If I Only Had the Heart

“It’s about time,” Frank slid into the passengers seat, a wide grin set on his face. He saw the glare Gerard gave him and just smiled even wider “Relax man, I was just kidding” he turned on the radio while Gerard mumbled something incoherent. When he couldn’t find anything he just flicked it off and shifted in his seat slightly so he was facing Gerard, “So how was the rest of your day without me? Simply excruciating, right?”

“Ha! More like heaven,” Gerard spoke harshly then softened a bit. “What exactly makes you think I like you anyway?” he asked Frank.

“Why exactly don’t you like me seems to be a better question.”

“Me? I only fucking act like this because you’re such a fucking dick towards me for no apparent reason,” Gerard surprisingly but truthfully admitted.

“Seriously?” Frank’s mouth could have literally hit the ground at this moment if he were outside and there was ground beneath him “Okay let’s make an agreement, I’ll stop being ‘such a fucking dick’ towards you and you’ll stop acting like you hate me so much because, come on. Who can resist me?” Frank flashed that million dollar smile of his.

Gerard thought this over and nodded in agreement. He knew that on the inside he’d never stop disliking Frank until he left him and his brother alone but he could at least act like he liked him until that day came. Plus he realized that it takes more energy to hate than it does to love. He isn’t necessarily going to shower the kid with love and affection but he could at least act like he’s human since Frank, really did sometimes try to ‘bond’ with Gerard.

Gerard pulled into the driveway and stopped the car and went to open the front door, Frank trailing behind him. He stepped aside one unlocking the door to let Frank in, a big smile plastered on his face. Frank grinned and stepped inside, Gerard right behind him. As soon as he got the door closed and locked Gerard was tackled in a tight hug.

“Uh, what’d I miss?” Mikey came down stairs, a confused look set upon his face. Gerard looked at Frank with the same confused look his brother had and Frank just shrugged. Mikey eyed the way his brother and best friend were staring at each other. Gerard looked as if he knew something Mikey didn’t while Frank… well he just looked like Frank, a fucking God.

Mikey wasn’t gay, he was pretty damn sure of it. He didn’t like any guys, excluding Frank of course. He never thought about kissing guys except for that one time Gerard was making out with some chick whose name he couldn’t remember and he wondered what girls found so appealing about Gerard’s lips. And other than that one time he’s never felt jealous about people being all over his brother, mainly because no one ever really was all over his brother. So why now? Why all of the sudden he wanted to tell Frank to fuck off? He had just spent four hours or so next to Gerard and didn’t do anything. He didn’t understand.

“Come on,” Mikey snatched Frank off of his brother and headed up to his room. Once he got in there he let his friend go and flopped on his bed, facing the wall.

“What the hell was that?!” Frank asked as he sat next to Mikey. He knew mimicking Mikey from earlier that day wasn’t to smart of an idea but didn’t care at the moment, he just wanted to know what made his friend so upset, although he though he already knew.

“Why were you down there fondling my brother?” Mikey asked turning over so he was facing Frank. He didn’t know why he was getting so worked up about it but the look on Frank’s face made him want to just sock him. To wipe that stupid smirk off his face. But wait, no he didn’t, this is Frank were talking about. His Frank, he didn’t want to do anything to hurt him… Did he?

Frank just shrugged “I wouldn’t call that fondling Mikey, it was just hug. And it was more like, a friendly gesture if you could even call it that.”

“But you guys aren’t friends,” Mikey frowned and thought back to the ‘hug’. Gerard wasn’t even hugging him back. It seemed like a one sided hug to him, like Frank groping his brother. He turned back towards the wall at the thought, not wanting to look at Frank at the moment.

“We are now. We decided to push our differences aside and at least act friendly to each other. We’re doing this all for you really,” Frank lie next to his friend, staring up at the ceiling.

“For me?” Mikey turned over, surprised to see Frank staring straight at him “You guys made up for me?” he blinked a few times to make sure he saw right and in fact Frank was nodding. “Oh.. Well, uh, thanks then, I guess.. I mean you know what I mean” he looked around the room awkwardly, not realizing the situation that was at hand until now.

“It was nothing really,” Frank smiled, moving in closer to Mikey. “He’s actually not that bad, still not as cool as you though,” he wrapped arm around his friend, not bothered by their closeness at all.

Mikey on the other hand was trying his best to regulate his breathing. His face was only inches away from Frank’s and he wanted so badly to just lean forward and kiss him. He smiled and returned the gesture, hugging Frank back and closed his eyes hoping that if he didn’t look at him, he wouldn’t be so nervous.

“I’m ordering pizza!” Gerard popped his head in the room and instantly regretted it. “Oh sorry, am I interrupting something?” he asked his face hot (and probably red) Mikey shot up shaking his head ‘no’ Frank simply rolled over and told Gerard to ‘chill out’. “Uh, yeah… I’m ordering pizza,” he repeated himself and backed out of the room, jealous. Not of Frank but of Mikey. Just minutes before, he latched himself onto Gerard and now his brother was in there feeling him up? He was confused but shrugged it off and blamed it on hormones.

Meanwhile, Mikey had ran off to the bathroom to take care of the problem he had acquired from feeling his friend up and Frank followed Gerard downstairs. Gerard noticed and turned to him his face still red and raised an eyebrow. Frank just kept moving towards him. Gerard didn’t even notice he had stopped walking until he was almost nose to nose with Frank, whom he could’ve sworn was way shorter than him. He was, Frank was just on his toes.

“Um what are you doing?” Gerard asked, unable to move, yet slightly uncomfortable that they were now brushing noses. Frank, of course, didn’t answer. He was to busy gazing into Gerard’s eyes. They were very pretty he admitted to himself but he couldn’t help but seem something in them. Something that told him to just jump his bones right there. Or maybe that was Frank’s mind talking. He was after all still a little hot and bothered from his encounter upstairs with Mikey whom he now just realized he found very attractive.

“Have I ever told you that you have really pretty eyes?” Frank finally spoke, his breath grazing upon Gerard’s lips making his spine tingle.

“Actually you have.” he faltered “But thanks anyway. Yours are nice too,” he found himself involuntarily moving closer to him. Frank grabbed Gerard’s right hand in his left one, intertwining their fingers. By now Gerard had stopped breathing, he relaxed a little when Frank brushed a piece of hair away from his eyes, letting his fingers linger around his jaw.

“Gerard?” Frank was whispering now. “Do you like me?”

“Wh-What?” Gerard’s breath caught in his throat while he spoke. “I mean yeah,” he nodded fanatically. “Do.. You, uh. Do you like me?”

“Honey, you’re the reason I’m gay” Frank smirked. Gerard now held a hankering grin on his face, flattered that he’d actually turned a guy on. Especially such an appealing guy, like Frank. He stroked Gerard’s cheek and heard his breathing falter again, this made him smile even bigger -- knowing he could do these types of things to him and get this type of reaction.

“So are you going to stand here and tease me all day?” Gerard finally got some confidence and spoke up “Or are you going to kiss me?” he practically growled the last part. That damn near sent Frank insane and he couldn’t handle being that close to him without doing anything any longer. Without a warning he pressed his lips against Gerard’s in a lustful, much needed kiss which was equally reciprocated on Gerard’s end. Frank slowly wound his fingers through Gerard’s hair and pulled him closer towards him, deepening the kiss. Gerard snaked his arms around Frank’s torso, their chests now pressed firmly against each others.

Gerard could feel Frank’s heartbeat increasing and had actually considered for a moment to just take him down stairs and fuck him until he could never walk again. But of course his conscious kicked in and he pulled away. What the hell was he doing anyway? He didn’t like Frank, he liked -- no loved Mikey. How could he do that to his brother? Why should he care so much anyway? Mikey was the one groping Frank upstairs in his bedroom, so why the hell was Frank down here throwing himself at Gerard? Any way you put this, it was completely wrong and he wanted no part of this. “Frank, I can’t…” he whispered.

“Why not?” Frank whined, leaning his forehead against Gerard’s. “I mean, I like you… and you like me right?” he asked and Gerard nodded causing both of their heads to move. “So what’s the problem?”

“I like you Frank…a lot. But-” he swallowed his pride and exhaled before finishing “I love Mikey, like… more than a brother should.” this was his first time admitting this out loud and he wasn’t sure how Frank was going to react. Frank’s eyes widened a little but that was about it. There was a loud gasp and a thump that startled the both of them, causing them both to tear away from each other and look towards where the sound came from.

They both rushed over to the stairs where Mikey lay sprawled out on the last three steps, passed out. Gerard sighed loudly and picked his brother up, carrying him up to his room, Frank following close behind. After lying him on his bed and directing Frank to get a warm wash cloth he sat on the edge of his bed and waited for his brother to wake up so he could do what he wished he’d never in his life have to do. Tell his brother that he loved him.