Stain My Rose With Scarlet Tears

My first night sleeping alone since I’ve been married to Jami, it felt strange to be alone again. I had a lot to think about now, because I couldn’t leave everyone in that mess. Being with Bianca again… it wasn’t an accident. I liked being able to get close to her again, and I liked the fact that she let me. When I told her I loved her, I meant it. I love her, I always did, but it didn’t mean I didn’t love Jami. I wish I knew what I wanted, but somehow, I think that Jami has already made up my mind for me, and I had no control over it.

On one side, I was devastated, I might lose another wife, but on the other side, Charlie, Bianca and I could be a family again, and we could actually be happy together. To my surprise, the idea of a family excited me. I knew I had to talk to Bianca first thing in the morning, if I was the only one who thought that way; I might make a fool of myself. Maybe it was all a mistake to her, and that she felt guilty. I knew neither of us thought of Jami or Georg at that moment, we just let it happen without really thinking about the consequences, and now we have to face them. Everyone was going to get hurt, but I was curious about all of this was going to turn out. Or at least, wasn’t completely dreading it.

I had no emotion now; I was too lost in my own thoughts. You never know what tomorrow will bring; it was the thing I told myself before switching off my light for the last time that night. Wishing tomorrow would just get there; I slowly slipped into a dreamless sleep.

Sam’s POV

I couldn’t stay in the same room as Bill after that, not yet. It wasn’t as late as I thought it was, but I knew better than to sneak out late at night, though I had to stay busy. I glanced at the clock on our wall and it read 9:30pm, but as I walked past Lucy’s bedroom, I realized that her light was still on. She should have been hours ago, and when she kissed us goodnight, she looked pretty tired, but I didn’t understand why she was up now. I looked behind me, knowing that Bill was still in there, probably trying to get to sleep too, he said he needed it. I wished he wasn’t so upset, but I wished I could just talk to him, be open and honest, just like we used to.

Looking in front of me again, I decided that I needed to check on Lucy. I know she needed her sleep, things wouldn’t be the same around here when our daughter didn’t have her energy. The door was closed, but I could see the light coming from underneath it, telling me that my daughter was still awake. I stared at the door for a moment, before knocking quietly.
“Lucy? Honey, are you still awake?” I asked her quietly.

When I didn’t get an answer, I opened the door quietly and walked into the dimly lit, light purple room. The nightlight was on, and Lucy was sitting in her bed, her eyes wide open, but she still looked very tired to me. Her head turned to me as I closed the door behind me, her smile lit up the room in my eyes. “Mommy!” She squealed happily, swinging her legs out from underneath the covers to face me completely. I smiled softly, sitting down next to her. I took her hand in mine, as she rubber her eyes with the other one. “Are you tired?” I asked, putting my arms around her softly. I looked into her chocolate brown eyes, which were strikingly similar to Bill’s, they suited her well. She nodded slowly, yawning. “Yeah, but I can’t sleep.” She mumbled.

I thought for a moment, this didn’t happen a lot, so I wasn’t used to it. And if it happened, Bill was always the one who dealt with it, he was so good with her, it amazed me. He always volunteered to do it, he just loved spending time with Lucy, and I found it so cute. There was a moment in my life, not too long ago, that I thought my life couldn’t get any better. It wasn’t perfect, but I loved it. My family was happy, I had nothing to worry about, I longed for those days now. “Okay, how about this,” I suggested, “If you get back into bed, I promise I’ll make you some hot chocolate and stay with you until you fall asleep. Sounds good?” I asked, kissing her temple. She nodded eagerly as I stood up and walked to the door. I turned around before leaving for the kitchen, still smiling at my beautiful daughter. “Mommy will be back in a minute baby.” I whispered, turning around to leave again,

I walked to kitchen of our fairly large apartment, switching on the kettle first. I took out Lucy’s favorite cup, smiling as I remembered her reaction the first time she saw the cup, but it was really cute. It took me a couple of minutes to fix the hot chocolate, knowing exactly how my daughter liked it. Placing a couple of little marshmallows on top of the drink, I started walking back to my daughter’s room. I stopped walking when I heard a voice coming out of her room, and it wasn’t Lucy’s, it was much deeper.

I stopped in front of the door quietly, smiling at the sight of the perfect picture of my family. Lucy was in her bed, under the covers as she promised, Bill sitting by her side, his arms around her. Her head was rested on his chest, or almost, she wasn’t that tall yet, they were both smiling their matching smiles. I loved them both so much, they were my life. It was so hard to believe that only three years ago, Lucy was still so small that she needed help sitting up, I think she wasn’t even six months old. It feels like I didn’t want to blink, because if I open my eyes, Lucy might be the one getting married and having children. Time passes way too quickly, and it’s true what they say, they grow up so fast. I never want to lose her. Most parents look foreword to the day their children move out, to start a life of their own, but I just wish Lucy could stay with us forever.

“Daddy, can you tell me a story?” She asked quietly, giggling as Bill kissed her nose. “Of course…” He said, chuckling along with his daughter. “Just let me think.” He said quietly, staring at the ceiling, as if he could find ideas up there. Neither of them noticed when I leaned against the doorframe. Just wanting to look at my family for a while longer, I’ve never fully appreciated them until now; it just took a great loss to open my eyes. One day, years from now, I knew I would look back at this, the burning regret still inside of me, the sadness of never knowing my younger daughter. But still the happiness of learning to appreciate the family I had left.

“Okay, here we go… But first, close your eyes.” He said, watching as Lucy did it immediately. He kept quiet for a minute, stroking her dirty blonde hair; he always told me that it would grow out much darker, like mine was before I dyed it. “Once upon a time there was a young man named… Tom.” He said, a small smile on his lips. Knowing Bill, Tom was the first name he could think of, which I found kind of cute, I laughed quietly. “Tom was a very, very busy man, and he never had time to do anything he wanted. There were always a lot of people watching him, and he would do anything to keep them happy because he didn’t like it when people were sad.” Lucy fidgeted for a second, resting her head on Bill’s lap.
“And there was a girl named Belle, who was never happy, because she thought nobody loved her, not even the one friend she had. She cried a lot, and then one day, she made a wish…”

I saw Lucy’s eyes open quickly, curiosity shining out of them. “What did she wish, Daddy?” She whispered, fascinated by the story her father was telling. In that moment of silence, I walked foreword, silently letting them know that I was listening. Lucy saw me out of the coroner of her eye, sitting up immediately, seeing the cup in my hand. I had almost forgotten about it, but gladly, I had the habit of making hot chocolate extra warm so when she drank it, it wasn’t cold yet. She thanked me quietly, drinking it quickly, then, cutely handing the cup to Bill, who sat it down on the bedside table.

I sat down on the other side of Lucy’s bed, so that Lucy was in between Bill and me. I got comfortable, moving closer to my daughter, as she was hugging me with her one hand. To my surprise, I felt another hand touching me; I looked down to see that it was Bill, opening his hand, asking me to give him mine. I did willingly; I’ve been longing to do that for so long, but it just felt so much better that he did it first. It made me feel safer than I was, and more secure about his feeling towards me, and if they changed along with him.

I was startled when Bill started speaking again, almost forgetting about the story. “Well honey, she closed her eyes when she saw a falling star, and she wished for someone. She wanted someone to love her, and you know what?” He said, pausing again, leaning closer to her and whispered, “Her wish came true.” Lucy squealed softly, but in the end it was muffled by a yawn. I never understood it, but hot chocolate always made her tired, so it was our secret weapon for nights like these. “Belle went to sleep that night, sad like always, because she didn’t know her wish will come true, and when she woke up the next morning, Tom was standing in front of her door,.

“He didn’t know how he got there, and he didn’t know what happened, but he knew once when he looked at Belle,” He said quietly, looking up into my eyes pointedly, “and even now, years later, that she was the one for him, and that he will love her forever, and he did.” He finished. Only then, did he look away from me, down at our sleeping daughter. We both smiled at her. Bill picked up her head gently, because it was still on his lap, letting go of my hand in the process, making me feel unnaturally vulnerable again. He rested her head on the pillow and kissed her head, whispering something to her that I didn’t quite catch. I stood up too, softly, not wanting to wake her, walking over to the side Bill was on now.

When I got to that side, he grabbed my hand again, turning off the light before basically pulling me out of there. I turned around and closed the door with my one hand, the feeling of being pulled away still there. Letting go of the handle, I let him pull me away, not wanting to resist. Bill walked straight into our bedroom, closing the door as I did with Lucy’s a few minutes earlier. “I owe you an apology.” He said, getting right to the point this time, but I still gave him a confused look, not sure of what he was talking about. “About earlier.” He urged. I was still a bit confused, a lot had happened today, so you could never be too sure of what he was talking about, but I kept quiet, hoping he would continue.

“I was being so rude before, and I’m so sorry, I told you why I reacted like that, and I just hope you can understand.” He told me sheepishly. “You know I love you and Lucy more than anything in the world and I don’t want to let you down, and I don’t want to hurt you. I know I still have to work through everything that happened and find a way to deal with everything, and I will, but I just need some time.” He whispered a slight smile on his face as he pulled me closer to him, his hands around my waist firmly.
“Bill, I-“

I started to say, but he placed his finger on my mouth. “No Sam, I know what you’re going to say… And I don’t blame you for anything that happened. I love you.” He said sweetly. We just stared at each other for a moment, and I did what I’ve wanted to do since this thing began. I hugged him. My favorite thing about him was being in his arms after the hard times. “You know what Sam?” Bill whispered in my ear. I pulled away to look at his as he laughed.
“This has been the weirdest birthday ever.”