Wreckage From the Past Haunts Me; Shakes Me to the Bone

Jimmy’s P.O.V

I sighed as I heard my phone ring. I didn’t answer it though because that would mean that I had to get up and getting up meant that I had to face today. The day that me and Trista have been dreading. The day we were leaving. I scooted Trista closer to me, which made Vicki snuggle deeper into my chest. Aidyn stirred for a moment before resting his forehead on my neck. My heart was in my stomach as I felt someone sit on the bed next to me. Whoever it was carefully took Aidyn off my chest and told someone to be careful. Then Vicki was lifted off as well. Trista moved closer to me, practically on top and I just played it off still being asleep by wrapping my arm around her. A hand gently went through my hair making me sigh quietly.

“Sweetie?” I heard before I was gently shook.

“Go away.” I mumbled before turning slightly, laying a bit on Trista.

“Hun you’re going to crush her.” I heard Jocie say as she pushed me over slightly.

“I lay on her all the time.” I said finally opening my eyes.

“Come on. Your mom made breakfast before we have to be at the airport.” She said with a smile. I nodded and said we’d be down as soon as we were dressed. Jocie smiled and nodded before leaving my room. I heard my door close before I turned and looked at Trista. Her hair was hanging around her face and partly on my chest since she was still leaning on me. I trailed my hand down her face. She stirred slightly before opening her eyes.

“Morning beautiful.” I said as I kissed her forehead.

“Morning.” She slid closer to me if that was even possible and held on tighter. We just sat there for a few minutes. Her normally hazel eyes were blue, which was normal for when she was sad. Only now they had purple specks in them. The only time I see purple in her eyes is when she’s mad at herself. She sighed and got out of bed. I watched as she pulled out various clothes. She stopped what she was doing and leaned against the dresser. I stood up and walked over to her. I wrapped an arm around her and moved her hair over to one side before gently kissing up and down her neck in a comforting way. She shivered before leaning into me more.

“I don’t want to go, but I know I have to. It’s too late to back out.” She whispered.

“It’s only a month. I know it seems longer, but I promise the time will go by fast.” I said as I ran my hands up and down her arms.

“You’re right. I’m worrying over nothing.” She said as she nodded.

“You’re just being a mom.” I said as I reassured her. I walked into my closet and changed out of my clothes and into a pair of black pants and a Vengeance University shirt. I ran a hand through my hair as I tired to control my own emotions. I walked out to see Trista dressed in a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a Wednesday 13 shirt with her cross necklace hanging out and her skull earrings in. I smiled as I walked over to her. She smiled and took my hand and started to walk down the hall. When we got to the diningroom everyone looked at us.

“You said you’d be only a minute.” Jocie said with a glare.

“No I said we’d be here when we got dressed.” I smirked knowing that it was exactly what I said. She let out a frustrated sighing knowing that there was nothing she could say. To say we ate breakfast slowly was an understatement. All Trista ate was a small muffin. I thought about telling her that she should eat more, but decided against it. I know she can’t eat a lot. I saw Matt open his mouth and I knew he was going to tell her to eat more, but Syn shook his head. I wrapped my arm around her and looked down at her with worried eyes. She shook her head and took Aidyn from my mom and fed him. I felt a weight in my lap and I looked down to see a sleepy Vicki. I lost what ever desire I had to eat as I looked into her blue eyes. I pushed my plate forward and laid Vicki down in my arms. She sighed softly and closed her eyes.

“Jimmy you need to eat more.” Zacky said as he pushed my plate back to me.

“I’m not hungry.” I said simply. Trista looked up at me and pushed my plate into my chest.

“Eat please.” She said as she kissed my cheek.

“Hun I’m really not hungry.” I said as I looked down.

“I’ll get him to eat in New York when we stop.” She said as she got up. Tegan got up and followed her sister into our bedroom.

“This is going to be hard isn’t it? But we’ll ok right?” Nikki asked. I don’t know who she was trying to convince me or herself, but I had a feeling it was more of herself.

“Yeah we’ll be ok. I mean who would screw with us?” Johnny said as he wrapped his arms around Nikki.

“Hey Jim can I talk to you outside?” Matt asked as he stood up and walked out back. I nodded and stood up after handing Vicki to Jocie. I saw him sitting on the lawn chair. I sat in the one across from him.

“Are you ok?” He asked as he looked over at me with worried eyes.

“Not really. I mean I have to leave my daughter, who just started to live with me, and my son behind while I go play drummer boy. My girlfriend is depressed and I can’t fix it. I feel like someone took my stomach and tied it to my shoe. My cravings are so bad right now, but I’m keeping it all in my head so I don’t worry anyone because everyone has so much to worry about. Trista’s nightmares are worse. To the point where I have to physically pick her up and set her in bed, but she doesn’t even know it’s happening. My daughter has nightmare and I don’t know what to do to help her. You know she said I had magical powers. Well obliviously not enough if I can’t save her from her dreams.” I said as I rubbed my hands all over my face. Tears were running down my face. Yeah a guy is crying, but so many things are running through my head right now that I don’t even know which way is up.

“I don’t know what to say to that man. I know it’s hard, but you gotta do what you gotta do.” He mumbled.

“I know Matt. I know.” I said as I leaned back on the chair. I closed my eyes wanting everything to just go away, except me and my family just for another 10 minutes. Right now I would do just about anything to delay time. I felt Matt pat my let before using my leg to get up. I sighed as I heard the backdoor open and close. A few minutes had passed with me just laying there when I felt someone lay down on me. I could tell just by the weight that it was Trista. She placed her head on my collar bone. I could feel small droplets of wetness hit my chest. I just ran my hand up and down her back, not really knowing how to comfort her.

“They’re going to be alright, right? Brandon’s not going to get a hold of them?” She asked. Her shoulders shaking with each sentence.

“I’m going to have Papa Gates and Baker come by every night and check the locks.” I said as I placed a kiss on her head, “They’re going to be fine. I promise.”

Tegan’s P.O.V

“You ok?” Lusty asked as she wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

“Yeah I can just feel all of her dread.” I said as I looked out at my sister, who was now laying on Jimmy and crying. Tears found my eyes, but this time I knew it was just because I can’t do anything to help her. The kids have to stay here because everything is ten times harder in Europe. Hardly any one speaks English, the lighting settings are different. We’re in and out of planes and busses. There’s just no way that we can take them, no matter how much we want to. Lusty pulled me out of my thoughts and turned me around so I couldn’t look outside, but I could still fell all of Trista’s depression. I walked down the hall and pulled out Trista’s bag and finished packing her knowing she didn’t. I finished and looked over at Jimmy’s custom bag and did the same to his. I packed the various things I knew they both loved. I put both bags on the floor and started to make their bed. Once I was done I walked into bathroom and grabbed out all of their stuff. I put those into a bag for both of them and walked over to Jimmy’s night stand and pulled out all of his fingerless gloves. Once those were in a bag I went to close it, but something caught my eye. It was a piece of paper that had a place and time written on it. It said Big Bear Cabins and December 13th. He was planning on taking her to a cabin when we got back, but he wasn’t even coming home. I smiled slightly and hid something in Jimmy’s bag with a note attached. Zacky walked into the room and smiled before walking over to me.

“Hey baby.” He said as he put his hands on my hips.

“Hey.” I said back as I leaned up and gave him a quick kiss. I pulled away and just leaned my head on his chest. He ran a hand through my hair and kissed my forehead.

“What are you doing in here?” He asked as he looked at the freshly made bed.

“Finishing packing them up. Helping out Jimmy with something that he doesn’t know about and making their bed.” I answered. He shook his head and laughed slightly.

“You’re too good of a person.” He said as he kissed me again.

“Well I need to help out my sister.” I said as I walked backwards for a minutes. I was about to turn around, but I realized I walked too close to the bed. Zacky smirked and pushed me a little making me fall back. I laughed as he sat on my hips before looking over at the open door.

“Stay right here.” He said as he got up. I looked at him curious before I saw him check outside and shut the door before locking it. He walked back over and straddled my hips. I looked up at him and all I saw was love. The one thing I never saw in any of my past boyfriends’ eyes. He pushed a piece of my blonde hair behind my ear before moving so he was laying next to me instead. One arm was holding himself up and one was rubbing the skin on my chin with his thumb before lightly tracing my lips. He put his hand behind my neck and lifted my head up just a bit before leaning down and kissing me. I put more pressure in the kiss making him smile before moaning quietly when I tilted my head more to the left and laced my fingers with his soft black hair. The hand that was holding him up moved, so I was more on top, and laced through my hair as his other one went down to my hip. I felt his hand travel farther down and grab my ass making me gasp which gave him the chance to lace his tongue with mine. We didn’t fight for dominance and just roamed each other’s mouth instead. He moved me slightly so I was now laying on top of him. He put his hands in my back pockets and pushed me closer making me grind into him slightly. He moaned out quietly before doing it again. I broke our kiss and kissed down his neck before biting harshly behind his ear he hissed in both pain and pleasure before he flipped us over making him on top and placed himself between my legs. He placed kissed down my neck before biting the skin where my shoulder and neck meet. I held in a moan making him bite down harder.

“You know sis it’s not nice to screw your boyfriend in my bed.” I heard Trista say from the door way. I jumped in surprise at the sound of her voice.

“I locked the door.” Zacky mumbled.

“I have a key smart one.” Jimmy said as he appeared behind her.

“Who’s screwing who in your bed?” Johnny asked as he walked into the room.

“No one Johnny.” I answered before pushing Zacky off me.

“What would Matt say?” He asked as he smirked. I glared at him before he took off down that hall. I shook my head before I took off after him.

“Matt...Matt...You’ll never guess what Zacky and Tegan were doing!” He said as I tackled him to the ground. We rolled several feet before hitting the couch.

“Was she making out with Zacky on Trista’s bed with the door locked?” He asked not looking up from his magazine.

“No...I mean yeah!” He said as he pushed me off him and stood up.

“Now why would I do that?” I asked innocently.

“Because you’re related to me.” Matt said as he smiled showing his dimples. I laughed before punching Johnny in the stomach. He gasped and fell to the floor. I smirked my devious smirk before walking over to Zacky. Jimmy and Trista were smiling now instead of frowning which was good, but I don’t think it’s going to last that long. Just as I thought their smiled were short lived as we looked at the clock. It was 8:30 meaning we had to get to the airport since our plane left at 10:30 and it was in Los Angeles. I took a deep breath and watched as Jimmy and Trista picked up Vicki and Aidyn before kissing them both on the head.

“We’ll get your bags.” I said as I pointed to me and Zacky.

“No you two can not be trusted in our room.” Trista said as she laughed. I shook my head before walking back any ways. I grabbed Jimmy’s bag since it was the lightest. When we walked outside everyone was in either Brandon Saller’s wife’s car with the guys or in Mama Sullivan’s SUV. Jimmy, Trista, Jocie, Matt, Johnny, Nikki, and the kids went in Mama Sullivan’s SUV while me, Zacky, Lusty, and Syn were in Brandon’s car with the Atreyu boys.

“How are Trista and Jimmy taking it?” Alex asked as he wrapped an arm around me in a side hug.

“They’re not taking it well.” I said honestly.

“Everything’s gonna be ok though right?” Marc asked.

“That seems to be the question of the day.” Lusty said as she laid back on Syn, who she was sitting on.

“Seriously?” Dan asked.

“Yes midget everyone is asking that. I’m just not to sure that it’s true.” I said as I looked back.

“Hey! I’m a midget with a clothing line!” He responded. I laughed and nodded knowing he had some pretty cool clothes. I leaned back into Zacky and set my feet on Alex’s lap. He just laughed and started to rub my leg. This is what we did when we were younger and I was Marc’s bass tech though. Yes that’s how I met them. I felt a tightening in my chest and I knew it wasn’t actually me, but Trista. I shot up and told Brandon to pull over. He did just as we saw Mama Sullivan do the same. I got out and ran over to her car before pulling the door in a jumping it. Jimmy was holding her to his chest as Matt brushed a hand through her hair. I got into her purse and grabbed out her Valium. I took her into my arms and slipped the Valium into her mouth and made her swallow. She was still gasping, but she was getting more air now as both Jimmy and Matt tried to calm her down.

“What the hell just happened?” Liz, Brandon’s wife asked as she ran over.

“Trista had a panic attack.” Johnny said as he looked over at her with worried eyes. When Trista had fully calmed down she was beyond tired, but said she would go to sleep on the plane. None of us fought with her no matter how much we actually wanted to. She needed to be with Aidyn. Jimmy moved both of them in the back seat before getting the kids and putting them in the back as well.

“We gotta go we need to get to the airport.” Mama Sullivan said as she looked back at me.

“Go back to the other car Tegan.” Trista said as she smiled at me trying to tell me that she’s fine, but I know that she wasn’t. I nodded anyways and walked back to Brandon’s car with Erica.

“What happened?” Travis asked worried.

“Trista had a panic attack.” I said as I rested my head on Zacky’s chest. Zacky moved slightly so he was laying out more, but not bothering the guys and ran a hand through my hair as Alex pulled Zacky’s legs up so he was laying down fully and then moved me so I was laying down on Zacky before he laid his head down on the back of my shoulder and rubbed my back. We looked like a sandwich as Travis put it.

“Go to sleep Misfit.” Dan said as he rubbed my shoulder for a minute. Everyone was quiet except the soft sound of the radio playing Motley Cure’s Smoking In The Boys Room. My eyes closed from their own force. I heard them start talking softly when they thought that I was asleep.

“Why did she feel that so much? I know twins who can’t even tell if the other on is in the room.” Dan asked whispering.

“Their bond is a lot strong then any other twins. The doctors said it was because they were originally only supposed to be one baby, but for some reason they split.” Zacky answered mumbling.

“Zacky man go to sleep.” Marc said making Zacky laugh a bit before nodding. I heard his light snores not even a few minutes later making the guys laugh before I fell asleep as well.

Jimmy’s P.O.V

I watched as Trista nearly fall asleep. I took Aidyn from her making her whine slightly before I picked her up and set her in my lap before placing Aidyn in her lap.

“I hope we don’t get pulled over by the cops.” Johnny joked trying to lighten the mood. We all chuckled slightly, but that was about all that he got. Vicki was sitting next to me in her car seat sleeping. I leaned down and kissed her forehead. Trista moved closer to me and wrapped one of her arms around I could tell that she was trying to stay awake, but she wasn’t doing it well.

“Sweetie just go to sleep.” Jocie said as she turned around.

“If I go to sleep then we get there faster.” She said. Her voice was wavering and I knew she was going to cry. I rubbed her back with my free hand before kissing her head as well. It was killing me.

“But if you’re sleep then you don’t have to think about it.” Nikki said as she smiled. Trista thought about it before closing her eyes. Once I heard her very light snores I had Nikki pick up Aidyn and set him in his car seat.

“She didn’t sleep did she?” Matt asked as he looked back. I shook my head and sighed. Matt shook his head in frustration. We reached the airport really quickly which surprised me. We all got out single file Nikki had Aidyn and Jocie had Vicki. Atreyu got out and I saw Alex hold Tegan, who was asleep, before walking into the airport followed by Zacky who was leaning on Marc. Brandon came over and took Trista out of my arms. I was going to protest, but Dan shook his head and made me lean on Travis. I just shut up and leaned on him, to tired to actually fight. Matt had most of the bags, stacking them on top of them each other before taking various ones in and setting them on the trolleys. We all walked into the airport and handed them our passports. We sat down near the gate where our jet was taking off. Yes we have a private jet to take us to Helsinki, Finland. It would take nearly 14 hours to get there, but we were stopping in New York to fill up on gas before taking off to Finland. They checked in our bags and put the tags on them before loading them into the jet. Trista and Tegan both woke up and were now standing on their own. Trista had Aidyn in her arms. Tears were running down her face, but she wasn’t even trying to stop them. I had Vicki wrapped tightly in both her blanket and my arms. My mom was watching me as I rocked Vicki back to sleep. I felt a hand wipe under my eye and I looked over to see Trista smiling sadly at me. She wrapped her free arm around me and move closer to me so she was burring her face in my neck. I looked down at my son to see that his hazel eyes were looking right back at me.

“Dada.” He said as he reached up trying to grab my cross.

“Matt?”

“Yeah bro?”

“Take off my cross please.” I said as I turned around. He nodded from what I could tell and a second later I felt my cross slip off my neck. He handed it to me and I thanked him before handing it to Aidyn. Trista smiled at me and Aidyn before having Tegan do the same to hers. Once she had it off she placed it around Vicki’s neck and fastened it.

“It’s her favorite cross out of my necklaces and the only one I have on me.” She explained. I nodded and leaned down and kissed her. I saw a flash go off and we broke apart to see a grinning Alex. I flipped him off before laughing.

Now Boarding Private Jet 1031-leaving for Helsinki, Finland. Private Jet to Helsinki, Finland now boarding I heard Trista sob quietly and I knew this was going to be the hardest thing we have ever done.

“I love you ok. Remember that Daddy always loves you, but Daddy’s gotta go away for a little bit. I’ll see you when I get back. Be a good girl for Oma.” I whispered into Vicki’s ear as I pressed a long kiss to her head. I hugged her tightly which made her stir. I pulled back only to stare into those deep blue eyes I’m going to miss.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah sweetie?”

“Where you going?”

“I have to go to work for a little while ok. You’re going to stay with Oma.”

“No don’t go!” She said as she gripped my jacket, “Mama?”

“Yeah baby?” I heard Trista’s sad reply.

“You no go?”

“No baby. I gotta go too, but I’ll be back ok. I love you so much. You’re the best daughter ever.” She said as she kissed her head. Tears were slowly mixing with the blond hair on Vicki’s head. That’s when it hit Vicki that we weren’t going to be back for a while. You could see the sudden change in her face. She started to cry and I immediately started to comfort her anyway I could. I told her we’d go out to get ice cream when we got back. That we would get her things from every place we went and that we would send videos at least once a week. She stopped crying and nodded. I think it was her mother’s genes coming out. Erica always had to be strong. I handed her to my mom while I still could before telling Aidyn everything I told Vicki. Trista told him how she loved him and how she was sorry that she had to leave. She was crying hard by now. She handed him to Liz before burring her head into my neck again. I wrapped my arms around her as tight as I could, feeling silent sobs run through her body. Matt walked over and rubbed her back and took her from me so he could get her on the plane. I walked behind them slowly.

“Daddy! Mommy!” We heard making us stop dead in our tracks. Vicki had wiggled her way out of my mom’s hands and was now running to us. I walked towards her with Trista behind me. When Vicki was close enough I just knelt down makign her run right into my chest. There were little tears running down her face. I wrapped my arms around her as tight as possible without killing her. Trista knelt down next to me and wrapped her arms around both of us.

“I love you Mommy and Daddy.”

“We love you too baby.” I said as I kissed her head. She pulled out of my arms and ran back to my mom. I helped Trista up and walked back to the gate before I heard Vicki yell again, this time she just said “You owe me a toy.” That got everyone laughing. I was thanking my daughter for having my humor in my head. Trista seemed like a shell at this point. She was leaning all of her weight against me. I sighed and just picked her up bridal style. She just sighed and placed her head on my shoulder. Once we were on the plane Matt told us to go back to the bed. I nodded and walked through the door that led into the bedroom. There was a tiny bed that would be enough for us. It had dark brown sheets and a tan comforter. I set Trista on the black seat before I walked over to the bed and pulled the blanket down before walking back over to her and carefully pulling off her shoes. I picked her up and set her on the bed. I slipped her pants off revealing her black boy shorts that looked like briefs. I took off my pants and shirt leaving me in just my boxers before climbing into bed next to her. I pulled her into my chest making her bury her head into my neck once more.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” I said as I rubbed her back.

“I’m making this a big deal.” she said as she shook her head. Her voice was wavering and I knew instantly that she was going to end up crying. I knew she would though.

“You’re a mom who’s leaving her children for the first time. You’re suppose to.” I said as I chuckled slightly. She nodded. Her tear increased at the thought before she was sobbing. I sat up and pulled her into my lap. I rubbed her back and placed kisses to her head randomly. Her whole body was shaking in my arms. Her chest was retracting with each breath and I could feel how hard it was for her to take a breath.

“You’re going to be ok. You’re strong. You can do it. They’re going to be ok too. Papa Gates is over there right now helping to get my mom situated.” I said trying to calm her down. Matt came in, I guess he heard her cries. He pushed me back and put her in the middle of us before wrapping his arms around her right under mine. We were both laying on our sides with her laying mostly against me. He had one hand playing with her hair, twisting it between his fingers. She calmed down, but was still just laying there absently playing with my FICTION tattoo. Matt kissed her cheek before getting up and walking out of the room again.

“Go to sleep baby.” I said as I pulled the blanket back over us tucking it tightly around us. I felt her nodded before she closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep. I sighed and stared at her before doing the same.