Wreckage From the Past Haunts Me; Shakes Me to the Bone

"Sshh sweetie calm down. Please baby calm down. Please baby boy." It had been three days. Everyone is still here, but is doing something. I take that back. I lied. HIM and The 69 Eyes had to leave last night after finding out that Bam was Finland and had access to their houses. I don't blame them for leaving. In fact it was me and the girls that told them to leave. You do not want to see the out some of Bam alone in a house. Especially one in another country. Muderdolls and Lauren were currently at the mall buying Cds. I have no clue why. All I know was Lauren, whos natually hyper, got a hold of Monsters that Nikki had left in the 'fridge after she found the love of Venom. Yeah Lauren on Monster is not a good mix. Funny, but not a good mix. I relaly think she went there to make fun of all of the Paris Hiltion and Britteny Spears albums and probably drag them to pet store. Man is that girl awesome. I just hope she doesn't come home with anything. Slipknot went to go check out a venue they're going to play at tomorrow. Avenegd is...I have no clue. I think they're getting the tour bus completely ready for tour. I know it's a while away, but they have to have a bunch of stuff put in both tour busses and I think the girls went to go get various things. I have no clue what. Tegan went with Zacky to go get some more clothes for us. I stayed home because the doctor said I could get the cast off my leg yesterday, but now it's hurting really bad and Aidyn clearly isn't feeling well.

Anyways I'm getting off point. I'm home alone because they all left and I can't get Aidyn to stop crying. I feel like the worst parent ever! I can't get him to sleep. He's diaper was fine. He wasn't hungry. He was a little warm, but not enough for me to worry or give him anything for it. I've walked him around for the past hour; ignoring the pain going through my leg. He keeps tugging at his ear. He might have an ear infection. God I hope not.

"Come on sweetie." I started to sing to him maybe it would calm him down.

"Hush little baby, Don't say a word
Mommas gonna buy you a mocking bird,
And if that mocking bird don’t' sing,
Mommas gonna buy you a diamond ring,
And if that Diamond ring don't turns to brass
Mommas gonna looking glass
And if the looking glass gets broke
Mommas gonna buy you a Billy Goat
And if that billy goats gonna runs away
Mommas gonna buy you another today." He wasn't asleep, but defiantly calmed down some. He was now just letting tears run down his face. I started to sing more songs, from Itsy Bitsy Spider to Zippie Do Da. I started to get a new song in my head, which gave me the common sense to sit down in the chair that Jimmy had placed in Aidyn’s room and grab a notebook.

"It's true, we're all a little insane
But its so clear Now that I'm unchained Fear is only in our minds
Taking over all the time
Fear is only in our minds but its taking over all the time

You poor sweet innocent thing
Dry your eyes and testify
You know you live to break me- don't deny
Sweet sacrifice."

"Does that sound good so far Aid?" I asked lookign down at him. He reached up and grabbed my necklace showing me he liked it. I let out a breath before finishing it.

"One day I'm gonna forget your name And one sweet day, you're gonna drown in my lost pain
Fear is only in our minds Taking over all the time Fear is only in our minds but its taking over all the time

You poor sweet innocent thing
Dry your eyes and testify
And oh you love to hate me don't you, honey? I'm your sacrifice.

I dream in darkness I sleep to die
erase the silence
erase my life
our burning ashes blacken the day a world of nothingness blow me away]

Do you wonder why you hate?
Are you still too weak to survive your mistakes?
You poor sweet innocent thing
Dry your eyes and testify
You know you live to break me- don't deny
Sweet sacrifice."

He was now just palying with my necklace. He started to close his eyes before he shifted his head and started to cry again. I felt his forehead ot feell that he now had a slight fever.

"Want some help?" I heard someone ask. I looked over to see Shawn at the door with a worried look.

"Please. He's been crying all day. I got him to stop for a little bit, but he started back up. I've been up with his since around 5:30. I'm so tired." I said as I paced the room rocking him gently, "he's not hungery. His diaper doesn't need to be changed. I don' t know whats wrong and now he has a fever."

"Has he been tugging at his ear?"

"Yeah."

"He probably has an ear infection. Come on, I'll take you to the doctors office." He said grabbing my screaming baby out of my hands and into his own. I ran upstairs and grabbed my bag and my phone and walked back down stairs to see Shawn got Aidyn into his car seat. Man this guy is my personally savior right now. We walked down stairs to see Corey, Jimmy, Matt and Tegan there.

"What's wrong?" Tegan asked as soon as she saw us.

"Shawn thinks that Aidyn has a ear infection." I said with a sigh and shook my head before rubbing the back of my neck.

"We'll come with you." She said as she grabbed her bag as Corey got up.

"You guys don't have to really." I said not wanting to make them get up.

"No really we're bored here." She said laughing. I laughed weakly before nodding. We wlaked out to Shawns rented car before placing me and Adiyn in the back and Tegan in te front. I tried to calm Aidyn down for the whole car ride with no avail.

"Go get signed in. I'll bring him in, in a few minutes." Shawn said as he pushed me toward the door. I nodded and walked in to the sea ofscreaming kids. Man am I glad that Shawn kept him out there with him.

"Hello I need to see Dr. Went about Aidyn Sanders." I said as I walked up to the front desk.

"Does he have an appointmet?" Man htis chick is snotty.

"No it's an emegency." I said as I shifted my weight from foot to foot.

"What's the problem?"

"He has an a possible ear infection and hasn't eaten or slept all day."

"How old is he?" Man this chick was trying to piss me off!

"3 almost four months."

"I'll let him know right away." I was confused by the sudden attitude change before I looked back and saw Tegan glaring ather. I started to laugh before I walked over to the door and motioned for Shawn to come in. He came in and sat next to me on the uncomfortable chairs.

"So my dearest twinie what'sgoing on with you and Zacky?" I asked smirking as her face turned a soft shade of red.

"Nothing." She answered quickly.

"It sounded like you just called her a twinkie." Shawn laughed out. I shook my head before looking at Tegan who was trying not to laugh.

"You like him." I stated before Looking away fast.

"You like Jimmy." she stated at the same time. I laughed before shakign my head.

"Yes you do! How did you know that I like Zacky?" She asked lookign at me.

"You've always like him and you talk in your sleep." I said smiling and ignoring the playful glare she was giving me. At least I think it was playful. We waited for about an hour and a half before the doctor came in and told us we could go back. Another half an hour it was confirmed. My baby boy hand an ear infection!

I walked into the house exhausted. I walked over to the couch and crashed next to Jimmy and put my head on his arm. He chuckled before moving his arm and wrapping it around my shoulders making my head fall onto his chest. I closed my eyes relishing in the fact that Aidyn was not quietly and peacefully asleep from the mediciane they gave him.

"So what did they say?" Jimmy asked making my head vibrate.

"He has an ear infection." I mumbled.

"Sis why don't you go to bed?" I heard Matt ask before fingers were ran through my hair.

"Nah just give me coffe and I'll be fine." I said laughing slightly. Just as I said that Nikki, Brittney and Jocelyn walked in with my favorite. Carmal Fraps. I just closed my eyes again before I felt the cold near my face. Jimmy took it out of Nikki's hand before placing it in his lap.

"Honey I'm home!" I heard someone yell as they walked in. Everyone sshed them, who I just realized was Lauren. I felt the couch dip in next to me and rest their head on my shouler. I was softly breathing through my nose since my mouth was covered by Jimmy's shirt.

"Teille kaksi näyttävät todella söpö yhdessä." (You two look really cute together.) I heard whispered in my ear. I knew it was Tegan. I open my eye that wasn't against Jimmy's chest to glare at her.

"Voi mennä saada huone kanssa Zacky." (Oh go get a room with Zacky) I mumbled back. She laughed before shaking her head.

"Ainoastaan, jos sinulla on yksi kanssa Jimmy" (Only if you get one with Jimmy.)

"Jos kerrot hänelle Pidän häntä sinun on kuollut." (If you tell him I like him you'll be dead.) Little did we know Jimmy knew exactly what we were talking about.

"I won't." She said as she got up. I smiled and shook my head before I heard the once again familar cry. I sighed before I got up only to be pushed back down by Sid.

"Sit that pretty ass down. I got him." I laughed and nodded before sitting back down and restng my head on Jimmy's chest again.

"We should go out tonight." I heard Matt say. I looked at him with my eyebrows raised.

"We can't. Aidyn's sick and I have no one to watch him either." I said as I closed my eyes again.

"You need to get out and and at least have dinner with us!" Lauren said as she hugged Acey.

"No. I have my son that needs to be taken care of." I said sitting up now.

"I'll stay here." Shawn said walking over to me adn wrapping an arm around my shoulders, "You know he's safe with me. I have 4 kids of my own."

I nodded knowing it was true. I could trust Shawn with Aidyn, but I was gone for two weeks of his life already and he's only three almost four months. I knew there was no getting out of this though. Not matter how much I try I can't get out of going to dinner.