You Make My Heart Implode

Violet

I pulled an angry façade on and tried not to watch him getting dressed. Covering himself when all I wanted to do was jump on him and do it all over again. I dragged my underwear up my legs and a nearby t-shirt of mine over my head before stalking out of the room for a cigarette just to stop myself from going crazy. I flipped my lighter to the end of a cancer stick and set it ablaze, the toxins riding into my system. I found myself pacing up and down the large white room unable to shake memories of last nights' ecstasy from my mind. The feel of his skin pressed tightly against mine. The rhythmic movements that I never wanted to end. Every single time he said my name the way that it clearly meant he wanted nothing but me. No matter what, I could do nothing to rid myself of the explicit images. Even the living room smelled of alcohol stained sex. And how I wanted it again and again and again.
I forced myself into my bathroom so I wasn’t tempted to just give in to my screaming desires. Surely if I saw him before he left my hotel room door I would have called round two.

"Hey, Vic, What time is the flight today?" I ask my manager via Nokia N82.

"It's at five. I'll meet you in the lobby in two hours. I want you packed and ready to go. Everything is sorted out," he assures me.

"Well everything should be…that’s your job right."

"Yeah. I wish I could consult you more on certain changes sometimes though."

"Changes?" I knit my brow as I exhale smoke from what must be the fifteenth cigarette of the morning.

"Yeah. Your recording location had to be changed. I tried to tell you earlier but you weren't answering the hotel or your cell phones."

"Great! Where am I going? Back to Kent?" I sigh, sitting on the leather couch and dimping my cigarette out in the glass tray atop the coffee table.

"Stockholm, Vi'"

"Stockholm?! Why there?" I practically shriek. That’s really not my ideal setting right now, just another way for me to be ridiculed face to face by Deathstars in their own town, knowing my luck.

"Because that’s the most affordable on your budget and you wanted somewhere out of England right?" he sounds frustrated.

"Wonderful! I'll see you at two" I end the call and add "you fucking lazy useless wanker!"

Packing is dull and takes less time than anticipated, leaving me with free time to be unsociable, smoke and drink until my empty hearts content.
My phone rings, snapping it up to my ear immediately I answer.

"Hello, Violet. It's Envy. How are you?" my new acquaintance chimes brightly into my ear. I flip it onto loud speaker and rest it onto the coffee table.

"I'm ok, thanks. How are you?"

"Not so bad thank you very much. I was just wondering what time your flight back was."

"Oh, it's about five."

"Is there any chance…or would you like to come for a goodbye drink? I would love to keep in contact with you of course!"

"Well...I do have to leave my hotel at two" I glance at a clock and see that it's one o'clock. And I could do with just about any excuse not to see them again by choice. Pity because Envy would have made an amazing friend.

"Oh I see, you must be busy packing. But could I also ask you...do you know what the matter with Cat is? He hasn't spoken to anyone since he came back."

She caught me off guard. But why would he do that? Why would he not be telling everyone he had me?
The cogs try to turn in my brain but it's a very very slow motion.

"Violet?" Envy's voice pierces my thoughts.

"Oh, I'm not sure." I decide against countering what he has done. But this is going to be on my mind for a very long time.
Fucking men! Why do I even feel the need to think about him. This should be nothing. Cat Casino, what a...frustration, for lack of better word!

"Oh, ok. Well. I'll see you soon hopefully anyway. We must see each other again"

"Defiantly, well ill be recording in Stockholm so there's no excuse." It slip out before I can consider retracting my word vomit.

"Really? That’s fantastic!"

My mouth is still covered by my hand as I stare into space. Why did I just say that?