Wreckage From the Past Haunts Me; Shakes Me to the Bone

Trista’s P.O.V

I walked around mine and Jimmy’s hotel room in The Hotel Kamp in Helsinki, Finland. Tonight is our first show, but it’s not for nearly another 10 hours. I’m up early considering that the rest of the guys/girls have jet lag. I changed my clothes into a pair black leggings under a pair of ripped jeans and a black long sleeve off the shoulder shirt with a grey tank top over it. I put on my feather earrings and my Victorian style locket. I bent over and put on my UGGs before realize that I needed a belt. I slipped on my teal and black studded belt. I walked into the bathroom and brushed my hair so it was straight and down before putting on eyeliner and mascara. When I walked out I saw the same peaceful body that had been laying there for the past 6 hours. His hair was all over the place showing me he had been restless. His breathing was soft and adorned with small snores. Tears found my eyes once more looking at his restless soul. He was beyond tired and I knew that. He couldn’t really sleep last night because he was worried that I was going to have another panic attack, but I didn’t. He had twin tear tracks that ran down his face. He allowed himself to cry after I went to sleep. Or did he cry in his sleep? I shook my head and lightly whipped them both off his face making his face seem that brighter. I smiled lightly before walking out of the hotel room and down the hall to the elevator. I passed Tegan and Zacky’s room and immediately felt guilty. I knew they were both exhausted. Tegan more then Zacky. I walked onto the first floor once the elevator had stopped. The manager looked at me funny as I walked out of the hotel. Probably because I was carried in by Jimmy. I shook the thoughts from my head as I walked down the street to the little diner I always go to. I sat by my favorite window in the back shop. From there I can see the hotel and Jussi’s apartment. He pointed that out one day.

“Mitä sinulla on?” (What will you have?) A waiter asked me.

“Vain kahvia nyt.” (Just coffee for now.) I replied. He smiled and nodded before walking away. I sat there for a few minutes reading Alternative Press. I laughed in my head at one of the articles about Jonas Brother’s still being virgins. I’m sorry, but what “rockstar” is still a virgin?

“Thought I’d find you here.” I heard a thick Finnish accent say. I looked up to see Jussi staring down at me.

“Hey.” I said as I closed my magazine. He smiled and sat down in the open chair next to me. He looked up at his apartment. I saw a girl with long black hair and pink stripes dancing around his apartment in a purple “I Partied Naked With Bring Me The Horizon” shirt and a pair of black hot pants. Yeah the view is that good.

“She’s beautiful.” I said as I looked over at Jussi. He blushed and nodded.

“Yeah she is. Her name is Raynee. She the girl you saved at the concert. Her bruises are almost all gone. The night you brought her on stage I took her back and cleaned her up. I had Lauren make sure she was able to stand in the shower because once we got back she let all of her pain show. It’s amazing that she even let him touch her because there was a guy here who hit on her and she beat the shit out of him before I could even step in.” He said as he chuckled, “She reminds me of you.” My coffee came and Jussi ordered a muffin and coffee as well.

“You like her don’t you?” I asked noticing his eyes were glued to the window.

“A lot, but I’m not going to push anything on her. She’s a lot of fun though. She knew that I was in the 69 Eyes and didn’t freak out. She didn’t take advantage of my money.” He said laughing.

“Is she going to stay here with you or is she going back to the states?” I asked as I looked up to the window to see that she was now making faces at Jussi. I laughed and shook my head.

“We’re already trying to get her papers to become a citizen.” He said smiling.

“That’s cool.”

“How are you?” He asked after a few minutes of silence.

“I’m ok.” I said quietly.

“No you’re not.” He laughed.

“I know. I’m trying to be though. I mean Jimmy’s sober now so that’s one thing I don’t worry about nearly as much, but the night before we left a convict got out. I didn’t think anything of it until Lauren called me up the next day and told me how stupid I was for going out, and how it could have been Brandon. I started to have a panic attack, but Jimmy calmed me down by telling me how he had an alarm system hooked up and that Baker and Papa Gates are going to be there at night. Yesterday I was an emotional wreck. Crying every five minutes because I’m leaving my babies home where a killer could be loose. I feel like the worst mother of all time.” I answered quietly. He moved his chair so he could sit next to me and rubbed my back.

“How are things with Jimmy?” He smirked.

“Things are beyond great.” I said as I smiled, “I have never felt so loved. I mean I was stupid that I thought Brandon loved me. I should have stayed with Jimmy for all of those years. I mean I dated him when we were younger and when we broke up I was devastated, but I knew we had to. It would be too suspicious if Matt found out we were talking all of the time. I regret ever breaking up with him, but now I know what I missed out on. He’s a great dad to Aidyn. He understands my past and doesn’t hate me or use it against me. He’s patient with me. Most guys right now would be dying of not having sex, but Jimmy’s perfectly fine. He understands that I’m just not ready.”

“Do me a favor and don’t lose him. He really loves you. He told me one time when he was high how much you mean to him. He thought you were going to give up hope on him. I told him time and time again that you weren’t and I was right. You stood by him. Now and when you were younger. Stay with him as long as possible.” He said as he grabbed my hand in his.

“I want to meet Raynee.” I said as I stood up. He sat there amazed at how I was so down, but then perked back up. He set some money down on the table before standing up and ushering me out of store and across the street. Once the elevator stopped we walked down to his apartment and inside. Raynee didn’t see us yet, but still sang to Murderdolls “People Hate Me” She didn’t even notice us until Jussi cleared his throat. She just smiled at us through her hair.

“Hello.” She said as she brushed her hair back behind her ear.

“Hi I’m Trista.” I said as I held my hand out. She shook it before pulling back. I notice a yellowish color on her face that was a healing bruise.

“I’m going to go get dressed.” She said as she ran to Jussi’s guest room.

“Can you and the girls take her out when we go to Italy. I want to take her out for dinner.” Jussi asked. I nodded and smiled. Raynee came out a few minutes later dresses in a pair of Tripp pants and a Murderdolls shirt. My phone started to ring making me jump.

“Hello?” I asked as I answered it.

Hey babe where’d you go?

“I’m at Jussi’s sorry. I didn’t expect to be gone so long.”

It’s ok, but you gotta come get dressed the girls need you

“Ok I’ll be there in a minute.”

Alright love you.

“I love you too baby.” I said as I hung up the phone, “I need to get back the girls need me. I’m osrry we didn’t get to talk at all, but I’m sure we will.”

“Alright we’ll see you tonight then.” I nodded and hugged Jussi before walking out. I walked across the street and into the hotel. The lady looked at me funny again making me stick my tongue out at her before getting into the elevator. When I stopped on my floor I got out and walked into my hotel room. I heard Jimmy singing from the bathroom making me laugh. I heard the door open and I looked up to see Jimmy. He smiled a goofy smile before getting dressed.

“It’s been a hard days night huh?” I asked as I smirked. He glare at me before slowly walking towards me. I yelped and ran out of the room. I ran down the hall attracting attention to the crazy tall man.

“Help he’s going to kidnap me!” I yelled. I heard him laugh before I ran into a hard chest.

“Matty.” I groaned as I looked up. He laughed before helping me up.

“What did you do?”

“Made fun of him for singing the Beetles.” I said as I grinned innocently. He shook hie head before moving to the side making me visible to Jimmy again. He glared and tackled me. I screamed out as he started to tickle my sides.

“Stop!” I yelled as I nearly started crying from laughing so hard.

“Not until you say Jimmy’s the sexiest beast in the world and you love him!”

“Never!” I yelled as I screamed louder. By now Atreyu and Slipknot was watching us.

“Say it and I’ll stop!”

“I’ll never give in!” I yelled. He shook his head before moving to my most ticklish spots. Right under my knees. I squealed and closed my legs as tight as I could, but he didn’t give.

“Ok ok Jimmy’s the sexiest beast in the world and I love him!” I screamed running out of air.

“Was that so hard?” He asked as he stared at me.

“Yes now I need to wash my tongue.” I said as I got up. I heard everyone laughing and I screamed again as I felt Jimmy throw me over his shoulder. He threw me on the bed once he got into the room. Jocie looked at me before smiling seeing that I was some-what back to normal. I knew there was nothing over there that could hurt my children and that they were ok.

“Ok so we’re not playing tonight.” Jocie said.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Because the show was actually only booked for H.I.M, the 69 Eyes, Slipknot, and Atreyu.”

“So we could have just went to Italy?”

“No because the tour starts here.”

“That’s stupid.” I said as I looked at her.

“I know. So you guys can pretty much just stay here ok.” Me and Jimmy nodded. I laid down on the bed and sighed. Jimmy smiled lightly before rubbing my back. I looked at the clock to see it was four. We would be getting on the plane to Italy in 7 hours.

“You know what? Let’s go walking around.” He said as he stood up. He grabbed his jacket and handed mine to me. I nodded and slid my jacket on before grabbing his hand. We walked out of the hotel and into the freezing air. I could hear the native Finnish accents around me and I smiled. It’s one of my favorite places to be. The streets were filled with people just like they always are. It could be raining and there would still be people up and down them. We walked over near the park we first came to our first time in Finland. We stood in front of it. Just looking at how the trees wrapped around each other. The fountain was known as The Fountain Of Dreams because of how the tree was placed. It was a huge tree that had bent in the shape of a heart.

“I remember how when we were here last year you pushed me in the fountain.” He said as he laughed.

“That was fun...until you pulled me in and ruined my phone.” I said as I pouted. He laughed and bit my lower lip making me pull back which is why I know have a cut there. We stood there for a good hour or so before he grabbed my hand and moved us. We walked down the street once more just walking and talking about old times and the first time we were here. When Jimmy got arrested, but no one thought it was true because he used to joke around a lot. When they had to bail me, Tegan, and Nikki out of jail because we got drunk and cause havoc all over town. Did you know that every cop knows us by first name? Well not the new ones. The older ones do though. We were known as Willy Wonka and her two Omplumpas (sp?) But then I grew! I didn’t realize me and Jimmy had been walking around for nearly four hours until he pulled me into a bakery. I saw Strawberries dipped in chocolate. Jimmy saw my look and ordered a dozen in perfect Finnish. He laughed at my expression before paying the man and pulling me back to the hotel. When we got into our room I started to jump up and down on our bed. He laughed and pulled my leg out from under me making me fall on my ass. He handed me the box and I sat up with my back against the headboard and took a bite of one.

“I think I just died and went to heaven!” I said as the strawberry’s natural taste mixed with the white and milk chocolate. I held it out to Jimmy and he took a bite as well. He sat on he bed next to me and flipped on the TV to The Messengers.

“You order it?” I asked with my eyebrow raised.

“Yep.” He said as he smiled. I laughed and kissed him before settling down to watch one of the best movies I have ever seen!

“How many times have you seen this?” He asked as the cabinet doors opened and the little boy, Michael, screamed.

“This week or all of my life?”

“This week.”

“Four.” I said as I smiled. He shook his head and rolled his eyes making me laugh.