Wreckage From the Past Haunts Me; Shakes Me to the Bone

"Babe?" I heard Jimmy call softly from the hallway. I was currently putting Aidyn down or his nap. He was tucked into my neck, his favorite spot. Jimmy had been trying to put Vicki to sleep, but by the sounds of it it wasn't very successful.

"Yeah love?" I asked back.

"Can you get Vicki to sleep? She won't go down for me." He said from the doorway. Vicki was crying and rubbing her eyes.

"Yeah hand her here." I said as I held out my free hand. He nodded and set her on my right side. She instantly snuggled into my body. Her cries stopped, but Aidyn started to cry. Jimmy chuckled at my face before picking him up. I looked up at Jimmy to see he had one hand on Aidyn's butt supporting him and one behind his head holding him to his body.

"I'm going to go lay down in our room." Jimmy said as he leaned down to kiss me. I nodded and looked down at Vicki, who was almost asleep. An hour later I was still fighting to get her asleep. I heard a knock on the door making me cuss under my breath.

"Hi Trist. Hi sweetie." Jocie said as I opened the door.
"Hey." I said as I hugged her. Vicki whined and buried her head into my neck.

"Stop it Victoria." I said. She whined again and shook her head.

"Someone didn't get their nap." Matt said as he sat down on the couch. Jocie sat next to him with a slight giggle.

“Hun can you give mama’s arm a break and go sit with Uncle Dimples?” I asked as I shifted my arm.

“No! Want Daddy!” She said with a slight hint of anger in her voice.

“Daddy’s asleep with Aidyn right now hun.” I said calmly.

“Want Daddy!” She said louder.

“Do not wake up your dad or Aidyn.” I said as I looked down at her. She gave me this look that clearly said she thought she owned the house.

“Want Daddy!” She said even louder.

“Daddy’s asleep.” I said rubbing my forehead.

“Here sis let me have her. I’ll get her to sleep.” Matt said as he held out his hands. She reached out and smacked his hands away.

“Victoria Lee Sullivan tell him you’re sorry!” I said as I looked down at her.

“No! No Uncle Dimples!” She screamed.

“Victoria Lee Sullivan you tell your uncle you’re sorry now!” Jimmy said from the hallway. His pants were hanging low on his hips and his glasses were slightly crooked. We had clearly woken him up.

“Sorry uncle Dimples.” She said with her head down.

“It’s ok sweetie. Come on let’s get you napping!” Matt said as he picked her up and walked out of the room.

“I’m going to go lay down.” Jimmy said as he walked over and kissed me.

“Actually me and Matt need to talk you guys, but we need Zacky and Tegan here too.” Jocie said as she played with her hair.

“I told you!” I yelled noticing the gorgeous black and white diamond ring adorning her left ring finger.

“You told her?”

“You knew?” Jimmy and Jocie asked at the same time.

“No! And I knew he was looking at rings. I didn’t know when he was going to purpose or that he had picked out the ring yet. In fact he didn’t even know I knew.”

“You really suck!” Jocie yelled as she threw a pillow at me.

“Anyways! Zacky and Tegan should be here within the hour.” He said as he leaned into me; wrapped his arms around my waist and his head on my shoulder. I turned my head and kissed his head before running my hand through his hair, feeling him relax into my touch. I heard him sigh in content before leaning most of his weight into me. I stayed sitting up, which would surprise most people. I mean I had a 180 pound man leaning all of his weight on me.

“Jimmy Hun, go to be. We’ll get you up when they get here.” Jocie said noticing he was half way asleep on my shoulder. He shook his head making me. She shook her head as well before getting up and grabbing Jimmy’s ear. I laughed knowing that the only way to get Jimmy to do something, like go to bed when he refused, was to pull his ear until he gave in. He stood up at once since she was grabbing his left ear which he had just put his industrial back in after having it out for so long. I shook my head as I heard him whining behind her the whole time saying it hurt. I got up to check on Vicki realize that Matt had been gone for almost an hour. She was fast asleep in her bed with the blanket pulled up to her chin and the sound machine was on playing the sounds of a thunderstorm, which is her favorite setting. I smiled knowing that if anyone could put a cranky little girl to sleep it was Mattie! He did it serval times with me and Tegan. I hear him singing softly so I walked into Aidyn’s room where I saw him rocking Aidyn in the glider.

“He woke up when Jimmy was down stairs so I picked him up. He’s asleep, but in a light sleep and I don’t want to put him down.” Matt said as he looked at me. I smiled and walked farther in the room.

“You’re going to be a great dad.” I said as I sat down on the floor next to the glider.

“Not really.” He laughed nervously.

“Yeah you would. You took care of me and Tegan and we came out alright didn’t we?” I asked with a laugh.

“You guys came out perfect.” He said as he ran his hand down my face. I smiled and leaned into his hand more.

“Well we had a very good guardian.” Tegan said as she sat next to me.

“You guys used to look so much like each other, but now you can definitely tell the differences now.” He said as he looked at us. He got up and put Aidyn in his crib before grabbing our hands and walked out of the room. We didn’t stop in the livingroom instead we walked out to the car. I got into the passenger side and buckled up; knowing exactly where we were going.

“Hey baby.” Matt said as he answered the phone, “No. No we’re just going to visit someone real fast. Of course. Yeah tomorrow sounds good babe. Ok I love you too baby girl. See you when I get back.”

“What’s tomorrow?” Tegan asked from the back seat.

“Our annual dinner before tour.” Matt said as he laughed at mine and Tegan’s face. Having the annual dinner means that we have to dress up and talk with people we haven’t seen in years. In this case Mrs. Sullivan will be there, the Baker family Matt Baker included, The Haners!, the Sewards, and my dad.

“Do we have to see Dad?”

“Yes unfortunately.” Matt said with a sigh.

“What is it Mattie?” I asked as I rested my hand on his.

“Well talk about it later.” He said with a soft smile. I nodded and laid my head back and closed my eyes. We stopped at the local flower shop and I went in.

“Hello deary. Going out to see her?”

“Yes ma’am Mrs. Rose.” I said to the little old woman, who has known us since we were born. In fact she was one of the nurses who was in the room when Matt was born and then again when me and Tegan were born.

“So you want two planted Black Magic Orchid, one Single Stem Kaleidoscope Orchid and one Valentines Orchid Garden right?” She asked with a smile.

“Yes ma’am and your oh so famous Deluxe winter Blooms.” I said smiling.

“Ok Hun. Your total will be $142.00 please.” I handed her my card before she handed it back and typed in my pin code. Like I said she’s known me a long time. The flowers would have been more, but she always let me have hers free. She went into the back and got them ready while I waited. Matt was currently getting our disposable camera that we take every year and our polaroid out of the car. Tegan was off getting our lunch which was her[/I[ favorite. A Hail Cesar sandwich, a peach, and a bottle of Coke. Once the flowers were ready I got them into the car with Matt’s help before we headed over to little place next door. I walked in smelling the same subway type of aroma since I was younger. Tegan was paying when I walked up.

“Trista! Matt I was just asking your sister about you!” Mr. Erickson said as I walked up to the counter.

“I hope she told you nothing but good.” I laughed. He nodded.

“She told me you are with that kid with the blond hair that stood so heigh he had to duck just to get inside my store.” He said as he shook his head.

“Yes I’m with Jimmy now and he’s wonderful with my son.” I said as I smiled. He handed me our bag and ushered us out of the store. I laughed. Same old fashion. I shook my head and sat in the car waiting for Matt and Tegan. When they got in Matt started the car and we were off. We reached the big iron gates and I heard Tegan sigh. I took a deep breath before getting out. The cherry blossom were waving in the light breeze. The flowers were bright against the green grass making them pop. The whole area was silent around us. The iron doors shut with a loud slam making the silent area ring out. Tegan grabbed my right hand, the sandwiches in her right. Matt had my left with a small shovel in his left along with the Valentine Orchid Garden. We planted one here every year. We walked down the rows of tombstones until we came to the all too familiar one.

Éire Marie Sanders
1958-1999
A loving Mother, Wife, and Sister.
“If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes- St. Clement of Alexandra”

“Morning mama. I’m finally engaged to Jocie. You were right. She’s perfect.” Matt said as he sat down next to the old Orchid. He dug out a small hole and took out the dead one and replaced it with the new one. It was always his job to do it. He always was in the yard with her when he was younger.

“Hey mom.” Tegan said as she leaned down and pushed the soil around slightly.

“Ello love.” I said as I sat down and brushed the dirt off the Ankh, which meant eternal life. We all got to put one thing on her tombstone. Mine was the Ankh. Tegan’s was Celtic cross and Matt’s was a dream catcher. Matt dusted off his hands and sat down in his spot, with his back against the cold marble stone and me and Tegan took our spot on his lap. I rested my head against his chest and folded my legs between his. Tegan did the same but laid her legs on mine.

“I remember when you guys were about a year old, you were sitting in the livingroom with me and Tegan started to make an ‘M’ sound. Trista you quickly followed. Mom was so happy. She thought that finally you both were going to say mama, but you both just gigged at her when she kept telling you guys to say mama. She had left for a few minutes to go finished dinner and you both looked over at me and yelled as loud as you could “matt.” It was clear as a bell too. Mom was so pissed that your first word was Matt, but from that day on she made me swear to protect you.” He said laughing at the right parts. We laughed with him picturing how pissed she was when our first words weren’t mama.

“When I brought Brandon home she told me that he was just like dad, but I swore he was different. I should have known she was right. Mom’s are always right. I used to laugh when she said I was going to be with Jimmy and he really had my heart. Little did I know she was 100% right.” I said as I heard her famous laugh in my ear. Matt tensed. He always did when he heard it.

“I remember when she found out she was sick. She hid it from us the best she could. Although we all knew. I always loved how she was so full of hope and strength. No matter what dad put her through. She always knew just what to do for us. She knew what to do when we were sick and now we know what to do.” Tegan said as she placed her head in Matt’s neck. I did the same and he put his head down on our shoulders.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect from him. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from dad.” Matt said as we felt tears fall.

“You knew?” We both asked. He nodded his head.

“That’s why you guys were always staying at my house when I moved out. Why I always wanted you guys on tour with me and why I always cried on the days I had to leave on tour. The guys understood, Jimmy and Zacky would come lay with me half the time. I knew that Jimmy was dating you, trista, and I knew Zacky was dating you Tegan. I knew they were your first anything, but I didn’t say anything because you guys were happy.”

“How did you know that?” I asked.

“When they were drunk they told me. They don’t even remember. Beside you guys are Sanders which means you are not quiet!” Matt said as he chuckled, “Stay with them. They’re good guys.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about that.” Tegan said as she laughed.

“Mattie?” I said quietly.

“Yeah baby girl?”

“I’m sorry we couldn’t protect you either.” I said as I ran a finger over he spot I knew a scar was. In fact his longest one. Straight down the middle of his arm.

“You guys did sis. I wouldn’t be here without you two. I remember when I made that I had cut too deep and couldn’t move. Not that I wanted too anyways. It was right after she passed.” He said sadly. Tears leaked down our face for a while until we all got up. We quietly walked out of the cemetery ; none of us saying a word until we reached Jimmy’s house. We all walked and sat on the couch. We had eaten in the car when we got there. Matt brought in the flowers and I set the Winter ones on the dining room table and set the Black Magic Orchid on the table. I’ll plant it later. We brought in Tegan’s Black Magic one and Matt’s Kaleidoscope one before we all sat next to our “others” Jimmy smiled at me and I smiled back. He brought his hands to my face and wiped away any last traces of tears. I leaned up and kissed him softly.

“Ok so now that you are all here!” Jocie said as she glared at Matt. He laughed and mumbled sorry before kissing her. She smiled and shook her head knowing she couldn’t be mad at him.

“As you can tell me and Matt got engaged last night and we already know who the best men and maid of honors are. Trista and Tegan will you guys be my maid of Honors?” Jocie asked. Me and Tegan looked at each other and smiled before tackling her and screaming ‘yes’

“Congratulation!” Tegan yelled as she hugged the life out of Jocie.

“Girl on Girl!” I heard Jimmy yell before a loud smack. I looked up to see Jimmy holding the back of his head and Matt shaking his head.

“And will the Village idiot and Zacky be my best men?”

“Of course man.” Zacky said smoothly.

“I don’t know man. That hit hurt.” Jimmy said with a hint of a smile on his face, but he nodded shortly after. Tegan got up and sat in Zacky’s lap, but I still sat on Jocie. I looked down at her with a smile.

“Do you mind getting off me?” She asked in an expecting tone.

“I don’t know. You’re really comfy.” I said as I bounced up and down a bit. She groaned and pushed me off making me smack my ass hard on the hardwood floor.

“OW!” I yelled.

“Babe quiet the kids are a sleep.” Jimmy said laughing.

“But my ass hurts!”

“Want me to kiss it better?”

“No I think I’m ok.” I said as I got up and sat on him.

“Ok So tomorrow we’ll all meet up and have our dinner. We need to dress nicely. Everyone is going to be there.” Matt explained to us.

“So at 6 at Olive Garden right?” Jimmy asked.

“No. We’re kind of having it here. Which means the girls have to cook.” Matt said as he leaned against Jocie

“Why don’t you two go lay down for a bit. Matt needs it.” I said as I looked over at my brother. Jocie nodded and got Matt up and walked down the hall. I walked into the kitchen and started to make dinner. It was 4:30 meaning the kids would be up soon. The water was boiling soon so I put in the Toritlini (sp?) and started the sauce. If my band every stops making music for what ever reason I’m opening my own restaurant. I heard little feet running down the hall and sure enough Vicki was standing there a few seconds later.

“Hey hun.” I said as I picked her up, “Want to help me?”

“Yeah.” She said with a huge smile. I got out the salad and let her toss it. Jimmy came down with Aidyn and put him in his rocker on the counter and started to cut up some carrots and set the table.

“Well aren’t you guys the prefect little family.” Zacky said as he laughed.

“We try.” Jimmy said with his head down. I sighed and kissed his forehead making him smile.

After dinner we were all sitting around laughing at Young Frankenstein. It was at the part where Inga was rolling around in the hay singing “Roll Roll Roll in the hay.” It had to have been one of my favorite parts. Now I think would be the right time to tell them my secret. Well not Tegan, Zacky, or Jimmy.

“Umm...guys I hate to interpret the movie, but I have something to say.” I said as I looked over at Matt and Jocie, “I’m moving into Jimmy’s house.”

“Why?” Jocie asked with an expression that nearly made my heart break.

“You guys don’t need me there. Plus you guys will be married soon. You don’t need your little sister running around the house with her 6 month old son.” I explain.

“Let’s not forget that you can totally have sex in the kitchen, livingroom, studio you can record yourself in there.” Jimmy said, “You know it’s always fun to bang someone in the hallway or even out back in the pool. Maybe in the garage. Or in gym. It’s always fun t o bang someone on the diningroom table. Just don’t let any catch you.”

“Your mom wouldn’t have caught you like that would she?” ZAcky asked. I laughed as Jimmy gave a proud smile.

“And you have to bang someone on the-“ Jimmy started but was cut off.

“James if I hear one more thing about banging I’m going to break your drum sticks.” Tegan said with a glare. I smiled over and Jimmy and he nodded.

“Save a drum bang a drummer!” I said as I smiled. She got up and I yelped before getting up and running. She tackled me a few minutes later making us land right in the pool.

“What is with you guys and the pool?” Jimmy asked walking out with Aidyn in his arms.

“It was an accident!” Tegan said as she laughed.

“I’m sure it was.” I said as I got out.

“I want Herseys with Almond!”

“I want a kit kat!” I said as I agree with what Tegan had said. Matt laughed and held up our candy bars. We laughed and tackled him.

“There’s a lot of tackling tonight.” Zacky observed.

“Nikki, Johnny, Syn and Lusty get back tomorrow right?” I asked remembering that they had all went off for either business or a few car shows.

“Yeah.” Jocie said as she picked up her purse.

“Are you guys going home?” I asked.

“Yeah were gonna head out.” Matt said as he stood up. He walked over and hugged me and Tegan before getting a kiss on each check by us. He laughed and kissed our heads. I walked inside to see that it was 9 at night. Vicki had put herself to sleep in the couch. I smiled and picked her up before taking her to her room and covering her up. I walked into the next room where Aidyn was sleeping peaceful. Jimmy was standing over him and looking down at him with a small smile.

“You’re a great dad to him.” I said as I wrapped my arms around him from behind.

“You’re a great mom to Vicki.” He said quietly.

“Lets go to be hun.” He said as he smiled. I nodded and walke dout of Aidyn’s room with him following. I walked into the bathroom and started up the bath. I poured in a bit of my Raspberry Vanilla bubble bath and shed my clothes before getting in. Jimmy smiled and did the same and sat behind me.

“Told you they were going to get married.” Jimmy said as he smiled.

“I know. They’re like the perfect couple. They’re really lucky to have each other.” I said as I rested my head against his chest.

“I think we could give them a run for their money.” Jimmy said laughing.

“I suppose you’re right.” I said as I laughed too. I leaned back and kissed him hard on the lips. He smiled and placed a hand on my cheek and one on my hip and kissed me equally as hard. His tongue traced my bottom lip and I moved up slightly to kiss him better. We broke apart breathing hard. I closed my eyes and sighed in content. Maybe we could give them a run for their money.