Can we take a nap?” I asked as I nearly fell over.

“You take a nap. I’ll do your mom’s room.”

“Will you at least lay in there until I fall asleep?” I asked feeling like a kid again. She nodded and took my hand in hers. She walked into my room and laid down on the bed taking me with her. I laid down on my side with my head resting on her shoulder and my arm around her waist. Her hands were in my hair playing with in. In just a few seconds I could feel my eyes drop.

“I wish I could help you so much more. I wish I could take your pain.” She said quietly.

“You’re helping me enough. Will you sign to me?” I asked as I kissed her neck. She nodded and started to sing Robert Pattinson’s “I was Broken.”