My Story

I took the long walk home, through the all the back streets of the neighbour hood. I needed time to think. Cinemas weren’t a great place for this; especially when the actors broke into song and everyone watching decided to join in. I hadn’t seen Chase and Olivia again; they had left before the movie was over. Probably going to find a more private setting.

As I walked I kicked pebbles, each representing a different moment in life that I would’ve loved to re-do. “Why—does—everything—I—do—always—end—horribly?” I grumbled between the kicking of stones. Why did it? It just wasn’t fair. I wasn’t a bad person, I didn’t ask for anything I didn’t deserve, I didn’t complain when I didn’t get it.

Then it dawned on me. I was a bad person; I did ask for things I didn’t deserve, I did complain when I didn’t get those things. I let my friends down when they needed me the most. And for what? To be totally humiliated and discover what it’s like to get a broken heart? What was I doing?

I reached the house, but instead of going to the front door I went around the back and grabbed my bike. It was a bit rusty from having been left out in the rain on numerous occasions and there were cobwebs lining the wheels. Dust had left it’s mark on the handles and seat, but I didn’t have the time to worry about getting my clothes dirty or the possibility that I spider might make it’s way into my hair. I grabbed my helmet, gave it a quick brush and slammed it onto my head. Catlin wouldn’t be happy about the state of my hair when I came home, but I could worry about that later.

I was seriously lacking in fitness, I hadn’t ridden my bike in forever and after about ten minutes my calf muscles were already aching. Why did the hospital have to be so far away? I guess I could just fall off my bike, break my leg and get them to pick me up instead, but that seemed a bit drastic. I probably should’ve left a note for my parents; they’ll still think I was on my date. If that’s what you could call it.

I reached the main road and traveled along the footpath, too afraid of going on the road. I wondered it Matt was back from his game yet. I wondered if he would ever forgive me. I wondered that, if Amy ever found out what I did, if she would forgive me. At the moment most everything was looking pretty hopeless. I really wasn’t wearing the best outfit for bike riding, my boots kept slipping off the bike peddles and it was getting quite annoying.

When I finally reached the hospital I was starting to have second thoughts. This could all end extremely badly and I didn’t know if I could cope with rejection from either of my friends. I locked up my bike and went into the lobby. There was hardly anyone there so I sat down in one of the couches to think things through.

Should I do it? Should I ask for forgiveness even if the answer I get could potentially shatter my heart?

They’re you’re best friends, of course they’ll understand. Said the little voice inside my head. But I couldn’t bring myself t believe that it was right. I had already hurt them so much; maybe I went too far. Maybe it was time too move on, I could find new friends, of course they would never fill the shoes that Amy and Matthew would leave behind. But they would be something at least, someone to get me through the rest of school until graduation. Then I could go study at some far away University and never see any of them again.

Stop being so stupid, that’s not going to happen. Said the voice. No, of course it wouldn’t, how could I ever forget my two best friends on the planet?

I wasn’t talking about that! Screeched the voice. I jumped, startled by my own mind, then let out a breathy laugh as I realised I was arguing with myself. Of course the voice was right, it was my head after all. It was just telling me the truth I didn’t have the guts to admit to in reality. And before I new it, I had gotten up of the couch and begun making my way to Amy’s hospital room. Even if there was the chance they wouldn’t forgive me, I had to try. I just had to.

Without consciously deciding I was moving one foot in front of the other as slow as I could manage without looking like an idiot. My mind was made up but I wasn’t ready for the conversation that was rapidly approaching.

The curtains were closed when I got there, and I stood around the door for a while trying to listen in on any conversations that might be happening inside. From what I heard Matt was in there, which meant I could stall no longer. So with one gigantic breath I knocked on the door and turned the knob.

They heard me enter and both looked up in response. Matt was sitting on the edge of Amy’s bed.

“Hi,” I finally managed to blurt out.

“Hey,” Matt began, “how was your date?”

“Oh,” I huffed, “Fine I guess. How was your game?”

Matt frowned, “We lost.”

I was still standing awkwardly in the doorway so I took a few steps forward. “Oh, I’m sorry,” was all I could manage. Matt barely ever lost a game.

“Yeah, so am I. I guess it was from lack of moral support,” he grimaced.

Ouch, the stung. I knew it was directed just at me. Amy had an excuse for not showing up, she was in hospital.

“How are you Amy?” I said to cover up the awkwardness.

“I’m fine thank you,” she said. She still didn’t remember us and I guess she found it strange that we talked to her so easily.

“Look Matt,” I finally said, “I really have to talk to you.”

“Shoot,” he got up off the bed and stood on the other side of the room facing me.

I sighed, I didn’t know where to being, what words to use. “Okay. First of all, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you when you told me about Justin, I was just so happy that someone finally liked me, for me. I guess I was wrong about that too. I’m sorry I yelled at you, because of that Amy was caught in the fire and now she can’t even remember us. I’m sorry I took a strangers word over yours. You’re my best friend and I should have believed you. I don’t know how I got to be so blinded. I never meant to hurt you, either of you. I’m sorry you lost your game,” at this Matt stopped me.

“That wasn’t your fault.”

“No it was, you were right, I should have been there for you when you needed me. Instead I decided to go of with some guy I barely knew and look how well the turned out. I just… I really hope, that you can maybe find it in your heart to forgive me.”

“I accept you apology,” Matt said coldly, “but I’m not going to forgive you. You think you can just come back here and act like nothing happened? You can’t Holly! It doesn’t work like that! I warned you, I told you. But you didn’t listen and that’s your problem.”

“I know,” I sniffed, “I have to go,” I said and bolted to the door. I got it closed before the water works began. I ran all the way outside and back to my bike. My hands were shaking as I tried to find the right set of numbers to open the lock.

The sun was gone now, but I had no intention of going home. I had no intention of going anywhere that reminded me of Matt. I just kept riding until I had no strength left in me, then I collapsed onto a park bench and let sleep consume me.