Run Baby Run

“So where do you want to go baby?” Tony asked. We were in his car going somewhere.

“Anywhere is fine with me” I smiled. We have been dating for 2 months now and he still gets mad for the smallest things but hasn't hit me since the day he asked me out.

“You want to eat first or go straight to the movies?”

“The movies is fine” I then felt a vibration in my sweater and pulled out my cell phone and opened it.

Hey Belz, What’s up?

I texted back.

Nothing going to the movies with Tony

“Who are you talking to?”

I looked up at Tony who seemed a bit irritated “Matt”

“Why are you talking to him?”

What the hell?

“Because he’s my friend”

“I don’t want you talking to him anymore”

I was about to protest when I received a text. I opened it and before I could read it Tony snatched it away from me and threw it in the back seat.

“You little bitch didn’t you just hear me?”

“What the fuck is your problem Tony?”

He tightened his grip on the steering wheel and entered in an empty parking lot. He turned off the car and then looked at me “What did you say to me?”

“I said what the fuck is your problem”

His fist collided with my face. He hit my temple and the force of the hit caused it to split open.

“Fuck!” I cried out.

“Shut the hell up!” he then unbuckled his seat belt and got out of the car. He walked over to my side and forced me out of the car and into the backseat. He pushed me to the opposite car door and he climbed in. He shut the door and locked all the doors and raised up the volume of the radio. He roughly kissed my neck. I tried to push him off me.

“Tony…let go of me!” he started feeling my breasts and I tried to fight him off but it was no use. “Tony!” I cried “Please stop!” he kept kissing me everywhere he could. He then started unbuttoning my jeans and unzipping my zipper. My heart started beating faster. This wasn’t happening, I won't let him. “Tony let go of me!” I tried to crawl and unlock the door but he slammed me to the seat. He pulled off my jeans and I was now in my bra and underwear. I started fighting back with all my might. He punched me in the stomach and then my face. He positioned both my legs to either side of him and he unhooked my bra and ripped it of me. I quickly covered them with my arms.

I’m not ready for this

“Stop Tony!” I was now crying.

“Shut the hell up before I really fucking hurt you!” he forced my arms above my head. He started grabbing and squeezing my breasts harshly. He then lowered his head and started biting and kissing them.

“Stop!”

He then grabbed my underwear and ripped them off. “No Tony please, I’m not ready!” he unbuckled his belt and undid his pants. He lowered his pants and boxers down to his knees. Without warning he slammed into me causing me to cry out in pain.

“OW!” I bit my lip trying to fight the tears falling down my face. He kept sliding out and slamming back into me.

“This is what…you…get for…not listening…to me…” he panted. My body was in pain and it was yearning for an escape. My misery went on for another hour. When he decided he was finally done he slid out of me and fixed his pants. He threw me my clothes and yelled to put them on.

He then forced me back into the passenger seat and climbed in the drivers. He started driving aimlessly for about 20 minutes when he spoke.

“You ok baby?”

I looked at him in disbelief. He asked me if i was ok after he just raped me.

“You think I’m ok after I was just raped?”

He then punched me in the chest “You fucking tell anyone about this I will fucking kill you”

I held my hand to my chest, fighting back the tears that were begging to fall.

It was midnight when he dropped me off at home.

“ Good night baby, see you Monday” he handed me my phone.

“Good night” I gave him a weak smile. He grabbed my arm.

“Good night what?”

“Good night baby” I answered and he smiled and then drove away.

I walked into the house and realized my dad wasn’t home. I slowly walked up the stairs due to the pain my body was in, especially down there. I got in my room and closed the door, stripped out of all my clothes and went to the medicine cabinet. I pulled out a tin box and a rag and placed it on the corner of the bathtub. I turned on the shower and waited for the water to get warm. I stepped in and when the water hit me my skin crawled from the pain. I washed my body 3 times but no matter what I did, nothing got the pain or Tony off me. I slid down the wall and sat down letting the water hit my back. I pushed myself away from the running water to the back of the bathtub. I opened the tin box revealing a silver blade, something I haven’t used in years. Then I picked up the cool blade and pressed it against my upper thigh. Feeling the rush of the pain I remembered what my best friend told me.


She hugged me tight while I cried “Come on Belle, you have to stop doing this”

“I cant Jen, it’s the feelings I can't express in words”

She let me go and positioned me so that I was facing her “Promise me you’ll stop this and whenever you need to talk to someone you will come to me"

“I promise”

Tears streamed down my face. A week later, after I promised that I would never hurt myself again, she died in a car accident. That day I died inside along with her. She helped me through so much and I have broken my promise. I looked down at my thigh to see tears of blood mixing with water. I grabbed the rag and held it firmly on top of my self inflicted wound. The bleeding stopped and I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. I dried the blade and placed it back in the tin and replaced it back where it originally was. I braided my hair, dried myself and crawled into my bed and stayed still. My body was moving inside itself from the pain. I felt dead inside and I just wanted to disappear. I closed my eyes hoping to never wake up.

This wasn’t how I imagined my first time, just a bit more pain then intended.